How do I get over being played?

When I met him I was a very confident woman, I used to have plenty of guys that liked me.

I wasn't that into him and he was practically begging me to give him a chance.

I was young (17) when I met him.

He gave me the whole spiel of how women usually hurt him, what a good guy he was etc. I was totally happy when he asked me to be his girlfriend. The guy he was for the first 6 months of knowing him was perfect.

I feel so stupid for believing it.

I missed huge red flags after that, that he seemed to just be into sex. But I didn't believe it because I believed in myself, and thought, if he had me - why would he just see me as that? Because I know I have a lot more to offer a guy.

It wasn't until 14 months later that he got engaged.

That's right, despite the fact that we were still seeing each other all the time and he constantly told me he loved me, my boyfriend got engaged to another woman. He'd been seeing her for half of the time I'd known him (and another one, as it turns out), whilst always telling me that he loved me.

He never told me he was engaged or that he was seeing someone else.

He ditched me, saying that "perhaps we were on different paths in life." It wasn't until later I saw on his Facebook he was engaged and a mutual friend told me he had been for some time.

When I confronted him, he told me that he'd never promised me we were exclusive and I was making drama. That was our last conversation. I refused to speak to him since then.

What makes me so angry and upset is that I really try hard in myself as a person.

I'm told I'm very attractive and I take good care of my looks without being vain. I work out, practice yoga and eat and cook well. I get straight As at school. I have a good sense of humor and am told I come across as confident. I am there for all my friends and try to be a good person and I also don't take sh** from people.

I don't get why this happened to me. How I could be so stupid.

I can't get over it. I haven't been able to move on or date (it's been 6 months) because I can't get it out of my head and I still feel so hurt inside.

He has ditched the other woman now (his ex-fiance) and tries to contact me wherever I am. He's come to see me at work etc. He seems to think he is badly done to that I ignore him!

I just want to forget him, but I can't. I don't miss him and I certainly don't want him back, I think he is a snake, but I can't stop thinking about what an a** he was, when I thought he was a nice guy and how I was played.

How can I move on? My confidence in my own ability to judge people and in men has been bashed.

I used to think I had high self-esteem, but now I've realized it must have been very low to get involved with him and believe him. I'm only 19, I dated him for about 2 years, which is a long time at my age, it felt like forever. How do I forget and move on after being treated so badly, and not realizing it at the time?

Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all *hugs*.

    I hate the guy, he's such a creep.

    Guys like that make it so hard for the rest.

    First thing to remember is that there are lots of really decient guys out there.

    Second thing is to remember all the things you learned from this experience. Don't try to forget.

    Don't be bitter. Don't even hate the guy, he's not worth it as hate comes out of love and he had not deserved you love. Pity him and treat him like you would a fool (give him a wide berth and take nothing he says to heart).

    If sounds like your are a popular and attractive person :). Great! Keep that in mind, go out and enjoy your life. Make new friends and maybe date a little. Have fun, but just keep things at friend / dating level.

    If you find you start to develop feelings for anyone, do let them know, maybe hug them for longer or give them a peck, but stay just friends. Choose to spend the most time with the guy who is your best friend, the one you enjoy talking to and find attractive.

    If they want to take things furthur, just say "I'm only looking for a friend right now. I really like you, but right now I'm only wanting a friend". If the person really cares they will just be there with you. Do hug them and give them pecks to let them know they are special. Limit how much you see other male friends if you think they are someone you can seriously like.

    When you start feeling like you want to take things furthur, the first few times your friend tries to move things forward, just say "right now I just need a friend, ok." then hug him and tell I'm he's lovely. If he accepts that right off this is a great sign. If he still wants more, then its not necessarily a bad sign.. give him a cuddle or a peck on the cheek let him know you care. Wait and see (if he keeps pressuring you begin to worry). Do this the first 4 or 5 times over many weeks or months. Even years if you can last out that long. Most players are in a rush and won't bother to wait someone out, they also will get more and more "tetchy" and come up with more and more crap each time you say "lets just be friends for now" like "you obviously don't like me" (this is why its important to say you like the person, so that you can't worry it could be true they think you don't like them).. now if your saying you do and giving him hugs and pecks and not seeing other guys and not doing that with other guys.. say that. A good guy, will see that is true and wait for you because he enjoys you as a friend as well as-as a women. This will eliminate 99% of players.

    The important thing is not to get over protective of youself, that will cause things to get messed up. I mean, don't push everyone away, I know that's the instinct a person gets after being played but it doesn't help.

    I'm really sorry you got hurt. Hopefully you will meet someone decient now who will be so glad the other guy was a jerk and lost you :). This site can be a good place to meet genuine people and make good friends.

    • I had to type that reply twice because this daft browser type entry system failed >.<. Always feels like the first reply was better lol.

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    • :-) DoggyDude :

      Would you give the same advice to a guy, or this is only directed at females?

    • toulouse, yes. I see this as good advice for anyone (m or f). However, its only good advice if your looking for someone serious.

      I guess one ammendment I would make though is that we should be rather careful in how far we let things get before we say "right now I just need a frien, ok" because if we let things go too far we could possibly seriously emotionally mess up the other person (and they might do something stupid if they are romantically inexperienced)