I am currently in a long distance relationship, which sometimes makes it very difficult to know how a man really feels about you. We are both adults in our mid 40's. We met last June while I was visiting my family who also lives in the same small town. We started talking after I got back home (we...
I am currently in a long distance relationship, which sometimes makes it very difficult to know how a man really feels about you. We are both adults in our mid 40's. We met last June while I was visiting my family who also lives in the same small town. We started talking after I got back home (we live in different States--about 14 hr.away). We have talked everyday since, whether talking or texting. I flew back there in September and he asked me to stay with him during my visit--which I did and it was fantastic. While I was there I met his children, mom & dad, and his best friends. At the beginning our texting it was almost all "sexting"---I've noticed now that he doesn't talk as dirty anymore---but will now text "good morning honey---how is your day going? xxoo. While talking though, he is somewhat guarded and closed in regarding his feelings...so it is difficult to really get a sense of how he feels about me. He was hurt very badly by another woman & while visiting he said he isn't ready for relationship---but I'm confused---we talk everyday, having intimate relations when I visit, and meeting his family. My family wants me to move there--and there is a very good chance that it will happen in about 1 yr. When I brought it up he seemed interested, but a little closed up. I don't want to press him about his feelings...but giving it time to nurture--but then again I don't want to be wasting my time on a man who doesn't have the same feelings that I do.
...cont. from my comment below. For past month things were same as usual when I returned home. I called on his cell phone and his close cousin picked up---during our conversation he asked when I was moving there...I said I was thinking about it.
cont. above--the cousin asked me this---I said I wasn't sure how the guy I am seeing would like it if I moved there & his cousin said that he thought he would be very happy if I moved out there. I was really thrilled because he and his cousin are close.
cont.--well just found out that a job opening will be avail near him in about 1 yr. I called him the other night and told him I was thinking about moving out there. His voice seem happy at first...I then asked what his thoughts were about me moving out.
cont.--he said it was my decision to make. I told him I would be happy to be closer to my family, but didn't want him to feel pressure in our relationship being closer to him. Well, then he show his self preservation side...told that he doesn't want
a relationship---said he has been hurt too many times. He is not in love and will never be in love with me or any other woman...that he feel dead inside and his head hurts just thinking about going down that path again. He said he knows I would
be the woman who we treat him better than anyone every did...he said he planned on driving out toward me with his kids to visit next year, but that didn't mean we were in a relationship. I am going out there with my boys in Jan and now don't even know if
I should introduce them. It was almost like he was talking back and forth within himself trying to figure things out...I told him that in another year he may feel differently...he left it as we will have to wait and see what happens...
...his actions are so conflicting with his words...almost as if he felt threatened by me asking about his feelings. The next day...he sends me text of his child at sports practice...can't figure it out
The fact that he let you meet his family and children is huge plus for you. I don't know a single guy who would let some girl he's only using or not sharing feelings with meet his family, much less his children. Those who have been hurt in the past, though, do tend to have a paranoia of letting a second person get that close to them. You'll have to be a little patient with him as he adjusts. He may also be acting slightly different because he's a little nervous about the possibility of a serious relationship with you. However, it's no use speculating with things like this.
If you can, I'd recommend you call him and see if you could talk to him about this. You could mention that you mean not to pressure him but would like his honest opinion about the possibility of moving over there and that he seemed a little closed up about it. Communication is the key. If he doesn't want to give a definite answer or sort of avoids the issue, give it another week. If he still pushes it away, perhaps he really isn't ready for another serious relationship.
meeting friends isn't that big of a deal. but meeting family is esp meeting his children. that's huge. but children get attached to people quickly and if he wasn't into you he wouldn't have allowed you to be in their life