Why are men so afraid of rejection?

I mean seriously, you'd rather ask a kinda ugly girl out instead of a pretty and super cool one, because you're afraid of rejection? Sometimes you have to get over yourselves and stop thinking that girls are 'out of your league'. It's such a guy thing, I've never thought that in my life about guy.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Getting turned down hurts. Try it, it sucks.

    People say it a numbers game. That's fine and all. If you fall, get up and try again right? But hearing you aren't good enough 99 times before you get that 1 person who will give you a chance really takes a toll on your ego.

    Girls like to be looked at, chased after, told they are beautiful and cute. It makes them feel good and boost their ego. They never really have to realize their fears of not being good enough because most of the time they are the ones being chased. Guys have their fears realized every single time they try.

    We're tough, we'll get over it, but give us a little slack, its hard.

    • This is a great answer.

    • Show All
    • "I'll appraoch a guy if I like him. No way id be rejected 99 times- I won't like 99 guys."

      That makes it WORSE. Because lets say you only like 5 guys out of 100. Now you have all of this emotional investment in this one person because now if those 5 guys shoot you down, you have to wait till you come across another 100 guys. The rejection is MUCH worse when you like someone than it is if you only slightly care.

    • "Getting turned down hurts. Try it, it sucks."

      She's a hypocrite who won't be trying anything. Don't even bother to tell her. She criticizes men for no risking rejection, when in reality she could never do it probably

What Guys Said 38

  • The girls YOU call 'ugly' with disdain are usually a far better 'deal' and more interesting than the 'cheerleaders'.

    Less spoiled, less superficial, less interested in material gain.

    I leave the 'cheerleaders' to the football team.

    I prefer that girl who's studying at the library.

  • Based on the fact that women are far less likely to approach and ask out a guy, I'd argue that women are more afraid of rejection.

    • Its not just that they're afraid of rejection. Its also the fact that they think if they ask a guy out than other women will think she's desperate,slut, or a whore.

  • because getting rejected hurts... even the toughest guy doesn't like getting shot down. as far as asking out "ugly" girls... I would never ask a girl out if I wasn't at least attracted to her in some way.

  • I agree with most of the other posts here so far. Nobody wants rejection. On top of that, you don't have to be "pretty" to be super cool. Guys and girls operate the same way: you're normally only going to a person out if they're showing interest in you. If that "pretty and super cool" girl doesn't show any interest because SHE thinks she's out of your league, then she's not going to get asked out. Whether she's pretty, cool, ugly, boring, obnoxious, it doesn't matter. Even a huge nerd with social anxiety issues will ask a girl out if he likes her and she's nice enough to give him the time of day. Happens all the time and unfortunately guess what? Most of the time the guy gets rejected because "she's out of his league". Sad day for all of you girls who just want a guy that will respect you and be nice to you.

  • I think it's easy for you to say but still difficult for the guy. If you are truly interested in a girl, you may really feel badly if you are rejected. The problem may be the reverse. Perhaps girls should do a better job of letting guys know that you are interested. It would help.

  • I agree with digital haze.. and I'll add that for guys like me.. It's not like we've got tons of girls wanting us.. so when we find one we like, I know that at least I'm scared she won't like me.. then I'm back to.. finding one I like again and that hopefully likes me.

    But I'm one of those horribly shy guys that needs a lot of courage to approach a girl I find attractive. So that plays in to..

  • Well, I was never afraid of rejection, I usually expect it xD .. I mean, it could be a "yes" or a "no", so why do I have to be upset? In fact, I'm kind of reckless when it comes to approaching girls, I just say what's on my mind, if it worked then great, if it didn't then screw it. xD

  • Rejection is not to be taken lightly. It can damage our self-esteem and prevent us from asking anyone else out in the future, or at least for some time. If you think open yourself up more, and are friendly, then men around you won't feel so intimidated.

  • Why the question? Do you feel that are a 'pretty and super cool' girl that is being passed up for less pretty and less cool girls?

    • Yes :(

    • You do realize that yo are not responsible for your looks and no more deserving because you happen to have good looks if indeed you do. Why should you get what you want ore so than any of the girls you feel mire deserving then? Maybe they like their personalities better? Not being super egotistical is always attractive in either sex.

    • Agreed.

  • I'm not afraid of rejection. Its actually the way that a woman is going to reject me. No guy would ever ask out a kind of ugly girl instead of a beautiful woman. Guys will just ask out a woman that's a 6 when they feel like they can't get with a woman that's a 7-10.

  • I v never made advances 2 an ugly,y?because am nt attracted 2 her talk more of her rejecting me,but I rarely ask a beautiful girl out though am kinda scared of rejection,but they seem so nice when you re good looking mostly and being conversative,.same with some not quite ugly gurls...

  • 1. I know this is cliche buy looks aren't everything. I would never ask a girl out if I'm not attracted to her in some way. 2. Rejection or being ignored really hurts. I don't usually show it but it really hurts on the inside. 3. I'm a logical person... If I find that a girl and I won't be compatible ie nothing in common, I'll avoid asking her out to save both of us the pain.

  • Hey, wanna meet?;)

  • well maybe it has something to do with past rejections in the early life of the man

    and he still holds on to it

    which kinda sucks but it sticks to you when you get rejected a bunch ha ha

    girls can be really mean and rude .

  • Guys minds are wired to value success and achievement. Besides the possibility of embarrassment, heartbreak, or disappointment, getting rejected is a failure to us. It means that there is something wrong with us that makes us undesirable.

    Now besides that reason, the other ones I listed could also be factors to why a guy wouldn't approach. I could write seperate answers for each of them, but they are so common that we already know the details surrounding them.

    • Hey Brando. Great answer! I have a question, and would be thrilled if you'd give your opinion. I reconnected with a guy recently, we met again by chance in the street. He later called and asked to get together. He seemed quite dazzled when I met him, and all of a sudden he went for the kiss. I don't know what I expected, but I did NOT expect that. And in my confusion, I totally backed off, and went "Hey wait, you can't just think that I'm up for that, we only just met each other again in a while". Even though I actually wanted him to kiss me. No idea what happened in my brain. We did kiss a bit, but I was totally holding back and it was kind of awkward after that. He texted me later same day saying sorry for coming on so strong and that he hoped I didn't think he was a total jerk. We made plans to see each other again, but I haven't heard from him. So do you think he's just embarrassed and hurt now, or just not interested? Do I need to make things up to him and explain what happened?

  • You don't understand because you are not a guy. You don't walk around carrying the burden of having to be the initiator in all phases of relationships. You don't deal with the ridicule to which rejected men are subjected. Whereas a girl who is hurt will be comforted and helped up by her peers and parents, the same people will chuckle when a guy stumbles and then offer some choice advice like "man up" or "don't be such a p*ssy." Essentially, life is much more cruel to guys in the dating world. That's the hard part for us. The hard part for women comes later with child birth and motherhood. Dating for relatively attractive women, though, is comparatively easy.

  • First off, most girls I meet who describe themselves that way are neither - they are usually self-absorbed, obnoxious and picky. They p*ss and moan because their "ugly friend" got a guy that they wanted and tell themselves that he was just scared by her beauty. The truth is that "ugly friend" isn't ugly at all, and has a better personality to boot.

    Fear? Yeah that's part of it. Why wouldn't it be? No one likes to be rejected, and when the odds are stacked totally against you it's even less fun.

  • Try getting turned down by 100% of every woman you have ever asked out for all 41 years of my life...I doesn't get easier...it only gets harder and more hurtful with each rejection.

    All women that I am attracted to are out of my league!

  • If you're so bothered and unafraid of rejection maybe you should get over yourself and go start chatting to guys instead.

  • Same reason women are. Why don't you go talk to the guy and open up first huh? Kinda a double standard bullsh*t if you ask me. You seemingly are asking/complaining about guys not asking you (or others) out because they're afraid of rejection yet I doubt you ever ask out a guy first. And I mean truly ask them out, not just hint at sh*t. I mean openly say "I wanna go out with you" or something.

    If I'm wrong and you have, great, but this point is still valid to MANY women in the world. It's annoying as hell. Guys almost always have to be the first to open up their heart and feelings (and I mean truly open, not subtle sh*t that you girls THINK is open) and put it all on the line publicly to you or maybe others and then if we get rejected? Ya f*** that hurts. We deal with it, but it's not appealing.

  • Yea, I see SOOO many girls asking guys out... just more sexism towards males..

  • It takes a toll on your self esteem and confidence. At a certain point your self esteem and confidence is so low that you are like "fuck it " I'm at the bottom now anyway so who cares if I get rejected one more time.

  • women dont even have hafl of the balls a man has. stfu unless you know it

  • it's human nature... PEOPLE are afraid of loss, rejection... that's why so many of em take the path of least resistance... and they are never happy...

  • Why are girls so afraid to ask out guys? I think you will find its the same reasons as digital haze gave. So Think about it...

  • Men live their lives with the illusion that they have total control. Rejection reveals the truth.

  • beacuse when you are rejected its like falling off a cliff and you have to work your way all the way back up again and sometimes its just not worth it

  • im going to stop answering these types of questions cause girls still don't understand how rejection from a girl that we want hurts so much I guess its just if a girl gets rejected by a guy she won't give a damn and a girl can just move on to the next guy

  • Easy for you because you don't have to ask guys but we have to ask girls and get reject you have no idea how much it hurt when you really like but they did not like you back. I give up on girls

    • Agreed. I've given up myself.

    • Yea that suck but that the way of life you have to deal with it.

  • I'm not at all like that - for you see, I am out of their league.. Simple. I don't really think it's fear of rejecting, but more the fear of "she's hot, then she must have a boyfriend.. a boyfriend that will beat the sh*t out of me, if I flirt with his girl".

    • I hear this a lot! Like I'm a pretty, tall, and thin girl, and I never get asked out. Most guys are like 'Oh I thought you had a boyfriend'. It's pretty annoying :/

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What Girls Said 7

  • Girls are also afraid of rejection, even more so than guys...

  • That's ludicrous, it isn't a "guy thing" plenty of girls date below their league. Being intimidated by super attractive people happens to me and I think if a guy has self-confidence issues your "get over it" attitude isn't going to do much.

    If you like a guy who goes for girls less attractive than you and you think his only reason for not asking you is low self esteem then give the guy a break and ask him out.

    Sorry if it seems harsh I just really disagree.

    • Thanks I liked your comment. I think the expectations we put on one another insure a non-relationship. Confusion about who should ask who first or gestures and facial expression that usually don't mean anything but are interpreted as meaning something good or bad. It makes me glad I don't date any more.

    • I agree with that. Initiating a relationship is confusing and as nice as it would be if people were straight forward about it all feelings make that option too scary.

  • What's wrong with ugly people? Can they not also be 'super cool'?

  • For the same reason I am, because they've been rejected. It takes a toll after a while. And some people are really rude when they reject you men & women. I don't think those people have ever had to be rejected in their lives.

  • Sometimes girls are just like that too...asking out guys, that are ugly instead of the guy they are really into. Two of my friends are just like that - so annoying to listen to them complaining that the guy they are into doesn't make a move on them...well, if they don't even look at them, it's kinda hard for the guy to notice their interest :S

    Just sayin' I have no idea, why people compensate like this.

  • to be honest I think people worry to much about this stuff after all everyone hates rejection but I don't think it has anything to do with being out of someones league. guys and girls are afraid of being rejected by the person they are into. after all when you like someone that's when it hurts and sucks not because there out of your league. and I don't think anyone would ask someone out if they weren't attracted to them.

  • what a ridiculous and false statement