Fellas, help me out.
What is cuddling and holding hands to a guy? Does it really mean anything to you or is it just a way to flirt and work your way into a girls heart? What about staying up and talking all night? Same thing? Say if you tried to hook up with a girl and she didn't let you go further than making out would you stay up talking to her because you don't wanna be an ass (or think it'll eventually get you ass)? Or is there a sincere connection?
Most Helpful Guy
Like anonymous said:
Before sex, it's just a friendship. Only after sex does a guy feel he's in some sort of relationship. That's just the way it is. Maybe if girls made all the effort, did all the work and paid for dates, it would be a different story. But in every guy's mind, until sex has been hadith, there's no reason for him to believe he's not just being played or used.
More importantly, sex is important to guys. So until that moment takes place, there's no reason for a guy to think:
- she understands me
- she cares about what's important to me
- she wants to make me happy
Until that point, it's mostly all about her. That's not to say guys don't enjoy emotion or love, or that women don't enjoy sex. It's not to say that guys don't like being affectionate or that women don't like being sexual.
But imagine dating a guy, and for the firsts 2-3 months, the only thing you two do together is go back to his place, have sex, and then leave until he's in the mood to have sex again. And imagine that if you wanted anything more, he would scold you for it. "Excuse me? Ugh! You're just like every other girl! You just want to get into my shirt (where his heart is). You're disgusting! Totally disrespectful!" Basically, it would be his excuse to try and make dating between you mostly about what he wants, while ignoring what's important to you as a girl.
So after that rather long pre-lude, let's look at the situation again.
Why would a guy do this?
1. To get into your pants? Well, that's eventually what he wants to do. It's not the ONLY thing he wants you for. But it's definitely something he wants to do with "you". Otherwise, he would be dating someone ugly or a man. But is he doing that at that moment in the hopes of getting in your pants? Unlikely. I think every guy knows that when he's rubbing a girl's emotions, sex will actually have to wait. So what's more likely the case?
2. He doesn't want to be an ass? Well, what exactly does that mean? There's nothing in the definition of being an "ass" that relates to not staying up and holding hands. I think what he doesn't want to be, is inconsiderate and selfish (towards what you want and what's important to you as a girl). He respects you. And in the male definition of respect, it's less about what you don't do, and more about what you DO. So if he knows that holding hands is important to you, then he's going to sit there and hold hands with you and cuddle. If him rubbing jelly over his head was important to you, believe me, he would whip out a jar of Smuckers and spend an hour in the shower afterwards.
Take it a step further? Even if he could care less about that stuff, if it's important to you and he likes you, then he will not only do it when you want to, but he'll actually initiate it, and start to like it and want to do it himself. Because it's important to you, it will start being important to him too (rather than him trying to change you so you don't want it less).5