What's the best/least awkward way to hug a really shy guy for the first time?

[Anonymous]

So I really want to hug this guy I like. (We've already established that we like each other) but he is really shy, and we haven't really "broken the touch barrier" yet. I'm worried about how he'll react. Any advice?

Also, is there a good vs. a bad way to hug someone for the first time?

Please, I need some help!

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All right, thanks. :D

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Anybody else have suggestions?

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Especially guys

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Hey,so markml and anonymous guy that agrees with him, the guy and I have officially broken the touch barrier (I sat really close to him on the couch :D) and so now how do you suggest I hug him?

[Anonymous]

Try an arm touch first - just somewhere near his elbow and incorporate it into conversation (you make a joke, or he does, or you want to get his attention). I did this to a shy guy and he leapt out of his skin the first few times. As he got more comfortable with it, I introduced a hug - I started by greeting him with a warm friendly "hey!!! How are you?", he would say it back to me in the same friendly "happy to see you" manner. I added the hug to one of these greetings - I just opened up my arms and came in slightly slower. He opened his arms and at point of contact he withdrew a little so it was a bit of an awkward barely touching hug. He was smiling but seemed a bit uncomfortable. After a few weeks I noticed he was fine with me touching his arm but he wouldn't touch me but he would instigate the awkward hug. The other day he touched my arm in conversation for first time. He's still a bit awkward with hugs but he instigates them. I don't know why he's so shy with touch but he is, we are all different I guess. Anyway my suggestion is to start with a simple arm touch and see how he reacts - step it up when he looks like he can take it haha. A hug can be a bit too personal for people who aren't comfortable with touch, even if they do like you.

[bry-bry123]

this is such a good thing to know because i really like him and he likes me too and i started to do the arm touch when ever i say good bye or hi and now i feel like we are making progress and we are getting a little less awkward every day

[markml]

Best is to just ask, I think. He's certainly not going to say no.

He might be a little stiff and uncomfortable hugging the first time. Don't take it personally. Some people are not as comfortable hugging, but he should loosen up over time.

Also, I'm not sure if hugging is the best way to break the touch barrier at first...

I would suggest you start by sitting really close to him. There are a number of situations where you can even do this without it seeming intensional, like on a crowded bus for instance. It's a subtle way to make him more used to being in close physical proximity to you.

The problem with hugs is that they're short in duration, so if he's not normally a very touchy-feely person, it may not actually completely break the touch barrier for him.

[Asker]

Okay, so hugging may not work..makes sense. But I don't generally ride the bus, and sitting really close to him on a park bench, per say, seems quite intentional. Suggestions?

[markml]

Well, it doesn't have to be unintentional, and at some point you want it to seem more intensional. I was just suggesting that you could start out that way if it was easier.

Other than the bus...you know a great way to unintentionally get close to someone? Amusement park rides! I remember one ride that literally pressed the girl I was with against me.

[markml]

In reply to your update...

I still maintain the original advice I suggested about hugs, which is to just ask the first time.

Wait until the moment seems right to you. Like when both of you are having a really good time together.

From that point forward, just make it a normal thing and he'll get used to it.

[Asker]

All right, sounds like a plan. :) Thanks.

[ladsin]

haha, definitley your going to have to breach the barrier, do whatever you feel like... he is going to be looking for you to guide him so you have to set the tempo of the relationship... so imo GIVE HIM A GREAT BIG HUG, don't try and rub him up too much tho that might shock him

[Asker]

Ok, thanks. :D

[ladsin]

np... sorry nobody else will post ='(

[Asker]

Yeah, I wish more people would...:(

[Serenadium64]

if he's a shy dude, and you're sure he likes you, just say sometime you're talking to him, when the conversation is over and you have to leave just ask him "can I have a hug" I highly doubt he'l say no since you're the one bringing it up, the problem shy guys have is making the first move, so if you do it for him, the problems solved, iknow because I'm pretty introverted as well.

[Djc0550]

I agree 100% with markml, hugging probably is not the best way to break the touch barrier. Definitely start by sitting really close to him. For example if you have him and some friends over your house or something and you are all on the couch this creates an excuse for you to be really close to him (especially if the couch is a little crowded). (I use this from experience, where a girl was leaning on my shoulder because there was not much room on the couch we were sitting on).

[Asker]

Thanks, I think I'll try that. :)