Can you GROW to love someone?

[loveStruckBaby]

If you have feelings for someone but don't believe your in love, can you grow to love him over time? If so, how long does it take and under what circumstances?

What if he's everything you ever wanted in a man (on paper) but you just don't feel the same way he does about you? Will it ever change? Should you be TRYING to love him back or should it just come naturally?

[Anonymous]

I am going to share a friends personal experience. She was in her early 30's and was dating a guy for about a year. She had just been out of two relationships that lasted most of a decade. The first one she was together for about 7 years. After they broke up he was married in 6 months. The other guy she dated for about two years and nothing ever came of it. Now she has three siblings that are all younger and were married in this time frame. Seeing her, I was convinced she was not in love with this guy she was dating, and I was not the only one shocked when they announced their engagement. They have been married 7 years now. She is not happy. He felt her clock ticking and settled. She thought she would be in love with him, but it is more like two roommates living together. They often do things separately. Even when they go to family things, they often go in two cars.

[jbone79]

This is a bad situation. Your not being fair to him or yourself. You need to be honest. If you don't love the guy then let him go and give yourselves the chance to find people who will complete those parts missing from your lives. No one likes a pretender. And love is a feeling, an emotion, that is held in high regard by our society. So do yourself a favor and save yourself a lot of trouble. Practice good ethical judgement here and go find someone who makes you happy. If we only loved people for who they were on paper, then everyone's paper would look the same. Blank and empty.

[loveStruckBaby]

What if you tell the other person that you DON'T love them but you care about them and they say that they're willing to wait to see if your feelings will change over time. Are all bets still off?

I've told him that I love the way he makes me feel and that he's everything I'm looking for in a man but that emotion/excitement is missing. He's willing to stick it out despite the fact that I told him I feel like I'm using him. Thoughts?

[Bduffman1234]

In Romeo and Juliet, Juliet's mum wants to set her up with an older dude, ans asks her do you think you might grow to love him? I think you can put up with someone and possibly appreciate them as a human being, but other then that, I've said this before the path of love is the same path of lunacy. As far as trying to love him back, be receptive to courtesy and be courteous and who knows? One thing though, you never know how much you miss something until it is gone

[jbone79]

After reading your response to my answer, if this guy wants to stick it out then let him wait until hell freezes over. You can't control his feelings, you can only control yours. Don't let him strong arm you into what he wants. This is called emotional hostage taking in simple terms. You are not interested in him and trust me, when he sees you with a man that you are interested in. He should back off unless he's just desperate or arrogant. -j