When a girl asks about your preferences in women. Does it mean anything?

[Anonymous]

When a close female friend (in this case for a few months) starts asking you about your preferences in women, does it mean she wants to know if you like her or its just another conversation between friends? she's asking about body types im attracted to, hair colour and styles, etc etc.

I know this was something my ex did a few times before we got together. She wanted to know if I liked her by asking in generals. I dont recall any of my platonic female friends asking me this (at least not outside of a group). But that doesn't mean this woman isn't simply asking as a friend.

There have been other signs both for and against her liking me over the months. I like her but due to <reasons> i wasn't going to do anything... but Im not against doing something if she's interested :)

[Shorty1991]

Sounds like she quizzinng you to find out if she fits your preferences, eg. Personalities, qualities appearance. Or either she wants to start match making for you.

[Asker]

I dont think she's match making. That doesn't seem like her. But I can't rule it out.
Obviously I would like it to be she was asking because she likes me but I have doubts about that

[Izzex3]

I do that when a friend likes someone.
They ask me to ask him if he has a type, then I report back.

[uknaked]

She wanted to evaluate whether she fitted your preferences, wanting to know if there was a future for you both together, or is she wasting her time.

[Asker]

Well, thats the thing, it did seem like that but I had concluded a few months ago she wasn't interested in me, just wanting a good friend. There were a few signs she wanted to be more but when I stepped forward a little I would see resistance so stepped back, eventually deciding she was just being friendly. In the last 3 weeks though I have told her about liking another woman and since things have gone back to how they were a few months ago with some things looking like signs for more. If she does want something more but its just due to jealousy can I trust it to be real?
Anyway, she now knows she does fit my preferences so I will see what happens next.

[JerichoJared]

It depends if you usually talk about things that are that personal.

[Asker]

Not to that extent. Sometime a little personal but usually not. We have talked about past relationships. I recently told her I've seen a few girls from our classes but not who. In return she told me she almost had a thing with a guy from our class. But normally we dont get too personal.

[JerichoJared]

Well, then it's either that or if you're going through a dry spell she's trying to set you up with someone (women really like to do that for some reason). That's not an end all answer. The best way to find out is to ask her how she feels, but people don't usually talk outside their comfort zones. If you don't want to ask her, pay attention and see if she starts to all of a sudden line up with all the traits that you stated. At least the ones that are already out of character for her. That's a pretty much the best indication.

[Asker]

I dont think its the set me up angle. That doesn't seem like her and I can't even think who she thinks I would be right for. One friend of hers I know is an ex of mine (but she doesn't know that) and she's seeing someone.
Im happy to hang back and see what happens.
Problem with seeing if she changes is she is almost all my preferences :p Or if not, I told her I dont really care about the rest (or any of them really, looks aren't important to me, but it helps ;) ).

If it helps, how we got into this conversation was because I told her I was at the gym and "aiming to lift x-kgs by the end of the year to help with muscle growth. I dont care too much about muscle but my trainers said it helps with losing weight so I do it". She then told me "dont worry about the muscle thing. most women dont want big muscles ;) "... "so what type of woman do you like? ;) "... (a few hours for sleep then.. ) "dark or blonde hair? ;) "... "short/ long, curly/ straight, ... ?"...

[Asker]

It just came across as she's interviewing me and wanting me to say her.. but im not convinced she actually likes me.
But Im terrible with these things. I might be too blind :p

[JerichoJared]

Well, there are other ways to tell. Combat hunter crap like if her feet face you when she talks, she lets you turn your hand on top of hers when you shake, but there are more reliable things. Her pupils might dilate when she talks to you (that's actually a very good sign), she might play with her hair when she talks to you, if you guys are just casual friends, and she takes special notice to you not being around. You might notice she smiles a lot when she first sees you or will drop what she's doing to talk to you (meaning she won't text, look at her work while preforming it, etc). She might even find excuses to touch you (that's usually a pretty big sign as well). Things like that. While you're looking for these things, keep in mind how she treats everyone else. If she's doing these things, but she does them to everyone else as well, she could just be flirty.
If you're interested, you really should just very casually tell her how you feel and ask her how she responds. Be confident.

[Asker]

I should rephrase. I know the signs when watching others, Im just terrible at seeing them when Im involved. I am capable of faking confidence in these situations :p
Unfortunately we dont get the chance to meet often due to distance and life but when we do she is happy. She did get a bit down when we last said goodbye as Im moving even further away (other side of the world for 1month then somewhere within her country after) and we aren't sure when we will get to see each other.
she's lovely and I would love to go out with her but with the distance thing (I still dont know exactly where Im going but its hours away) I dont know if starting anything is on the table. She says she's keen to visit me when I have a new apartment but a friend would travel to do that too so..

[JerichoJared]

If you're leaving soon, this is the perfect time to ask her. She won't feel as ambushed because it'll literally be a question you leave he to think about.

I know I sound like a broken record, but trust me when I say that it's better to get this out of the way as soon as possible. Especially if you still have contact with her.

[Asker]

My mate said just that! "Youre leaving town, WTF do you care? If yes then great, if not, youve left town!".
there's nothing to get out.. yet. Im interested in her but no feelings yet.
As mentioned in another reply, A few months ago I thought she liked me but eventually decided she didn't and since telling her I like another woman (and that telling that woman didn't help things) she has been like she was a few months ago. Little signs here and there but nothing conclusive. Maybe jealousy, maybe because we are apart again, maybe nothing

[JerichoJared]

If you don't have romantic feelings with her, it probably wouldn't be best to pursue anything because it could possibly mess up your relationship.

[Asker]

I know I COULD fall for her if we were to get much closer. I think its only distance that has stopped me so far. She is just my type in almost every way. Im not sure if I should though given I know where our near future is heading :(
Anyway, I was more interested in what she might be thinking. Her questions usually imply interest but I wanted to know what others thought

[JerichoJared]

It's hard to tell if I've never met her. I could tell you if I knew her, but I just don't. I'm sorry I can't help you further brother.

[Asker]

Of course :) I know advice from forums is limited but thanks for your input :D

[JerichoJared]

Of course. Good luck to you.

[Asker]

Hey, if you're still reading, on a related issue:
A 3 weeks ago I told my best female friend ('V') I like her. She was surprised and flattered but said her 6yr relationship just ended so she wasn't ready for anyone yet. I took it as a polite rejection. V and I have continued as friends. But since, I have noticed her 'doing herself up' more when we meet and her eye contact has been all over the place when we talk (not usual). Plenty of reasons that might be, I know.
Tonight, I was having my weekly drink with another female friend (V's best friend) and she saw V and called her over to us. Immediately Im staring at V because she has changed her hair colour to exactly what I told her I like. "Are you ok?" "You dyed your hair" "yeah, you dont like it?" "Of course I do, its great :D " "Good :) ". She then left.
She doesn't change her hair much (Ever?).
Now going by what you said earlier, this is a good hint that maybe she is interested. 3 weeks later, maybe she's after my attention?

[JerichoJared]

Could be, but relationships where you're firmly established as friends are very tricky. Trust me, I fucked it up bad one time. I would give her a little more time, and then I would bring it up again and ask her, ASK, NOT DEMAND IN ANY SENSE SHE TELLS YOU, how she feels about you. Keep it very casual and calm. If she tells you she doesn't feel comfortable answering, don't press the matter. Let her know it's alright, you cherish her friendship and are open to the idea of more with her. Let her know it's on her to decide and you'll be there if she's open to it. Then drop it. If she feels similar to you, she'll let you know in time. If not, she'll tell you or not being it up again. Either way you'll have your answer and won't have to do damage control on your friendship. Hope that helps.

[Asker]

Yeah, thanks. I felt I was already at the point of 'she knows I like her, she knows that either way is cool, up to her now'.
We are going to Paris for an event this weekend so who knows how that might go ;) If nothing happens then thats fine, there's others out there.

I know how it can go bad too. My ex was my best friend and then.. more. But that was the beginning of the end. Within weeks we stopped talking to each other. It was too difficult to be so close but not together. We still text every other month but crossing the line ruined things. But I also think not crossing that line wouldn't have worked for us either so...

[JerichoJared]

I think you're right. It's usually better to go with your gut. Better to ask forgiveness than for permission.

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

[Asker]

I think 22. Quite smart and mature if that matters.