If a girl pays for your meal...

[Anonymous]

Ok, there's this girl that I used to work with. I've always had a big crush on her. I think she's at least somewhat interested too (can't be sure. That's why I'm here).

So, let's say she suggested we met up for dinner. She picked up the check afterward. I thought this meant she's interested - GREAT! So I asked her out. Then she ignored my calls/texts/emails. I've always been told that if a girl rejects you three times maybe it's time to move on (instead of being a stalker). So I let it go even though I'm sadden by it - I like her dang it! A few months later she would call me up, and the cycle repeats again:

1) She gets in touch and wants to meet up

2) She pays for everything

3) She disappears when I want to follow up

4) She reappears after some time. Start from step 1 again.

This has happened 3-4 times already.

I'm totally confused: what's in it for her? Why on earth would she make plans with me and pays for everything, then avoids me when I want to see her again? Not like she's rich or anything. And if I mention I'm seeing someone (during one of our "breaks" I met someone) she seemed sad - she split the check with me that time. I can't help but think she at least a little bit interested too but the fact that she avoids me doesn't add up.

Many thanks for anyone who could help out!

[Thatch]

I am sorry to say my friend that this fine lady is in fact using you for your kindness and good company. The other time spent apart is spent with her main boy toy. And he is def getting a lot more action than you. = (

But I'm guessing that every so often her main man doesn't meet the required emotional attention that she needs, so that's when she pulls your number out of her phone.

And even if I am totally wrong, the fact that she tosses you a life line (for dating) just a few inches from your reach, then yanks it away is just insulting.

Cut your losses and move on. But you didn't lose much, she paid for most of dates!

[Quadrophonic84]

She loves your attention. She is stringing you along. Delete her number and ignore her. She's a vampire (attention instead of blood).

[flipside]

I love your disenchanted answers.

[flygal]

Umm... she likes you but is unimpressed with you letting her pick up the tab? I would find you much more attractive if you tried to pay the bill. I would protest, but let you pay.. Usually when I pick up the tab in the first couple of dates, it means I'm not interested - no obligations if I pay the bill.. see? I think she's been giving you a couple of chances - she's hoping you will pick up the bill because it means you are interested in being more than just friends...

[kiss_me_Kate]

Etiquette- The person who asks the other out provides the date

I'll cover the expenses if I asked a guy to something, and vice versa.

However your situation is WEIRD, maybe this person is bipolar? Dating is a back-and-forth. Something is heavily off here.

[Asker]

Yup. See I don't even care who pays. I'm not exactly Bill Gates but I work full time and I'd be delighted to take her out. I've always thought that if she picks up the tab means that this is more than just 2 friends hanging out (I certainly don't treat my buddies unless it's their birthday or something). But she avoids me so many times I'm not so sure any more. Something IS heavily off.

[kiss_me_Kate]

also, if you ask her out and she automaticly goes to "split the bill" it means "this date was terrible, I don't want to feel like I owe you anyhting"

and asking her out once and getting a "no" is grounds for moving on.

[Asker]

Yes, sadly I have experienced the "split the bill" situation before. This is the complete opposite though.

I don't even get a "no" so I have no closure. I'm meeting other girls too (haven't found anything serious yet). It's just... I'm just REALLY REALLy curious why anyone who do this. Yes, it drives me crazy, but on the other hand she gains absolutely NOTHING out of this. Some suggests she just wants my attention. That's possible, but it's not like it gives her a lot of attention. Doesn't addup

[kiss_me_Kate]

then why do you ever care?

Move on.

[Asker]

Why do I even care? I like her. And this whole situation perplexes me.

[kiss_me_Kate]

stop being such a masochist.

[Asker]

Maybe you're right. Thanks for the input though.

[Anonymous]

PICK UP THE DAMN TAB! Do you even offer to pay? My mother has always taught me: "if the man doesn't pay for the first date, don't ever see him again." So the fact that she has even continued to see you is baffling to me. Stop using HER for a free meal.

[TylerMMA]

I have to disagree for the sole reason that some people insist on paying. I'm one of them but if I went out with a girl that was like that too I would rather drop it and let her pay than argue about it. Of course though I would say I owe her on the next date.

[Opinion Owner]

The fact that you offer to pay for the next time is definitely a good thing and really sweet!

But in this case, this question asker hasn't paid for her meal at all! That's a huge no-no.

[Asker]

I'm like Tyler - I never argue about it because I assume I would see her again soon. If she disappears on me I can't really take her out now can I?