Girls: What happens if both people are playing hard to get? What do you typically do when this happens?

[superdudeman]

You have the man pretending to not like the girl so she will be interested, so he ignores her.

You have the woman, playing hard to get so she tries not looking at him too much as to not come off as a slut.

SO both people are not even looking at each other, she's not going to approach him in fear of looking like a slut, and he doesn't want to come up to her because he's trying to ignore her to get her to like him.

So she goes home to a carton of ice cream and watches sleepless in Seattle.

And he goes home to a box of tissues and Debbie does Dallas.

Somethings got to give, And explain a situation where this happened to you and what you did.

[Anonymous]

I really liked this guy let's call him bob.

Bob liked me too. Bob = Shy character.

Bob never told me he liked me. His mates told me. He started flirting and I flirted back. Bob was so nice and friendly and he made me smile. Suddenly...BAM...One day Bob decided ignoring me. I thought it was weird because we were such good friends and we had so much funnn. I asked him what was wrong with him and he was like "nothing" and I was like.. "you sure? did I do something?" he was like "no you didn't do anything at all" And then walked off ignoring me for the rest of the day. So I shrugged and decided giving him lots of space for him to sort out this problem so that he will bounce back and be happy again.

Bob was not happy the next day or week or month. He was happy with other people just not me. I was confused..and I couldn't figure out why. I was sad, but never told him. He was ignoring me. So I decided ignoring him back because it was unfair him treating me like this. I thought he was getting the message because he started talking to me the next day, but he never told me why I was treated like that.

I figured it out.

Bob went pure red when I was hanging round my mate Sam. He thought I liked this guy called Sam which is not true. Sam was jst a mate. Bob did not trust me and started getting jealous all those times I was hanging round with Sam AND THEN Sam told me he liked me O_O I told Sam I did not like him. AND THEN Sam started stalking me...he would always be there. He would always say hi. He would always walk with me He would always be with me and my friends. He would always be like 'what are you doing?' ‘are you ok?’ “what are you doing tonight” “what are you doing on the weekend” and then he would sit next to me and I could feel him staring at me. It was creepy. I thought to myself “i didn't like you before and now your stalking me?” I mean...Sam was OK. Or so I thought. I just wanted to be friends and not bf/gf. I told him and then I told him again. He did not accept it. He probably thought... 'She said no. I'll try again tomorrow' He continued. My mates told me he would always ask where I am and all. He was CLINGY. I was thinking ‘I don’t need you. I value my distance I can look after myself.’

He continued and it made Bob jealous.

So anyways… back to Bob. Bob was not clingy. He valued his distance and independence like me and we would always have funny convos. I used to be able to understand Bob and his ways. Bob changed?. I told Bob I did not like Sam. Bob was happy and then Bob decided being nice one day and nasty the next… it was a long pattern. So I was ignoring him and he would be nice to me. I would try talking to him and he would ignore me. People said I was a slut and Bob was a God. He started slagging me off and flirting with other people and then he would look at me and then look away. I thought “Is that supposed to make me jealous? Is that supposed to make me want you?” Ha. To hell with that. I am better with no Bob. ? I just wish we stayed friends. Even though I act like I don’t care… I miss the way we used to be. ?

[superdudeman]

Ironically this behavior no matter how bad of a label you put on it , is still making you think about him. Much more than your average guy who you date one time a week who doesn't do that.

[lovelylife]

Yeah but they are NOT together! And may never be. So what was the point?

[toulouse]

I talk to guys like they are people not like they are a guy I'm after. usually this is fine& I'm comfortable& I make a friend who I might be attracted to. sometimes the guy goes crazy thinks I'm hitting on him, in which case he's overly presumptuous and I'm not too interested in hanging out. if at that point I stop talking to him, he starts initiating things it would take me a long time to trust him to not play games& I'm not going to forget to not trust him too much, I def lose some respect. Its one thing if I'm playing games- you can't blame a guy for doing that, but entirely different if I'm being straight forward & he's still being a wanker. Act like a wanker you're left by yourself wanking, typically- in my world anyways,

If I treat a person with respect, I expect it in return, if I don't get it I don't return, end of story,

[killthestory]

eye contact always tells you if she or he is into you. Playing that game is based off fears and insecurities.

For me, I do this dance with perfect strangers. Just because I know I'm not trying to find a relationship, but I'm not opposed to being checked out. However... not quite the same game since I'm just into the flirting... and I could give two sh*ts about mating rituals.

However, trying to get a boy/girl this way is going to get you... well, exactly where you said.. a box of tissues either watching Sleepless in Seattle, or Debbie Does Dallas.

[superdudeman]

what kind of eye contact constitutes a woman being interested in a man, in your opinion?

[killthestory]

the first lengthy stare is "sizing" the person up... if there's more lengthy eye contact than that first initial one, there's attraction. Of course, please do NOT rule out the facial expressions... I made eye contact with a strange dude because he was acting insane. lol... he kept catching my gaze and it was driving me NUTS... my facial expression of horror should have told him to back the EFF off lol.

[FloppyBunny]

Eye contact isn't an accurate indicator...

For a long time, I thought if a guy stared unabashedly at me, it meant he wanted me to know he was interested. But then this guy stared at me for an entire semester without doing a thing about it. I mean I returned his stare to let him know I liked him. And I DID smile at him and talk to him. Soooooo...even though he sent signals...maybe the signals were wrong or I just completely misread him. Maybe he just likes to stare. Who knows.

[killthestory]

I'm going to have to agree. Staring might not be from pure interest alone... although it can be part of a bundle of indicators. Good luck!

[Yeahhbro]

I went through this, I approached her she seemed to like me but then she decided to play hard to get even though I know she liked me (she would smile at me sometimes, or look away right away when I looked at her from far away). I didn't like that and I played the same game that she was playing, she got mad at me, I got mad at her. Every time we try to talk, she blows me off or gives me the cold shoulder, or I do the same thing. We can't even say to each other.It is all a power game to see who gives in and who doesn't, and who controls the flow the relationship and who doesn't. We only exchange looks and body language, very dysfunctional. A complete train wreck.

[kayyykay]

not to be creepy but I just read that and totally related because I did that same thing with a guy for like almost two years. I kept him chasing me. he has a girlfriend now but do you think he will ever give me another shot?

[lovelylife]

Pretending to not like her is sending the message that you really DON'T care. Why can't you just let her know that you like her? What so wrong with that? She may or may not be playing hard to get. Things get lost in translation when your not saying anything. All your doing is letting her know that she's not worth your time so why should she act any different towards you? I mean what makes you so special that the girl has to go after you because your pretending to not like her? I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't understand this tactic.

[superdudeman]

this explains this tactic and WHY that works on women.

link

this sort of game actually does not work on men.

[superdudeman]

Wouldnt it be great if we all lived in a world where a man could just walk up to a strange woman and say : "hey I like you, lets go out!" and have it work. But unfortunately we live in the real world where this works less often than winning the lottery while getting struck by lighting twice simultaneously.

[lovelylife]

If being a jerk works, then by all means run with it. I must come from another planet.

[superdudeman]

so if a strange man walks up to you and the first words he says to you is "can I have your number?"

You are going to give it to him?

[lovelylife]

That's not a fair question because you obviously know her to some extent, correct? I mean your not a complete stranger, like she's someone you just met for the first time. So in that case I would be thrilled if he asked for my number. However if he were a complete stranger that just approached me in the street then no I would not give him my number.

[superdudeman]

It is a fair question. If a woman isn't approaching a man that she likes, she's essentially playing hard to get.

[JerseyGirl]

If someone is showing signs of not liking me, how the heck would the woman know he is 'pretending'. I mean if he pretends to NOT like her, then who says he isn't pretending TO like her. I'd want someone whos is real and doesn't plan games and pretend this and that. Makes ot hard to determine what is real and what is not, and human nature seems to lean toward 'nothing must be real then'.

[superdudeman]

I certainly agree with you and I hate playing games, but as a man its a necessity.

The idea isn't that he's pretending to not like her, if she thinks he's pretending to not like her, then its obviously not going to work. Especially if she thinks its just to get him to like her.

The idea is to actually NOT like her, not to pretend. But as a man you have to at least fake it.

[superdudeman]

When two people meet you aren't really meeting them, you are meeting their representative.

And for good reason. Mainly because the other person expects it. I don't think you would go on a first date, unshaven, with a uni-brow, with no makeup. EVEN THOUGH you might go to sleep that way.

The truth is, playing games is what attracts women. If you don't do that, then chances are you aren't getting laid.

Its an unfortunate truth for men.

Mainly because of the passion paradox in women.

[lovelylife]

Why is she playing hard to get because she's not approaching him?

[superdudeman]

For the same reason the man is not approaching her. Its about intent. You could call her chicken or scared, or you could just say that she doesn't want to seem easy, so she's playing hard to get by not approaching him.

to suggest that when men don't approach its only because he's scared is rather sexist especially if you say that when women don't approach its because they are playing hard to get.

in other words, the action is separate from the intent.

[gentlemanattbay]

Lovelylife is dead on right.

Not communicating is lethal in the beginning stages of a relationship, where everything is tentative and one wrong move spells doom.

However, men are of the opinion that women hate men who seem desperate and needy.

Men are also of the opinion that women want that which they cannot have.

Other women say that this statement is true and factual.

Thus, the game is played.

[superdudeman]

all of what you said, seems to go against what lovely said. But whatever.

[Anonymous]

Kind of going through this now. The ignoring thing does nothing more than lead the other person to belive your not interested/lost interest. Me and this guy would flirt, and then sometimes he would ignore me. Then after some time passes would flirt again. This pattern is going on over and over. He knows now that I like him cause I told him in hopes to stop the games. Granted he flirts more, but also ignores me more. I feel like I can't win, and even though I am pretty sure he likes me back, it doesn't seem like it is moving forward any time soon. The ignoring is becoming nothing more than mixed signals and annoying. sigh. Why do people have to come across as needy, a slut, or desparate, just because they show genuine interest in someone they like? I will never understand and with that I will remain single.

[superdudeman]

The problem is that if he shows he likes you, you are going to lose interest in him, just because he showed interest in you.

It doesn't work with men though, because men don't put such a high price on behavior like women do.

The solution is to keep flirting with him and for you to not play hard to get.

Unfortunately because women put such a high value on behavior, men have to play hard to get.

Or at least they should.

[Opinion Owner]

I do not agree. He does show that he likes me...but is not consistent. When he shows interest I am thrilled. It is the cold days that are making me lose interest, cause I feel pushed away. I don't play hard to get. I am a woman who knows what I want and don't want. So when I see something I want, like this guy, I let him know I like him. HE is the one delaying progress here. :(

[superdudeman]

if he shows interest consistently you get bored, and lose interest.

that is the way of things.

[lovelylife]

She has already told him, she is interested why would the guy still feel like if he has to show her he's not interested in her? That makes absolutely NO sense.

[wazza10]

call it insecurity...

[superdudeman]

How often have you really liked a guy who you knew really liked you, but not only liked you, but liked you A-LOT. More importantly, did the fact that he liked you make you like him more or less?

[lovelylife]

Honestly I'm that situation now (I think). I know he likes me but he ignores me so ignore him and its just a viscous cycle that leads to nothing. I liked him before he started to ignore me.:(

I do understand what your saying and I hope it works for you.

[superdudeman]

Who are you more inclined to like, a guy who you go to a museum with who follows you around like a puppy dog, or looks at a painting and just wonders off doing his own thing because he's enjoying himself?

[lovelylife]

I don't want a guy to follow be around like a puppy dog but I do want attention and I believe that both party's should equally give each other attention. I also don't want a guy to wander off and do his own thing cause that's just rude but I do respect space.

[confused415]

I hate guys who play games. If you like someone, go for it. Games are stupid and immature. I think any girl would agree that a guy should chase the girl to an extent and show his interest because it shows how much you care and are interested in us. Personally, if a guy ignores me or "doesn't call back" I move on and find someone who will give me the time of day.

[superdudeman]

So then is it OK for the guy to hate games and think that a girl should chase the guy to an extent and show her interest because it shows how much she cares and are interested in him. Personally if a girl ignores me or doesn't call back I move on and find someone who will give me the time of day.

So is it different if its a guy?

[confused415]

I think it goes for both guys and girls. If you call and someone is mature enough, they will call. People should have the decency to call back, even if it's just to say your not interested. I think both guys and girls play the "hard to get" game, when really it just back fires. If you call her and she doesn't call back, then move on to someone a little more mature and respectful of your time and efforts.

[Anonymous]

wow...most of these answers sound like what I'm going through! I thought I was going crazy! been talkin to a guy for almost a year..we got along great etc etc...told each other we really liked each other, used to talk on the phone almost every night for HOURS! But he didn't think I really liked him, even tho I let him meet my fam etc! never met his..Things were so confusing Then the back & forth got so confusing it lead to arguments, he ended things,I stopped talking to him of course, because he said he didn't want to work it out. Now he's back, but I text him, he don't answer, call he don't answer or call back for hours, then I start to give up and he calls & tells ME I DONT CARE ANYMORE! & that I'm acting different! So now I'm back to my ignoring him! because it makes me feel like sh*t! so its his turn...i want to give up, but your right, small part of me likes the challenge, and so does he! I just wish we could get on the same page already!

[lillianAngie]

2 years had passed, they are still single and their feeling for each other had been washed down by time. The two walked home together as friends from a party one day, guy " you know what's funny, I can't believe I'm telling you this, but.. I had a crush on your 2 years ago." Girl: "yah? me too" Both their heart stopped beating for a second, the two stared deep into each others' eyes. They held hands and continue walking the path of life, sharing and loving each other forever and forever.

[Dadass]

I am in the same situation and I don't know what to do!

We both play that game and at the end of the day we don't talk to each other.

It's really silly. I'm shy and he's really confident, I think his feelings had been hurt.

It wasn't my intention, I didn't know what to answer him to simple questions. So I anwsered him with one word.

So we barely talk to each other now! It's so ridiculous!

[Anonymous]

since I don't approach guys and he won't approach me either most likely nothing will happen between us. it just wasn't meant to be then. he's definitely not the only man in the world, situations like that have happened to me and I just ended up dating someone else

[Anonymous]

i am currently in this situation. I like a guy he likes me back, we have been dating for a month or so things were great but by playing games (insecurity, try to make him/her jealous, childish behaviour) we eventually reached a point where we don't even speak to each other now, we avoid each other etc. this is really awkward but in a twisted way it maintains your interest levels, or egoism or whatever...

[alysaa16]

usually one of us cracks because we can't stand to be apart and one of us cracks and asks the othr out and it dusnt mattr if the girl cracks because if she cracks it means she likes you a lot and shell prob ask you out

[Anonymous]

Happening right now. I don't text him too often because I don't want to come off as desperate and needy and he too doesn't me everyday. Maybe because I mentioned I don't like clingy men, but who knows? we probably talk like every other day. Do do have any idea on how to fix this issue? lol

[confusedgirl1988]

it's really an immature game, but it's the way society is constructed in this generation..if I were you, I'd stop with the games, just be yourself and do your own thing..but be friendly and keep things on a friend-friend basis for now..once he sees you're a chill girl who has her life together and doesn't need a man, he will come running after you..trust me.

[confusedgirl1988]

hahaha oops I thought this was a girl writing this, but you know what I mean, the other way around..hahaha sorry.

[BunnyToast]

Just don't play hard to get, as simple as that. Guys that play hard to get drive me insane, and I will quickly loose interest.

[superdudeman]

so is it OK for women to play hard to get?

[BunnyToast]

Well it depends on who you are asking really.

[jpeterman]

Please don't use the "ignore to peak interest technique". If you like someone show them by inviting them out or telling them. Games suck!

[superdudeman]

I invite you to look at the passion paradox.

[emilyzenella]

When both people play hard to get and know that that's what they're doing, It ends up not working that's why I can't stand it.

[panianna]

If you really care about a girl ask her out. Tadaam-that would be the end of games.

[superdudeman]

if only it were that simple.

[_JustSmile_]

screw it. if two people want something then they shouldn't play games.

[29inoc]

. I make eye contact and usually the guy comes over. If he doesn't I don't think much about it. I like a man who well is a man and goes after what he wants. I have made the move on occasion but it's not something I would probably do now at 29.

[superdudeman]

So if a strange man comes over to you and says "i love you, can I have your number?" your going to date him and say yes?

[Anonymous]

I would give up and move on with my life, it is very irritating when a guy I like play's hard to get!

[Anonymous]

We shave your weird head because you have a screwed up hair cut

[Anonymous]

Wow, this is happening to me RIGHT now. I've done all the usual stuff when you flirt with someone, except talking to him.

Now I don't know what to do, because it feels like he's losing interest, and I don't want to seem pushy etc. Got any ideas?

[superdudeman]

yeah talk to him.

Men don't creeped out like women do.

[Opinion Owner]

Men don't get creeped out? Or what we're you gonna say?

[superdudeman]

Yeah men don't get creeped out. If a man talks to a woman and he shows her that, that he likes her, she's going to get creeped out. If a woman talks to a man and she shows him that she likes him then he enjoys it.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh okay, thank you!