Are men oblivious to hints or are women's hints just very vague?

[chuppachup]

I'm looking at this reddit thread about guys being oblivious but others are saying that they aren't oblivious but maybe they are afraid of coming off as a creep/rapist so they play it safe. What do you think is normally the case?

Example from thread:
"Can I say one I was oblivious to?

I was out of town, chatting to a girl at a bar. We figured out I was 13 inches taller than her. She said, "That's funny, I'm going on a date with a guy who is 13 inches taller than me tomorrow. And I'll probably fuck him after."

My response? "Well, that's a weird coincidence!"

I didn't figure it out until I was on a plane home."

in my opinion, it's normally the man that is oblivious

in my opinion, it's usually the woman just being vague

in my opinion, it's equal

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Updates

+1 y

http://i.imgur.com/auXns.jpg - me

[Anonymous]

I say the younger you are the more it's the guys fault. Guys are really used to the assertive straightforward style but girls really like subtlety. So to them their subtle suggestions are cute and appealing to us they're confusing and easy to miss. The more experienced you get the more you catch these hints. These days I can spot a girls interest before they even have a chance to speak. It's super easy. Girls don't like being obvious because they're afraid of coming off as too aggressive. Usually because growing up they or one of their friends went head first into the omg your awesome we should totally date and be boyfriend and girlfriend and get married and have babies spill way to early and the guy got scared and dipped. So they're always trying to slow things down and keep things subtle and sometimes they over do it. I remember my ex tried to ask me out by saying "I really like sushi and haven't had sushi in a while" I responded "well you can go get some right over there" she goes "yeah I know but I wanna like GO and get some" so I said "okay but your missing out and burning gas". Totally missed the fact that our first date was at a sushi place and this was her attempt at tryna get me back. She's tried to tell me a billion times by saying things like "I really love contrast" (we were an interracial couple) and or called me to crash at my place when she was "too drunk" to drive home, I lived in a dorm were she knew at least 10 other people. Oh and her laundry machine seemed to break all the time... They like to test the waters and get you to say or do stuff first before opening up themselves. It's just all a part of the dance makes things a little harder but also funny.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

Well we just don't want to come over like a fucking creep. All hints are vague to some degree and we might just take a non-hint the wrong way, I don't want to seem like a bloody stalker when I thought you were giving me a hint, so yes, I'm basically oblivious and blowing every chance I have but I don't want to seem like a fucking moron who you can call the police on.

Okay that became a rant. Hints don't work. Full stop. I'm sorry.

[chuppachup]

I completely agree.

[Azara]

I wouldn't have said that unless I was going out with different the guy who was thirteen inches taller. If I wanted to go out with you I'd ask I wouldn't hint. What a dumb waste of space.

I didn't get it either bc ca id never do something like that. Took me like five times lol

I don't think it matters if guy spare oblivious to hints or not people should just come out with it. And it's not just women men hint as well and I find it really annoying. It's equivalent to everyone constsntly walking on eggshells. And or being too focused on each other trying to figure out what coidve been explained easily enough.

Asking if people are oblivious to hints or are some people just too vague... Is like asking if it's harder to see in the dark or do people have base eye sight... Either way it always helps to have a light on.

Hints are for cowards and mind fuckers.

[chuppachup]

I completely agree. Really frustrating stuff.

[kitty71]

i AGREE ALSO hints are for cowards and jerks and loosers, If you want to say something say it do not hold it or assume we already know , Speak up. Communication is key in any kind of relationship.

[Azara]

I'll add its not as if women just had a bad idea or are naturally vague. women hint bc many men find it unladylike or too aggressive for women to be direct and the guy likes to feel like there's a challenge --more blatantly so in the past than now but the essence still remains and the role of assertion by social convention falls to the male, so a woman would really have to be strong to ignore it. I don't agree I think being direct is productive and healthy for everyone... I'd reject men who expect me to play games in order to keep their intereSt. Women may very well be taught or encouraged to play games but they are free to rejcT that.

[Azara]

I also think as part of the game some guess oregnd to bee dense to make the woman extra hard or see how much of Game she's willing to play. Once you start it's a slippery slope. Best to just be HonesT and not worry about people who won't like you for it. Given life's brevity.

[Anonymous]

well here is the thing (imo at least)

men dont detect feelings like women do at all, so women when dropping hints or w/e assume that men (just like women) are really capable of detecting emotions, even deep ones
thats why they dont always make it too obvious... they assume its easy for guys too

[Anonymous]

women expect men to read minds, men cannot. men can also be blindsided by the weird subtle hints we give. women are very expressive, and communicate through actions, eye rolling, scowling, crossed arms etc etc. men are more about expressing through words, that's how i see it anyway.

[AthleticMom]

If/when you find your soul mate, none of this will be "in play" ... you'll both be talking the same language and anything vague will be cleared instantly.
= Move on if vague.

[MrCryptic]

It's both and neither. Men and women generally communicate differently. Men are more upfront, verbal, and direct and mean what they say. Women are more subtle, subversive, and indirect. Men get confused by this and expect them to be direct like they are because that is how men think. And women get confused because they think men may be putting off subtle hints like they do where there are none and sometimes they think what a man says verbally really means something else when it really means exactly what is said. So the confusion goes both ways because many do not understand the way the other gender thinks.

[NearlyNapping]

Women hint way too much then expect guys to read their minds. There's a pretty good chance the guys are oblivious. But there's also a chance that they just ignore it. If she can't just come right out and say what she means, then it's not worth the bother to try to decode what she said. That's what I do a lot. I might pick up on it, but it's still vague enough that I just ignore it. I'm not going to bother trying to figure out, dis she mean it that way? Or did she mean something else? It's just not worth it if she can't speak plainly.

By the way. I don't really consider that story a hint. It was more like clever. Not the same thing.

[jacquesvol]

It's the parents (mainly the dads)
Girls are educated to be modest, not open about sex or they'll be considered 'slutty'.
Thus they try to send the message as discreetly as possible.
Guys don't expect girls to want sex, thus they don't look for hints (and every girl uses a different code).

[Albinoninja66]

Us guys are definitely oblivious. For years I didn't realize that I'm attractive and that girls are always checking me out. I thought I was ugly because theyou never approached me, but it turns out that most think that I'm taken or are intimidated. But girls can also be way to subtle. My ex got mad at me a few times because I basically couldn't read her mind about what she wanted.

[HowRUbBuddy]

women are weird man i tell you that , i have no problem getting their hints most of the time but i mean seriously they give looks , touches and flirt but when you try making a move they're like " not the best time for this now " i mean seriously you started i was minding my own business no one asked you to stare like crazy and flirt with me , its annoying and frustrating but what can we do we have to keep going.

[Prof_Don]

in my opinion, it's more about the guy being oblivious. Once you truly have your eyes peeled and openly looking for these cues, you will realized how many you missed when you were younger.

The thing is, with men, we tend to be focused on one task, to the point that our attention is diverted and we "overlook" these hints. ;-)

[chuppachup]

I can relate to that in regards to, if I was doing something that needed my focus then I wouldn't notice hints.
In my case, I have low self esteem plus, the last thing I'd want is to be labelled a creep so I overlook hints (If I do notice them).

[Anonymous]

Girls have no decency man! I once had a girl invite me over and then shortly upon leaving... ask if I wanted to see her cats. She had 1. And I'm like where's the other. Now you tell me if this was uber obvious at the time lol. On the way home I realize what cat #2 was. The opportunity may never come again :(.

[chuppachup]

That's not super obvious, that's like discreetly obvious. Half of these subtle hints I hear are just too subtle in my opinion

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you kind sir! I totally agree. It was way to subtle a hint. Only after reading stuff like this, or having missed on so many opportunities, do I now kind of keep an ear out for these very subtle hints.

[Anonymous]

Hahahahaha this made me laugh, if I was at a bar and had a drink already I probably would've been oblivious to that one too (or at least not get it right away). But once I did figure it out... DAMN that is a strong come-on!

[tyber1]

Definitely both. Guys don't always look for smaller details and women are not nearly as obvious as they think they are.

[zell0is0my0name]

If I like you, I'll tell you
If I dislike you, I'll tell you.
Simple as that.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Well a woman coming up to me, saying "Hi, I think you're cute" is a lot fricken easier for me to pick up on than her giving me subtle eye gestures from 100 ft away.

[Anonymous]

Both.
Guys are thick headed, and generally don't pick up on (female) obvious hints.
And when women think they're being obvious, they're subtle at best.

[chuppachup]

Not all guys are thick headed, although I admit a lot are. A guy might be picking up on these hints but not acting on them in fear of him misinterpreting those signals. The repercussions of misinterpreting those signals range from humiliation and being thought of as a creep to being labelled a sex offender for life. I wouldn't bet those odds unless the hints the woman was giving were very obviously clear (not subtle at best) or she was just straight-forward. Furthermore, a guy might pretend to be oblivious because he's not interested.

[Opinion Owner]

I know, I speak generally.
Same for women... some are very direct, but generally they're not.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Yeah, however I haven't understood why it has to be hints..

[RexCatholicissimus]

Jesus, what a thirsty sounding chick.

Honestly the guy must have been a very nice boy if he didn't pick up on something as blatant as that.

[allahu_snackbar]

I can usually pick up on the overt things but sometimes women are vague if they're interested but not bowled over by you.

[John_Doesnt]

Women are always vague and send mixed messages. Especially when she says "I'm not sending you mixed messages" that's when she sends the most mixed messages.

[MyAnacondaDoes]

Of course a small minority of women are terrible at flirting in general, but the vast majority of men, myself included, are completely oblivious to the keys and signs.

[Anonymous]

I became famous enough among my friends for attracting a lot of girls, but being oblivious to every single one of them, to the point they'd take me out to a bar and turn it into a drinking game.

[Anonymous]

Definitely both, but it's TOTALLY more the fault of women.

Look at the type of questions women ask "How can I let him know I like him without making it look like I like him?"

[chuppachup]

Yeah that's true but it's not TOTALLY the fault of women. Thank gender roles for that instead.

[jakeofalltrades]

men can be a little dense sometimes. by the way your story is hilarious