After they break up with a girl?

Why do guys act like they don't care after they break up with a girl? my ex and I broke up about a week ago...he gave me legit reasoning and I won't get into it all but he still really likes me, and said he wanted to be with me again in the future.

for like 4 days afterward all my friends were telling me he didn't really talk at all but didn't want to talk about me, but last night at work he seemed like he was really happy.

but then, he did get a new car yesterday so maybe that's why.

i really don't know what's going on. the other day we decided to be a little more than friends but not together since neither of us want a relationship, but last night I asked him if he wanted to hang out and he was just like "again?" and never ended up calling me like he said he would. I know he likes me, he sat with me for two hours when he broke up telling me how's obvious that liking me isn't the problem, but it's like he's trying to play it cool or act like he just doesn't care.

i know for sure there is no other girls (it's a REALLY small me.) so what's his deal?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I sort of have a lot of options when I break up. Sometimes I can even "upgrade" to a girl that was better off than the first with money, popularity, or beauty. Whenever I sense a relationship weakening I will start putting an end to the "he's dating her!" things and slowly strip away the little things or people that pieced us as a relationship. Than when all the pieces are gone and a girl I see might like me I break it off. Usually takes 2-3 days. However in my defense the only time I consider a relationship weakening is when we either spend less than 6 hours together for a week(not counting times she is away or when she is unable to) or we simply just don't seem to connect after 2 weeks of dating.(Very little similar interests or not a single kiss.) I don't put much emphasis in girls I'm with, because there are always lots and lots others that have there own unique qualities. Also don't call me a player, because I don't date girls just to get laid. I date them, because I enjoy the feeling of being in a relationship. Really getting hooked on a single person is just sad... You basically put yourself at there mercy and with all the horrible sh*t girls have done to me that isn't happening.

    • Wow, I feel kind of sorry for you my friend. What a bitter post. Everybody has been hurt, most don't come to the same conclusion as you with closing themselves off from love and never putting their heart out there again. I hope you let these girls you date *know* that you are never going to have love.

What Guys Said 23

  • He is putting up a large, thick vulnerability shield to not show his emotions to either you, or anyone that knows you. Every break up is an emotional rollercoaster for the girl AND the guy. Give him time and space to evaluate and put things in perspective and consideration. And don't have your girlfriends prodding him either! Let him be, be casual with him (I mean don't completely ignore him), and things should smooth out after a while.

    By the way, guys sometimes say "maybe we can get back together someday" just to be nice and so they don't feel as bad. That's 50/50 depending on the person.

    Also, him purchasing a new car is a way to get his mind off of you, make him feel better, and boost his ego. He then might realize that that didn't work too well and start dwelling on you again. There might be a chance that he will start looking for other girls at this time to fill in the void, so be careful with how you want to handle that.

    Good luck!

  • Well, you DID break up...

    Peep this, when I break up with somebody (a bad break up), I simply don't care after wards. I move on very quickly. It can be as quick as 12 minutes for me. After a break up, guys aren't just pleading for mercy anymore from their ex's, they just focus on something else that they are doing.

    Now a lot of times a guy may break up with a girl because he gets bogged down with work, or family. It happened to me. Unlike women, guys are not going to juggle priorities with anything, and only focus on one issue at a time. A guy can break up because he is tired of being in a relationship where their are rules and responsibilities. This typically refers to the person he was in a relationship with.

    I suggest you give him some time to be free for a while. He still cares and likes you a lot, but he wants to work at his own pace. He'll eventually come around.

    Hope that helps somewhat.


  • It's a combination of not wanting to give the impression that he is hurt and a little bit of making himself not care. He considers your relationship done for good; so not only does he want to appear strong and not care; he wants to legitimately not care. It's not that he doesn't have any feelings about the whole situation, he just wants to get rid of them as soon as possible.

  • The reason I act like I don't care when I broke up with a girl is... I don't care. She's dead to me. I don't hate her, I'm not mad at her, she just ceases to exist to me. Unlike girls, guys don't feel a need to keep a relationship or remain friends. An ex girlfriend hanging around or calling you is a liability to any new relationship.

  • Most guys don't play games like this. So, it is unlikely that is the case.

    You both probably had an empty relationship, more for convenience. At some point, he probably found it unsatisfying and moved on. The relationship proably became burdensome.

    Now he feels free and hence happy.

    Nothing is wrong ith you. But, there might have been some comaptibility issues.

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What Girls Said 20

  • i have found with my last 2 ex's (1 of who I was with for 3 yrs) when he broke up with me and claimed he still loved me acted the same and like he seemed to be fine within a couple of days of breaking up with me like the last 3 years hadnt even meant anythin to him and then my latest ex he acted like nothing had happend a day later and acted fine aswell! but he obviously wasn't and he also dumped me saying that he still wanted to be with me and he loved me and everythin but he had to be single (for reason I know of and can't blame him because he went through alot) but they always seem to act as if they dnt care and act like they move on quickly I dnt know if its a guy thing (like guys like to act tough and not cry and not get sad at things)

  • For guys its a lot about pride and ego. Would you really expect to see a guy crled up in the fetal postion bawling his eyes out and stuff in front of you. Probably not. Just because he doesn't show that he's upset or bumed or sad doesn't mean that he isnt. There is the possibility that he is dealing with a lot of personal sh*t in his life. You never know what people are going through sometimes. I say just relax, give him a little space, and if he wants to chill he will call.

    But at the same time you cannot just sit there twiddling your thumbs waiting for a phone call. Unless he is going to make the choice to be completely honest with you and tell you what's going on and give you a reason not to move on or at least wait for him, then you have the right to go out and do what you wanna do. That includes dating other people if that's how you feel.

  • In all honesty, just because a guy tells you he likes you still doesn't mean he does. My ex did the same thing to me. We were together for a year and a half and then he went away to spain for a few months and came back a different person. We broke up but he still claimed to have super strong feelings and we were kind of dating still. It confused me for a while but once I realized what he was doing, I ended it all and couldn't be happier with my decision. If he really likes you, then nothing should stand in the way of your relationship. He may still care about you but it doesn't mean he likes you. My honest opinion is that he is just not that into you but doesn't wanna lose you as an option. He is keeping you around in case nothing else comes along and hopes that maybe you two can hook up or something along those lines. Girls, acting like you don't care anymore and are capable of moving on is never a bad thing. If a guy likes you, he will fight for you. Always being there is NOT the best solution unless he is being decent to you. This guy is not. Just let him go and if he comes back after a couple weeks of you "not caring" then he is worth it and is still not over it. But if he goes away and stops trying, then he is so not worth your time

  • They act like they don't care because they probably don't they move on and handle things in a different way to us girls that's why they are guys and we are girls!

  • some guys do this to look like they're heart less, but most of the time they aren't. they're people. and they just want you to forget them I guess and this is the way they do it. one of my ex bf's who did break it off not even in person, it was over the phone-that really hurt and he really didn't care about me but the next time I saw him, he had his head down and he walked away. I think he felt bad so I don't think it's because he doesn't feel bad, it's because he wants you to move on and be happy.

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