I met this guy on the internet but he is still chatting up other girls?

I'm a girl, 27 and met this guy 21 on the internet. were mailing a lot and have also exchanged pics but haven't met so far. he only lives a few hours away but I have a boyfriend and he is just out of a long term relationship (5 months or so). now you might think I'm awful for cheating on my boyfriend but things in our relationship are very uneven (he has hurt me a lot of times but not by cheating) where I have never done anything to hurt him. I think I need in my own mind to even things off a bit before I can start to forgive him. but I don't need any advice on that relationship. so back to this internet guy ... he mails me and tells me that he really likes me and that when we met I would want to stay with him and would I leave my boyfriend for him, and again how much he likes me ... but then I see he is also chatting with lots of other girls from his area that he didn't know before. only girls and only relatively good looking. he tells me that he doesn't chat to them the way he does with me. I have not brought it up with him yet cos I don't want him to think I'm a jealous freak and also I don't have a right to cos I'm the one with the bf. but how serious can he be about meeting me when obviously he still tries it on with other girls although I already told him I would come to see him. do you think he really likes me or he is just after ANY decent looking girl that will hook up with him?


Most Helpful Guy

  • There's no grounds for him not to talk to them

    You see, just because you both exchanged pictures or talk in any manor online, that doesn't make there any plausible reason for him to stop talking with these other girls.

    It would be common courteousy not to speak with other women in a flirtatious matter but the harsh reality is that, when you are not in a relationship- you are single. When you are single, anything "goes" (is okay) so long as it doesn't infringe upon another person's well being or your own moral.

    Men will always talk with other women. I really hate to say it but I'm the same as this guy you are interested in. I will talk to whoever I want when I'm single, but here's the difference, when I am taken I will do the same thing. The way I feel about this is that if I am a certain way- I shouldn't need to "stop" doing something that is completely harmless.

    - Granted, if it escalates into more than talking it could become a problem, but you still talk to your boyfriend right- obviously ;D

    If and when you decide to date the new guy, just let him know that this bothers you- he may be willing to compromise to work things out, towards a more satisfactory level for both you and himself.

    Best regards,


    • Hey artistbboy thanks for ur answer. you deffo have made me feel better, I was just wondering why he still actively picks up girls if he says he wants to be with me. it probably wouldn't work with him anyways but I just find him sooooo hot and yeah, he can do what he wants, ure right.

    • Show All
    • Oh thanks love, you really are a sweetheart and ure right, I'm emotionally very attached to him, I've spent most of my adult life with him.not so long ago I had a sort of mini nervous breakdown mainly because of his actions and since then my feelings for him have changed enormously.i have left him a few times over the years but he always wooed me back.to be honest, the more I think about it the less I see ourselves staying together but I don't have the strength to end it so maybe I'm looking for an

    • ^^ Agreed 100%.

      Also, look at it in his position. You are several hours away AND have a boyfriend. Why should he put all his energy in you? All of a sudden you could have guilt trips and stop talking to him. Thus if I was in his shoes I like to keep my options open. I don't really do the whole online thing but before I chose my current GF... I was dating 5 women at the time and chose the one that best completed me.

What Guys Said 9

  • Why would you think he WOULDN'T be chatting up other cybergirls? How are you any different from them?

  • You are currently in a bad relationship and staying around for what? This internet guy knows you are cheating or attempting to cheat. If I were him, I'd be talking actively with other girls too. What makes you think that he's going to end his communications with other girls on the account of a girl that is currently with someone else and is willing to cheat? Someone that is willing to stick around in a back relationship while finding it ok to make it worse instead of better?

    If I were you, I'd end that bad relationship, say goodbye to the internet guy and find someone else that will treat you the way you should be treated. Start from scratch. Find a good relationship where you won't find cheating acceptable because you've been hurt by them so it's ok to do the same in return.

    BTW, this internet guy is hoping to get lucky and doesn't want a relationship with you period. (When you think the milk might be bad, you might smell it to make sure, but you certainly aren't going to take a big sip.)

  • it actually depends on what sort of website he is talking to other girls and which website both of you met. If its a dating website where he is flirting and talking to other girls than it means he is pretty much talking to all girls like the way he is to you. Bit if its just a social networking website than I see nothing wrong with that. You just have to look at the atmosphere of where he is chatting up with other girls because that's extremely important.

  • I think I need in my own mind to even things off a bit before I can start to forgive him: Un-Health-Y. That's the worst mentality you can have. Also, the kid is 21, you were 21 once, you probably hung around 21 year old guys; he's talking to a lot of other women his age in his area, there's no way you're the "only one". Even if you were this is a really, really stupid idea.

    Two wrongs don't make a right and if you do get caught will you be forgiven? If you want an out, ask for it. Don't create trouble for yourself, sheesh!

  • That is an incredibly poorly thought out plan to your current relationship cheating does not balence things out, but with your bigger concern how can you expect him to only talk to you when you have a boyfriend? He's doing nothing wrong.

  • I always prefer a tested one guy rather a new one. just give time the person you want. if you want to meet the internet guy just meet him. go to him meet his freinds. try to know abt him. you have told him a lot abt u. now its ur turn. ur good and have faith in him. but a blind faith can cause lots of probs. you already know net guy has many femal friends so you can think its very risky to hv relationship with him. but as a friend you can meet him donot mingle seriously.

    be confident abt u. And don't share ur personal and important things to him like ur very imotional and really like him now. that would show ur weekness only.

    take care


  • if he knows you have a boyfriend, he may be having second thoughts about you because he doesn't want to be a part of cheating

  • That's cheating? I had no idea.

    • What do you mean eddy?

    • I didn't know talking to people online was considered cheating.

    • Well eddy, trust me the kind of "talking" we do is cheating lol

What Girls Said 7

  • don't trust him. just because you met on the internet doesn't mean he isn't hooking up with other girls. guys who do that are just trash. they aren't worth your time or sympathy

    also what will you do if he decides not to respond to what you say? he is a jerk nothing more. he's a liar. I say if he's not good enough for you, then move on.

  • How do you know he chats with other girls is my confusion. What if they are his friends and you're special to him? had you ever thought about it that way. Don't be insecure. Try to have faith in him and trust him because guys like girls who show them they trust their guy from my own personal experience. He possibly looks at you differently from the way he looks at those girls meaning he possibly doesn't care about them as much as he may care about you. It's possible isn't it? Don't know why but I have a feeling it might be what I said.

  • sorry but I'm stumped as to why you asked this question?

    i don't think your awful but I do think you need to re read ur own question and give yourself a reality check!

    i still can't decide if this question is serious are not!

    you really don't have any rights to complain about how many other girls this dude talks too as your already in a relationship reading what you said to me it sounds as though you don't feel bad about what your doing as you said " I think I need in my own mind to even things off a bit before I can start to forgive him " two wrongs don't make a right no matter how you look at it.

    if the shoe was on the other foot and it was ur boyfriend talking to some random chick he met off line would you see it as anything innocent.

    you need to make a choice you either want to make ur current relationship work are you end things with him and visa versa with this other dude.

    at the end of the day you have to be able to live with yourself and ur actions have lasting consquences your gonna do what you want regardless.

    i'm sorry if this is harsh.

    • Ah verychatty, thanks for that, you made me laugh :D I know, I don't feel bad but like I said I'm with my boyfriend for 8 years and just in a crisis of faith. he has broken my heart many times (but not by cheating, at least as far as I know) and I just don't feel the love at the moment. I'm not sure yet if I should break it off though, I just don't fancy him at the moment even though he is gorgeous. its all on an emotional level.where the other guy and I am not compatible whatsoever but he does it for me

  • first of all why are you still in a relationship with your boyfriend if your holding a grudge on him? I say end this current relationship if ur not happy and its causing you stresses. sometimes girls tend to hang to their guys even though the relationship is not healthy anymore due to fear of being single.

    anyway back to the 21 kid, you cannot restrict someone especially a 21 year old boy to flirt online. I think what your looking for is a mature guy so stay away from kids who wants short-time/part-time lovin :)

  • To be honest, he just seems a player, like most internet guys. I had experienced internet chatting, and I met two guys after that: the real thing is that either he is a jerk who is after beautiful women and girls, or he is completely different from what he is in chat. He may give the impression he is a nice gentleman, etc, but he is not in reality. The worst experience I had in the internet dating world is with a man from another country. I think I falled (blindly) in love with him, but not before he said he thinks he loves me after about two months of chatting. He was talking about coming over and marriage, when he disappeared after about a year of contact! When I called him, he simply apologized saying he went back to is ex! I realized how stupid I was believing in internet love! But I completely understand why people try internet: you just cannot find the one in real life, because you meet the wrong ones all the time.

    So I suggest you take a brave step: just cut it out! Why do you need a boy who is overtly playing around! I am sure you gonna come across some mature man in the real world who deserves you!


    • Thank you denise, I'm afraid you're right :( well good luck to you

  • I think he's not cheating on you.

  • It isn't cheating, if you've never met.

    I don't know, I talk to a lot of guys on here, somethat I like, some that like me, and others that are just friends, but if you haven't spoken to your internet guys friends then you can't really know for sure which it is. You'll just have to trust him.

    Also, if you're going to see him... Don't go alone the first time. :S