Why do guys not have the balls to talk to a girl?

[Anonymous]

I know so many guys that don't have the balls to talk to a girl that they think is pretty or a girl they like... I don't understand. Why is that?

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

There's a number of reasons. A lot of these reasons start out in high school and they can stick with us for life. Sometimes this is because there are situations in which such immature rules of conduct still apply. But for now, let's talk about high school.

For one, high school guys have a much greater potential for being immature. Not all of them are but it can happen. They, like everyone else in high school, have a lot riding on what they think or fear people might say about them, what people might think about them. This in itself is intimidating. They fear rejection, or they fear the rep that comes with it, or the rep that comes with dating a certain girl. It's all a case of extremely petty politics.

Another thing warding guys off is the pretty girls themselves. Face it, in high school, a lot of the prettiest girls out there also hole within them the capacity to be the biggest cunts on the planet. Again, not to say that they all are, but they could be. It's even worse if she's the kind of girl who is always hanging around a large group of pretty girls on mass. This sends the impression that in order to talk to you, they also have to deal with your friends. If any of your friends have reputation for being a cunt, you could easily be painted with the same brush and palate. Not to mention the nightmarish image of asking out a girl he likes and getting shot down in a cruel manner, only to have a peanut gallery of giggling girls giving you shit about it too.

Then there's the guys who just plain give up ahead of time. They see a pretty girl and they think about how likely she is to being completely out of their league. Or maybe some guy is thinking that she wouldn't see anything in him, or think he's not handsome enough, or tall or pretty or muscular, or popular enough. Just in general thinking that she's too good for him, or just simply he's not good enough. Sometimes just skipping past all that and jumping right back to what was discussed in the previous paragraph, and assuming that she's so pretty that she's also probably a really shallow cunt, and therefor only after somebody who's a hot guy with a big dick.

Again all of these are generalizations. Not all guys think this. Not all girls are like this. not all guys think girls are like this, but these are all possibilities, and a guy might possibly be affected by some of this baggage. This is the kind of shit that could potentially be effecting him, or running though his head be it something he came to on his own or something his asshole friends put in his head. Even more this is assuming that he's not just plain shy.

Ultimately if you think there's somebody out there for you, and you have somebody in mind, you need to say something if he isn't. I'm not sure if you noticed yet, but the world is a lot more equal opportunity than it used to be. You don't need to wait for him to come to you, and court you like this was Jane Austen or some shit. You are well within your rights to make moves yourself.

[Mesonfielde]

Great answer.

[BlackSuperman]

Great answer as always...

[Anonymous]

Much for the same reason girls don't have the ovaries to talk to a guy they like.

Rejection is a possible reason, but I think the real reason is the social context.

Think about it this way.

A guy who approaches a girl to talk to her (could) be perceived as just trying to get laid. A girl who approaches a guy (in the name of possibility, COULD be perceived as just trying to get laid), but it is far less likely that everyone thinks that.

Why?

Because guys have the well-established stereotype of wanting sex. Women have the well-established stereotype of wanting a relationship.

Which is worse, or more immediately socially negative? Wanting sex? Or, wanting a relationship? (Think about it).

The girl is simply at a better position to walk up to a guy and start talking to him, than a guy is.

Many guy feel that if they walk up to a girl, they (the guy) come off and appear "desperate." And not "desperate" for a relationship, but desperate for sex (just by virtue of being a guy!)

Girls feel like when they walk up to a guy, they (the girl) come off and appear "desperate." But not "desperate" for sex, but desperate for a relationship (oh! how shameful and embarrassing!)

[ThatTallGuy]

That's probably the best answer I've ever seen.

[dreamtime]

Interesting way of way of answering it, I liked how you put the differences between girls & guys =)

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Nicely put.

[Brooke03]

This.

[Smilez123]

Why do guys have to make the first move? Women are perfectly capable of initiating a conversation. Besides, imagine how you would feel in their position. Most people would ASSUME the GUY is interested in the girl when they approach them for whatever reason. Because of that assumption it adds to the pressure of walking up to an attractive person and talking to them. It personally bothers me a bit as well, but sometimes you just got to make the first move. It's better than thinking "what if" later. It's better to think "well it was worth a shot anyway." :)

[ApatheticApology]

Well girls are pretty intimidating. I am a straight female, and I am even scared to walk up to most girls. We are constantly judging everyone, "Ew her hair is greasy" or "Gross he's burping his abc's" when your feelings are on the line, would you trust them with a girl?

I certainly wouldn't. And even if you're a more laid back girl like me, some guys are just too shy, have been hurt in the past, or just aren't interested.

[Tamikaze]

It's a little word called "rejection". The possibility of it can resonate so strongly, that you freeze up and have no idea how to talk to the girl, so you just let it go. It would help if the girl made it easier on the guy by showing some friendliness. Some girls don't help matters when they are so shy or uncomfortable they look like an ice princess that is unapproachable.

[mike5150]

I don't do it because of a bad experiance that happend to me in High school. There was a girl I really liked for sometime I thought for a while how I would ask her out and I eventualy just said I need to quit thinking and just do it. So I told this girl how I felt and that I wanted to go out with her. She told me she would think about it and for me to wait on the football field at lunch and she would tell me her answer. I went there and waited and after a few minutes a guy showed up and told me that he was her boyfriend and that I needed to learn not to speak to his girl. I didn't know she had a boyfriend and I tried telling him this but a couple of his friends walked up and grabbed me and he started punching me until they threw me to the ground. When I got up one of them had a basketball in there hand and hit me in the face with it as hard as they could standing about a foot away. I tried getting up again and they hit me with the ball in the face again. This time I layed down and the guy kicked my arm and told me never to talk to his girlfriend again. When he was leaving I sat up and looked around and seen the girl was standing behind the bleechers the whole time watching and she was laughing about what they just did to me.

I don't amny other people can say something like this happend to them and it bugs when people say things like grow a pair or man up.

[honeymarie]

She was immature! thankfully you didn't go out with her, obviuiosly she wouldn't have known how to be a decent person to you. her boyfriend and his friends were crazy!

[Hartmut]

'Immature'? The hell? That's cruelty, plain and simple. She had no call to do that to you.

[Anonymous]

As other people below have already demonstrated various reasons and possibilities, I'll just add my own reasons, as all the general ones have been taken. Whenever I see a girl I think is pretty, if I'm too near, I have a feeling of fear running through me, and it stays there as long as she's around. It's really bothersome, because it makes me pay attention to every single movement I do, I start to become more conscious, and I sort of start trying to look at her without looking interested in any way, and I also get an "emotional camoflague" up due to this fear, meaning I make no expression with my face.

This is not a good thing to do. Because it just makes me unable to even have a chance to establish contact with a girl like that. But I sort of have the lingering thought that she wouldn't ask me out anyways, and the actual reason for me nowadays is - even if I wanted to talk to her, what the hell would I talk to her about? She would just judge me based on her first impression, and in case I don't perform perfectly, she will say I'm boring and I'll be inadequate, and then I have ruined all my chances with that girl. So there's a huge pressure when you want to talk to someone for the very first time... "What the hell would she think? Could I even be good enough? Should I even do it? Nah, I'll just stay away and admire her beauty."

Why, do YOU talk to everyone who you are interested in without any second thoughts? if you say "I can wait for them to talk to me because I'm a girl", then you should realize that there are many guys who think just like you, except for them, it's "I don't think she would accept me if I talked to her, and she would reject me for a lifetime, so I guess I just won't". We are not all that different, you just believe your views on this matter are justified by the social norm.

[joe_tokosh]

Maybe you're just not pretty...the world doesn't revolve around girls. Playing 1950s gender roles only when they benefit you is played out now. If you see someone you like and don't do anything, than your just as big a coward as the guy is.

And why is it that most of the female questions on this site from anonymous users trying to impose jobs and responsibilities on guys? seriously, most of these questions wouldn't be made if you just pull your own weight.

And no I'm not a woman hater, nor afraid of chatting one up. However, I'm less inclined to do so if they display that "everything should come to me" attitude.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Not a bad response.

[joe_tokosh]

Thanks, I seriously cannot understand what can be so hard with simple chatting someone up. Lol, seems like everything here is about gender roles instead of going for what one wants an d having fun with it. oh well...

[aidsleen]

Couldn't have said it better myself

[Greeneyes4242]

That does make sense but I think a lot of girls expect the guys to do it because, like you said, that was custom a long time ago but also because most guys seem to come off (I'm not saying they necessarily are) more confident than women.

[joe_tokosh]

@ Greeneyes424

that's another question I have. Why is it that girls hold guys to standards that they themselves don't even meet. Instant example: "he must be confident". They fault a guy for being nervous, yet when they see someone they like, they won't even bother doing anything.

[Memoryfalls]

I did ask guys out but it just didn't work for me in the long run...now I won't ask out guys anymore because I feel like I'm being pushy in doing so, like pushing him into a relationship even if he doesn't want one. I know that's immature, but I'm just afraid of being hurt again. Still I try to make it easy for a guy to ask me out, if I feel that he's too shy or insecure to make the first move...I'm scared of rejection too, so I know how that feels. :/

[joe_tokosh]

So you'd rather settle whoever happens to come to you instead of getting who you want?

[Shorty1991]

Oh, here we go, Guy's put the responsibility on women to ask them out and vice versa. I couldn't care less if you are transgeder. Too shy? Well you probably won't get very far and that's your hard cheese. It works both ways you know. If you have any niggling doubts about someone, then don't act on it. If you like them enough to make a move, then do so. End of.

[Shorty1991]

I'll correct that *transgender. Lol

[Anonymous]

Most guys get serious emotional damage at a young age. Their first crush at the tender age of 11 rejected them, then all their classmates laughed at them, then it happened again...

As a girl, you probably can't understand what those early formative experiences are like for a guy. Girls are cruel growing up. Girls act soft and friendly and sweet... to certain people, the people they want to like them. But if your guy was just your average joe, he wasn't cool enough to be part of the "in" crowd, he probably got treated like dirt by the very same people who you were bffs with. Unless he was the king of his school growing up, he was probably taught by the school of hard knox that it is too risky to say anything.

I wish they'd get over it, its not a healthy way to live, but it is still very common and I understand

[Seraphine]

Haha I've witnessed that a lot

[KillerrMike]

Mainly due to societal programming and the efforts to remove all elements of masculinity from our young boys and young men. You can see patterns of female behavior especially in the media. Women are being portrayed as the smart ones who solve problems, in commercials, movies, etc. You can also see it in schools, where little boys are told to raise their hands and ask for permission to speak, and not to fight back when bullied. Gym class has been reduced, even when it is well documented that physical activity if essential for the healthy development of young boys, girls' only programs established, we are taught to "value" women, I could go on for ages.

Just read some of the articles I posted. Our feminized culture has lead to the destruction of confidence in men, to the point where they are even scared of women. We have feminism to thank for all that.

[Reiki_Z]

its not the balls cause geneticly they do

but its the past prbly

i know as a child I was hurt at a young age

and it only got worse rejection after rejection from 1-11th (a horrible one in 9th)

with no encourgnment I never saw the reason to improve on my self

till I found it within and finally things got better right before I graduated

but still to this day approaching a women is difficult cause I still have the memories

and doubts

there in the mind

but girls could help

i mean they have the power to take what they want, they could easilly say hey boy come with me

and id say who me smile OK (:

i think its sexist to think men shud do all the workd you shud look at my question haha

[aidsleen]

i tell you why I'm afraid.

it makes you feel like a piece of sh*t when you try to introduce yourself to a girl and they look at you like something the cat dragged in.

Happened to me a couple of times, now I CAN'T introduce myself to girls I haven't met through friends.

i consider myself very confident, but that kinda look, it makes you die a little inside.

i see it happen to others, and I hear female friends laugh about doing it.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

That sucks dude. But really, man, any chick that does that to you is a stuck up little c*** who isn't worth your time. She's too stupid to see you for what you're worth and is only basing her opinions on what you look like. That or maybe she is one of those sexist girls who thinks that you're only talking to her so you can get in her pants, thinking all guys are like that. Those are two theories tossed your way. But it doesn't matter. Those girls don't matter. If that happens, just move on.

[ZenSpace]

I know its hard dude, guys do not get the credit they deserve for approaching. But you have to pick yourself up and get back in it. Keep going until you don't care anymore, develop a thick skin. otherwise you'll always be alone...

[Memoryfalls]

Srsly that's just rude, you then just asked out the wrong girl - try again, there are girls out there that are not like that. Hope you meet one soon =)

[aidsleen]

Im fine around girls I meet through friends (assuming there's more of my friends than new girls), or girls I know.

but when I get left with chicks I don't know, I STFU, I speak only when spoken to :P

im trying hard to overcome it though

[ZenSpace]

Try reading the book "the Game" by Neil Strauss. Lot of good ideas in there for approaching women you don't know.

[aidsleen]

Oh I know how

i just can't do it

[flower1000]

Hair cut might help :)

[aidsleen]

Incorrect a haircut will do NOTHING to help my confidence.

which is the only problem.

[yoimkenni]

I don't advise "the Game". Look up AFC Adam, Gambler or Lovesystems, much better stuff.

Also try not to hit on girls in the very beginning of the interaction if you have fears of rejection. Just be friendly and fun and make friends with them, just like you do with guys. Later you can be much more direct.

[Shorty1991]

Forget women like that, they are just being insensitive, shallow and too quick to judge. I know it's easier said than done. But just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. People like that aren't worth wasting precious time on or agonizing over.
I would be quite flattered if a guy came over and introduced himself to me. I wouldn't be ignorant. I would talk to him. Even better if we eventually hit it off. 😁

[IDontKnowJohnny]

well at this point most girls want different stuff from guys so since u got a car or money u can hook up one. now for relationship matters its not that simple i myself have been in 2 relationships and both were rl old friends of mine so it worked that way. As from me i wouldn't approach a girl in cold blood cause i have shyness issues and my manhood esteem is low even my gfs said it wasn't true. I know for fact that many guys are afraid to approach girls ust cause they "think" they have a small penis but its not true or doesn't even matter.

[etherealcloud]

Maybe they are afraid of rejection. They don't want to give their hopes up.. Or maybe they are self-contentiousness about being so naturally attracted to a girl based initially on her attractive looks alone, and subconsciously also know that lots of other guys are influenced and swayed by the same feminine beauty in just the same way.. and perhaps as an attempt to go against the grain or fight against their own (somewhat superficial) human nature they don't make the first move and just hope the girl might approach them first..

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Not bad.

[kermitthehog]

It would have to be a confidence issue. Also, usually, the prettier a girl, the shyer the guy would be. So if a guy is checking a beautiful lady out and feels too shy to approach her, he might go for the girl on far right bar cause she's less pretty/less intimidating.

[carlo]

because there are far too many cheap sluts like these, and you seem one of those

girlsaskguys.com/Flirting-Questions/343844-ok-i-admit-i-can-be-evil-but-is-anyone-else-too.htm

why don't you grow the balls to approach the guy and be a real woman?

[Anonymous]

I think the real question is, "Why don't girls have the courage to ask a boy they think is handsome or a boy they like, I don't understand. Why is that?" I'm directing this towards the question asker and anyone that might be offended by this. So no need for every girl to get upset at this.

[flower1000]

Girls like a man to be a gentleman and to let her know he really likes her this makes a girl extatic from day 1

[Opinion Owner]

Be that as it may(They like men as gentlemen) It doesn't necessarily mean a man is going to be polite when he asks you. A man who doesn't make the first move on a girl can still be plenty of a gentleman towards her.

P.s

Men like women to be ladies and they could also use assurance in knowing she likes him.

[xxxMoneyxxx]

Men should because we have to dominant which is masculine if girls do it they tend to be able to dominant the relationship more and control more of the direction it will go

[jade_love]

You probably make them nervous... I have had guys who didn't know how to act around me because they thought I was pretty... If you know a guy likes you or thinks you are pretty, and you kind of like him too, just go for it... Don't wait for him...

[lonelysadguy]

cause girls always reject the guy that asks and treats the guy like he's a creeper or stalker and guys (like me) know we are ugly and not wanted etc cause girls never look our way etc.

[ZenSpace]

If that's your picture dude, you're not ugly. Just clean yourself up, get some nice expensive clothes, get a gay guy to cut your hair etc...

You have a lot to work with and girls care a lot more about grooming etc... than guys. You ain't ugly bro.

[DilbertW01]

The first thought that usually goes through a guy's mind if he sees a pretty girl is "there is no way that a girl that good looking does not already have a boyfriend / husband". So, he will write her off as taken and move on.

[Anonymous]

coz they really don't wanna het rejected ANYMORE!

n itz all about equality these days...if you girls have come ahead in all other things...why don't you step up when it comes to making d 1st move? why do you still wanna be approached?

why don't YOU dare to speak to guys that you like?...dont you have balls?...ohh well, you don't have balls anyways!^!

[Xenophobia]

I have the cojones to talk to girls...alot of them make excuses not to date me because they are insecure with low self esteem. Just because I'm good looking...doesn't mean I'm a player.

SO girls if your reading this...STOP MAKING EXCUSES.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

I know a girl on here who when she's in a relationship, she'll talk about how much she loves a guy and how she wants to be with him, but also worries she'll lose him, because as far as she's concerned, what guy would go for her?

Yet! Still... it doesn't stop there. Even if a guy stays with her, she assumes it's just because of the sex. If they don't have sex, she assumes he's just some (and I quote) "clingy fag who's just staying because he's desperate". Talk about moody huh?

No way to win!

[Anonymous]

some girls even if they are interested in you just pretend they aren't in you,probably nervous wen you approach them they tend to ignore you,so you will be in doubt to make a move whether she gonna talk or not and it will be really embrassing if the girl just ignore and walk off when you say hi

trust me it happen to me

[Memoryfalls]

Some girls are just afraid that a guy will loose interest if they don't play hard to get..

[EnjoyTheMoment]

a beautiful girl hard to approach for men because in the ancient days, she is usually possessed by the leaders of the tribe. it will end up ugly if a regular dude tries to hit on her. now afraid of approaching a girl they like is simply because they are not confident and are afraid of rejections.

it's pretty simple.

[yoimkenni]

pua stuff?:D

[john5246]

leader of the tribe? dude where do you get this garbage

[Wes1029]

Jus depends on their age. If that are juniors and seniors in high school or already graduated they just wusses and afraid of rejection... how ever if theyre just a freshman or something they're probably just shy... most of em will grow out of it one day