If she obviously likes me why does she play games?

It makes no sense really. I met this girl at a horrible time where most would run away. She had a restraining order against her ex and was in and out of court and her mom passed away but I stuck by her side. I was her shoulder to cry on. She told me I was an amazing guy and that if things were different we'd be together and we would be amazing. So why throw it away? Or is it she wasn't interested and just used me while she needed me and then used a cowardly excuse to leave? What makes matters worst is she still flirts with me. but if I don't make the effort I would never hear from her (she never calls or texts, we work at the same place)... A lot of things happened but I honestly never did anything to fall into the category of the bad guy. If anything I was to available for her. When she broke it off with me I got drunk and got in a fight with her. She said that was the real me although that was the furthest thing from the truth. Its been months now and I still have to see her every now and then. She tries to get my attention whenever I ignore her or am talking to other girls. She flirts with me all the time. She tries to make me jealous by telling stories of guys hitting on her. She obviously still likes me yet she plays this idiotic game. The smartest thing that ever came out of her mouth was that we would be amazing together. Why is everything else she says just stupid? Why ladies if you find someone who is amazing do you play games? I tried moving on, I just keep getting pulled back in... I hate how bad it hurts


Most Helpful Guy

  • First, I don't think this sounds like a good girl for you, it sounds like she gets off on knowing that you want her, and is just using you to get that sense of being desirable.

    Second, IMO there is a harsh truth you've never realized here about women my brother:

    Women do not use logic to decide what men they are with.

    You will never "reason" this girl into being your girl friend. No matter how much it makes sense, you can not talk her into it and show her it makes sense. Just look at the last guy she was with before, did she use reason to decide to be with him? Has she ever gone with the one who would logically be the "good" guy?

    Of course not. She was with an abusive f*** who had a restraining order against her. This is wear the old expression "nice guys finish last" comes from.

    Women make the decision to be with a man based on her emotions, her feelings, not her logic. You can't talk her into being with you, even if you are right. Even if you are the best guy in the world for her, you cannot talk her into getting horny for you. Women do not choose to get horny any more than men do. She will not want you based on logic. And if you try, you will just be banging your head against a wall.

    Women like guys who are exciting, women like guys who make their hearts flutter and their breath catch in their throat. Women like guys who make them laugh and who take them on an emotional roller coaster ride. They make their choices about men with their emotions.

    So what we men see as "stupid games" women just see as trying to get an emotional reaction out of you. Every time you see her doing something which to you is "Stupid" it is probably because she is making her decision based on whatever feeling she is feeling at that moment, instead of her logic.

    Now, with that in mind, look at the kind of men she likes to be with. Look at the way she lives her life and the decisions she makes. Is this really a girl you'd want to be with if you got her? Or do you just want her because she has become some challenge that was denied to you?

    Hope that helps brother.


What Girls Said 9

  • My ex had a restraining order put on him because of the ex before me. I am kind of in your place because I felt like I was getting pulled in by my ex whenever he needed me and just wanted companionship. I thought things were going really good until he went back her. I think its totally stupid to deal with this and keep getting sucked back into something that it just causes more drama. If I were you, I would just end all ties with her. I know it is hard because you and her work together, but maybe even trying to find a better job some where else and moving could possibly the only thing to do. I hope things work out with you. Good luck.

  • One, you put yourself into the "friend" automatically with that it wouldn't of worked in the first place.

    Two, you probably made yourself too available, she was vulnerable and upset and you were there to lean on and she probably felt like you were just there cause you thought you had a chance. and you were probably great to keep around so she probably just did what she thought she had to, to keep you around.

    When she tries to get your attention when you're flirting with other girls, it's cause people want what they can't have. People love attention she knows she can still get it from you. So when she feels like it's gone she'd do whatever it takes to get it back.

    But there is two things you need to hear, go tell her exactly how you feel and get all of it off your chest, you may feel stupid and pathetic for doing it but it will help and then this is the important part. You need to realize that...

    SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU OR WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE! YOU NEED TO MOVE ON AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE! When she comes back for your attention is doesn't mean you stand a chance it means she wants to f*** with your head!

    I know that was harsh, but I'm blunt sorry

    • I agree, this is a great answer. Take your shot, say what you are thinking, then if she's not into it MOVE ON. It sounds like you would not be happy with this girl anyways, she seems to play games that you find annoying.

    • I strongly disagree. You should not waste your time confessing your feelings to this girl. Because of how unhealthy this relationship is, you would only be declaring that your feelings are more important than your self-respect. This is anathema to what it is to be a man, let alone an attractive man. I have known girls who could easily take advantage of a guy like this but never do. You can do much better, believe it and live it.

    • If he actually truly cares about this girl and wants a shot more than anything, he has to take a chance of making a fool of himself. Plus wonder what would of happened is hell, so what he gets shot down he tried and nothings lost.

  • If she really cared about you she wouldn't treat you the way she does, seems to me she is immature and craves attention, I would really just let this one go, I'm sorry it hurts but love is like that, and you deserve better than to be treated that way. Find a girl that actually cares about how she treats you.

  • She was at a vunerable time, and I'm not saying she took advantage of you because I do think there was something there. However, I think she's waiting for you to make the effort. Girls don't like texting or calling first because we want to know that you like us and will make the effort. She's obviously feeling jealous when you talk to other girls which is definitely a good sign because it shows she still has feelings. I think you should try contracting her more often but do play a little hard to get. Girls like the chase too.

    • I mean when I ask her to hang out she says yea. But its different. Its as if we never dated before. Maybe ill look back at this in a few more months and realize what a waste of time it was but right now I try to make an effort. If I didn't she wouldn't so what's the point. Am I playing some stupid game of hers or does she not want me and is only being "nice". I can't remember the last time I was this confused but I do know it effects me terribly.

    • A guy did that with me, he would be different each tie we actually got close , he wouldget like selective amnesia.

      He would act like we were in different worlds from one to the to the next.

      At some point I wondered if he actually forgot about everything each meeting, it was actually freaky.

      At some point he told me he never lost feelings for me, which was amazingly rediculous to me, I mean if that was him having feelings then wow, I hate to know how he is when he does not like someone. ^ ^

    • You can call her or do whatever to contact her but I guarantee you'll stay a friend. You can't be taken for granted! Your always there for her and she knows that,so take yourself away from her. If she likes you then she'll freak out when your not there. My ex girl was this type. They can't go a week without a boyfriend and are always texting different guys so she can have as much attention as possible. Your not the only guy she has said these things to or acted the way she did.

  • Sometimes, even if we don't want you, we don't want you to move on. We like having our rock, our person to go to. I know it's not fair, but she's probably just trying to get you to be her rock again, probably not her boyfriend. It sounds like she had a lot of crap go on, and she needs someone who will always be there for her. If you want something more, try to move on.

    • I don't understand what the point of that is. if you don't want somebody than why is it worth holding on to? Her rock?She doesn't even call me to say hi. How do you go from telling someone theyre amazing and we would be amazing together to I don't want you. I tried moving on. I erased everything of hers.A cpl months later she came back into my life. Her best friends love me! They're response is I was a saint and she's crazy.I don't understand why I'm having such a hard time moving on and does she care?

    • Some girls need security 24/7,im telling you these girls are the worst. If you did become her BF,she'll still flirt and be looking for something better,if you 2 get in a fight,she'll go to a different guy,she needs attention. When she said your amazing,she was lying. And when her best friends love you that doesn't mean she should,it means your too nice and a friend. She doesn't care about you,she cares about herself,sorry bro it hurts but you don't want to be mixed up with this kind of girl.

    • Agreed. You're going to find as you gain wisdom that there are women whom you find sexually attractive, but who will never satisfy you and will bring you nothing but pain. Screen before getting attached and save yourself the heartache. The ironic thing is once I gained this wisdom, those types of women mysteriously vanished anyway.

  • She doesn't like you, she just wants attention.. it will never work out :/ I know it's hard but move on.. she doesn't deserve you.

  • ok. so my mom died. and I dated the wrong guy for four years because he showed up then...when I needed somebody. she probably sent you the wrong signals then. she needed someone and you showed up. but she's probably realized you're not the one, but you are special and you do help her suffering.

    if you can't be a friend...and ONLY a friend, stay away.

    You're not for her.

  • I'm sure you are hurting, but realize she is too. You said yourself she was honest with you from the start, that her situation was not the best, given what's she's been through you should be grateful and honored. I mean obviouly you must be pretty awesome if she actually put her fears, problems, etc. all aside and trusted you with her heart, when due to her past most women would never consider dating ever again. Wow, that is an honor, to hold a heart that's been glued back together and is more fragile than most. She gave that and entrusted it to you. Her mom dies on top of everything she's already been through and needs time to learn to feel, let alone actually start to heal. Well to do that she asks you to trust her with your heart, give her some space so she can devote her energy and time to processing and healing, in order I'm sure to get better so you guy's could pick up where you left off. Her intent, I'm sure was to actually protect the relationship for when she was physically, emotionally, and spiritually able to devote herself to you, and not strain/destroy it while trying healing from the recent devastation. Now you did what most guy's do, you didn't think of what she was going through or her true intent, your focus was on the "percieved loss of the relationship" and "what did I do" when it wash't you or anything you did, in the first place. You had a weak moment, got drunk, acted in a somewhat similar fashion to the ex she had been dealing with, BAM your credibility and trust she had placed in you flew out the window. Hence, her comment about the "real you". Even though this isn't the "real you" her perception of you is now tainted by your reaction, actions, and unfortunatly the actions and past experience with her ex. (yes, I know your not anything like him, the point is in her eye's due to her past and your drunk regrets she will never trust you the way she once did.) Now her flirting with you and playing mind games is a maturity issue and she needs to grow up and leave you alone. Here's a hint if you act like you could care less, what she does, who's she's with, etc she'll learn she can't manipulate you and maybe grow up some. Indifference is not love or hate, it's the absence of the two and it drives people nuts. Hope this helps, best wishes :)

    • I agree I usually pride myself in reacting to situations like this compassionately and although I regret nothing I can't help but feel like a sucker. I stay so guarded from relationships and when I finally let someone in it hurts that much more when I get tossed aside. Maybe I did irreversible damage the night I chose to fight with her after our break up. I couldn't help but feel stupid. I don't think its fair though that one night of drunken rage trumps all the things that show I cared.

    • Its not fair, but nothing in life is fair. "Fair" is a bizarre fantasy people created that has nothing to do with real life.

      I do not agree with all of this answer, but I do agree that if a girl was in an abusive relationship, she could be emotionally scared. So anytime she sees a guy lose his temper she'd freak out and stop trusting him. Most girls would probably get over one bad night, but this girl probably has trust issues.

      She doesn't sound right for you anyways.

  • She is trying to control you. Even though it hurts, it is in your very best interest that you break it off with her and move on. And don't ever go back to her. She is manipulative, and she doesn't love you, even if she thinks she does. She is self-centered. If you continue to see her, she will hurt you even more, I can promise you that. It could never be amazing, because she would ALWAYS try to control you. You need to break it off.


What Guys Said 14

  • women are cuckoo for coco puffs. all they do is fantasize about the perfect guy they cant! have. If fabio came along. they would dump him if he called her to many times during the week LOL

  • Because some girls don't really know what they have right infrront of them until they finally lose it for good. Some people learn...and some people learn the hard way, and if she wants to learn the hard way by loosing a great guy like you, then let it be. You did nothing wrong, she just took you for granted so to speak. You can move on knowing that you were there for here and did nothing wrong to her at all. She could move on as well, but at the end when things are going bad and terrible again, she will remember the guy which was you, and how she used you and then threw you away for nothing. She would comeback crawling but you would become a better person then you already are, good luck with everything man.

  • read the story about "lets just be friends..." in my profile

  • Who cares about being the bad guy! I'm sorry to say she's just playing games with your heart,dont know if she likes you that much,she just likes to get attention and some drama going,she sounds really scandalous. These girls are hard to get out of your head cause usually there hot and dress kinda slutty and flirt pretty good. Don't fall for anymore of her BS,dont give her anymore attention,ignore her unless she puts her face in your face,do this or you'll end up like her boyfriend haha. Do not date this kind of girl. There classless,not honest or loyal and guarantee she'll be pregnant in the next 2 years. If you stop talking to her,this could drive her wild,nail her use protection and walkout right after. These girls are good for one use. I mean no disrespect to all the other girls,most girls aren't this way. You girls know the kind I'm talking about? Loud,slutty and wants everyones attention.

  • This girl deserves an A-hole. If she wants to play games then you gotta be the A-Hole and you will win. But you seem like a loyal guy who wants good romance and solid commitments, so I suggest you wake up and see the reality of stuff and accept it. Move on because your wasting your time and other opportunities in ur way.

    Good luck man

    You will catch the fish maybe not now maybe not tomorrow but in the near future.

  • You're just a friend and she's really crazy. Girls constantly play games, but this chick is psycho. I suggest ditching her immediately. But if you really like her, be a douchebag. She obviously likes douchebags. Be less available, make fun of her, talk about other girls, and be sexual with her.

  • I think this girl needs some assurance, plenty of assurance. This girl is what many people call damage goods, because of her past (family, past relationships). The only thing that you can do here is to be straight up to her and tell her that you like her and what to have a relationship with her if you haven't done so. She might just be doing this to call your attention and waiting you to make the blunt move and tell her to stop, to put her in the right place, basically to tell her to stop doing that. You need to do this, if she doesn't give you an honest answer (I like you or I don't like you) its better to forget this girl. She is a train wreck waiting to happen. I hope I can I hear from you again with an update, good luck.

  • She doesn't know how to express her true feeling in the right manner.

  • One, she's using you as an emo-tampon... Two, she's manipulative, shallow, self-absorbed, and most of all, a crzy beyotch... Cut all ties with her.

  • steer clear from her, people will latch onto anyone who is strong/cares in a time of need.

  • relationships can't be forced man. they need to happen at a good time when she's thinking clearly. let it go she has you contact info. if she wants you she will call. let it be known that your interested but that you going to give her space. she's young and stupid. the stupid will leave eventualy

  • Interesting you said the smartest thing that ever came out of her mouth was "we would be amazing together" because a girl once told me the same thing, word-for-word. I moved-on because she talked the talk but didn't walk the walk.

    You said:

    "but if I don't make the effort I would never hear from her"

    And also said:

    "I tried moving on, I just keep getting pulled back in..."

    You are conflicted and allow your emotions to control you. You are the one pulling yourself back in. Stop it, be a man and take the lead on your life.

  • i believe is a user just gain attendant from the other guys