Guys, why are you so afraid of approaching the good looking ladies??

Question

OK, I'll go anonymous on this one.

I have to admit, I have the looks! :) I get a lot of dates but I've been in only 2 relationships. Both started out as friends and lasted for a long time. They all confessed me that they were really intimidated by me at first, but when they got to know me, they felt comfortable around me.

Only players got the guts to approach a good looking gal! We want sweet guys who will love us for who we are and not for how we look! So tell me why don't you approach a hot gal? We're not gonna bite ya!

thisGUYknows · Accepted Answer

ya adam thomas has the best answer. this one girl did open my eyes tho. she moved here to pursue a singing/modeling career (already had a deal) she was a senior and I was a junior in HS at the time. she sat right in front of me. I mean this girl was a 10/10 music video type looks. this class was mostly guys so whenever she walked in the room it seemed to get quiet. (the girls hated it lol) anyhoo I didn't even bother to talk to her, WAY out of my league. I considered myself a 7/10 at best. one day she turns around and says "how come your so quiet?" in her NY accent. omg her genuine smile made me fall in love instantly, I probably drooled a little. over time I got more comfortable talking to her, I wasn't even gonna try to hit on her cause I thought she'd heard it all. I just talked to her like if she was one of my guy friends. she'd smile and wave when we would pass in the hallway, all my friends were super jealous. she had the best personality, down to earth,smart beautiful in and out. senior prom passes and I ask her if it was fun "oh I didn't go" I ask why, "cause no one asked me" she smiled and shrugged it off, pretending she wasn't that bothered by it. my heart stopped. id kick myself in the face if I could. so the year ends and I ask her to sign my yearbook. I look at it later and she filled an entire page of how I was so nice to her, befriending her and helping her with homework, she said I was the cutest boy at school, and how I should promise her never to change cause guys like me are few and far in between, blah blah blah. she left me her number and email. she even co-hosts a TV show on a spanish network kinda like mtv. now I'm not sayin that we could have been together or anything maybe she was just being nice. but she boosted my confidence alot.

girls like you have a lot of power which I'm sure your aware of. others let it get to their head. but girls like you who are genuine, polite, classy, and smart aren't too common. but by showing your approachable and just another person and not a different species like we think sometimes will go along way in getting the "good guys" to talk to u.

AdamThomas · Accepted Answer

There are many reasons:

1) Intimidation - you look that hot that they fear when they come up to talk to you they will fumble their words and make themselves look like an idiot, and you will laugh at them.

2) Fear of rejection - pretty much the same as above. Hot girls are stereotyped as being bitchy, which in clubs a lot of the time they can be once drunk guss start hitting on them a lot.

3) Competition - a lot of people believe that a hot girl will only ever go with a hot looking guy, or a guy with a lot of money. They don't think they can compete with these guys, they think you're "out of their league".

4) A lot of the hottest girls think that because they're hot, and because everyone gives them what they want, that their looks make them something special. They act spoilt, and they have no interesting personality or sense of humour, they just rely on their pretty face, nice pair of t*ts and tidy body to get whatever they want.

Of course a lot of the time this is wrong. I know hot girls that are really friendly. I also know that girls think the same of hot guys, that they're cocky, players etc. when actually a lot of them are really nice, shy guys. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but most people do anyway.

elisesaysbamf · Accepted Answer

Yeah, after becoming friends with some guys, we were playing 20 questions, and they said they were too intimidated to talk to me for a really long time. It kind of bothers me because I'm actually really insecure about my self, and I can never make the first move. I think the insecurity comes off as being stuck up.. however once people talk to me, and let me know where I stand with them, their oppion tends to do a 360.

All I know is I hope things change when I get older, I'm really getting tired on missing out on the guys I like because I'm chicken and they misjudge me.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

OK, 1st  I've noticed you will not respond to any of the comments YOU solicited!  If you are that lofty that you believe you are "too good" to respond to the people who are trying to offer their suggestions and in many cases good wishes, than I can't imagine you will succeed in dating the "kind of men" you desire.  Men are not idiots!   Well, most aren't.  But if you think they can't sniff out snobbery and self absorption you are just fooling yourself.  How many guys responded to this question and you couldn't give any of them the courtesy of a response?

TheCheshireCat · Accepted Answer

Some men don't feel approaching women in general.  For the guys who aren't afraid, they generally do for the good looking girls.  Every guy has different taste though, so if a guy goes for a different girl, she is probably his taste.

ToughTurtle · Accepted Answer

Let me know if you get and answer I have the same issue :( it really blows... Thanks, Turtles1

bobair · Answer

I completely agree with you, but I'd appreciate it if you stopped telling the world this secret... shhhhhhhhhh

I don't want all these guys to know how much easier the super hot chicks are to talk to... simply because most guys are afraid to talk to them. This is the pool I like to date within and I don't need any more competition... ;)

Actually, I've heard this situation a lot from my ex's. It's almost like you gals suffer from isolation due to your looks. Strange.

The best course of action is to either look more approachable ( less bitchy and stuck up and angry ) and learn to be more social ( so that orbiters have the time to build up some courage. )

Or date older guys who don't worry about such things.

By the way... don't discount men who you think are "players" just because they have a lot of girlfriends... because they have real skills for real women. It's just that sometimes these dudes can't settle down.

Any ways... stay hot, don't apologize for it, and enjoy the ride while you're still awesome.

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

Brando · Answer

Firstly, I don't believe you that you have the looks. You aren't willing to ask under your profile, so you go anonymous. Therefor, I can only assume that you are boasting :)

Now to the answer...you mentioned that you have no problem getting dates and that is why a lot of guys stay hidden. They believe that since you are a beautiful girl, that you have men chasing you around constantly. So what's one more guy? That one guy doesn't feel that he will stand out from the crowd, or that he doesn't have what it takes to compete with the rest of the crowd, so he stays where he's at. All of this is confirmed to him when he always sees pretty girls out with guys.

Do you know how hard it is to approach a person? Most guys aren't James Bond and can't come off as a smooth talking, charming guy. I understand that girls don't care if a guy doesn't act like this, but just trying to grab a girls attention and favor in a matter of minutes is an extremely difficult thing to do.

I also think that actual approaches rarely ever happen. If by approach you mean the pickup artist that posts videos on Youtube on how to approach girls, then that stuff hardly ever happens. If you mean something like him casually starting a conversation with a girl he doesn't know, then that requires some sort of situation where they have in common like school and such. Out in public, it takes something happening for a guy to talk to a random girl. Basically, approaches in general hardly happen.

Besides all of this stuff, each guy has his own story. Some don't want to approach a random girl because he might feel like she wouldn't be receptive. Some don't approach because he doesn't know how. Some don't approach because he feels he doesn't have a chance. Some don't approach because he's had bad experiences. There are tons of reasons.

The-All-Star · Answer

Alright I'm gonna lay it out for you and no special treatment thinking that you 'have the looks' (yeah right.)

So most guys grow up without never knowing how to approach woman. School doesn't teach it, hell school hardly deals with issues in life. It's not like a HOT topic like for Woman, most guys are even to afraid to talk about it. So they end up going through life not knowing how to approach woman nor TALK to them.

That's why it's hard for most guys, because they never got their 'training wheels'. They just get thrown into the deep end called the 'dating game' which they have no clue about.

So the only guys who know how to approach woman and manage the relationship are the sort of guys you want to be with. The rest you have to put in pain and effort just to teach them, but usually that just ruins all the sexual tension that could be going on.

So to answer your question, it's simply because MOST GUYS DON'T KNOW HOW or even what to do, when it comes to meeting and attracting a HOT Attractive Women. It's really sucks, they're good guys, but they just haven't opened the door to their inner Man.

So be gentle when these types of guys come along (quiet frequently). Tell them to go learn how to talk to woman then give you a call back when their done.

By the way, I'm still not convinced. I'll rate your looks on my own.

-0x0- · Answer

It's not fear. Its the assumption that hot girls already have a guy and they're not going to be interested in me.

I've two female friends. Both pretty. A is hot, nigh-on-super model. B is a more girl next door sort of hot.

B gets approached by guys a lot more than A. They just assume A is obviously taken whilst B is a good realistic target.

Its not just with girls this happens. Happens with guys too. I've a friend who is nearly 2 metres tall, he's a rugby player who goes to the gym every day and I'm told has a handsome face too. Yet...he doesn't get as much luck with the girls as most guys assume. Girls just look at him and think "Blimey. His girlfriend is a lucky lady".

Then of course there's the assumption that hot girls are bitches. Which, lets be honest, a lot of hot people are. Nice guys aren't looking for a pretty trophy to parade around on their arm, they want a nice girl. Maybe they look at you and the first impression is you're just a typical hot girl with the attitude to match.

AtotheD · Answer

I wish more cuties like you were out there, but most of them are really stuck up. A lot of guys are already nervous when approaching a "hot" girl because we already have a preconceived notion that we aren't good enough for you, or that there is no way that you would ever go for a guy like us because you are out of our "league"...alot of times the sweet good guys don't even bother trying because of this. The players do this because its a game to them and its easy, they have done it many times already and have had sufficient practice. I've had dates with "hotties" but we always end up as friends once we get to know each other, and its usually the girl that decides that we should only be friends...just doesn't add up to me. I think deep down many "hot" women are really insecure and they really aren't ready for a true relationship with an honest, sweet, caring guy...at least in my case. Sometimes all us good sweet guys need is a chance, a chance to show you that we aren't like the "players" that will feed you bullcrap time and again...what I don't understand is many woman fall for this player stuff...when we all know there is one thing only that most so called players are after...there ARE good looking sweet guys out there that want more than just THAT, they want a relationship that lasts!

GoldGriffin80 · Answer

Because if we aren't "players" (confident and able to date openly), then we're probably on the other end of the spectrum (shy, cautious or selective).   At any rate, the "good" guys often have more sensitive hearts and are less-likely to be putting in on the line as much.  While it obviously isn't always true, the good-looking girls (and guys) are often the "player"-types, because they're good-looking and KNOW it, so they can pretty much date whomever they want, whenever they want, regardless of who gets hurt in the process.  Now, I know this isn't really true of all good-looking people, but it's the general assumption.  Anyway, because of that, your average "good" guy is going to try to avoid the good-looking girls and try for someone who seems a safer bet...namely, an average girl, or at least someone who's as attractive as he is or less.  That way, she's not likely to walk out on him when something better comes along.  Again, don't get mad at me, but this is the perception one has.  Also, it takes a lot of confidence to approach an attractive girl/guy, and not every "good" person has a lot of confidence, or they'd already have found someone already.

jacquesvol · Answer

Been there done that, several times even.

There can be lots of reasons but the recurrent one was non-matching personalities.

-at 16, a real hot blond girl in my class. All the other guys were jealous because I was the only one she had some contact with. No, I didn't ask her out or ask her anything at all. Our personalities didn't match and I wasn't going to do anything just because she was hot: I had my eye on another girl. She left school but I met her years later:she was the wife of one of the big managers in the company that pays me. (I suppose she still is. I don't think she's really happy)

-a year later, my best friends' twin sister always grinding really close when dancing. :-$

I didn't try anything, because I didn't dig her enough to eventually spoil my friendship with her brother (and I still had my eyes on that other girl) I never knew if she dated. She's married now, to a guy from our school. I hope she's happy.

-at 19 a stunningly beautiful (and intelligent) Jewish girl, lonely. I like Jewish girls, but not that one: she had to much money. I heard later she was played by some idiot. Sorry for her.

She emigrated to Israel. I hope she's happy.

And, yes, I had relationships with 'plain' girls with non matching personalities, just for the sex (I'm no saint!) but not playing them.

Looks ain't everything and often only get you the players.

Guys do not owe you anything because you're the hottie of the class.

PeterCobra · Answer

i am notrious for going up to the finest girls in any place no matter how far out of my league and talking to her.  I would say I'm about a 7 or 8 and these girls are at least a 10, usually an 11 or 12 if that were possible, lol!  but I don't care.  I talk to them and ask them out anyway.  truth be known:  about 95% of them are very stuck up and b!tchy and respond kind of rude and arrogant.  and about 5% of them actually turn out to be pretty cool.  and that is why I always have had very very attractive girlfriends as a guy that is not that sensational looking or rich or whatever.  its that small 5%.  the question asker makes it sound like she and all the pretty girls are in this club together and they all feel the same and wonder why we are not talking to them.  that is wrong.  she might fit into that 5%.  so yes the stereotype about gorgeous girls acting stank is VERY true.  but like all stereotypes, there is always that small exception.  just be nice, be genuine, don't try to be cool or a player or slick.  and if they are too good, let them go home with the male supermodel that is just gonna hit it and quit it cause he thinks he is prettier than she is.  but eventually if you be the right one, you will find the right one.  and she just might be gorgeous too!

azzhole725 · Answer

Most hot girls do bite. Generally, the hotter someone is, the more conceited, bitchy, and snobby the person is. Unless the hot girl had the ugly duckling syndrome when she was younger, she tends to be more bitchy. As a result, guys who are not players or have game or have the looks do not approach the really hot girls. More importantly, the fear of rejection always lingers in the back of the mind, and the probability of rejection is high with "hot" girls; no one, especially guys, likes to get rejected.

Anonymous · Answer

i feel like most girls who are good looking are stuck up.

i'm good looking too but I wasn't when I was younger. this definitely affected my self esteem, not that I feel bad now (its actually an awesome ego boost) but it just affected how I relate with girls.

unless a girl had "ugly duckling syndrome" (kinda like me) then she'll probably be stuck up.

also good looking girls are usually high maintenence and that can be draining...you have to do a lot of socializing with her friends, take her out, make sure everyone she knows knows that you're treating her like a princess lol

Dralisk · Answer

Im not terrible looking, but I'm no stunner. I don't really have any problems making friends or making small talk. But when it come to hot girls, or girls I don't know its tricky to get the ball rolling without looking like a madman.

Hot girls tend to be in groups when out in public, eg shopping, going for a meal, out at a pub/club so 1 average guy walking up to a few girls and saying hi is daunting, and if your outside of a pub/club, its weird to randomly appraoch people you don't know and try and talk to them about themselves. people tend to flee, I find.

Imagine your shopping with your friends, and someone comes up to and says "hey, you ok? I'm Dave. what's your name?" would you be super-keen to get to know Dave, or think hang on, this is odd...

Personally, I hate nightclubs because I don't dance and the drinks are expensive. So its tricky to talk to girls I don't already know outside of a club envirnment. so yeah. that's why.

theacefospades · Answer

It's a subconscious thing. A guy even if he can't articulate it will often feel you are out of his league

Also think of this. If you like something it's usually based on something finite. a first impression, their looks, an accent, their voice pattern. If you don't ask them out you will constantly think about them. Increasingly building them up in your mind. Eventually if this goes on to long it can turn the object of your interest into something they never were. I.E. perfect.

Nobody's perfect but if you hold someone in to high of esteem they become less of a human you could ask out and more of a god. Someone who you are not even remotely close to having a chance with.

Littletad · Answer

How about, why not approach the "sweet guys" yourself? Truth is, if you realize the players are the only ones hitting on you, then that's fine. You admit. But you also admit in only dating those who come after you, even knowing they are players. So it's true that most nice guys are shy, but you're not helping matters yourself by dating idiots.

jaycon · Answer

players approach you because they have the confidence to approach you.. sweet guys don't approach you because they don't have confidence.. simple as that.  although when you go deeper with the sweet guys their probably better boyfriend material but us guys fear rejection more than death.. I have no problem skydiving but walking up to a girl and fumbling and making a fool of myself.. that would take some "liquid courage"

WeaponZero · Answer

I have a lot of different theories on this matter but the bottom line is I think it boils down to intimidation.  Guys with "honorable" intentions are less likely to go for the super hot girls because they don't want to bother with competing with other guys.  Most guys aren't really competitive in this arena and would rather pass up an opportunity than deal with the drama of competition.

dreamishobby · Answer

hmmm pretty much  because those sweet and shy guys demotivate themselves most of the times...they will look at a hot girl and appreciate her looks in mind or in front of his friends...but then he'll think that "ohh man come on she's like too hot for ME!"...they think that these hot girls would make fun of them if they try to approach them with their sober and shy personalities...but if they could get any hint that yes the hot girl wants a guy like HIM and not like a player then I think he'd have enough guts to come forward!

Belgie · Answer

Statistically, the odds of a very good looking girl being single, are quite small.

On the other hand, if I see a smoking hot girl, and I find out that she is single (or worse, has been single for a while) then I think one of two things :

1) There must be something seriously wrong with her (personality wise)

2) She must have impossibly high standards.

Neither thought makes me want to saunter over and strike up a conversation.

Now maybe if I rated myself higher, I wouldn't let thought number (2) stop me from going over. But I'd still have to deal with thought number (1). A hot girl who's still single in this town? She must be a psycho...

Mesonfielde · Answer

Because we are afraid that we might not start the conversation well enough (should I say hi? or hey? or hello? or hey there? waaah), we might not know what to say afterward (should I introduce? what should I ask? I don't know what to ask! waaaah), and everything depends on approaching for the first time, because if you mess it up, the woman won't give time to know him better, because the cover has to be the prettiest and not what's in the box (the risk is too high in case you mess it up, errors on top of errors and she won't like you, waaaaah)

That's pretty much it. Inconfidence on how to approach a girl and how to handle the situation due to lack of theoretical and pragmatical knowledge and experience.

Anonymous · Answer

its the fact that almost EVERY SINLGE hot girl...walks with the swagger, talks with the swagger and then when you say something, you're stupid or pathetic...

i mean not ALL girls are like that...but personally, I don't go for dimes...i'd prefer 7-9 just because I know that if the girls a dime she'll walk all over you expecting every guy to drop everything to make her happy and get wahtever she wants...look if I can't make a girl happy and she's so cocky and thinks anyone or anything will do whatever she pleases she can suck my d just for the fact she's too cocky and its a turn off...NOW I can date a 7-9 girl and they can turn into a 10 just by me exploring their body more and their personality...but the scale before was going on first physical attraction

djhohrath · Answer

Because most women who look like you are bitches lol its not your fault but their giving you a bad rap. Plus your intimidating most guys right off the bat would think "she wouldn't date a guy like me" but you don't kno until you ask lol that's y I never hesitate to talk to beautiful women the worst that happens is she's a bitch and I'm righht back where I started which is where a lot of other guys go wrong they fear rejection. most guys just don't have the confidence to walk up to a girl and start a conversation especially a dime piece such as yourself ;) hahaha I'm a fat(ish) guy and ill still approach 9s and 10s lol its actually pretty suprising how well women react to confidence hope this helps!

Guys, why are you so afraid of approaching the good looking ladies??

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