Married man spending time with me,says he cares about me but?

He's now completely ignoring me. We talked everyday and he always said how much he misses me and wants to be with me. Then suddenly he's compleltely ignoring me. Its been a week now, and I don't know what to do. I never had any illusions of him leaving his wife, but I care about him so much and this is killing me. Please helpA


Most Helpful Girl

  • He and his wife were planning on a trial separation because he told her that he wasn't happy in their marriage and because he said he wanted to be with me. He took a few months to get the courage to even confront her about being miserable in the marriage. He told me that he wanted to leave her but he needed her to think that he was leaving because he was unhappy and NOT because he was in love with someone else. He said he didn't want to feel guilty or make the wife feel bad. He also worried about the welfare of his kids. These were both understandable. I waited as he slowly progressed to admitting he was unhappy to her and then them deciding on the trial separation and then signing up to see a counselor so he could deal with his decision to leave his marriage, wife, and kids. They both agreed to sign up their kids for counseling too. She had no clue about his relationship with me but she did know that he was unhappy because they talked. They have 3 kids and they both agreed that he would be the one to leave the house. He had 3 weeks to get his plans in order as to where he would stay. When 3 weeks came he told the wife he wasn't prepared and had no place to go yet. She kicked him out and told him he had 3 days to pack up because she had found out a few days ago that he had been seeing me. He broke the news to me and I felt awful for him and for his family. I told him that we should have been honest earlier. Anyways, the next day after he told me he was giving ME support and telling me to hang in there and that he loved me. The next days following he turned into an emotionless thing. He said he was overwhelmed with guilt and that whenever he saw his wife or talked or texted her that he felt guilty. He said that no matter even if he wasn't with me that his wife would accuse him of lying and then he'd feel guilty. He stopped seeing, calling and texting because he said he feels guilty when his wife drills him about me. I told him it shouldn't matter if we still see each other because she already knows. He says he knows but he's so overcome with guilt. He feels so guilty towards her and he feels sad because his kids wonder when he's coming home. He said they don't know that he might not come back. Two weeks passed and the days in between were shaky for us. He'd see his counselor(thank goodness he was seeing one to help him cope) on a TH and then that same day and the next day he'd be really loving and sweet and happy like we were before. Then as the days of the week go on he'd get more and more depressed and cold towards me at work. That's the only time we see eacother and even then after 3 weeks I don't know where things stand. One day he tells me he loves me and the next day he's guilty. He says he feels guilty towards his wife for what he did and for still wanting to be with me and guilt for me because he wants to be with me but he feels guilt. He feels he's letting his kids down. He doesn't know what to do. I don't either. Wait?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Something happened between him and his wife to bring them closer recently or he suddenly had a huge guilt trip.

    As one example I've seen guys get extra friendly with other women when their sex life slows down with their girlfriend. Then, as soon as they have sex with their girlfriend they are focused 100% back on them and drop any contact with the other women. The only time they may return is when they get horny and aren't getting any again from the gf.


What Girls Said 1

  • I agree. Something happened between this man and his wife. He feels guilty. OR she found out about you two talking to each other and gave him an ultimatum. Either way it went down, you need to realize that you're only setting yourself up to get hurt here.

    The more time you spend with this guy, the more emotionally invested you're going to become. Like you said, you never really thought he was going to leave his wife. Don't waste your time feeling crappy about this. Be thankful that the relationship didn't get physical and chalk it up to a lesson learned.

    • We work together and he hasn't said anything to me at work about any new developments with his wife. It was literally " I miss you so much can't wait to see you" and then the very next day ignoring me. I'm going to see him tomorrow at work fro the first time in a week, and I don't now how to handle it. I think about him every second

    • If I had to guess, I would say that he probably wouldn't say anything about it to you because he feels guilty about what he did to his wife and to you. He's probably ashamed and embarrassed and doesn't know how to handle it. Some people have a very hard time expressing that sort of thing.