True feelings when drunk, or what?

[Anonymous]

My ex-boyfriend and I have been split up for over a year. Unfortunately he lives next door. We have not spoken or been amicable since I broke up with him for breaking dates.

Last week, he walked by my door on the way to his apartment... he was drunk. I was out talking to my neighbor friend. As he was walking by, he said "I didn't do it" jokingly... and I responded back saying "yes you did"... jokingly. He went to his apartment, then when my neighbor friend left, he came knocking on my door. I was polite and invited him in. He spilled his heart out to me. He said he still loved and missed me. Said we were one. I told him there will always be a piece of my heart that is his. He then asked for a kiss for old times' sake. I asked him what kind of a kiss and he said just a little peck. So I did and it turned into passion... no we didn't go to bed, but it was heated. Between all the kisses were his words of love and he wanted to get back together. I told him friends and slow. He was also trying to do some touching. He asked me to dinner the next day... I agreed but then had to cancel because I looked at my calendar and realized I had forgotten I had to help a friend. So I texted him that I couldn't go and after about 3 hours, he texted back... 'ok, have fun, I have things I can do'. I told him I hoped we could get together another time and he said he's sure we would.

But then, the next day, he came over to talk. At first he said friends and slow is good. Then he explained that he never spoke to me while we were broke up because it was easier and I agreed. I then told him that if he thought it was still easier that we could continue being that way (I was getting the feeling he felt like he regretted what he did when drunk so wanted to offer a way out to him). He nodded his head in agreement. We spoke a little more... just chit chat, then as he was leaving he said... lunch Monday? I was surprised but said ok. Monday came and went with no contact from him. I'm very confused. I wouldn't be if he didn't say 'lunch Monday'.

At this point I'm just going to let it all go thinking he either was trying to get a booty call, or just plain goofed on the drunk night. But I'd like to hear what others think of this situation. Do you think it was an attempt at a booty call? Do you think he spilled his real feelings? If so, why is he running from it now? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated because I'm really confused, as usual. LOL

[themastaplan]

it seems like you both still have feelings for one another...it seems you guys have ended without closure, your heart may still beat in sync with him...

i'd say him being drunk could have def brought out some feelings, esp with the kiss...im nto sure what his intensions were, you may never know...i'd say if you want to see if things could potentially work out again, why not ask him out to lunch sometime...i wouldn't do dinner YET, dinner is more of a date, more personal...you have to be "waited" on...dinner comes, you eat, then desert? its just too long...try to keep the next meetings to a half hour or less...you don't necessarily have to talk about you guys, just catch up, see how things are..joke around, have fun, maybe the spark will re-ignite...

dont over analyze the situation, which is what you are doing right now, you're looking too in depth at the things he said...maybe he forgot? maybe he didnt, who knows, just go on and continue to do your thing and then hey if you wanna meet up with him next week stop by and say what's up and ask if he wants to go to lunch of coffee or soemthing short...

hope this helps! good luck!

[Asker]

Yes, this definitely does help... thank-you so much. I know I over-analyze, but it's because I still have feelings and to think he might too... drives me crazy. The thing is though... I don't want to ask him to lunch since he did not show or call Monday. If he is really interested, he'll be in contact... I hope. Thanks again. :-)

[themastaplan]

Yeah but you know what, maybe he thinks you're not interested....girls don't always ahve to wait for the guys, its actaully more exciting when a girl asks a guy out on a date because most girls dont...maybe he forgot, maybe he thinks you're not interested, I mean afterall you guys live next to one another and you've barley talked...maybe he thinks he's made a fool of himself...hell its worth a shot if you still ahve feelings, the worst that could happen is you'll get a no...then you'll know

[Asker]

The thing is... if he didn't forget the lunch date and did it because the drunk night was a goof... then I am kinda making a fool out of myself by asking. And even if he did forget... he must not be that into me (as they'd say, lol)... if you're into someone, you don't forget a date with them, especially when you live next door.

[themastaplan]

Thats true, but hey sh*t happens....and you're not making a fool of yourself by asking, don't make it seem like yorue asking to go and hook up and potentially date, make it a casual meeting to catch up, nothing more...you don't need to make it seem like you're desperate, just play it cool and if he says no say ok no biggie, have a good weekend or wahtever...you don't want to seem phased by his actions...take it SLOW - it was the turtle that won the race, NOT the rabbit - remember!? lol

[Asker]

Ok... thank-you for your advice... I appreciate it! :-)

[ifiwereyou]

True feelings when drunk does not mean true feelings when sober. I mean, when I am drunk, I tend to be pretty direct and honest with what I am feeling in a particular moment. When I am not drunk, I filter my feelings with my thoughts and make a synthesis of both.

I don´t think it is a good idea to make friends with exes, unless both of you are in a relationship with other people and the relationship is good. But when this happens, it just does not make sense to be friends with an ex, does it. Anyway, I'm am deviating from the topic...

I think you should clarify your ideas. Do you want him back? Do you want to keep friends? Unless you clearly know what you want, what you think he wants (and I say YOU THINK, because you can´t know for sure) is going to have influence on you and keep making a mess in your head.

Once you clearly know, you can try to find out how does he really feel. It seems to me that he does not know either.

If you are not suere of what you feel, try dating other guys or just stay at home and do things you enjoy doing till your feelings get more clear.

Hope my answer helps.

[Anonymous]

I was told by a lot of people that when guys are drunk they only speak the truth. One time my bf's brother was drunk and he had always insisted he hated me and he kissed me and told me he loved me and to leave his brother and be with him. Of course I was like wow but I never told my boyfriend about that night and never plan on it. On other terms his brother only remembered that he kissed me and he apologized but had a smirk on his face. So I don't knw what to say except he was probably just telling you how he really felt the night when he was drunk. Good luck.

[kaylajaar10]

I can't tell you what he's thinking sober or drunk, I can only say that my husband pours out his heart every time he's drunk. He hardly ever says he loves me in words when he's sober. He's more of a show me type person. So from my experience, drunks don't lie. But again, can't tell you what he's thinking.

[Asker]

Thank-you... when I was with him before, he'd pour his heart out sober and drunk... so he's not the type that needs to be drunk to let his feelings out. This time, he was like a completely different person sober... like he had put walls up.

[Anonymous]

Okay I think what he said was truth when he was drunk.But he just might not be ready to commit again&&&He probably said lunch monday to payback that you cancelld on him.

[Asker]

That makes sense except that we were only talking about being friends and maybe working slowly towards something more. There was no talk of commitment. Maybe living next door makes him feel committed so he doesn't want to be involved because of that. Who knows... all I know is I don't want to be involved with someone who isn't sure about me.

[Aapuc]

I believe he does have some feelings for you but not enough to get back into a relationship. I'm not sure if he was looking for a booty call but my guess is that he was feeling alone at the time. When you come back from a party or going to the bars, you start to feel alone when you see people hooking up. When he was walking back, seeing you probably didn't help. So, when he stopped over he must have already thought that he wasn't going to get any but he wanted to be with someone to fill that loneliness. Everything after that is just awkward moments because really, deep down, both of you know that your really not right for each other, but more of a reminder that I haven't found that right somebody. Let the awkwardness play out and see what settles, but I really feel that he is just trying to fill that emptiness of being with someone. Hope that helps and good luck!

[Asker]

Yeah, I think you could be right because that is what I have been sensing after going through all the awkward moments.... kinda like... it sounded good when I was drunk, but now that I'm sober, forget it! That's ok because I don't want to be with someone who isn't absolutely sure he wants me. I guess time will tell. Thank-you :-)