Guys, why do you play 'hot and cold'?

Guys, why do you play 'hot and cold'?

(I realize not all guys do this, but the ones that do, why?)

Thank you. <3


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In short? If a guy does this it's because of his personal experiences with how girls have treated him before. Because too many girls play games with us at the same time. If we are all hot then you girls think we're clingy or too needy, and desparate. We're not, but that's how we get labeled. If we start showing interest and then disappear for a while, the theory is the girls watch their phones and wonder why he hasn't called, and then keep an interest. Like they think us ignoring them makes us mysterious or something. I don't subscribe to this but that seems to be the consensus view. In my opinion if a girl doesn't like me treating her good and giving her my attention then f*** her, I can always get another girl. They only make up like 50% of the earth's population.

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    • Absolutely agree :)

      But then girls play games too because guys exact like a girl is desperate if she acts interested, it goes both whats. I don't ascribe to it, but I see it ALLLL the time- its pathetic imo. AI think its a good idea for adults to act like adults- unless shooting water guns, jumping in leaves,finger-painting blowing bubbles or jumping in a bouncy bounce. :)

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    • OMG but don't you see how much it hurts that one day you're texting us like crazy and another day it's like we don't exist?! Sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow. Perhaps I'm too shy and bashful but it starts to make me wonder if he's really interested at all.

    • So when a guy is "cold" what should us girls do? Do we wait for him to contact us? Or after a few days of not talking do we contact him? I'm new at this

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What Guys Said 15

  • This is only a partial answer, but I know some guys do it (I have do admit that I've done it a few times myself) JUST to get on the girl's mind. It works. Being hot and cold will lead the girl to search for answers but she'll still be thinking about the guy. Sounds crazy right? But it works right?

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    • that's insane and cruel!

    • I guess I can see the argument for cruel but how is it insane..?

    • at what point, if there is one, does the guy finally tell the girl he likes her? or how can a girl get him to admit it?

  • I am currently going to attempt this. I leave a girl with a big indicator of interest and then pull away. Why you ask, it makes them think of you. Why did the guy do something so meaningful and then ignore me. Did I react in a way he didn't like? Does he hate me? So forth. It also allows us guys to feel that we're not so clingy.

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    • what are ways to tell if a guy is doing this because he likes you or if he is just having fun messing with you?

  • I have no idea what 'hot and cold' is.

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  • I play hot and cold because... I know that it bothers girls.. If I am not fully interested in a girl but I want to keep her close I play hot and cold. I know it's wrong but as long as she has her other guys on the side.. I don't feel bad

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  • I don't, I f***ing hate that song.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Men lose attraction really easily.

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  • i think girls are more likely to do this than guys.

    i would gather the reasons would be same as females, either they are unsure of their feelings, they have changed their mind or like playing games in order to keep you guessing or interested.

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  • Guys usually play "hot and cold" because they're not sure of what they want, it's really that simple. Guys, unlike girls don't try to plot mysterious tactics to win a girl's affection. He's most likely either not sure of how he feels about you, what he feels about the situation in general and simply isn't ready. To avoid feeling confused and to avoid prolonging whatever type of relationship you have with him that could lead to you feeling more attached, I'd strongly recommend being upfront with him about how you feel. I know it sounds intimidating, but that's the most direct way. If that idea alone scares you enough to go hide in your closet, you can always use your actions rather than your words. With any person, if you cut contact or minimize it, the true nature of their feelings come about. He'll have a clearer understanding of how he feels about you, even if it's simply that he's "confused" still and still doesn't know what he wants, in that case you need to cut ties with this constant temperature morphing person, or people like him in general. There are many guys out there who ARE sure of what they want, or don't want and will not toy with your emotions trying to figure it all out. Good luck to you, you're more than welcome to go on my site alisknows. com, which will be launched by Jan 10th 2011 for more in depth advice. The more I know about your situation, the easier it would be for me to give you a clearer answer. =]

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  • I wish they wouldn't. In an immature relationship, fine, go ahead. But if you actually want a lasting relationship full of trust, communication and happiness, this old ruins your chances. You make mistakes, she looses trust. You pull away, she looses interest or resents you for it. Guys, don't do it if you care.

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  • whats hot and cold?

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