Why do guys become too comfortable when the girl is always available?

Question

What I mean by too comfortable is you don't text or call like before. You don't seem eager to see her like before. Even if you share much love this happens. You start being busy all of a sudden. It's like she's already mine why make any extra effort to please her?

And Here what happens: when a girl treats you the same way. Doesn't reply soon or call, you start worrying and you call & text immediately. When she puts you on your toes making you feel she's not for granted, you start waking up from the comfort zone.

Why you do that?

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

Remember that feeling of attraction (when you first are getting to know someone you like)? It's like a huge adrenaline rush that says: "WOW I really like this person, I should do everything to make sure she likes me too!"

It's not their permanent personality - it's just an adrenaline rush from hope, motivation, etc.. Problem is that this world doesn't respond well to people who are "being themselves" because when we are ourselves we have priorities and responsibilities..

From what I know, most humans will pick the "fun and intrigueing" mysterious person - before they pick the "boring, straight edge, business man, who is very honest and upfront"... Why? Because it's a different feeling which gives us that adrenaline rush.

Guess what's even more awesome? You can make someone feel like that even while your texting them.. Just realize HOW you are texting them.. If you're telling someone: "I miss you!" then it's a lot different than if you were texting: "You miss me! ;D" -> Here's why -> It's playful, fun, and different. -> It gives the same adrenaline rush as having an "edge".

What women DON'T understand is that we don't want a person to nurture us.. We want women that let us be men and that encourage us to do so while feeding us a fun and flirty lifestyle that has that "adrenaline rush".. We want a girl that can settle down in the future, not in the first 5 minutes.. Or as simply put: "We want a sweet angel in the world and a naughty sex devil in the bedroom"

Hope that clears it up

~ ArtistBBoy

TonyMetal25 · Accepted Answer

her's my answer: even thou I didn't understood it well enough...

it's very wrong that a man makes his girl feels that she's for granted, for me I will always take care of my girl and will always show her how much I'm eager to be all the time with her and I will always make efforts to make my relationship getting better & better, now 5 years had passed & we never say IN THE PAST! cause everyday makes us forget yesterday cause it's always to the better...i never get busy sudden, & I never think like this way: "i never have to make extra efforts cause my girl is now mine & no need to please her like before", well that's totally wrong & that's what makes a relationship collapses...let me give you an example & I hope you understand it very well: "in the forest, it's so cold, I search hard for woods & put all my power to lighten a fire and when it lights, I start warming myself & draw a smile on my face but I have 2 options...if I take the fire for granted then it will consume all the woods and & materials & won't last long & vanishes, So I must always bring woods & flammable pieces so I feed the fire so it remains warming me even it won't be hard like the 1st time but to keep it forever, it always needs you, and if you left it like that just cause your now warm then you must remember then in the end it will dimmer & vanishes & back to the dark & cold again, and it will be a lot harder to lighten a fire for a second time...so keep feeding it so it remains giving you warmth & light...

i hope that my answer helps you...:)

lovelylife · Accepted Answer

Its just like you said they become to comfortable and take you for granted. Try to not be available for him all the time, hold back a little. Make sure you look your best at all times especially if you know he will be around and I mean from head to toe, get a new hair cut or try a different style also some nice soft perfume nothing to strong. Go out with your friends put yourself out there make sure he knows about it, this is were your friends will come in handy especially if you have male friends, start having some fun don't call him or text him, or wait around for him, let him come to you. I don't want you to push him away. Just show him who you are and what your capable of. You can do this in many different ways, just use your imagination. Make sure that your on his mind but in a good way. Never nag because that will push him away. Always be pleasant supportive, loving, and caring. Just pull back a little and make sure you look HOT while doing this. I don't care how much a man loves you. Girls should always look good for there man and remember DON'T take them for granted either.

I hope this helps.

NicoletteBonbon · Accepted Answer

It's basically what you said. Your available and he knows you're going to pick up the phone, answer texts, etc. and that you'll bethinking of him when he doesn't communicate. But you can't let that happen. I used to be like that but now I learned my lesson and there are only two solutions and they walk hand-by-hand.

1. Ask him what's keeping him so busy, in person. If he starts getting all nice and attentive to you it's good but don't let him get in the comfort zone, don't be the too easy girl.

2. Stop calling and texting. Make him miss you and wonder about you just like you used to do. Every now and then pick up the call but not always, if he sends a text answer with a vague answer or just don't answer at all.

But DON'T be mean nor too hard to get. Maintain balance.

mcb2010 · Accepted Answer

this is because guys like girls that give them something to work for. They like challenge. If a girl is always available when they need them it becomes boring and slightly annoying to them. Be less available. Make him have to work really hard for your attention. But by all means don't cut off the attention completely...be there at times but have a life besides him. You'll notice that when the guy is constantly chasing after you like a lost puppy...he's falling for you...because most guys want what they think they can't have

dave216 · Answer

There is no single answer to your question. We tend to be lazy and to put things off. We are also hunters, so once we have captured you, the thrill of the hunt is gone. Don't assume that just because he seems to be neglecting you, that he does not mean to show you more attention. I'm sure he is often distracted and plans to be more attentive tomorrow, but then tomorrow comes and something else demands his attention. That is the putting things off part. Also being a bit lazy, we tend to not put forth the effort when sit is no longer quite so necessary, since you have already been caught.

I am guilty of the same behavior. I think my wife and I have settled on way of interacting that meets our needs. We can be very inattentive with each other for a time, but then when we do have a moment, we are totally focused on each other. That seems to work for us, but maybe that is a more mature method than you are ready for.

You are still very young. I would caution you about something girls your age often do. They can be viewed by their guys as too clingy. Guys need to feel free. If they are always being called, texted, or hung on, they can pull away.

Good luck with your relationship. I hope I was helpful to your understanding of male thinking. :)

KERMlT · Answer

It's not just guys but people in general. They get comfortable in a relationship and stop doing the little things (not just text or call) which makes people drift apart. This is one big issue in marriages as well.

We talk a lot more in the beginning because we are still getting to know the other person. As time goes on, we get away from hypothetical questions and what people like and into more of "What's new with you" type of questions. I have talked so much with someone that when we hang out there is nothing new to talk about.

It's not a bad thing to go a day or so without contacting them. Absence makes the heart grow fonder so they say. It's like you have to be apart from someone to actually miss them. Sometimes it is good to think about something with out the other person present to cloud one's judgment (either on purpose like being kissed or unintentional like siding one way because the other person would agree).

I'm bad at keeping in contact especially if there is a lot of distance between us. I can't recall being bored (other than at work) since I have a lot of projects going at one time. I may even plan on calling later but lose track of time until it's too late to call (2 AM or they are at work).

People generally don't change their behaviors. Yelling might make him remember for awhile but he will go back to his old habits. Same with being too comfortable. Unless the person actively thwarts the laziness (yes, I feel this has a lot to do with laziness) this will continue to be a problem for some people. Accept the other person for who they are with all their faults and flaws. If that's not happening then perhaps they aren't right for you.

I've been after one person for awhile and I know I will continue to spoil her if we ever get married. I do that because it makes me happy making her happy. Plus it would be difficult to forget how many years have passed by in the pursuit. I certainly would treat her the same as I do now.

Adun99 · Answer

A guy who "dissapears" is not truly in love.

What you call "comfort zone" is made of actually two different things:

One part is normal, its the foreseable reduction in attention from courtship to stable relationship. Just the same way you go from having sex 8 times a week when a relationship begins, to whatever level is appropriate for the two of you. There has to be some natural reduction in attention (texting, calls, etc).

However, this normal reduction goes only far enough so that both of you (and specially the guy, who is wired and raised as to be a provider) can pay proper attention to work, school, customers, goals, etc. Nothing more: this means he still thinks of you, he still gets you something pretty "just because" (or cause he saw it in a store and wanted you to have it) , or prepares something special once in a while, and most definitely does not "dissapear". This guy still haves time at the end of the day for the girl he loves, even if it's only for a goodnight kiss over the phone (and no matter how tired he is).

All that fits into what you call "comfort zone", and any attempts at using "techniques" to get his permanent baby-sitting attention will eventually backfire.

However, the other part of that comfort zone is something completely different. It's when the guy is not in love, he just enjoys having you around, hanging out with you once in a while... in these cases, when the guy is phisically capable of "dissapearing", the guy truly is "taking you for granted", but the major issue I see here is: the guy that behaves like this, doesn't truly love you. ¿so why would you want to use "techniques" into keeping this kind of guy around? Let him go, he's not good for u.

Brando · Answer

It's partly because you have gotten used to the person and know them a little more. When you get close enough to a person, you start to take things differently than when you did in the beginning. In the beginning, you weren't as committed and might end up saying "Well he's not interested" a lot easier than you would later on. After you move past the infatuation stage, you feel more secure in the relationship and aren't as worried that he or she is going to run off doing something else.

Also, when you constantly see someone it's just one of those things that you sort of need a break from. My buddy's girlfriend is ALWAYS AROUND! I want to tell him that he could probably get rent money from her by how much she is always at his house. She acts (and talks) like it's her family and she's only been around for 3 months or so. But anyway, it's nice (in my opinion) to also have a life outside of the relationship. I would really feel smothered and trapped if a person was constantly trying to keep tabs on my every move. I'm down for spending time with someone, but let's push it overboard.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you don't see a person constantly, then it adds value to the times you do get to see them. It makes you enjoy the time you spend with them because you won't see them for a certain period of time.

hanoverhr · Answer

Hi, KnowMe!

This sounds a little like jealousy and a possible lack of independence/self-confidence. Remember, at the end of the infatuation stage, things will scale back. That's normal. When a gal stops texting three times a day, then a guy needs to double check to make sure nothing is wrong, but otherwise, let off a little. It is okay for gals/guys to be independent not constantly text or call each other!

Now once you have reached a comfortable understanding, you begin to build trust and confidence in the relationship. That's what allows you to not worry if you don't hear from honey-wa three times in one day. It's okay! However, if that trust I broken, or things are not strong between you, it is normal that a guy (and gals, too!) want that extra re-assurance.

Make sure that you are not with a person who is crazy clingy. That type wants constant re-assurance that all is well -- that you love them and will never leave them. Not good! Not good! They will smother you and you will begin to resent them. Guys, if you are like that, take a hard look at why you are so insecure. You will kill your relationships when you act that way.

Sean

Jonny_ · Answer

Often a couple of reasons, my main reason is at the start you don't know everything about each other or what you all do in your daily lives... But a few weeks in you text and get the same replies, or it gets to the point where she says 'the usual, what about you'? You just get the same questions and answers which loses abit of the meaning. I mean meeting up is different, you can do whatever as a couple and outside factors start new conversations, but texting is usually when your just sitting at home bored. I do think a lot of people don't think they have to text as much as they don't have to flirt or try so hard... there are several reasons really and they all relate to it being easier to just leave texting and phoning. If it were up to me I'd only use it to make plans to meet up. I love my other half, but as odd as it seems I've only text her for the first time in three days. It doesn't mean I'm losing interest in her or dating her, it just means the phase of finding out about her is over. I still think about her all the time, I'm not just slowly forgetting. If you're worried it's happening don't be afraid to text him when you want to, and try to avoid asking the same questions and giving the same answers.

The-Romanian · Answer

The answers only seem to focus on some things, rather than what is seen as the key elements to any relationship.

"Too comfortable" can also be translated into loss of interest, and attraction. And they are just with the person for the convenience factor. So, when someone hits that point in the relationship. They aren't as eager to communicate. Because they really don't care to hear the same thing, or say the same thing. And they'll only give the bare minimum.

And when a woman does that, and they react the way they do. It's because they do what needs to be done to keep their convenience, and figure it's slipping away from their grasp. Yeah, it sounds absurd. But, that's how we are at times. Men and women.

Anonymous · Answer

because by being always available you lower your value. the guy thinks that he already "has" you and that you're already head over heels for him. when someone "has" you, that means they sort of possess you in a sense. and for someone to possess you, that means they own you (figuratively speaking). when one party owns another, that means the other party is of lower value. basically you need a full active life outside this guy. he's not the end all be all and the world doesn't revolve around him. guys (and girls) don't respect someone that like live and breathe for them. don't be overeager

tessamarie · Answer

alot of guys think they have the power over women and can do anything.. not all guys but alot. I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and he never acts like that. some men are just immature and are confused. haha! =)

Radius · Answer

most of us do this is because we feel that we now have her and that we don't need to worry. I Personally do not or wouldn't do this

afrolejin · Answer

it's a rookie mistake and the best way to solve it is to address it, I always call at least twice a day once in the morning or text and before go to sleep no matter where I am

julkes · Answer

Because some guys are lazy. Its true! Drop the lazy ones we ain't worth it!

Why do guys become too comfortable when the girl is always available?

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