How to ignore her without being rude?

[Anonymous]

Okay, long story short: I used to know this girl in college and we talked a lot and sat next to each other. I became interested in her and we went out a couple times and after that she started being "busy". Then she stopped talking to me altogether when school ended and when I re-initiated and asked her if she wanted to meet for drinks to catch up, she didn't reply.

It took me a long time, but I got over her.

Now just a few months after getting over her, it turns out she's in the new program I'm starting soon. The school sent us a class roster and she saw my name on it and texted me saying how she didn't know I was going to the program too and that she guesses she'll see me at orientation. I didn't reply.

I REALLY don't want feel like talking to her again. I was feeling so great, feeling myself again, feeling good about everything, and I don't want to go back there to those hard times. At orientation I don't want to talk to her. During classes, I don't want to sit next to her. I don't want anything to do with her and yet here she popped up just as I was getting over her.

Orientation is next week and classes start soon thereafter. Can anyone give me some tips on how to handle this situation? I don't want to talk to her and if she talks to me, I don't want to come off as the boring guy she probably thought I was; I'd want her to give the impression that I've been busy and feeling great, which is true. But I fear the fact I don't want to talk to her at all will make me come across as "bored" and thus confirm her faulty image of me. I also don't want to sit next to her after sitting next to her that whole time that semester.

Maybe it won't be rude since she didn't mind dropping contact with me for so many months.

Updates

+1 y

I'm afraid if I act friendly and polite towards her, I'll start caring about her again.

Updates

+1 y

I really don't know why she bothered texting me. I would have had her rather just ignore me like she was doing all this time. I mean, seriously, after giving me so many "busy' excuses, and then finally ignoring me, I can't really believe she did that.

[beenkissed]

I thinking that maybe the fact that you don't want to talk to her is because you're afraid you're not fully over her and don't want to start liking her again, that is purely an assumption and I can see that you obviously don't want anything to do with her but avoidance is not a good idea. Somehow you need to let her know that you are loving life at the moment and that this is without her. I know it involves a lot of talking but a good way is maybe pulling her aside and telling her that what she did to you hurt you. Tell her that you have moved on from this and would rather leave things between you two as they are (otherwise she'll never know). Even though she did something not so nice to you I think she deserves some kind of recognition.

It was unfair what she did to you so texting you out of the blue is a bit random and confusing, don't let her use you...

[Asker]

A lot of what you said is true. However, she was pretty content leaving the things the way they were without even saying anything to me. She just stopped contact and ignored me after that. So I don't see why I should give her the benefit of talking to her about it.

The text has driven me crazy. I've been trying my best to keep it out of my mind, but it's disturbed the peace I've been feeling.

[beenkissed]

Maybe if it's annoying you so much, you should text her and ask her what you need to to give yourself a piece of mind. Otherwise you'll never be able to relax and when the time comes to actually see her you'll be more than nervous.

[shery274]

I don't understand why people just ignore the other person that they don't want to talk to anymore. Why can't they just out right say, I DON'T LIKE YOU so I am not talking to you. I hate the silent treatment. It happened to me, and it really messed me up. I wouldn't even want to take the same program after what happened. Is there any way you can be in the same program but not the same classes?

[Asker]

In the beginning, I won't be able to avoid her. After a year, though, I can, but obviously by that time it's too late. She just up and ignored me when I re-initiated...actually, even better, she did the ol' "I might be busy but I'll let you know" and didn't. Didn't contact me at all for MONTHS. And then suddenly she sends this text as though everything's kosher and forgotten. That crap hurt me. If she could have said outright that she's not interested in continuing to go out (which she

[Asker]

Had many opportunities to do so) then I'd be okay because I have something CONCRETE to get over, where I'd know I have no chance. But nope, she just pulled this crap and it made it worse. Now there's no point, since I'll never ask her out again anyway, regardless of how she feels now, since I feel like a fool. You can imagine how sickened I felt to learn she was going to the same program to me. She didn't deserve a reply from me and she didn't get one.

[ilovecreativeguys94]

Hmmm.. Hint a tiny bit that you've been busy and having a great year with so and so, and just try to act normal and friendly. If she starts talking to you, just smile and nod and such, pretend you're listening unless it's something really important. But, if you start to think that she might be bored, just tell her you have something to do or you have to get back to work, you know? Just be casual about it and go easy on her and yourself. Hope I helped! :D

[bnwsmile]

Don't play the "ignore her" game. Just tell her straight up. What's the worst that could happen? She'd think you were a jerk for looking out for yourself? Either way it would be a win win.

~bnwsmile

[ossander]

Just treat her like any other acquaintance in class. Be friendly and polite, don't go out of your way to talk to her, but don't avoid it either. Hopefully you know some other people in the program too, so you can talk to them as well. If you don't, try to make some friends in there so she is not the only person in class you can talk to. Honestly, ignoring her/acting awkward around her is the worst thing you could do.

[Birchy915]

The fact that it bothers you means you HAVEN'T gotten over her, buy her something nice out of the blue and see what she does :P

Sudden shock technique never fails to please :D

She probably broke contact with you because she thought she wasn't going to see you again and didn't want to be too attached, people do that all the time.

[TaraisHereKinda]

Tell her exactly what you just wrote! In fact, I'd text it to her.

[gtex1991]

keep it casual, don't talk more than you have to

be diplomatic around her