Is there any way to get her to stop pushing me away, and if so how?

[Anonymous]

So I was in a relationship with this girl and it was going well, she got kind of mean and such and I took it because I figured she had been hurt before and was just kind of testing me or something, turned out I was right she was pushing me away but eventually it became shoving, andd then she broke up with me I am fairly certain she still has feelings for me. She is still pushing me away and I know it, she said she wants to stop pushing people away, but just doesn't know how to stop, any suggestions on how to help her stop pushing me away, or even just stop pushing people away period. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

[lost-angel]

If you keep going back and fighting for her, she will continuely push you away. I know she doesn't want to, but she will. It has become her way of asking for attention, or reassurance. Its not right, and she knows it, but she can't help it. The only person who can make a difference here is you. Stop showing her "good" results when she pushes you away.

I guess it is like training a pet. They learn to do certain things, when we praise/give them a treat after they do it. So they continuely do it to get a treat. I know its wrong to compare her to an animal. But I'm saying, just like animals, we know the results to certain actions. So when YOU give in to her actions, she knows the result to it, and will keep doing it.

We think that by reassuring, or running after the other person, we are pulling them closer to us, but we're really not. We're just, well--- running after them. They are still in the same place, ready to run any minute.

Testing is ok in the beginning of the relationship, but it gets tiring after awhile, and is really unfair to the other person. She has to learn to have more confidence, and security in relationships. If she can't get over the past, then she is NOT READY for a new relationship. She can use the past to guide her from time to time, but she can't let it control her future. She also has to realize that she can't torture you for the mistakes of others (in the past). We are all different.

Prove to her that you love her, and that you are trust worthy. Prove to her that you will not do anything to hurt her. Prove to her how much she means to you. If she still runs, then let her go. She has to learn that she can't keep doing this to ppl, especially people who care about her.

All you can do is, be there for her. If she runs, just stay, and wait for her to come back. Let her know that you aren't going anywhere. And that you are just one phone call away.

Dont give her the results she wants. Because it will just encourage her to keep doing it (running away that is)

Someday when she runs, she will look back and realize you are no longer running after her. And that is when she will realize she really has to change, and welcome the future with open arms, if she really wants to find happiness.

Im sorry if I'm being alil harsh.

P.S. I used to run.

[Asker]

Well I did stop running to her, in fact I've started to take the opposite approach and tell her that I love her and care about her but if she keeps it up I won't be around for her to do it to, normally it gets a small reaction she comes to me I feel a little better and start thinking she'll stop and actually talk to me then the very next day she's back at it. She told me that things between us can be fixed, but she never even hints at how.

[Rachey]

I did this to my boyfriend unfortunately and he still remembers and hurts from it no matter how much I regret it and didn't want to do it. I agree with this comment though. stop running and she will realize she can't keep running and that she needs to stop running to keep you. Her advice was good too.. show her and tell her that you love her and that she can trust you (sometimes that's all we need to truly believe it just to hear it andfinally realize it)and reassure her when she is in doubt.

[Asker]

Ok thank you, for supporting this answer I'll try doing that again...

[Ontheotherside]

I'm sorry she's pushing you away.

You've probably been such a sweet heart to her, it must be something in her past.

Maybe lost a loved one, or a horrible unforgetable experiance.

The key is if you still have great feelings for her. Give her a little time and comfort her as much as possible. Every girl really loves a caring boyfriend.

Which I'm sure you are! :]

I wish you a lot of luck with your girlfriend and hopefully you will get back together! <3

[Asker]

Thanks, but it hurts a lot to keep getting shoved away =/

[Ontheotherside]

Im sure your a handsome man, if she just isn't intrested there are many other fish in the sea :D. Not that I want you to break up at all! And I know you don't want to either. She's a toughy! But you will get through it together I'm sure.

[Asker]

Thank you for the support =) and ya I don't wanna leave her, and honestly I don't think I could even if I wanted to.

[Jamerz]

just ask her "would you like it if someone said that to you" just tell her to put herself in other places and that might help

[Asker]

Umm I'll try that, I'm not sure how that will turn out but I don't think it could do much more damage if it fails.

[Jamerz]

I guess anything will help, only she can change though. she will in time if she really wants too just try and be there for her as much as you can

[Asker]

I am trying, thank you for your answer.

[Jamerz]

Anytime

[Anonymous]

remind her that you are not that guy that hurt her. and just be your genunine kind self, hopefully she'll come around:)

[Asker]

Thank you, but I tend to crumble when someone I care about hurts me.

[Opinion Owner]

Me too. if you don't mind me asking, what did she do?

[Asker]

If you mean how does she push me away, well normally she won't talk to me or she'lll ignore me when I try to talk to her, she'll yell at me and call me names, it really varies.

[Opinion Owner]

That's too bad. have you tried to contact her again, to at least keep the lines of communication open? even as friends til she realizes how cool you really are.

[Asker]

Yea, we talk occasionally, but it's nothing like we used to, it tends to be her just calling more names and just general anger at me then I get more depressed at what hse's doing and chances are I'll say something then she'll say something like "you're so dumb, it's just what I do" refereing to her pushing me away, then she'll stop talking to me again andd she blames me for a lot of stuff (even though I know most of it isn't my fault, because it was part of her pushing me away)

[Opinion Owner]

That's too bad. have you tried to contact her again? maybe keep her as a friend and she'll come around. how sure you sure that you didn't not misunderstand her? something like this happened to me before. and now I don't even know how to contact him. and I miss him.

[Opinion Owner]

Oops! something must be wrong with my computer. I thought that other question didn't go threw. that's terrible she'd call you dumb. are you sure that you would want to be with someone that does that?

[Asker]

Well, before she said that it was more of a meanigless name more of a way of teasing me, and I kinda liked it, I don't know if that's what it is now... and the things you put up seem to need two things in a row to be visible sometimes I don't know why it's the site though, not you. And if she is like how she used to and is only being mean because she is pushing me away then yes I do want to be with her (she was extremely sweet and kind and very interesting to talk to, we used to talk entire days/nights)

[Opinion Owner]

I hope she comes around for you. she must really be special. sounds like she's afraid of getting hurt again. hopefully with time, she'll let go of some of her defenses. do you live close to each other so you can meet in person? maybe go to eat and then for a walk and get to really know each other and be there for her so she will be who she used to be and learn to respect and care for you, like you do for her.

[Asker]

I thought about that too, but I live in Cali. and she lives in Canada so no, not very close by =/

[Opinion Owner]

Darnit!

[Asker]

Yea =/

[Nutz76]

For one thing, stop chasing her. That in of itself will shore up your foundation a bit and break her from the paradigm she's used to. Better yet, get more women in your life so she can see you've got something going for yourself and aren't a needy wuss. Those two things combined will go a lot way towards sparking her attraction to you. That's what's missing here I think.

Yes, she may still care, but she could also not be attracted anymore due to a variety of reasons. Get that back and see where things go from there. In any event you'll be much better off in the long run when you have choice over who you date and are in the driver's seat for a change.

[Asker]

Well, I actually do have quiet a few females around... more than I have male friends even, and I haven't been "running" to her as everyone here seems to assume.

[cavalier]

I recall a scene from a movie.

She stars yelling, pushing you away, but she admits she loves you and she doesn't want to push you away, but she can't help it.

And you grab her and hold her head to your chest and say "shh it's going to be okay"

shut up, I'm a romantic. Lol!

[Asker]

Lol, actually I've thought of the same thing and so am I but never see movie with that in it O.o but kinda hard to do I don't know her in real life over the net only =/ otherwise I would have done that.

[armanti]

She don't wanna be saved don't save her