Had an awakening moment...the breakup was all my fault, how do you live with yourself? :(

[bigblueeyes1]

Talked with a friend of mine today and I hate to admit this, but I've realized that the relationship with my ex ended because of me. Sure, we both did some pretty horrible things to each...but in the end, I think I pushed him to do and say the things he said.

I was insecure, always accusing him of doing things behind my back, accused him of not loving me, etc... He did everything he could to try to make me see that he loved me and only me, that he loved my body, mind and soul. I just couldn't believe him. And in the end...it pushed him away. A person can only take so much and try so long. I am thankful he stayed with me as long as he did (1 year 4 months). He was a good guy who knew he deserved better than me, so he ended it.

There is no hope of getting back together. As some of you may know, its been 4 months, and the last 7 weeks were no contact. Contacting him now will ensure that I will go back to square one and will cause me more hurt. I'm sure he doesn't even think about me for 1/2 a second. I know the only thing I can do is take this as a learning experience...but...even still...

girls and guys...how can you live with yourself knowing that you were the cause of losing a great guy/girl who you wanted to marry and they wanted to marry you?

How can you live with yourself knowing that you will never get that "one more chance" to show how much they mean to you? Today, it's kind of tearing me apart :(

[perfect_stranger]

I am going through the exactly same thing - it amazes me that I can still feel like this even after 5 months of the breakup. It's hard when lots of people tell you so many different things - some people tell me it was all my fault, some tell me it was his, and some tell me it was both. I guess there isn't any benefit in thinking over and over about it and pointing the finger won't do any good, specially when you point it at yourself.

I think you should break off all contact with him - I made the mistake of keeping in touch for a while, writing him messages saying I missed him, even tried to get back together some times and being rejected every single time - but still he kept on answering and seemed to be OK with contact or no contact. I know I have to focus on myself, and as tempting as it is, keeping in touch is just too painful - you don't need any reminders of how you screwed it up. It happened and that's it. But at the same time, I think that maybe we needed some support that never came - for me, at the earliest sign of insecurity he seemed to do things that would only enhance it, instead of helping me out and being supportive. So both of us had a part to play in this.

Anyway, try not to dwell too much on it - I'll try to do the same. Let's try to find happiness within ourselves and become stronger and better, learn from these mistakes so we won't let this happen again. We're not perfect - and damn, sometimes we can be really stupid- because we're only humans. I know my ex also doesn't think about me and that he's moved on way quicker than me (since I know that he fell out of love much sooner than me - I still haven't, obviously) - so why waste time on someone who doesn't care about us anymore? I just try to think about this every time I start with these negative thoughts, and hope eventually I won't think about him anymore.

So stay strong! Know you're definitely not alone in this and for sure, whenever you need to talk I'm here for you - from brokenhearted to brokenhearted! ;)

[bigblueeyes1]

Thank you! I have broken contact. It's been 2 mths now, and some days I can't believe that he is really gone. Your right, pointing the finger does no good. We can only learn from this so that our next relationship is a good one. If you ever need to talk, feel free to.message me. I know after 4 mths I still have those bad days.

[Anonymous]

ok well this is how I feel you're going to have to step out of your box and call him and apologize this is the only way you'll have peace of mind. Relationships aren't always perfect god knows we try to have a perfect one but no ones perfect you did things he did things whatever bottom line is that if you truly love each other all the flaws seem to fade away. I think this is your chance to redeem yourself CALL HIM! The only thing that can happen is that you made an effort to say "I'm Sorry" you know guys they never say sorry but I think that he would appreciate the honesty and that you mean it. Trust me life isn't over its just beginning you deserve to know what could or may happen now. Just try it its not as bad as it seems. Good Luck!

[bigblueeyes1]

I did that during out last conversation (which was civil). I told him that I truly am sorry for all the hurt I caused him and I learned a lot from the relationship. That I wish I could change the way things ended and the way I treated him, but that I can't. We ended the convo with me crying, and us both wishing each other the best

[leetaylor]

I feel your pain. I'm realizing that I was most of the problem in my recent break up. We had 3 years to make things work. We had a wonderful relationship, got along great, but I was lacking in passion. Not for us, but for myself. I poured all my happiness into her and her life, and forgot to be passionate about anything else...at all. I guess you could call this clingy, or insecure. I was about to propose, when everything fell apart. Now that she's gone, I'm left with no passion. I know exactly how you feel.

How can you be so sure that he doesn't think about you? I refuse to believe that anyone can just cut that tie, and never look back. 16 months is a long time! You were a BIG part of his most recent life. I don't want to give you false hope, but I'll tell you something that someone told me: Learn from your mistakes and move on; you'll either get over him, or he'll come back to YOU for another chance. Either way, you'll be in a better place. It's really annoying advice, I know. I haven't practiced what I've preached, but I know I'll get there someday.

Please know that you're not alone! Message me if you need someone to chat with.

[bigblueeyes1]

Hey thanks! I will send. Message later, but for now I will say that he lives 12 hrs away, so there isn't a way for him to see that I'm changing or that I'm moving on. Also, I don't know 100% if he isn't thinking of me. All I have is how he acted towards me during our last convo and he was very convincing that he disliked me and wanted nothing to do with me.

[cecil]

There are a lot of other great guys out there, don't worry about that right now. Take this time to realize how happy you were. Don't dwell on him for too long... as freaking hard as that is right now. And don't look for anyone else for a while... not until you're truly over this hurt completely.

Just know that you were truly happy with someone. And even though it hurts like hell now, you KNOW that you are capable of being happy... you are able to be loved.

And now you know that not only are you able to be loved, and that you are worthy of it, but that you can recognize it now and accept it. Cliched and corny as all hells, I know... but still true.

I just hate that mistakes are our best teacher in life. I really hate that, but when we can't go back, we have to just accept it and eventually things will make sense.

[SourShoes]

it's hard to not think about it. but that's life. we make mistakes, and sometimes we hurt people. just take the lessons you've learned from what happened and try not to make those mistakes again.

it will take a long time to get over it, but at least you're getting there by realizing that you were part of the problem, it does take 2 for things to work out, and I have a hard time believing he was perfect, but just try to get over it slowly, without beating yourself up over it, otherwise you won't be able to treat the next person better.

[AboveUnrefined]

I was going to say the same exact thing. You need to heal and move on.

[bigblueeyes1]

Thanks. I am kind of surprised at the reaction I had when talking with my friend (a woman I hadn't talked to in awhile, so I had to re-tell her the story which brought up the feelings). I thought I was getting over him, but I guess not. No, he wasn't perfect by far, but I think I was more of the problem. I am def going to try NOT to make the same mistakes again. I just hope I can find another great guy

[SourShoes]

i think you'll have an opportunity too, there's lots of good ones out there.

[Joe814]

The experience of love, life, and self acceptance is like peeling away an onion, there is always another layer till the inevitable core...then your experiences may start the process all over again.

[AdamBH]

you find another one and not make the same mistakes :)