Hi, I am international student studying in the US.
It's funny how a lot of women in the US think "all men are creeps." I was watching a reality TV show where one woman said, " I get approached by guys at grocery stores and book stores and it really creeps me out." The other girl she was talking to said "yeah, I know what you mean, last week at the gym a guy started talking to me and then asked me for my number, what a weirdo."
WTF? What's wrong with starting conversations with girls at book stores, grocery stores and at the gym? Why is that considered "creepy" by some women in America? I guess it goes to show that in the US, your supposed to mind your own business when you are out in public and only approach women at bars, clubs and parties.
The interesting thing is the idea that "guys are creeps" seemed to have started not too long ago, maybe in the 70's or 80's. Before that time, approaching women in public was considered ok and normal. Maybe with the rise of feminism, approaching women in public became taboo.
Most Helpful Guy
Check this heavily-answered question about creepiness (in particularly the post by bobair):
I don't think this has much to do with feminism as it has to do with just people in general being sensitive, fearful, paranoid, suspicious, etc. particularly women. Read or watch the news and we see shootings, stabbings, abductions, rape, assault, etc. and in addition most of these are committed by men.
The funny thing is I can't really blame women for thinking the way they think. Also for some women, the term creepy or creep is more of an umbrella term that includes any guy that gives unwanted attention. For example, "That creepy guy just said 'Hi' to me!", an exaggeration but nonetheless true. Think about it from a women's POV that any guy she sees could be a potential murder, kidnappist, rapist, etc. and then you'll understand why, even more so with a child (men too).
Its kind of sad that people can't have conversations with each other without being so suspicious; and to further complicate the situation, without being suspicious of signs of attraction: is that guy hitting on me? is she sending me signs?
My final question to all:
Clubs and bars (and some parties to a degree) are generally for hookups and if people can't look for significant others in public places then where are we to look? Or shall we just "wait for it to happen"?
The waiting game doesn't work for everyone and with actively meeting people you increase your chances of finding someone. And I'd really rather not wait as I'm a go-getter :p Now a friendship can turn into a serious relationship and a serious relationship can turn into a friendship but the former involves removing yourself from the sandtrap that is the friend zone (longer you wait the harder it is to get out - clever analogy haha) and the latter does not actually result in a serious relationship. You'd only want to be in the friend-zone if you really wanted to be friends or because you weren't sure of what you wanted - so why go through the friendship when you already know what you want?
So what will I do personally? This is my strategy: I do my best to avoid women that are not interested, go after the obviously interested ones - of course how to tell if someone's attracted is where it gets tricky *sigh*. Well I do what I can and make it obvious without being offensive - lots of but not too much eye contact and smiling (should come natural if you like the person), and especially obvious conversational hinting - need both visual and verbal cues; as a guy, no physical cues unless she initiates. IMO, for guys a direct verbal cue is the most effective way but this does not work for women (you know what I'm talking about). I only try to pursue so many times at which point, move on. I won't chase girls because 1)I like women and 2)it might come off creepy. Some women might get "cr