Why do we always reject those who love us?

Why do we always reject those who love us, and love someone who doesn't love us in the first place?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Why not give the ones that love you a chance? You just might find love yourself... They say you find love in places you'd least expect.

    Alot of times with girls, I've noticed, they LUST after the druggie or bad boy. A lot of time in hoping to fix them or turn them into a good guy... I say, "If you could never appreciate someone for all that they are, faults and all, you were never in love."

    Meanwhile good guys are pretty much everything a girl could ever want, they just lack that sexual glow that bad boys give off... The LUST factor... Girl end up with an infatuation to the bad-boy, not love.

    LOVE is different... You're not gonna feel the overwhelming attraction right away. It grows in time. It's based off respect, admiration, and the want to be a better person for your partner... If you don't think you're good enough for someone that wants to be with you, or you're a little intimidated, chances are, you, deep down, probably could love them. But why not just start with the guy that has everything a girl could want, and try to BUILD the attraction...? Give each other some TIME to open up and be yourselves! I've always thought relationships should be formed between two people that make each other nervous, that try to work to be themselves around each other.

    I've always been a guy to lack a bit of confidence around girls I've liked. I've been shy/nervous, intimidated, a little awkward around them... ya know? But I've always thought of that as being a good thing. After-all if I was super confident, the girl probably wouldn't matter as much to me. I'd be just another bad boy, who doesn't love the girl in the end... Nerves are a good thing and it tells you how much you really want it. I just think it's about facing your fear, taking a chance and allowing yourself to be vulnerable for the other person. It's a really scary and emotional thing to do... But if the other person can see the value in the chance you are taking and has a good understanding of what a relationship is REALLY about, it's up to them to take the chance themselves and pursue something great, as scary as it may be...

    I think a lot of girls mis-interpret the nerves/lack of confidence or experience... The end up thinking the guy is like "out to get them" or "just wanting to use them" or something, but (in my case and other good guys) that couldn't be FURTHER from the truth! They just really like the other person and are unsure if they could ever be on the same page or feel the same... I think the lack of confidence to the girl means he's dangerous and a threat... NOT TRUE! He just really likes you for real! Maybe the uneasiness YOU feel is intimidation (by the good guy and his lack of confidence...) which could mean there's actually some potential there for a great relationship, if you can face your fear and give the guy a chance!

    I speak from personal experience, I can totally relate to this topic, but from the guy's point of view lol.

    • Damn, right man....................i guess some girls only have one eye open instead of two. They never really know what they actually have until they lose,it and by then us nice guys are left with a crushing defeat thanks to them.

What Guys Said 22

  • -Often it's because we like them as friends and we're afraid of losing their friendship (which we will lose anyhow once they -or we- get into a more romantic/sexual relationship with another one)

    -They seem to easy to get if they tell us their love and we'd consider it as a kind of abuse to start something.

    • I had this best friend at uni I liked very much and I desired her, very much, too. Never did tell it. She had very much confidence in me, I did in her.

      Once or twice she dropped a sentence which could have been an opening or invitation to open up. I never did, to afraid to scare her away.

      Then I met another girl, and after that another, then my present wife.We're very happy together.

      My best friend and my wife had a little row, my wife 'won'- my help.

      She's a spinster now & I feel uneasy.:(

  • Because we must suffer until we learn.

  • Lust is what commonly happens in any given individual. The girlfriend / boyfriend way of hooking up in middle school, goes into effect until the individual it's applying to- learns to grow within themselves. "Your cute, I'm cute- let's date". There is much more to the picture than that, but people rarely see it.

    Love- we are rarely see and when we find it, we constantly think of love as that "needy / obsessive / clingy" personality trait because the individual that "loves" who we are, has already realised what they have lost because of a bad situation- which is what triggers the clingy personality.

    Here's a given statement.

    - "Search for love, and you'll never find it..."

    (This part of the statement indicates that you'll be focusing on lust)

    - "... though if you open your eyes and step back, you will have love present itself for it's true colors"

    (This part of the statement is saying that you will encounter people that love you almost every day. Either as a friend, or a potential mate; however, we will never fully accept these people unless those feelings are returned)

    Those people that run up and say "I love you" in middle school- rarely know the meaning of "pure" or "true" love, until they have been given the opportunity to experience it and wonder why they are hurting so much.

    - Love is the single most effective way to either make or break ANY individual. It is that powerful.

    Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong in pursueing the wrong individual because, when you think about the honest truth, these individuals that you are pursueing (the wrong people), are only foundation stepping stones to prepare you for a "pure / true" love scenario.

    - They allow you the ability to see things for what they truly are, when it comes to relationships.

    Best regards,


    • Please don't forget to choose the best answer- it helps reward the GaG community for their continued support in answering our questions ^_^.

    • Bump

  • The closer we get to something, the harder it is to see it.

    Unfortunately this is true on many levels.

  • It is a mystery. I feel that way myself. If I had to guess, I'd say that those who love us, we're around a lot, so we get complacent or annoyed, because we know all about them. And to love someone who doesn't love you back...may be our confusion that 'Someone doesn't care about me or love me?' We seek to understand why, or pursue the person, to change things. That's my best interpretation. Hopefully it helps.

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What Girls Said 20

  • I think it's because we're trying to protect ourselves from being hurt. It hurts a lot more if things don't end well with someone that we truly care about as opposed to someone that doesn't mean much to us.

    • I agree but then you have to think, what is the whole point in dating someone who doesn't mean much to you? Sure they may not hurt us as bad but then the relationship isn't much of a relationship where two people truly care about each other.

    • When you date someone everything is still up in the air, how do you know after few days or weeks that that is the person you'll fall in love with? It needs time to understand if you truly care about them or not.

  • Not everyone is like that. But people tend to want what they can't have. If a person loves them then they're in their reach and the "game" of getting them is lost. But if the person doesn't love them then the person tends to get a more sense of trying hard to get what they feel like is out of reach for them.

  • I think it is less about rejection or acceptance and less about love than it is more about taking for granted the things and people that are a part of our lives (out of complacency, fear, self-centeredness, etc.). Of course we put our mask on when we go outside and act on our best behavior when novelty is involved. We want to show the best of ourselves to people, and we all know the value of first impressions. It is with those who we love most and are comfortable with the most that we share all of our faces, our many layers. We show them our insecurities and often times they are the closest ones to us. This makes us vulnerable. Many people do not like being vulnerable around others, despite how much those others may love and care about them. It is this same category of peoples who will push away loved ones. Perhaps you or the one rejecting or pushing you away falls into this category as well. It is always easier to invest your time and energy into surface relationships if you are afraid of being vulnerable; therefore, people who have this fear appear to love those who do not love them in return. Just remember that appearances are not always correct. Sometimes the ones who push us the most are also the ones who love us the most. It's a broken world we live in - different people deal with that fact in different ways.

    Good luck. Never stop being compassionate and never be afraid to love.

  • Not all of us do this. I think it's mainly people who have a "self-limiting belief" that they can't do better or that they don't deserve this (subconsiously). Because they don't feel worthy they go for a guy/gal that will mistreat them. It boils down to self-esteem (lack of).

    • Or the opposite, when people believe they can do better, and are always waiting to see if that something better is coming round the corner....forgetting about the best thing in front of them now.

  • Because it depends on what you are looking for. If you have someone in mind that already catches your eye, then you will try to go for it. Usually it's because you feel it will be a challenge, or you can't have it. That person will bring on a fire inside you that has never been lit before, and THAT'S your motive. But as far as someone who may love you, you may reject them for these reasons:

    -you are simply not looking for love at the moment

    -they aren't what you want, as far as a "type"

    -you may know that they easily fall in love, or get attatched too quickly

    Or it could be another reason, I just find that the ones above are common from what I have seen/experienced. They just don't bring on the same flame, that same excitement, or those butterflies in your stomache.

    This may sound lame, but those butterflies happen for a reason. When you're nervous it's because you never know what's going to happen next, and when you find that in a person you love, its magic. When someone is too predictable, you don't really get those same butterflies because you know what that person will say/do. It gets too safe and too and that may want to make you to ignore them.

    I'm not saying the one you love is automatically going to be the daredevil, and the one you don't love is automatically going to be the shy one. I'm saying it all depends on how the person makes YOU feel, not how the other person feels about you. When it comes to finding out if you're in love with someone, I personally believe you have to put yourself first with it.

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