Why do we always reject those who love us?

Why do we always reject those who love us, and love someone who doesn't love us in the first place?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Why not give the ones that love you a chance? You just might find love yourself... They say you find love in places you'd least expect.

    Alot of times with girls, I've noticed, they LUST after the druggie or bad boy. A lot of time in hoping to fix them or turn them into a good guy... I say, "If you could never appreciate someone for all that they are, faults and all, you were never in love."

    Meanwhile good guys are pretty much everything a girl could ever want, they just lack that sexual glow that bad boys give off... The LUST factor... Girl end up with an infatuation to the bad-boy, not love.

    LOVE is different... You're not gonna feel the overwhelming attraction right away. It grows in time. It's based off respect, admiration, and the want to be a better person for your partner... If you don't think you're good enough for someone that wants to be with you, or you're a little intimidated, chances are, you, deep down, probably could love them. But why not just start with the guy that has everything a girl could want, and try to BUILD the attraction...? Give each other some TIME to open up and be yourselves! I've always thought relationships should be formed between two people that make each other nervous, that try to work to be themselves around each other.

    I've always been a guy to lack a bit of confidence around girls I've liked. I've been shy/nervous, intimidated, a little awkward around them... ya know? But I've always thought of that as being a good thing. After-all if I was super confident, the girl probably wouldn't matter as much to me. I'd be just another bad boy, who doesn't love the girl in the end... Nerves are a good thing and it tells you how much you really want it. I just think it's about facing your fear, taking a chance and allowing yourself to be vulnerable for the other person. It's a really scary and emotional thing to do... But if the other person can see the value in the chance you are taking and has a good understanding of what a relationship is REALLY about, it's up to them to take the chance themselves and pursue something great, as scary as it may be...

    I think a lot of girls mis-interpret the nerves/lack of confidence or experience... The end up thinking the guy is like "out to get them" or "just wanting to use them" or something, but (in my case and other good guys) that couldn't be FURTHER from the truth! They just really like the other person and are unsure if they could ever be on the same page or feel the same... I think the lack of confidence to the girl means he's dangerous and a threat... NOT TRUE! He just really likes you for real! Maybe the uneasiness YOU feel is intimidation (by the good guy and his lack of confidence...) which could mean there's actually some potential there for a great relationship, if you can face your fear and give the guy a chance!

    I speak from personal experience, I can totally relate to this topic, but from the guy's point of view lol.

    • Damn, right man....................i guess some girls only have one eye open instead of two. They never really know what they actually have until they lose,it and by then us nice guys are left with a crushing defeat thanks to them.

What Guys Said 22

  • Because we must suffer until we learn.

  • -Often it's because we like them as friends and we're afraid of losing their friendship (which we will lose anyhow once they -or we- get into a more romantic/sexual relationship with another one)

    -They seem to easy to get if they tell us their love and we'd consider it as a kind of abuse to start something.

    • I had this best friend at uni I liked very much and I desired her, very much, too. Never did tell it. She had very much confidence in me, I did in her.

      Once or twice she dropped a sentence which could have been an opening or invitation to open up. I never did, to afraid to scare her away.

      Then I met another girl, and after that another, then my present wife.We're very happy together.

      My best friend and my wife had a little row, my wife 'won'- my help.

      She's a spinster now & I feel uneasy.:(

  • Lust is what commonly happens in any given individual. The girlfriend / boyfriend way of hooking up in middle school, goes into effect until the individual it's applying to- learns to grow within themselves. "Your cute, I'm cute- let's date". There is much more to the picture than that, but people rarely see it.

    Love- we are rarely see and when we find it, we constantly think of love as that "needy / obsessive / clingy" personality trait because the individual that "loves" who we are, has already realised what they have lost because of a bad situation- which is what triggers the clingy personality.

    Here's a given statement.

    - "Search for love, and you'll never find it..."

    (This part of the statement indicates that you'll be focusing on lust)

    - "... though if you open your eyes and step back, you will have love present itself for it's true colors"

    (This part of the statement is saying that you will encounter people that love you almost every day. Either as a friend, or a potential mate; however, we will never fully accept these people unless those feelings are returned)

    Those people that run up and say "I love you" in middle school- rarely know the meaning of "pure" or "true" love, until they have been given the opportunity to experience it and wonder why they are hurting so much.

    - Love is the single most effective way to either make or break ANY individual. It is that powerful.

    Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong in pursueing the wrong individual because, when you think about the honest truth, these individuals that you are pursueing (the wrong people), are only foundation stepping stones to prepare you for a "pure / true" love scenario.

    - They allow you the ability to see things for what they truly are, when it comes to relationships.

    Best regards,


    • Please don't forget to choose the best answer- it helps reward the GaG community for their continued support in answering our questions ^_^.

    • Bump

  • The closer we get to something, the harder it is to see it.

    Unfortunately this is true on many levels.

  • It is a mystery. I feel that way myself. If I had to guess, I'd say that those who love us, we're around a lot, so we get complacent or annoyed, because we know all about them. And to love someone who doesn't love you back...may be our confusion that 'Someone doesn't care about me or love me?' We seek to understand why, or pursue the person, to change things. That's my best interpretation. Hopefully it helps.

  • We don't all reject the people who love us, nor do we only love people who offer nothing in return. That's a myth propagated by people who learned about human relationships by watching TV and Hollywood movies.

  • A lot of the time, guys love the chase of a girl. Which is why so many "games" are brought into relationships. People who are close to you and openly want you, pose to challenge for a guy. If you're having feelings for a friend, try distancing yourself a little. Make the guy jealous. You might find he may come around.

  • Sounds like a personal problem. I couldn't fall for a girl that didn't love me back and I wouldn't dump a girl I liked just because she loved me...in fact, I think that's a retarded reason to dump someone.

    Actually this question is kind of annoying because it shows how a lot of you young females think, which is irrational and flaky.

    • Sorry...why females? I can give you examples of over 30s men!

      I actually think that the question is very interesting!

    • You must not have much experience with people in general. and if you look around, a lot of other guys seem to have personal experience with it themselves.

    • You're right Sweetheart18, I'm a hermit that doesn't interact with people ... in fact, I'm typing this comment from the hole in the ground where I live

  • lol looks like every1 pretty much got that aswer on lock...but ye, its in our nature...wen we're young we can afford to loose those we love cos we have enough time to find anuva 1, and its a thrill to see how many people we can make love us...or at least fancy the f*** off us...we're collectors of love, once its in the sack we rearly open the sack up to look at what we've collected...

    onli wen the bag feels lighter do we open to check why...

  • Its because people are greedy, we want attention and appreciation from others, people around us. We love to being seen, so we just simply keeping them "hooked", rejection do sometimes only keeping up the curiousity for the person. But do also having a contra effect. That people who truly loves us, only does putting more *care* for us, showing more attention and love towards the rejective person.


  • We want what we cannot have.

  • - People don't often value what's in front of them most of the time, until they have loose them.

    - Then people realized what they have lost, but it was too late. that pereson might have moved on...

    (learned that from personal experience)

  • That's why dear... Love is blind.

    Also we came to know the value of people when they are gone. That's why I say...

    Talk to me when I'm bored,

    Kiss me when I'm sad,

    Hug me when I cry,

    Care for me when I die,

    Love me when I'm still alive.

  • Bc you want what you can't have

  • Because we are retarded animals that haven't a clue what we want.

    Personal theory of mine.

  • This is a great queastion! In my case I've gotta put it down to vulnerability of our emotions. To reject those that love us and love someone where the feeling isn't returned, FEAR..

  • I do love someone who loves me back. If I loved someone else too, I'd be kicked out on the curb.

  • its our nature friend.

    we only understand someone's value ,their importance...only when they are not by our side...

  • i feel like people is always searching for that 2% percent sumone lac and takes the 98% that sumone has for granted

  • ever heard the phrase "you always want what you can't have" ? that's why.

  • I loved my ex to death. She wanted me so badly in the beginning of the relationship and I fell in love too. We became the "model" couple and all our friends wished they had relationships like ours. She broke it off with me mid-summer after 3 years and threw all the love away... Your guess is as good as mine.


What Girls Said 20

  • I think it's because we're trying to protect ourselves from being hurt. It hurts a lot more if things don't end well with someone that we truly care about as opposed to someone that doesn't mean much to us.

    • I agree but then you have to think, what is the whole point in dating someone who doesn't mean much to you? Sure they may not hurt us as bad but then the relationship isn't much of a relationship where two people truly care about each other.

    • When you date someone everything is still up in the air, how do you know after few days or weeks that that is the person you'll fall in love with? It needs time to understand if you truly care about them or not.

  • Not everyone is like that. But people tend to want what they can't have. If a person loves them then they're in their reach and the "game" of getting them is lost. But if the person doesn't love them then the person tends to get a more sense of trying hard to get what they feel like is out of reach for them.

  • I think it is less about rejection or acceptance and less about love than it is more about taking for granted the things and people that are a part of our lives (out of complacency, fear, self-centeredness, etc.). Of course we put our mask on when we go outside and act on our best behavior when novelty is involved. We want to show the best of ourselves to people, and we all know the value of first impressions. It is with those who we love most and are comfortable with the most that we share all of our faces, our many layers. We show them our insecurities and often times they are the closest ones to us. This makes us vulnerable. Many people do not like being vulnerable around others, despite how much those others may love and care about them. It is this same category of peoples who will push away loved ones. Perhaps you or the one rejecting or pushing you away falls into this category as well. It is always easier to invest your time and energy into surface relationships if you are afraid of being vulnerable; therefore, people who have this fear appear to love those who do not love them in return. Just remember that appearances are not always correct. Sometimes the ones who push us the most are also the ones who love us the most. It's a broken world we live in - different people deal with that fact in different ways.

    Good luck. Never stop being compassionate and never be afraid to love.

  • Not all of us do this. I think it's mainly people who have a "self-limiting belief" that they can't do better or that they don't deserve this (subconsiously). Because they don't feel worthy they go for a guy/gal that will mistreat them. It boils down to self-esteem (lack of).

    • Or the opposite, when people believe they can do better, and are always waiting to see if that something better is coming round the corner....forgetting about the best thing in front of them now.

  • Because it depends on what you are looking for. If you have someone in mind that already catches your eye, then you will try to go for it. Usually it's because you feel it will be a challenge, or you can't have it. That person will bring on a fire inside you that has never been lit before, and THAT'S your motive. But as far as someone who may love you, you may reject them for these reasons:

    -you are simply not looking for love at the moment

    -they aren't what you want, as far as a "type"

    -you may know that they easily fall in love, or get attatched too quickly

    Or it could be another reason, I just find that the ones above are common from what I have seen/experienced. They just don't bring on the same flame, that same excitement, or those butterflies in your stomache.

    This may sound lame, but those butterflies happen for a reason. When you're nervous it's because you never know what's going to happen next, and when you find that in a person you love, its magic. When someone is too predictable, you don't really get those same butterflies because you know what that person will say/do. It gets too safe and too and that may want to make you to ignore them.

    I'm not saying the one you love is automatically going to be the daredevil, and the one you don't love is automatically going to be the shy one. I'm saying it all depends on how the person makes YOU feel, not how the other person feels about you. When it comes to finding out if you're in love with someone, I personally believe you have to put yourself first with it.

  • sometimes I push the guy I like away and I don't know why I do this either.

  • We don't *always* do that.

  • You can't force who you love romantically just so it matches someone else's feelings towards you, either that romantic feeling towards that person will just develop or it won't simple as that - there are plenty of reasons for this but I'm not going to get into that now.

    I liked a guy for ages knowing he had no feelings towards me and I didn't even really know him on a personal level, I think it's because I didn't know who he was and so became intrigued further or hoped that his personality was also what I was seeking as well as his looks. Even when someone likes someone from a distance, they sometimes even keep it that way so their illusion of that perfect someone doesn't get soiled by know their flaws.

  • Because people are afraid of commitment and the thought of being with someone you like a lot who also likes you a lot back is scary to some.

  • Because you want what you can't have, and the people that don't love us know they can get us, and the people we want we can't have.

  • Sometimes people do it without comprehending it.

  • Because, we want what we can't have, and we don't want someone to give themselves to us. We want someone who doesn't want us, yet, don't want someone who wants us. If only people appreciated what they could have!

  • Love is blind.

    u neva knw what ur miss out on

    till something bad happened to you ahaha

  • Often its your heart hun ^.^

  • Well listen love is complicated and with boys and girls we may like people but then like someone else because we are trying to find the right guy/girl and I know it's hard but hun, that's love for u

  • Sometimes it happen to me twice.

  • Always is a bit of an exaggeration.

    I can say that just because someone loves us, that does not mean we will love them and that can be a problem if you think you are great and have a lot to offer the person but they just don't feel the same way. It's all about finding the right match. You will find guys you think are great who don't feel the same about you and guys will find you that think you are amazing but you don't think that about them. It takes time but you can meet the person that is the right fit.

  • It's more of us chasing someone who does not want us. We think we could possibly get him. That one ignoring us keeps us interested even when we know they don't like us. We think we can change his feelings. Basically we enjoy the hardwork it takes to TRY to get someone.

  • i find it hard not to do that, the guys who like me I end up liking them back then I panic and push them away, I think its an immaturity and insecurity thing I am both of those, I lost many good guy friends because of this.

    and now I'm here still wishing I wasn't this way.

  • It's because at one point in out lives we're all insecure. And insecure people love those who don't love them back

    • Oh, and we reject those who love us because when we're all insecure we feel like we don't deserve that person

    • You got it.

    • I think that we become insicure because at one point in life you meet someone you really have strong feelings for and for some reasons they give you hopes until they end up hurting you