What am I doing that pushes guys away?

Ok so can you please tell me what turns you off about a girl, because I seem to keep turning guys off me when they get to know me. I'm quite loud and talk and laugh alot. I tend to tease people a lot especially guys I fancy (immature I know...) and I tend to try play quite hard to get. I've also been told I can be quite shallow but I try not to be and I've also been known to be quite fussy... Do you reckon those things are having an affect? If so which ones? How do guys like girls to be? Please help


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well you can't really generalize what guys like, cause I'm sure there's a few guys out there that would like you just like that, but stereotypically speaking...

    I don't think many guys like girls that are loud (I'm assuming as in like... you have to raise your voice constantly, for attention purposes maybe?) I can't say anything against hard to get, cause many girls do it, but perhaps you're playing too hard? No guy is gonna want you if you put yourself on a pedestal of "No man can touch me." Shallow-ness isn't something that we can help you with. Many guys are shallow too, so that's just a matter of preference, but if you'll looking for The utmost intellectual, caring, muscular, jock and Mr. Prince Charming and I'll-take-care-of-you-for-ever-til-the-day-we-die kinda guy all in one... you'll probably be looking for a while. If you're attracted to certain types, don't force yourself to change if it doesn't feel natural, cause you probably won't be happy otherwise, make a list of things you absolutely want in a guy, a list of things he can't be, and things that can be compromised.

    Don't be so fussy though. There's a degree of fussiness that can actually be attractive and cute to some guys (though I think that's actually stubbornness, and not fussy), but sometimes its just immaturity, and at your age, a guy wants either an easy lay, or someone whose mature. Your pick.


What Guys Said 45

  • It sounds like you are actually really annoying.

    Hard to get = bitchy. stop that sh*t, now.

    laugh and talk, but LISTEN too. The guy wants to be in control, LET him.

    If he isn't teasing you, you aren't teasing him, and if you DO tease him, you touch him, poke him, and give him a playful smile, to show that your intentions are to liking him.

    Fussy is annoying. cut that sh*t out.

    Shallow? Unless you have a job, huge t*ts, perfect teeth, a nice car, great clothes, a big ass, no cellulite, no acne, a soothing voice, perfect nails, not too short, not too tall, and you're smarter than the average girl, you should not be judgmental. Until you are called to pose in playboy, stop judging guys based on there looks/money, unless you intend on being judged just as harshly.

  • A few harsh comments here, but the truth can hurt.

    Loud, talking, laughing, not bad things <<<<

    Immaturity, hard to get, shallow, fussy, bad things <<<<<<

    Immaturity will change over time.

    The others you will have to work on, guys really do not like the whole hard to get, fussy thing. However, I have the feeling you are being quite hard on yourself. Maybe these recent knock backs are the reason, I'm sure you have more qualities then you are letting on.

  • Drop the hard to get, if you are looking for a type of guy who wants a serious relationship that will last a long time, this is just annoying

  • There is a natural bias in most men I know that appreciate womens' "feminine" sensitivities to social interactions. This includes talking softly and slowly and showing interest in what others have to say. Laughing is a very positive character trait but loudness seems immature because it seems to be about making yourself the center of attention rather than a piece of the social group dynamic so to speak.

    1. Speak less and softly but when you speak smile and laugh alot

    2. Do not tease a man (very immature except very few instances) . Flirt patiently and listen attentively to what he has to say to you and ask questions.

    3. Shallow people are like arrogant people. They think they are great and self confident within themselves but actually everyone dislikes them for actually believing and acting on it as its unattractive in everyway.

    4. Fusiness is a complete turn off unless it serves to improve an existing problem. If there is no prolem to solve then your fusiness makes YOU the problem.

    Men appreciate women who are simple, genuine and calm and know how to listen and when the right time to laugh and flirt is socially. The traits you exhibit might be useful in private one on one settings in a bedroom let's say but not outside the bedroom, so to speak. It's a simple and fast analysis but pretty much it is that.

    Hope it helps a bit ! :)

  • lol, you're answering your own question!

    i like a girl who isn't more dominant than me. if you are with a shy guy, tone down the loud talk, dominance, etc. if you are with a really dominant guy, he might appreciate your style.

    i personally love girls that tease, but just make sure that it is FUNNY, not insulting, and it is within a context he will understand, aka not random. guys need to know its teasing and not you really hating on them!

    playing hard to get is a skill. you can't just do all push. you got to do push and pull. if a girl flirts with me, then ignores me later, randomly. or wants to hang out one day, and ditches me the next. I'm going to be going crazy over her. but if all she does is ignore me and blow me off, I'm would be retarded to not take a hint.

    for me, a girl can be as shallow as she wants as long as she has the looks to back it up.

    not that I prefer it, but shallow and fussy is sexy if you really are hot. everyone likes to bitch about the superhot cheerleader that is totally into herself, but every guy is still going to dream about getting with her. now if you aren't that hot yourself, acting shallow and fussy just seems pretentious and annoying

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What Girls Said 14

  • Obviously I'm not a guy but what I've noticed over the years is that guys are very logical before they get into a relationship. I'm not talking about just looking for sex. I mean if a guy wants to get in a relationship, they usually are really good at figuring out if the girl is going to be a good partner. That's why you have that phenomenon of the biggest asshole dating the sweetest girl in the world. Cause she thought with her heart and he thought with his head.

    Girls who come off sweet, generous, loving, and affectionate are always going to have a long line of guys. Maybe not in a bar type of setting. But when guys are looking for a relationship they are going to try for a girl like that.

    All the stuff you listed is probably coming off as not good relationship material. Loud might be coming off as needing more attention then you are willing to give. What you call teasing he may see as pointing out his failures. Especially since I've notice that no matter how funny the guy is, guys usually don't tease girls they like. Playing hard to get may come off as him having to put more in the relationship then you are going to give. Same with fussy. It probably is telling them you think they need to put more into keeping and getting you then you are willing to put into getting them. And obviously shallow isn't a compliment.

    One of the best things any woman can learn when she is young is that guys love to be romanced just as much as women. It's a different kind of romance. But guys like to be treated like they are the only man in the world just like you would like him to treat you that way. It's best to realize that if you sit back and think that guys need to earn your love, guys are probably picking up on that. And while you may think you are pretty great, they think they are pretty great too.

    I don't think you should change your personality cause that will only lead to disaster. Just realize a guy will pursue a woman not just cause he wants her but cause he wants the kind of love she offers. Yours might be coming off as "It's all about me". And the only guy who wants that kind of thing usually has some issues.

  • Two things.

    1) Playing hard to get

    2) Being to easy to get (aka: showing them you're SO interested)

    Most guys are like that, but some enjoy girls who know what they want and who they want. And some guys like girls who they have to chase.

    Confusing right? Yeah, join the club. :P

  • #1-- Some guys need to be turned away.

    #2-- Guys that hang in there longer & then leave is usually because they have deemed your "wall" around your heart as too thick or maybe even unbreakable. Good guys don't mind working for a good woman, but if the task seems impossible or they don't feel like you will ever let them in other than superficially, they see you more as a risk than as girlfriend or wife potential.

    It's good to have boundaries, but a woman needs a soft side as well. Oh and fyi...they like the sassy about you, but you have to let them see the other side too! You remind me of me;-)

  • First off: GUYS ARE ALL DIFFERENT! You are trying to hard! Heck this question is even an indication that you are trying to hard to please other people rathar then being yourself. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with improving yourself but you shouldn't try so hard. Teasing is a good way to flirt it is not immature! Maybe you are just meeting the wrong guys. I have only a few tips for you to improve yourself:

    *give yourself a mini-makeover. Maybe dye your hair, put on make-up, buy some new figure-flattering clothes.

    *If you feel that you are too loud try speaking in a softer tone. (I have the same problem sometimes!)

    *Try going out and trying new activities. Maybe if you join a club you can meet someone with similar interests to you.

    *Don't be fake. People can sense when you are lieing and acting like someone else and no one likes it.

  • Try to be more quiet. Don't pull on them your noise. This is embarrassing that a girl is so voicy and constantly laugh and talk. Try to shut yourself down.

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