Should I give this really nice guy a chance?

I work with a boy who has liked me for a while now. We have been really good friends, we talk a lot and we've hung out a couple times in the summer, and we JUST recently hung out tonight. I had a lot of fun, he's super nice and it's so easy to be myself around him. The problem is I don't like him like he likes me. He asked me to be his "valentine", I said yes because I didn't see any harm in saying yes. He texted me when I got home and told me he wanted to kiss me but he was just too shy. Should I give this guy a chance even though I don't feel ANY attraction to him whatsoever? I love being friends with him and I really enjoy spending time with him.

What do I do?!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm in the minority here, but I don't think you should date him.

    If you have no feelings for him and don't think you ever will, you shouldn't nurture his infatuation with you. It's only going to end up hurting him. I'm a little shocked to see so many people suggesting that you should date him on the grounds of 'he's a nice guy and he deserves it.' Are all you nice guys saying that you'd honestly date a girl who had NO attraction to you, and was only doing it because she felt obligated to "give the nice guy a chance?" That's not a relationship.

    I'm all for nice guys getting happiness they deserve, but you'd be doing him a much greater good by not setting him up for hurt. If you really don't have any feelings for him, don't make him think you do. It's going to hurt him now, for sure, but it will hurt him a lot more later, once he's grown attached to you.


What Guys Said 18

  • Just keep doing what you're doing now, and maybe let him kiss you since he wants to so bad. There has to be a first time for everyone and it's probably better it be with someone who's not excited about it...

  • I can tell you that you have certainly gotten some good advice here so far. "DO NOT start avoiding him like every other girl does when they find out someone likes them because it hurts more than rejection in my opinion." bingo on this one. Follow this advice. I know for a fact that it hurts more than rejection. Next, "if you decide not to give him a chance he might think there is something wrong with him" couldn't be more accurate. There was this girl I really cared about, and it seemed like she did me, but she didn't give me a chance and went with this other guy instead. The question "what's wrong with me?" played like a broken record in my head. Totally not what you want to do to a nice guy like the guy you're talking about.

    Being in those shoes before, I find it hard to say anything but "give him a chance". In saying that I will give you my own words of advice here. If you do give him a chance, communicate, communicate, communicate. If you don't, it's going to be doomed to fail, and your friendship will be over too. Also, figure out what it is you are looking for in a guy, that will help understanding how you do or don't feel over time. If you decide not to give him a chance, you better damn well give him a reason. If he isn't attractive you best tell him "Look, I hate to sound shallow, but there's just no attraction here." I would have rather heard that than nothing. A definitive answer is something. If you give him nothing, he will NEVER know for certain, and may tear himself to pieces trying to figure out something he can't. If he lacks confidence and that's just not acceptable for you tell him "You're a nice guy, but you are too shy and reserved for me." Whatever it is, just make sure you let him know why, and obviously be adult about it.

    I know it may seem like pointing out a persons flaw in your eyes accomplishes nothing, but again, it's a matter of communication, even if things aren't going to work out. Not communicating what you think or feel is never going to help the other person along.

    Hope this helped.

  • What ever you do. DO NOT start avoiding him like every other girl does when they find out someone likes them because it hurts more than rejection in my opinion. If you want to go on a date with him just to test whether you might have feelings for him. Go for it, but you should make that clear to him otherwise he'll get his hopes sky rocketing! lol

    • I'm always up front and honest when it comes to this stuff. I would never avoid someone if I knew they liked me. But thank you.

    • You're welcome and I'm glad to hear you're that type of person.

  • I think its probably better, and less painful for all involved, if you tel hi now rather than encourage him. Is there any chance he doesn't know you well enough to fall for the out-of-state attending medical school boyfriend. Good luck, from your pic I can see why he is interested.

  • I guess giving him a shot won't hurt. Maybe you can find out later that you like him too. Just warn him beforehand that you don't like him at the moment, but you're giving him a chance to change your mind. That way if things don't work out, no hard feelings are felt.

    However your friendship will be done either way. He likes you more than a friend, so a true friendship will never work out at the end of the day.

  • if you have to wonder if the really great guy is for you then he's not, you sound more like the big black throbbing **** type of girl go get yourself pounded girl, ya know you wanna.

  • A few dates don't have to mean anything serious. Just be sure to let him know first that you're doing these things as friends. If the feelings show up, then turn it into something more. But if not, make sure that he had been prepared for the possibility. I hope it worked out since this is kind of an old question.

  • Dear Jennifer Garner,

    You should only try things with this guy if you feel anything for him. If you feel nothing more than friendship, then trying things out isn't likely to change that. It will probably hurt him more than just outright telling him you aren't interested like that, rather than leading him on then dropping him later. Be upfront with him and let him know what you are thinking, don't keep it secret.


    • why are you calilng me jennifer garner? and yeah I'm always up front, honesty is the best policy. thanks though

    • Because your pic at the top looks sort of like her at a glance. But I wouldn't do anything with this guy if you don't feel anything for him. It may make you develop feelings, but then again it may not. That "may not" is what could hurt him, which isn't fair.

  • Just go with it, be open minded. Girls take nice guys for granted all too often, cus they prefer the hot unruly doochebag because he presents more of a "challenge".

    If this guy has an awesome personality, are you saying looks are all that matters in your attraction to a guy? If you just admitted it, I would not be surprised. I would also not be surprised if you passed him up for the most hung stud in Doocheville, only to get your heart broken in the same way you would break his.

    When you are in your 30's and all the friendly nice guys have settled, you can always cuddle on the couch with Mr. Ben and Jerry.

    • Whoah okay? He's not ugly, I'm just not attracted to him more than a friend. Don't jump to conclusions. Totally uncalled for

  • well if he is a nice guy, treat you good, so why are not interested in him,

    well I think if you are not interested so why you giving him a chance,

    ur question is little weird, well I think give him a chance , maybe you will start like him :)

    • I like him as a person but if there are no sparks I don't feel that I should be in a relationship with him. But since I enjoy being his friend, I'm considering giving him a chance. Just wanted to see what other people thought about it. Therefore, I do not consider this question a weird one, but I won't argue with you because that's your opinion.

  • So you are doing this out of pity? Shame on you. I really just think deep inside you like him, you are just waiting him for him to make a move or be more aggressive.

    • Yeah, shame on me. I like a lot of things about him and I love being friends with him, but I am NOT attracted to him on a physical level. Not because he's not cute, just because the feelings aren't there. Maybe he isn't aggressive enough, you are right about that.

    • Don't date him though I forgot to add that part

  • since when do girls give nice guys a chance? you will eventually get turned off by him, you probably won't get to go on 1 date with him because you will reject him because he is nice, you girls get turned off by almost everything.

  • give the kid a chance

  • No, because judging from your pics and your situation, you're probably the type of girl that chews a guy right up and spits him out like a piece of gum. Save him the heart ache and don't do it.

    • WTF You can't judge a girl based on pictures. Also answers like this are talking away from a nice guy's chance. Go for it QA.

    • if she doesn't like him the shell only break his heart

  • Yes give him a chance. He's probably crazy about you, what else do you want lol !

    • exactly, but I want to feel crazy about him too :(

    • If you give him a chance there's a good chance that you will feel that way about him sooner or later. Plus if you decide not to give him a chance he might think there is something wrong with him and he might change just so that he will be able to get a girlfriend.

  • you gotta go for it... these guys need loves

  • if he is a nice guy give him a chance your either extremley nice yourself or have some feelings for him or you wouldent consider giving him a chance

    • im a really nice person, believe me when I say that. I also really enjoy his company.

    • so you just enjoy his company that's all? see for guys that's the problem, I been in situations like this guy. this is what I thought when it happened to me, I know I'm not bad looking I have pretty girls hit on me, I know it not my personality cause she laughs at all my jokes & always wants to hang out, she tells me how great & nice of a guy I am. what does not translate for guys is if I am this amazing person why does she not want me on another level?

    • sorry if I misunderstood what you meant but that's what I got from what you said in response

What Girls Said 4

  • Well give him a chance. See what he does. Sometimes we may not reciprocate affections for someone, but once we get to know them better we start to feel those feelings. Hopefully everything works out for you :)

    • Thank you I appreciate it :)

  • Why not give it a shot? Sometimes friendship can develop into more. After a fair amount of time, if you don't feel more of an attraction, then be honest with him and tell him that you just don't feel that kind of connection.

    I wouldn't make a big deal out of dating him now, like don't announce "we're dating!" Just let things progress. That way, maybe you can salvage your friendship if it doesn't work out.

    Good luck to you.

  • If there's no spark it's not gonna work.

  • give him and chance