Why is it so hard to move on?

I am so emotionally devastated. I've been with this girl for about 3 years. For about the last six months, we have been going through a rough patch. Up until recently, we made things a little better. That is until yesterday. She told me that she does not want to be with me anymore and that she lost all feelings. She said she still loves me but is not in love with me. This wasn't the first time I've heard this from her. I guess I'm having a hard time being in denial. Other times, I thought she might have been just upset because of the little arguments that we have had but this time, I think she means it. I don't know what is wrong with me. I guess she has been thinking about this lately that's why its so easy for her. Other times in the past, when we broke up, I tried so hard to move on but I couldn't. I went out, made new friends and stayed occupied. But she doesn't leave my mind. She text me last night asking if I will be OK. I did not reply to it. In my heart, I know I love her and I truly want to be with her. I don't know if it is another guy or what it might be. I honestly feel like it might be. I guess I am most to blame here because I revolved my world around her. I don't what to do, I'm hurting so much. I felt heart broken at what she said to me last night and she has given me so many chances. I'll admit that I was clingy and I'm sorry I did not put more effort in making myself a better person for her. I always realize things when it is too late.

I try and try to be strong. But it's something about her that is holding me back. I don't think I can ever truly move on and I am not left asking myself why.. I've been with many girls in the past but she is truly different. I really felt she is my soul-mate. I just don't know if I can set her free as much as I'm trying so hard to do. I know it is selfish on me to try to hold on to someone who doesn't want to be with me. She even asked me, "Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?" I don't know how to move on.. I just want to be happy again. I will always love her.

Thank you for all the encouraging answers.For a little update: I spent all day at the beach trying to recover and just clear my head. It helped a little being there and just relaxing. On the way home, I get a phone call from her. I couldn't resist..
and I picked up. She asked where I was, I said I was no where. Then she asks what I am doing, I said nothing. Then I quickly replied with I have to go now. I'm sure she can tell I was in the car driving. An hour later she called but I did not pick up..
She then texts me and asked what I was doing. I did not reply. Moments after she calls but I did not pick up. I text her back saying, "Hey, Don't worry. You will not see me around." The reason why I said this is because I felt that was the only reason..
why she called. It's been an hour and no reply. I feel as though she might be with another guy and that's why she wants to know where I am so bad. It's so we would not run into each other. Who knows.. I guess that can be another questions.
Hi everyone. Thanks for the support. It's what I need right now and I really appreciate it. So I have yet to hear from her, not I'm clearly getting the message that she is trying to see if she has control over me. I think she is also a little confused..
I know she also has a lot going on in her life. But I don't think its fair if she thinks she can take me for granted. I had trouble sleeping last night. Woke up maybe like 10 times. Mornings are worst for me.. I'm glad there's a place where I can vent.
Hey everyone. A little update. After replying this to her last night, ""Hey, Don't worry. You will not see me around." She finally responded this afternoon with, "Ok. I'm just going to say goodbye now." Now when I read this I was a little upset..
and I did not respond. I mean, why would she even text me that when everything happened that one night? I don't understand.. I feel like she is trying to see if I will fight for her to see if I still care... I do not know how to approach this. =/
I am 21 by the way. Not sure why it says 25-29.
thank you to everyone. I am feeling a lot stronger now. Yesterday she called me and I picked up. She asked what I was doing I said I was at home. She asked if I was going out. I said I was going to. Then it got quiet. I said I had to go. She said..
she said OK, bye.. It sounded like she was really sad and did not want to get off the phone.I text her after saying, "Hey. I know nothing I say is going to make you want to stay. So I think it's in our best interest if we cut all contact with each
other. I know this is what you wanted and I just want you to be happy, even though it might cost me my happiness. Please know that this isn't easy for me. Be happy, live life and be free. Take care.
She replied with, "Ok, you're stronger than me to say that. I'm sorry." Then I said, "I guess this is our closure. Good bye. I love you." And that was the end of it. It hurts like crazy even though it was through text. I love her and do want to be with..
with her but I know she needs time to figure out what she really wants. I still pray every night for our families. I also pray that she will realize how much I love her. I hope she loves me too. I guess only time will tell. It's torture. TY for listening
A little update. I hope you guys had a great holiday weekend. I was gone for the whole weekend. I was hoping that this would be a chance for me to be a stronger person and honestly I feel like it helped getting away. Although there were a few times..
when I could not stop thinking about her. I haven't heard from her for a couple days now. So I know this time it is serious. I stopped to think about and realize that maybe it's really time to let go. I know its going to be rough, wish me luck.
Hey guys. Facebook makes things worse when you have your ex still as a friend. I've been debating on whether or not I should block her. Would this be immature of me? Well upon being so tempted today for wanting to look at her page, I discovered she is..
going to watch a movie with her old guy friend from high school. I'm not sure whether to be jealous or upset. I guess I am a little bit of both at the moment. Either way, I'm slowly taking a step back when I really shouldn't be. It hurts thinking that..
maybe she is dating this guy. How can someone who says they love you, then leave you and be happy with someone else knowing that the one they love is miserable? =/


Most Helpful Girl

  • Everything you describe here is the normal, difficult process of breaking up.

    It is way too early for you to worry about not being able to move on. There is no reason for you to be able to move on yet. Yes, you have had breakups with her before but they were all temporary and you somehow sensed that but now you see that this breakup is the real deal.

    Breaking up is a grieving process. You will go in and out of, as well as back and forth on, any number of stages, from denial, to anger, to acceptance, to grief. Everyone's grieving process is different, but in the end it is painful. It takes time for it to become more bearable. One day it actually becomes workable and then one day it just isn't an issue anymore.

    It took me a full year to get through all the effects that came from the breakup of my 3 year relationship. I felt he was the love of my life. Our relationship was so passionate and life-changing, but then he tired of the energy it took to be so passionate, he thought he would still get all of that from me without putting much in to it himself, and of course it fell apart. It was probably the hardest breakup I have ever had. But, I did get through it. Now, when I talk to him (very rarely) or think of him (just as rare), I have no feelings for him, neither love nor hate. I am just cool with knowing he was part of my past, but I do not want him in my future and I feel whole. It will happen for you too, but you have a ways to go.

    Best of luck!