Asked her out, rejected(?) but she seemed confused?

[Anonymous]

This girl flirted a lot with me compared to any other guy, at first I ignored her. She was the one who even approached me something I am told girls won't do unless they are interested. I decided to risk it and ask her out and almost died in the process. She was leaving collage for Christmas break to go back home out west.

So I asked her to lunch when she got back. She told me she just got out of something (I understand him to be her first real boyfriend) She told me we could but just as friends for now, (FOR NOW?) she then said she loved me like a brother (that hurt) but again says jut as friends for now. She was smiling and seemed to blush a bit. She then hit me and told me not to be so shy about it and said she would see me when she gets back.

I thought asking her out would make me less confused but just added to it. I have no idea if I should contact her over the break or ignore her. I feel I need to talk to her, if she played me for the attention I don't really want to be friends with her.

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Update: to let you know how much she was flirting I have had 4 or more guys ask if she was my girlfriend. Another guy told me he would stay away from her now, I never said anything to him about her to him. She even acts jealous if I am with other girls, staring at us. She started even making jokes involving sex recently.

Updates

+1 y

I would really apreciate an answer before it gets pushed to the second page.

Updates

+1 y

she has one guy who gives her constant attention. She has a guyfriend who clings to her even though he has a GF. the guyfriend acts jelous if I am with her never letting us be alone. If she flirts at all with me he does something to stop it.

Updates

+1 y

this guy friend was in the class I met her in. All I did was hold the door open for her and smile next thing I know she is sitting with me even though she could have sat with other guys or by herself. she had to find me attractive or is a huge narsasist.

Updates

+1 y

If she wants attention and I contact her I am feeding that and stuck as a friend, but it could help things if we learned more about the other. If I ignore her she could see me as unitersted/ mad or it could make her contact me. Her friends and guy friend,

Updates

+1 y

knew I liked her. Her girlfriends when I was alone with em the first time asked me stuff that all seemed to involve her and me or my future. What bothers me the is if she just wanted attention why me? she could had any guy in the class + the guyfriend

[ArtistBboy]

She approached you -> Strong sign of interest.. Think about it -> If she could "have any guy in the class + the guyfriend" (your words) then why would she need/want to approach you other than the reason that she was sincerely interested...? Just trust my judgement call, she was interested.

As for the course of events:

- You said upfront that you were ignoring her when you knew she was approaching you. Women pick up on that as a way that "you are attracted to games" and if they decide you're willing to play, that's exactly what they're going to do. That's how you are showing them you wish to be treated. No games? No bullsh*t.. Games? More games in return. Am I saying she's playing a vengeful game or something else? I'm saying it's a possibility because that's exactly what I would do to women who start games with me.

What should be your course of action? You already showed that your interested in meeting up for lunch -> Most times that will be construed as romantic interest (unless you guys are coworkers or otherwise).. So if she already KNOWS your interested and she's cool with it, you can proceed, but think of how she actually responded -> She talked about you guys being friends "for now".. etc.. So she's obviously skeptical about you coming on too fast or too strong. My advice is to send her a one-time IM/otherwise to let her know your interested.. If she talks to you cool, but don't sit on the keyboard waiting for her to respond, go out and enjoy your day.

Other than that, don't worry about how she might respond, just be true to your self (go work out, go to work, spend time with your family, etc).. By the time she comes back to town, you'll know where you stand with her.

Hope the information is what you were looking for,

~ ArtistBBoy

[Asker]

I always apreciate your responses for being honest and well thought out. I just thought it worth mentioning I have known her for almost or a little over 3months and we spend a lot of time together recently. so I guess I am coming on to strong then, common sense would say it would be wise to back off and flirt less. However I don't want her to think I am going back to the way things started and feel like I would just confuse her more.

[ArtistBboy]

Thank you for the compliment -> Unfortunately I'm also blunt.

Stop altering yourself -> She obvious likes you.. By switching it up "backing off" or "showing more interest" you're going to throw off the image she has made of you in her head. Whatever image she has of you, you have to stay stern on the fact that you aren't going to appologize about liking her; but that doesn't mean you should show her you like her.. It's a perplexing situation which will require a second comment. So bear with me.

[ArtistBboy]

So through the multitudes of failed relationships -> we learn what DOESNT work with people.. That's the guidelines you have to go by. Other than that, it's trial and error for new situations. Just be authentic with good intentions and respect. If you show her you like her and have the confidence to show her (but not tell her) then she will catch on and be comfortable with it.. Your intentions are good because your sincere, and you have enough respect to show her that you aren't going to run -

[ArtistBboy]

when things get bad.. Christ I made this a third comment?

Basically -> Don't be a bitch and don't be an ass.. You don't have to cry cause your not with this girl, have a backbone; but don't ignore her in order to win her over (and don't freak out when she doesn't like you).. Just be who you are, and if this "isn't the girl" then she isn't the girl. No reason to spend any extra effort worrying about things -> you should focus all your effort on hanging out with her and having a good time.

[Asker]

I would appreciate one last comment. long story but mutual friend told me something yesterday that may explain this mess. she lives in the neigbouring state but spend 80% of the year in my state for collage. her ex goes to school in a 3rd state but when they go home state whenever they spend lot of time together. neither wanted a long distance relationship so they had mutual break up & I guess she still has feelings for him. I don't know if it explains anything or if I am looking for excuse for my ego.

[ArtistBboy]

The information you just asked about -> Completely irrelevant.. If you are getting with a girl (at all) and she makes the excuse of "being still in love with her ex"; and she's being sincere, then I'd hope you move on immediately.

Sounds to me like your just trying to rationalize why this situation occured; not that you are trying to make excuses or otherwise, just that you are trying to understand HOW it happened so that you can fix it in the long run.

[tex151]

The good news is she already knows how you feel so, there isn't much you can do to mess things up further. I wouldn't worry about it, and I wouldn't talk to her, until you see her in person. I would then say what does friends for now mean, does that mean, a week, month, year, years what? She will probably say I don't know yet, and then you say OK, well I am not waiting around for you to decide, because you know what if you have to decide, then to me that means you just want to be my friend, and well you know what I want,so there you have it, unless something happens soon, don't be surprised if you see me with another girl.

[rachiee]

Some girls like the attention and she sounds like one of them. Her saying you are like her brother was her way of nicely denying you. Leave it be. Don't talk to her unless she talks to you and if she starts flirting with you then tell her to stop if its just her way of messing around with your head. Its okay to be her friend if you feel like you won't catch any feelings for her. But just keep it on a friend level between you two because she sounds like she's not into you like that so staying away would be your best move.

[stnst7]

If I were you I would hold off. You don't want to be pushy cause a lot of girls don't like pushy guys. She could have been interested in you and wanted you to ask her out, but how long did you wait? If you waited awhile, maybe you waited to long for her and she gave up on you and then when you asked she was kind of over it. If she is still into you she will eventually make it happen. When she gets back I would hangout with her, if things go good make a move, if the move fails then id definitely move on.

[Asker]

This is what I thought too, but the entire time she kept flirting even stepping it up more. She grabbed my ass not long ago. She started to touch my face recently too and she is not a touchy person.

[stnst7]

Wow... well that chages things for sure! Honestly maybe she is looking for a "fling" or someone to mess around with.. if that's the case you need to straight up tell her look either you want to be with me or you don't want anything but I'm not gonna play your "games" anymore. The worst that could happen is she will quit talking to you but it will be better for you. Or it could be an eye opener for her.

[gphibabe]

I'm sorry to say this but it seems like she just likes the attention you give her. Stop showing her how into her you are. The hard part will be if you do start ignoring her, she'll start giving you more attention (which will be misleading). She'll just want to know you still really like her but don't give her that satisfaction!

[Asker]

I don't give that much attention, I sit beside her in class at times I won't even talk. like I said why me? if she just wanted attention she is pretty, could have had any guy in the class + her guyfriend who constantly gives her attention. she also has 5 classes all withought me, 4-5 with guyfriend. she could have done the same thing to a guy in those classes but hasent never hung out with any of them. I can say she could get any guy because friends + over heared guys sayng she is really hot.

[Asker]

guy friend (think he likes her) also only acts protective/ jelous of her around me and could care less if any other guy around her. her friend treat me like her boyfriend, though I am friends with some of them, they introduce me along with her or being linked to her. the teacher of our class together treats/ talks to us as if we are a couple. before you say it I am not just interested in her body she is also vary smart and enjoy talking to her on an intellectual level & always do.

[Asker]

I am curious if you still think she is playing me taking my new comments into consideration. I had a much more detailed one with this all in it but the site decided to delte it for some reason. I don't mean to bug but it is stressing me out, I haven't encountered anything like this neither have my friends.

[gphibabe]

I just think that you're really reading into the situation. She's not really treating you like a boyfriend and her guy friend might be jealous because he likes her.. but that has nothing to do with the way she feels about you?

[Asker]

I doubt you'll respond doent matter. it relates to her feelings because, most guys would keep a girl they like away or seperated physically from a guy she flirts with a lot, even if a guy flirts with her you wouldent bother unless she flirted back enough to indicate serious interest.I have seen strangers/ friends etc do this, guyfriend places himself between me and her but not her and other guys. I delt with girls that want just want attention they only flirt enough to keep your interest not abov

[Asker]

ughh tried to keep it one comment but whatever. those girls who want attention don't ever flirt enough/ extravigently that others notice it happen. in a nut shell he wouldent bother interfering with us if he thought she only wanted attention from me. again why pick me, easily could have done the same to 4 guys or other ones? I never even knew she was in my class till she aproached me. guys talk if a girl is a flirt slut what have you word gets around. only she can tell me so just have to wait.

[gphibabe]

I wrote a response earlier, but I don't know if it showed up. What I basically said was don't take this girl too seriously. All of the things you've described are OTHERS reactions to you and her (the teacher, the guy friend, ect.) but nothing that she has actually said to you. Try not to read into things like that because you'll start constructing situations that aren't realistic.

[gphibabe]

Oh! I see it now. Maybe she picked you because she can tell you like her? Or maybe she's looking for a hook up? I'm just telling you my opinion and it seems like you keep writing back with more information because you want me to tell you that she wants you to be her boyfriend, but I'm sorry I just don't think that's the case.

[Asker]

idk if she could tell I liked her at first glance I never noticed her before. I was hoping more info would change things but your opinion and feel like I have been some what of a jerk too you. This whole thing is damn frustrating because if your rite this will be 3 girl in row who did this. she just acted so different & hoped it would work. I let a couple girls slip away because I thought it was certain I thought the site would give me clear answer not more questions I cn only wait and talk to her

[agonyaunt]

I would wait till she gets back before you talk to her, trust me she will be thinking of you while she is away. She is right to say not now since has only just got out of a relationship your lucky she is taking it serious, she could of quite easily just used for the rebound relationship and you don't want that, so my advice would be just try to enjoy the Christmas holidays and talk to her when she gets back, hope this helps.

[boomokgirl]

She really could have meant for now, maybe she wants a little more time to get to know you better. Other than the love you like a brother thing (thats not usually good), it seems like she likes you, so during the break maybe you could text her or give her a few calls.

[ImJackNicholson]

jut as friends for now. She was smiling and seemed to blush a bit. She then hit me and told me not to be so shy about it.

"FOR NOW"

"She blushed"

Trust me she's into you. She just wants a trial period before you get serious.

I got most of that from her blushing. If she really blushed then she's interested as I see it.

[notamindreader]

Personally I would give her the "gift of missing you" whilst she is away.

I certainly wouldn't initiate any contact with her first but if she contacts you then its fine to reply to her calls or texts.

[Asker]

I actually think you make a strong point here. In class when were talking, she has mentioned that she called my name or waved at me and I ignored her, not on purpose but I really did not see her but she is convinced I was ignoring her. It obviously bothered her enough for her to bring it up each time it happened.

[notamindreader]

See you created attraction there without even realising it! I'm pretty certain that if you don't contact her first she will eventually break and will end up texting you.

It will also help if you start seeing or least hanging out with other girls, as soon as she thinks you are the one that is not available she will be attracted to you even more!

[Asker]

Yeah I am ahead of you on this one the majority of the people I know are girls and often spend time with them. some will talk with me when I am with her and I can tell it seems to bug her.

[Asker]

just thought I should throw in that again I am not trying to be an ass it was just another accident that ended in my favour.

[notamindreader]

lol you're not being an ass buddy, the info you provide the clearer the picture is!

Think you basically have 2 options now.

1. Wait for her to contact you first as discussed above

2. Call her up and say listen, I like you and I want to take you out on a date, I'm not prepared to be blown off with any lame excuses, turn me down again I won't ask again, I will move on as there plenty of other girls that want to date me.

With the 2nd option she is forced to show her true feelings!

[Asker]

I thought about what you said in the last comment and think I am going to wait to talk to her. I remembered soemthing that helped me decide this. She told me a day before I asked her out that she would miss me over the break. what made it better was when her guy friend thought she was talking to him and she had to say it was me.

[Airesore]

Talk to her on IM or facebook over the break. Seems like she want to take it slowly, because like you said she just got out of something. Give her sometime and I think you should be fine. ;)

[GIntrovert]

My experience, stay away from girls who play games.

[Asker]

I completley agree with you on this however I feel as though I started the games rather unintentionally. I was so enamered by her I had a hard time flirting back, but some days few and far between I would find the balls to do it. I was being hot and cold with her, if I dint do this or anything like it I wouldent bother.

[Shadowluv1315]

When a girl plays games, it'll turn bad, and you'll end up broken. I should know, I played games with this guy once, unintentionally, and he just... blam, lovesick fell for me and I broke his heart. nut with other girls, I truly have no idea.

[GIntrovert]

It doesn't matter, she is toying with you. She sees you as a play thing, basically the female version of a player, don't fall for it.

[TheCheshireCat]

Sounds like she's playing games, move on, she just wants to be chased, if you show you are no longer interested, she might go after you.

[Asker]

please see above comments by me

[memory92]

maybe she's worried about getting hurt again? sounds like you are definitely on good terms and she definitely did not outright reject you, especially if she was flirting with you while she turned you down. I would say, maybe try to get in touch with her after christmas, ask her how she's doing but keep it light and don't bring up going out. once you're back at school, see how it goes.

[MikeVick4MVP]

thats because I got 2 her b4 you did

[MikeVick4MVP]

thats why they call mr.steal your girl

[Anonymous]

screw her