Did I accidentally send mixed messages?

[londongirl357]

I met a guy who I hit it off with but didn't know he had a girlfriend. We had great chemistry and just clicked, but I backed off and just got to know him as a friend in college once I knew he had a gf. He has since dumped him and seemed to actively start pursuing me almost straight away. He doesn't really text, but he's started texting me and not for any real purpose, just because something made him think of me and he had to tell me about it. When he had a girlfriend I always got signals that he was interested in me. Now he's been sitting with me in college classes, texting me and stopping in the middle of a hallway and blocking it to have a conversation with me. I feel like it's pretty clear he's interested.

But today in a small class I didn't sit beside him as someone was in the way. He came over to ask me and someone else about some work and leaned over me with his arm on the back of my chair. I'm just a bit worried because we had minimal contact during that interactive class and afterwards I had to rush to another class but he came up behind me and talked to me but conversation ran dry kinda quickly and he sort of walked off saying he was gonna go a quicker way to his class and didn't say bye or anything. I was surprised and didn't have time to say bye before he was gone. I think I accidentally sent him mixed signals and it is the 2nd time this has happened but after that last time we had heaps of contact so it was OK. But now I'm worried he might think I'm just a flirt or not interested like he thought and he might lose interest?

What should I do?

I'm worried he won't sit next to me in our next class and will go cold.

[Mtrhd0024]

Its possible you sent him a mixed message, but its also possible he's playing games with you a little bit trying to gauge your interest. When you first start liking someone, its like a cat and mouse game almost. Sometimes your doing the chasing, other times he's doing the chasing, that's part of judging someones interest.

He could have left abruptly to judge your reaction. If you seemed hurt like you obviously were, then that sends a signal to him that you're interested. If not, then he knows it might be time to move on.

If I were you, I would either make a point to sit beside him like somebody suggested, but if this is going to be impossible, then get him to sit beside you!

Do this by thinking of a conversation topic beforehand, tell him you have something important/cool/interesting/funny, whatever you want really, that you need to tell him, and do that in a txt to him before class. If he is interested, he'll be sure to sit beside you, or at the very least approach you after class if there were no seats nearby available. You just need to be sure to have an idea of what you want to talk about! And it has to have substance, not just something like "do you like dogs?" you need to get him interested and give him something to talk about by telling him a funny story about your dog, or something of substance if you get the idea. It by no means has to be about dogs, just make sure the subject and the way you word your question makes it easy for the conversation to continue flowing from there!

This will give him the signal that you're still interested in him, and also kinda gets you back playing the "cat and mouse" game. Once the signals are clear, if he's not too shy, and he's sure you like him, he'll likely ask you out! :)

[DoggyDude]

Well, I'm not sure what signals your trying to send from reading your message. So I guess its possible he's not sure either.

If you like him, drop him some obvious hints (since he's now single) maybe even ask him out on a date if your not shy.

Take my advice, don't waste time finding romance by guess work. If you think there's something there, ask and find out what it is. Lifes too short to spend guessing (also, by guessing you can become more involved that there is attraction back and unrequited love isn't pleasant for either party).

[mormongirlmichl]

Ya you sent him mixed signals so you need to do some major damage control...assuming that you like him as well. Because, I would say, like you, that he does like you.

Go sit beside him instead of him sitting beside you... :) Say something like have you seen -such and such- movie? if no... it looks pretty good, don't you think? Maybe he'll get the hint...

Or just get out there and ask him out... :)

Good luck and have fun! :)

[londongirl357]

It can be a bit hard to see him in class and get to a seat beside him before someone blocks the way so I tend to sit in the same spot where he can find me hahaha. Thanks for your advice! I might txt him before class and break the ice so he doesn't avoid me or anything. Idk. I'm hoping the mixed signals weren't too bad!!

[mormongirlmichl]

I'm sure it wasn't that bad!! And it's a good idea to text him before class... maybe with something like "see you in the usual spot?" I dunno, that'd be kind of cute! Good luck!

[phxman]

Actually, I think the mixed messages make you seem mysterious and will keep him chasing. You probably don't need to worry about losing his interest. The real question is, are you interested?

[londongirl357]

I'm very interested and things were going well so that's why I'm so worried now!

I took it quite badly how he just kind of took off without really saying bye? I assumed that was a really bad thing. I like him and don't want to play games with him or mess around with his feelings, so I feel quite guilty that I may have inadvertantly done that. If I txt him like it never happened then he might think I'm being hot/cold and am back to being hot - so he'll think I'm playing games.

[phxman]

Well, if he's constantly hanging out with you and seems upset when you didn't sit right next to him one time then he definately likes you. He also sounds like he's scared (and a bit nervous)to take it to the next level and actually ask you out on a date. The only way you could make him lose interest is by acting needy or by being scared and nervous yourself. Just relax and act like nothing happened because you didn't do anything wrong. It's up to him to stop being a wussy now.

[londongirl357]

Thanks. This is good advice! Sometimes I'm totally comfortable around him and sometimes I'm nervous like I was when this happened, mainly because of something else being on my mind tho. Thanks for your help xD

[cgiddings]

Tell him straight up that you're interested. Let him know you may have accidentally sent some mixed messages and you wanted to make sure you're both on the same page.

[londongirl357]

Just like everyone else, I'm scared of rejection! And it would make things in our interactive class REALLY awkward. Should I just try and sit next to him or txt him or if he does sit next to me or something should I invite him to coffee after? I know that I have to pull in the reigns and do something, but I'm just worried that now he'll pull away and stop trying because of the mixed messages - what do I do to stop that?

[cgiddings]

From my experience it's usually the girl that acts weird after someone admits and interest, not the guy. So if there's awkwardness you'd need to ask why it needs to be that way.

He likes you or he doesn't. I don't think approaching him about it should change anything.

[bennynthejets]

Send him non-mixed signals then. Be a little more obvious. Ask him if he may be going out to the same place you and some friends are later...