What am I doing that pushes guys away?

Ok so can you please tell me what turns you off about a girl, because I seem to keep turning guys off me when they get to know me. I'm quite loud and talk and laugh alot. I tend to tease people a lot especially guys I fancy (immature I know...) and I tend to try play quite hard to get. I've also been told I can be quite shallow but I try not to be and I've also been known to be quite fussy... Do you reckon those things are having an affect? If so which ones? How do guys like girls to be? Please help


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well you can't really generalize what guys like, cause I'm sure there's a few guys out there that would like you just like that, but stereotypically speaking...

    I don't think many guys like girls that are loud (I'm assuming as in like... you have to raise your voice constantly, for attention purposes maybe?) I can't say anything against hard to get, cause many girls do it, but perhaps you're playing too hard? No guy is gonna want you if you put yourself on a pedestal of "No man can touch me." Shallow-ness isn't something that we can help you with. Many guys are shallow too, so that's just a matter of preference, but if you'll looking for The utmost intellectual, caring, muscular, jock and Mr. Prince Charming and I'll-take-care-of-you-for-ever-til-the-day-we-die kinda guy all in one... you'll probably be looking for a while. If you're attracted to certain types, don't force yourself to change if it doesn't feel natural, cause you probably won't be happy otherwise, make a list of things you absolutely want in a guy, a list of things he can't be, and things that can be compromised.

    Don't be so fussy though. There's a degree of fussiness that can actually be attractive and cute to some guys (though I think that's actually stubbornness, and not fussy), but sometimes its just immaturity, and at your age, a guy wants either an easy lay, or someone whose mature. Your pick.


What Guys Said 45

  • It sounds like you are actually really annoying.

    Hard to get = bitchy. stop that sh*t, now.

    laugh and talk, but LISTEN too. The guy wants to be in control, LET him.

    If he isn't teasing you, you aren't teasing him, and if you DO tease him, you touch him, poke him, and give him a playful smile, to show that your intentions are to liking him.

    Fussy is annoying. cut that sh*t out.

    Shallow? Unless you have a job, huge t*ts, perfect teeth, a nice car, great clothes, a big ass, no cellulite, no acne, a soothing voice, perfect nails, not too short, not too tall, and you're smarter than the average girl, you should not be judgmental. Until you are called to pose in playboy, stop judging guys based on there looks/money, unless you intend on being judged just as harshly.

  • A few harsh comments here, but the truth can hurt.

    Loud, talking, laughing, not bad things <<<<

    Immaturity, hard to get, shallow, fussy, bad things <<<<<<

    Immaturity will change over time.

    The others you will have to work on, guys really do not like the whole hard to get, fussy thing. However, I have the feeling you are being quite hard on yourself. Maybe these recent knock backs are the reason, I'm sure you have more qualities then you are letting on.

  • Drop the hard to get, if you are looking for a type of guy who wants a serious relationship that will last a long time, this is just annoying

  • There is a natural bias in most men I know that appreciate womens' "feminine" sensitivities to social interactions. This includes talking softly and slowly and showing interest in what others have to say. Laughing is a very positive character trait but loudness seems immature because it seems to be about making yourself the center of attention rather than a piece of the social group dynamic so to speak.

    1. Speak less and softly but when you speak smile and laugh alot

    2. Do not tease a man (very immature except very few instances) . Flirt patiently and listen attentively to what he has to say to you and ask questions.

    3. Shallow people are like arrogant people. They think they are great and self confident within themselves but actually everyone dislikes them for actually believing and acting on it as its unattractive in everyway.

    4. Fusiness is a complete turn off unless it serves to improve an existing problem. If there is no prolem to solve then your fusiness makes YOU the problem.

    Men appreciate women who are simple, genuine and calm and know how to listen and when the right time to laugh and flirt is socially. The traits you exhibit might be useful in private one on one settings in a bedroom let's say but not outside the bedroom, so to speak. It's a simple and fast analysis but pretty much it is that.

    Hope it helps a bit ! :)

  • lol, you're answering your own question!

    i like a girl who isn't more dominant than me. if you are with a shy guy, tone down the loud talk, dominance, etc. if you are with a really dominant guy, he might appreciate your style.

    i personally love girls that tease, but just make sure that it is FUNNY, not insulting, and it is within a context he will understand, aka not random. guys need to know its teasing and not you really hating on them!

    playing hard to get is a skill. you can't just do all push. you got to do push and pull. if a girl flirts with me, then ignores me later, randomly. or wants to hang out one day, and ditches me the next. I'm going to be going crazy over her. but if all she does is ignore me and blow me off, I'm would be retarded to not take a hint.

    for me, a girl can be as shallow as she wants as long as she has the looks to back it up.

    not that I prefer it, but shallow and fussy is sexy if you really are hot. everyone likes to bitch about the superhot cheerleader that is totally into herself, but every guy is still going to dream about getting with her. now if you aren't that hot yourself, acting shallow and fussy just seems pretentious and annoying

  • I expect that if/when you find a very special guy that dispels fears of being rejected you will take a different tone of caring when it's important while still being you when having fun. Teasing passions = look for higher IQ social guys; Loud = look for jocks, low IQ, know-it-alls; Shallow* = all about me or forget you; Laugh = higher IQ fun guys; Fussy* = high maintenance.

    *You'll tone these down when more about a special guy than about yourself - until then, BE YOURSELF

  • Umm... really?

    1) Play hard to get

    2) Shallow

    3) Fussy

    Those are probably the three getting you into trouble. So...

    1) Don't play games... if you like someone, be honest. Guys aren't exactly the most subtle creatures, they might just think you don't like them. That doesn't mean you have to throw yourself at people... just when that little voice in your head says "I should act this way or he'll think I'm desperate" Tell it to shut up.

    2) This is a hard one... if it's part of your personality then well... it is. I guess just try to follow the golden rule, treat guys the way you want them to treat you. Again, honesty is the best policy, if you care about something that is what is important. If that means you care about money and looks, so be it... you just might narrow your choices in people.

    3) It depends on what you mean by fussy. But generally, just try to calm down and enjoy yourself when you can. Don't let people walk all over you, but its OK to let things go once in a while.


    As far as the being loud and talking a lot, that shouldn't be a problem. You probably don't want to attract someone who isn't going to be OK with that, it sounds like something that is just part of who you are.

  • I'm going to be honest and straight to the point here. The fact that you're loud, talkative and luagh a bit much can be a turn off to most boys. Some of us find it quite obnoxious and annoying so maybe try and tone that down a bit and I bet you most boys when they see this change, they'll wonder what happened to you and start being interested in you. Boys are probably interested in you but its just those few characteristics about you that you listed which turns them off. I know this because I had a girl in our school who was really pretty and most boys thought the same but just because she was loud, talkative and laughed out loudly, no boy wanted anything to do with her relationship wise. But if it was just a quick thing they woudn't mind, it was just that she wasn't dating material to them because of it. Hope this helps

  • Yes.. they all have an effect.

    Men like a woman who can converse, and listen. Men like women who know how to laugh, but who also know when to laugh as well. Men like women with self assuredness, a quiet demeanor that does not need to be the loudest voice in the room.

    Men are not oblivious, we know that dialogue and relationships take time and effort - and will hesitate if we cannot get a word in edgewise, or if someone is so eager to make another point in a conversation that they allow no room for anyone else to talk.

    The best way to start a relationship with a guy is to ask him questions about something he is passionate about, and listen. It might be a sports team, a trophy, a vacation, a career... but give the man an opportunity to talk also.

    you'll be glad you did.

  • Ideally I want a confident girl that can make up her mind if she likes a guy or not and doesn't have to play any bullsh*t games to protect her ego, but I understand sometimes I need to magnify her emotions for her to make a choice so I don't get too caught up if a girl is a little standoffish at the start, but eventually I'm going to move on, I ask a girl out three times before I move on.

    Your attitude all depends on the kind of guys you go for, so maybe your attitude and your desire are off, only you know yourself if what you are doing is really a part of you or just your insecurity coming out, if it's insecurity then it's something you need to work on but if it's really you, maybe think about a different type of guy

  • I'm usually turned off by immature behavior like avoiding problems, wasting another person's time, things like that. I don't mind lite teasing because I tend to do it too, lol. Another BIG turn off is drug abuse. I don't mind a girl who enjoys a drink every now and then but I refuse to associate with an alcoholic or some one that thinks smoking pot is okay. I don't even talk to people who are into heavier drugs like heroine or cocaine.

    As far as what you said about being loud and talking a lot it depends on the things you say. If you don't take the time to exercise some self discretion than I would say that's a big turn off. If you just like to laugh and have fun I would say that's actually attractive.

    I understand why most girls play hard to get but there is a limit to the amount of "chasing" I'm willing to do, especially if I just met a girl. If you do this too long I would say you have some type of deeper issue or fear of letting people get close to you.

  • > I'm quite loud

    OK so long as you aren't so conspicuous as to be embarassing to be with.

    > and talk and laugh alot

    A very good trait - nothing worse than trying to sustain a conversation with nothing coming back. Do pause to breathe now and again so he can contrinute something to procedings as well.

    > I tend to tease people a lot especially guys I fancy

    Fine in moderation. Be sensitive. Back off and say sorry if you hit a nerve.

    > I tend to try play quite hard to get

    Fine, but don't hold out forever or he may give up.

    > I've also been told I can be quite shallow

    Also fine for introductions - nobody expects satre on the first date. Keep the conversation moving and of variable depth so he doesn't get bored though.

    > I've also been known to be quite fussy

    If we aren't talking OCD this is also fine.

  • You've just described all the reasons why guys don't stick around. I personally don't like immature girls, playing hard to get is a turn-off after a while if you don't give him the benefit of the doubt. Being picky isn't a bad thing but having high expectations is. The main problem girls have when it comes to finding a guy is that they want a guy to be perfect! meaning; charming, romantic, sensitive, good looking, good body, thoughtful, successful, great personality, spontaneous, bad boy that sweeps them off their feet... no guy has all those qualities combined it's either or...that's what you have to realize.

    My advice is be realistic, don't judge a guy if you don't know him and try to be more mature, real men are attracted to mature girls, it doesn't mean you have to act old and boring just try to be the type of easy-going person that all the guys like to be around. You sound like a fun girl but you have to know when to be serious also, no guy likes having a girlfriend that he has to babysit unless his a guy that just wants a good time with no strings attached. The more quiet and mysterious a girl is the more interested a guy is especially if you pretty. Stop the teasing you not doing any favors for yourself, we hate that crap. Shallowness is a big turn off.

    Good luck

  • any guy will not any one to be get teased by others esp other gender,your loud voice and laughing natur most guys may not be pleased.You should not give hard be tender or soft in nature Should be somewhat shyful or acting like to attract. If you try you can controle and change your habbit,remember there is nothing impossible if you try constantly and sincerly if the luck not agaist you.

  • lol, I seen your type and yep I ignored her... you demand everyone's attention, and some people don't like the attention you draw, and since you are the center of attention and your not so easy to get, the poor guys don't think they are good enough, but your a good reason to talk to your female friends :). However, there are loud guys you can play around with but most of them might be quite decieving...ciao

  • "Do you reckon those things are having an affect? If so which ones? How do guys like girls to be? Please help"

    Let's take a look see.

    "I'm quite loud and talk and laugh alot."

    That might be a turn off, depending on how extreme you are and depending on the guy's preferences.

    "I tend to tease people a lot especially guys I fancy and I tend to try play quite hard to get."

    Tease how? Playfully? Do the guys know you are joking? Or do they feel insulted?

    "I've also been told I can be quite shallow but I try not to be and I've also been known to be quite fussy..."

    Yeah, shallow is NOT a good quality. Neither is fussy. Guys like smart, easy going girls.

  • Loud...that's fine. Some guys don't like it but it doesn't bother me though. The teasing is fine as long as its light hearted. The hard to get can sometimes be a bit seductive. The shallowness...you should get rid of that act. I'm not into shallow people. I like girls to be talkative but not talk my ear off, confident but not arrogant, and I like girls to have some depth to them. To be able to hold a conversation about something that's not irrelevant to life.

  • playing hard to get

    being shallow

    fussy (wich is just high maintenance)

    all you need to add is being a nag and your a perfect score!

    seriously anyone of those 3 is enough to send all but the most desperate or naive men running!

  • I don't like too loud. Teasing can be fun, but to much is annoying. Playing hard to get is just f***ing annoying, I can't stand people that play games like that, so yeah that is probab;y putting a lot of guys off. Shallowness is a big turn off. Being fussy can be OK, as long as its not for stupid reasons.

  • mandmand has a good answer from a girl's perspective. you shouldn't have to change who you are but you need to know when to tone it down/up accordingly. I mean cause WOW you are like a 5/5 on what guys DONT like. hopefully your just exaggerating but ya, just know how to act accordingly, different guys like different types of girls. but one thing no guys like is playing hard to get. usually the girl goes too far then the guy gives up and the girl wonders why.

  • Every single one of those features about you need to changed, well exept the teasing I just love girls that do that =p

  • What isn't pushing guys away from you except for the fact that you aren't killing them? Personally a loudmouth girl makes me wanna stick something like a sock in her mouth to shut her up and if she talks way too much, then how the f*** am I gonna get my bits into the convo? Oh, and playing hard to get? Well, better get used to having guys not take any interest in you too long aka, you push them away. Ever considered an attitude change? Fussy too? That is a fairly long list of problematic things normal guys can't tolerate.

  • all of them, makes you sound like a brat.

  • fussy, Hard To Get, Loud = all DEFINITE turn offs

    it appears the rest of the guy answers are realllyy harsh, ill be nice.

    Just calm down. We like calm. And for the hard to get part just give guys a sign you want them.

  • You listed every single quality a guy doesn't look for in a girl.

  • sounds like you are not acting subte gentle and feminine enough

  • stop playing hard to get, if you like me let me know. I don't mind getting teased but don't cross the line. don't go so far that you actually insult me or something I like. don't talk loud, if I'm right in front of you and I haven't yet told you I'm not deaf, there's no point in yelling or talking loud to me, it just brings unwanted ears into our conversation and can be embarrassing. talking a lot is great, personally I don't like talking much so if you do it makes it easier for me to keep the conversation going with you. I love it when a girl laughs, it means something I said or did was funny, or that she can laugh at herself or something in general. it tells me she likes to have fun and has a good sense of humor like me.

  • I can definitely say I wouldn't pursue a girl that's a tease, plays games, is really shallow, and is fussy. That's all a negative to me. Some guys like light teasing, some like playing "the game", some are super hot (but because they're so concerned with their looks, are likely to also be quite shallow, so you better be able to measure up), but I don't know of any that like fussy girls. All of these are bad traits if you're looking for a long-term relationship rather than short-term fun, though.

  • sounds like yur a brat and yu know it. yu can be loud ant talkitive but bein loud isn't attractive don't be so hard to get and be more mature when yu like someone yur not 15 anymore lol

    • because of your picture you are my role model

    • "hey there pretty mama" lmao love johnny bravo!

  • Shallowness and playing hard to get = turn off for majority of the males

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What Girls Said 14

  • Obviously I'm not a guy but what I've noticed over the years is that guys are very logical before they get into a relationship. I'm not talking about just looking for sex. I mean if a guy wants to get in a relationship, they usually are really good at figuring out if the girl is going to be a good partner. That's why you have that phenomenon of the biggest asshole dating the sweetest girl in the world. Cause she thought with her heart and he thought with his head.

    Girls who come off sweet, generous, loving, and affectionate are always going to have a long line of guys. Maybe not in a bar type of setting. But when guys are looking for a relationship they are going to try for a girl like that.

    All the stuff you listed is probably coming off as not good relationship material. Loud might be coming off as needing more attention then you are willing to give. What you call teasing he may see as pointing out his failures. Especially since I've notice that no matter how funny the guy is, guys usually don't tease girls they like. Playing hard to get may come off as him having to put more in the relationship then you are going to give. Same with fussy. It probably is telling them you think they need to put more into keeping and getting you then you are willing to put into getting them. And obviously shallow isn't a compliment.

    One of the best things any woman can learn when she is young is that guys love to be romanced just as much as women. It's a different kind of romance. But guys like to be treated like they are the only man in the world just like you would like him to treat you that way. It's best to realize that if you sit back and think that guys need to earn your love, guys are probably picking up on that. And while you may think you are pretty great, they think they are pretty great too.

    I don't think you should change your personality cause that will only lead to disaster. Just realize a guy will pursue a woman not just cause he wants her but cause he wants the kind of love she offers. Yours might be coming off as "It's all about me". And the only guy who wants that kind of thing usually has some issues.

  • Two things.

    1) Playing hard to get

    2) Being to easy to get (aka: showing them you're SO interested)

    Most guys are like that, but some enjoy girls who know what they want and who they want. And some guys like girls who they have to chase.

    Confusing right? Yeah, join the club. :P

  • #1-- Some guys need to be turned away.

    #2-- Guys that hang in there longer & then leave is usually because they have deemed your "wall" around your heart as too thick or maybe even unbreakable. Good guys don't mind working for a good woman, but if the task seems impossible or they don't feel like you will ever let them in other than superficially, they see you more as a risk than as girlfriend or wife potential.

    It's good to have boundaries, but a woman needs a soft side as well. Oh and fyi...they like the sassy about you, but you have to let them see the other side too! You remind me of me;-)

  • First off: GUYS ARE ALL DIFFERENT! You are trying to hard! Heck this question is even an indication that you are trying to hard to please other people rathar then being yourself. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with improving yourself but you shouldn't try so hard. Teasing is a good way to flirt it is not immature! Maybe you are just meeting the wrong guys. I have only a few tips for you to improve yourself:

    *give yourself a mini-makeover. Maybe dye your hair, put on make-up, buy some new figure-flattering clothes.

    *If you feel that you are too loud try speaking in a softer tone. (I have the same problem sometimes!)

    *Try going out and trying new activities. Maybe if you join a club you can meet someone with similar interests to you.

    *Don't be fake. People can sense when you are lieing and acting like someone else and no one likes it.

  • Try to be more quiet. Don't pull on them your noise. This is embarrassing that a girl is so voicy and constantly laugh and talk. Try to shut yourself down.

  • -fussy

    -maybe too loud?

    -teasing people


    -playing too hard to get

  • I think some of those things, but all may be affecting how guys see you.

    Fussy translates to high maintenance and too hard to get can be seen as lack of interest. You see why that might be a problem so far? Being "immature and loud" isn't a bad thing if that's who you are, that's like me, I would rather be me single than someone else in a relationship.

    I would work on those things and see how you go x

  • Don't demand a door is opened for you. this can be perceived as pushy. Don't look for money. That only can turn off a guy. Don't always talk about your self ask the other person things also. try t9o find something in common and talk about it. Dress nice but not too under dressed to give a wrong impression. Now a hard one: Work on you?

  • just be yourself and if a guy doesn't like you he's not good enough for you! don't pretend to be something you're not. I'm loud and talk and laugh a lot too. But fussy and shallow are two things that turns guys off. I'm not saying you are, but just pay attention to what you do and say I tease guys I like too but try to keep it to a minimum. and its good to play hard to get. it shows a guy that he has to work for you and you won't just scrape what you find at the bottom of the barrel. but when the right guy comes around make sure you say yes! that happened to me once and I didn't say yes. biggest mistake ever. I guess the best way to say this is have a balance. its not something you can just expect to have you have to put some thought into it and see how it works. if it doesn't the right one hasn't shone up yet. I hope this helps!

  • But you DON'T want to be "EASY" either! Because after they get what they want, they drop you and move on to the next one. They want you to be "easy" so it can be "easy" for them and they won't have to try as hard to pursue you. You gotta give them something to make them respect you more to keep them from doing that. Don't show all your "goods" at once. It's like peeling a banana peel, peel one layer at a time. Just to keep them wondering. Get what I'm saying. You picking up, what I'm putting down? Lol.


    • I like how you said "all guys are not like this, but quite a few are". It's true; a lot of my gender-mates are advantageous when it comes to sex, & will do ANYTHING to get some from u.

      It's aiight to not be too "easy", but a female HAS to "let him in", or she'll repel every rel. quality guy she'll ever meet, & only be left with assholes, & continue to get hurt.

      To be frank, every good guy I know (incl. myself) completely DESPISES "hard to get". My time's too valuable to waste on BS like that.

    • Uh? Okay. I didn't say anything about being hard to get. Just giving advice about don't be too easy. Lol

  • Guys don't like girls that are overly loud. Talkative is good, but too talkative is never good. Maybe by joking around TOO much, it comes off in a mean way. So maybe if you give a low blow, say something sweet after to make him know you're just kidding. its normal to make fun of a guy when you like him. And being shallow? what do you think? no guy likes a shallow girl. at all. same goes with fussy.

  • i used to act like you and I think I repelled people because my energy was very masculine and I didn't really show my soft side. that doesn't mean you can't have fun, but emphasize your femininity and attractiveness. you don't always have to make a big production about things.

  • Im sorry I'm not one to encourage rude bahavior but it just seems that when a girl is sweet and genuine guys always take this as a sign of weakness or an opportunity to take them for granted (in my case) Yet when I play a little hard to get and I'm semi- interested I get a major response from guys (almost chasing after me begging me to be in a relationship with them!) Unbelievable right?! So tell me is playing a little hard to get bad? Somehow guys list qualities on here that turn them off yet I see more and more of them date this type ie.




    -attention whore


    -back stabbers

    -gold diggers

    hmmm...yeah just be ourselves? That doesn't seem to be doing any justice!

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