Guys, why do you play 'hot and cold'?

Guys, why do you play 'hot and cold'?

(I realize not all guys do this, but the ones that do, why?)

Thank you. <3


Most Helpful Guy

  • In short? If a guy does this it's because of his personal experiences with how girls have treated him before. Because too many girls play games with us at the same time. If we are all hot then you girls think we're clingy or too needy, and desparate. We're not, but that's how we get labeled. If we start showing interest and then disappear for a while, the theory is the girls watch their phones and wonder why he hasn't called, and then keep an interest. Like they think us ignoring them makes us mysterious or something. I don't subscribe to this but that seems to be the consensus view. In my opinion if a girl doesn't like me treating her good and giving her my attention then f*** her, I can always get another girl. They only make up like 50% of the earth's population.

    • Absolutely agree :)

      But then girls play games too because guys exact like a girl is desperate if she acts interested, it goes both whats. I don't ascribe to it, but I see it ALLLL the time- its pathetic imo. AI think its a good idea for adults to act like adults- unless shooting water guns, jumping in leaves,finger-painting blowing bubbles or jumping in a bouncy bounce. :)

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    • OMG but don't you see how much it hurts that one day you're texting us like crazy and another day it's like we don't exist?! Sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow. Perhaps I'm too shy and bashful but it starts to make me wonder if he's really interested at all.

    • So when a guy is "cold" what should us girls do? Do we wait for him to contact us? Or after a few days of not talking do we contact him? I'm new at this

What Guys Said 15

  • This is only a partial answer, but I know some guys do it (I have do admit that I've done it a few times myself) JUST to get on the girl's mind. It works. Being hot and cold will lead the girl to search for answers but she'll still be thinking about the guy. Sounds crazy right? But it works right?

    • that's insane and cruel!

    • I guess I can see the argument for cruel but how is it insane..?

    • at what point, if there is one, does the guy finally tell the girl he likes her? or how can a girl get him to admit it?

  • I am currently going to attempt this. I leave a girl with a big indicator of interest and then pull away. Why you ask, it makes them think of you. Why did the guy do something so meaningful and then ignore me. Did I react in a way he didn't like? Does he hate me? So forth. It also allows us guys to feel that we're not so clingy.

    • what are ways to tell if a guy is doing this because he likes you or if he is just having fun messing with you?

  • I have no idea what 'hot and cold' is.

  • I play hot and cold because... I know that it bothers girls.. If I am not fully interested in a girl but I want to keep her close I play hot and cold. I know it's wrong but as long as she has her other guys on the side.. I don't feel bad

  • I don't, I f***ing hate that song.

  • To keep you interested, yes it annoying to have to do but I lost my last girlfriend because she said I was too needy?, which in fact I wasn't but thought if I don't show her enough attention she would lose interest.

  • Perhaps he's juggling more than one woman. If he had some action lined up for a particular evening, he may appear cold to the others. He might appear to play hot when he arranges to meetup with you.

  • I do it sometimes but not playing, I can't help it but life has made me so emotionaly unatached in some areas that I auto go hot and cold...

  • What does hot and cold mean?

    • That he acts warm and friendly one moment, and cold and negligent the next.

  • I expect that the guys that do this don't always understand their own feelings- or misread you girls. I can remember one girlfriend who seemed happy to have me around but had little interest in me (not just sex). Eventually I started trying to see what would actually make her more interested, and it didn't seem to matter what I did. Decided to cut my losses as it was obvious that she was not for me.

    • what about when you know the girl likes you a lot and is waiting for your move?

    • i'm wondering the same! I like a guy and he does this to me! We're both very shy. I'm modest and reserved too which doesn't help. He throws out innuendos and sexual jokes and when I get bashful and panic, not knowing what to say, he then does this hot and cold thing.

  • Girls like drama. Period. They get bored easily with something which is assured and they think they've nailed it down. Happens quite a lot during adultery. So the man might be committed, but that too is not good enough for most women. Men become too predictable in that case. That's the way the world works.Sooner we learn it, accept it and live with it, less our hearts will burn.

    • you are right about the drama part

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    • True, applies to childish girls, certainly to many right into their twenties. Sad. Spice is good, drama is worthless.

    • I don't know anyone who actually likes the drama. It's infuriating and takes up precious time and energy.

  • I am currently doing it, consciously. I do this because I want to override the perception of me being needy. Really there is not much worse then to be called needy or desperate by the girl you love so that is why some, if not most, guys will play hot or cold/push and pull.

    Like someone else said, it makes girls wonder. It makes them wonder where they stand. It makes them doubt their own unique feminine ability to interpert social cues. If a guy manages to break those hardwired believes then he MUST be very powerful, and therefore attractive.

    Personally it is also a bit of retaliation because I am stuck here day after day thinking about her and I want her to feel the same cause I don't think she understands the sacrifices that I made...anyway that is a different story.

    • But if you just keep up this game, how will the relationship go anywhere? When do you decide to give up the hot&cold stuff?

    • agreed! In my situation, it's making me feel like the guy hates me or is annoyed to have me around! The second I figure that he doesn't want me and I start to flirt with other guys, he freaks out and then pays more attention to me...

  • It's the game guys play before they're confident enough to just be themselves.

  • If guys don't play hot and cold, you think they are easy. You think they are needy. A guy plays hot and cold so that you will THINK ABOUT HIM and possibly even ask a question on an online site to figure out why they are doing it.

    So, guys play hot and cold because it gets girls to like us.

    If you want guys to STOP playing hot and cold, then you need to pay attention to the guys that do not do it!


What Girls Said 8

  • Men lose attraction really easily.

  • i think girls are more likely to do this than guys.

    i would gather the reasons would be same as females, either they are unsure of their feelings, they have changed their mind or like playing games in order to keep you guessing or interested.

  • Guys usually play "hot and cold" because they're not sure of what they want, it's really that simple. Guys, unlike girls don't try to plot mysterious tactics to win a girl's affection. He's most likely either not sure of how he feels about you, what he feels about the situation in general and simply isn't ready. To avoid feeling confused and to avoid prolonging whatever type of relationship you have with him that could lead to you feeling more attached, I'd strongly recommend being upfront with him about how you feel. I know it sounds intimidating, but that's the most direct way. If that idea alone scares you enough to go hide in your closet, you can always use your actions rather than your words. With any person, if you cut contact or minimize it, the true nature of their feelings come about. He'll have a clearer understanding of how he feels about you, even if it's simply that he's "confused" still and still doesn't know what he wants, in that case you need to cut ties with this constant temperature morphing person, or people like him in general. There are many guys out there who ARE sure of what they want, or don't want and will not toy with your emotions trying to figure it all out. Good luck to you, you're more than welcome to go on my site alisknows. com, which will be launched by Jan 10th 2011 for more in depth advice. The more I know about your situation, the easier it would be for me to give you a clearer answer. =]

  • I wish they wouldn't. In an immature relationship, fine, go ahead. But if you actually want a lasting relationship full of trust, communication and happiness, this old ruins your chances. You make mistakes, she looses trust. You pull away, she looses interest or resents you for it. Guys, don't do it if you care.

  • whats hot and cold?

  • good question. I hate when guys do this. It confuses me and pisses me off

  • -they wanna keep us interested and on our toes

    -they like the attention

    -theyve been played themselves before so now they do the same to be cautious

    -he might be keeping his options open, wants to see who else he can meet or may be he's already interested in someone else too...

    -some guys just don't know what they want yet...relationship or no relationship? should I date her or not? may be I should stay focused in school and not get distracted...etc

  • Ive always wondered this myself! The guy I've been seeing for quite some time does the same thing! and it drives me crazyyyy! My ex used to texted me all day, when he got to work, when he got home, etc etc. This one doesnt. He doesn't even call often, but when I don't text or call him, he asks why, or says I'm being different. I figd it was just his style, he "seems" to ALWAYS be doing something or going somewhere, it seems like he's busy as crap! but I often wonder if he is just trying to put an act on. I know his last girlfriend was very he says, maybe he was the clingy one..who knows...but I do know when I don't speak to him for a day or 2 my feelings get kinda hurt, and I start to wonder..dang does he really like me or what?! Then as soon as I stop answering texts/calls, he's acts all worried as if I don't like him!?! It makes no sense & all it does is confuse eachother...& make things harder. But that's the way the cookie crumbles! =)