I'm not afraid of rejection, I'm just afraid of being labeled a creep or stalker, how can I avoid this?

Question

I've never had a girlfriend before and I'm in my early 20's, it is very depressing, sad, and frustrating. Also, I'm not really afraid of approaching girls, I also keep running out of things to say or talk about, but more importantly I'm afraid of being labeled a creeper or a stalker by the girl, because one girl accused me of stalking her a long time ago, 7 years ago when I was 16, and it still pisses me off and depresses me to this day, if only that f***in' bitch could have just told me straight in my face to leave her the f*** alone, I would have done so, I hate it when bitches have to get somebody else to do their dirty work like calling security or get the police involved, but luckily I did not get charges pressed against me that time, but still, since then I have not made myself be that forward with girls, it's not so much rejection that I can't handle, I just hate being labeled creepy or stalkerish.

Me444 · Accepted Answer

For pete's sake I'm sick of all the people saying girls have it easier! When will people stop comparing genders? Each one has something easy and something difficult. Admittedly, guys do need to approach the girl more often than the other way round, but not by a vast amount, I approach guys, I know loads of girls that do. It's just more expected, and there fore more romantic I suppose if the guy does it. You may think you have it hard when it comes to girls, but girls have it hard trying to look pretty so that you'll actually bother going through it. Jeez. It's a joint effort!

Anyways, to answer your question: The thing you're talking about was a long time ago. I'm not saying this in an insensitive way but you need to get over it, man! That was one girl. For all you know she could of been the one that was wrong about your actions. Maybe you were perfectly fine and she was just a little over-dramatic.
All in all, you need to forget about it, if you keep going over it in your mind what you could of done to have made her act that way, then you're not going to get anywhere. Learn from your mistakes but don't linger on the past. Don't be too self-concious, and don't be afraid to approach girls. If you see a girl looking over at you a lot, or smiling at you then seize the chance and go talk to her. If she's off-standish then don't bother with her, she's not worth it.

And about this:
"Seriously, why do the vast majority of girls, especially the hot, good-looking ones, have to be so damn paranoid? why is it that the good-looking, hot girls label guys creepers or stalkers more than any other girls? Why do they have to be such bitches?"
Dude, trust me, unfortunately this is the norm of 'hot' girls, though only really the ones that know it. It's these kind of girls that are not worth bothering with. Not exclusively hot ones, just the ones that are more interested in their looks than yours.
Girls can be bitches, and we know that, because half the time the fellow girls are experiencing it as well. There are just some groups of girls that hate everything that doesn't fit in with them, and they are the type that aren't worth getting involved with. They get with guys for image instead of actual attraction. What's the point in that?

"why do the vast majority of girls"
Vast majority? The vast majority of girls I know are decent people, who would never do that. And most of them aren't paranoid, just gossipy. Which I admit isn't a very good quality, though paranoid still isn't the right word to describe it. If you are having girls talk stuff like that about you, then either:
> If you're trying to get with one of them just stop. They'll be knocked off their pedestal and wonder why the heck you're not doing it anymore. Half the time they'll probably end up chasing after you.
> Straight out ask them. Don't act like it bothers you, just ask them. Though only if you know they said it, not if it's ust your own paranoia and you're blaming it on them.

AmuTsukiyomi · Accepted Answer

Ok. Look, obviously, to me, you have social interaction issues. This means that you need to either take classes in nonverbal communication or read some of the many books on the subject.

I know that there are some girls, like me, who have a hard time looking people in the eyes. (mainly because it can give the other person a lot of power over you) So that might not always be the case if they're not making eye contact. I had to teach myself how to make eye contact so I wouldn't offend people or send the wrong message.

The best way to not be labelled a creeper is that when you're interested in a girl, make sure you first become her friend. That way, you can hang out with her a lot, call her, text her, whatever it is you'd like to do, with out it being really creepy. Also always make sure to be kind (gentlemanly) in your actions. If you begin to spend too much time, appear to know everything she is doing or display signs of jealousy when she's hanging out with others, will get you quickly labelled as a creeper.

As for talking, always remember that you can ask them about what has been happening to them lately. This will show an interest in them and it will make them happy that you took the time to ask. Usually when they're talking about what happened to them recently, something will come up that you can talk about more in-depth, thus not running out of things to talk about.

Also, girl do not have it much easier. I've been accused of being a flirt, when all I was doing was enthusiastically talking about something I was really interested in with a guy friend. It also doesn't help when a girl looks younger than her age and gets hit on by 40+ year old men (who think she's 15) or if a girl is hit on by an old man in general. And we're expected to always look "good". Guys don't have these problems, and if they do, it is not to the same level as girls do.

Also, since girls can't always tell if a guy REALLY is interested in them or if they say "no, I don't like you" might make the guy harm them in some way. Most girls are not strong enough/ know enough to protect themselves from an angry "suitor". So sometimes girls figure "if I ignore his advances, maybe he'll get the hint and go away", which is not a good tactic.

Hope this helped.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

your right, girls do have it easier, eventhough we may have to put up with a lot of random creepers all the time, at least we have the power to be rid of them, and we get to easily avoid being rejected since unfortuneately you girls have to initiate everything

eldamien · Accepted Answer

Let me tell you the one, easy way you can show interest without being labeled a stalker.

Ready? Got a pen and pencil? Here it is:

Don't be a stalker.

It's really that easy. If you aren't a creep or a stalker, and you're a confident guy that's approaching women honestly, you won't have a problem.

I got labeled a stalker and a sexual harasser by a girl once that was upset I didn't return her advances. At first I was nice to her, but we never "clicked", so I told her straight up that I wasn't interested, and she flipped out and started telling everyone I stalked her and this and that.

You know what happened? EVERYONE that knew me was like "um, no, he's not a stalker", because I never gave off that "stalker vibe".

Also, what do you mean "girls have it easier"? How hard is it? I'm not what you might call "good looking". I don't have Hollywood looks. Yet I've consistently dated good-looking chicks since I was 17 and decided I wanted to start. It's totally possible, and it's actually easier for GUYS than for GIRLS, because WE'RE the ones that make all the moves. Hell, it's expected of us to be the ones approaching the girls.

I have another little secret for you - there's more than one girl out there. It's shocking news, I know, but there's hundreds, maybe even THOUSANDS of women that live right in your hometown. If you include every place within driving distance, that number might even be tens of thousands. So don't get wrapped up in one girl that isn't interested in you. It's a huge confidence boost when you remind yourself that she's missing out on a great thing, and you move on and find someone that appreciates you for you.

Get that "creepy stalker" thing out of your mind, right now. Just don't even worry about it. Be honest in how you approach women and tell them you're interested, and if people want to think you're a stalker, let 'em. Unless you're actually digging through her trash or her underwear drawer, it's all just talk on her part, and she ends up looking foolish.

Waggaman · Accepted Answer

Wow, you're still really angry about the girl that over reacted 7 years ago. You're giving her too much power mate. You're still letting her control you.

You need to let those feelings go, then she won't have the power anymore and you can take control again.

As far as meeting new women goes, you say you're not shy so go out and have a crack. Just try not to be too possessive with them. Women generally hate that as much as we do. Just because she talks to you doesn't make her your girlfriend. It does mean she's interested in talking to you though.

An easy way to find out if she's interested in doing more than talking is to simply ask her if she wants to go somewhere with you. Be specific about what it is though, for example, if the conversation is around animals, ask if she wants to go to the zoo, if it's around cars, ask if she wants to go to a car show. It doesn't really matter where you go, as long as there's something there that interests both of you and you get to spend a bit of time getting to know each other more.

Belgie · Answer

Okay... you start off with a basic question, but you devolved in to a real bitchy rant very f***ing quickly, and then eventually hit the same woman-hating tone that so many freaks use.

Girls do not have all the power in the dating scene. If you think that, you're essentially giving them the power. You're the weaker sex then. How can you possibly be exhibiting any confidence if you're that weak?

if you don't want to be labelled a creep or a stalker, don't BE a creep or stalker. It really is that simple.

Maybe one bad experience in the past has given you this irrational fear, but most women do not throw terms like that around willy nilly, especially if a guy is just trying to be friendly and flirt with them a little bit. You have to work on that fear. It's irrational.

Second, you have to get used to the idea that you have power as well in the dating scene. You decide which girl you want to talk to. You decide if you're going to offer to buy her a drink, or not. You can also decide if you're going to walk away. You don't have to stay there until she tells you to f*** off.

If you're concerned about running out of things to say, then you're not feeling the conversational flow naturally. Women are natural talkers. When you're conversing with them, give them room to talk about themselves or subjects they are interested in, and they can carry their half of the conversation easily. And here's a hint. Listen to what they're saying. Don't be planning what you're going to say next, regardless of what's coming out of their mouths at the time. That makes a conversation awkward and full of non sequiters. Women can also sense that in a conversation, and it is off putting.

But if your tone in this question is anything to go by, you have a lot of work ahead of you...

oneforthetruth · Answer

The thing is not to do things that look and feel stalkerish... Don't be seeming to stare all the time, and start making random conversation, or turning up whether the girl is. The thing is that girls these days have so much more concern when a guy is pursuing them...I know its a bit silly to say, but we see things a lot different to you guys.

If a guy just seems to be pestering , then that's a turn off (certainly for me) Everyone even blokes have a personal space, and that doesn't just mean being too close etc. Personal space can be anything to how someone is invading, even from a far.

For me, if a man/bloke/guy..whatever he might be, is constantly staring, rarely talks to me, and only speaks to me when he's found some excuse to talk to me, I would find that unnerving, and I actually have a situation like this, and I don't like it. Because clearly they have something on their mind, or feel something for me, whether it be hate, like, lust etc, and yet they do it all just with there body language, and although woman's instinct is pretty good, at the same time, its like...why don't you just come and say, so I can put you straight.

Some signs of affection, if done the wrong way, can seem like signs of agression.

Anonymous · Answer

First you must get over your irrational thoughts about women.  You generalize every one when every one is unique.  Each sex has their own issues to contend with when dating or being in a relationship, hence you are comparing apples and oranges.  You need to get over your desire to control others, it is not possible.  The only person you can change is yourself.  It seems that every one who offers you advice you argue with.  If you know it all why did you ask for advice?  If you want others to like you you need to get off your high horse and become genuinely interested in others.  Listen to what people have to say, respect others opinions even if you do not agree and respect physical boundaries.  Maybe you come on too strong.  Try to tone it down and stop focusing on getting a woman and more on making friends.  It seems that you have social issues that need to be resolved.  if you can't seem to get your head out of your ass then you could buy a bunch of blow up dolls as they will be the only thing you can control.

Anonymous · Answer

Girls are not the most correct people. There are many idiots and morons in that community who themselves are f***ed up creeps. Next time a girl tries to label you a creep...just be bitch you are retarded. & f***ed up..and let her insecurities eat her up. When it comes to women the biggest asset and the way they judge themselves is based on their physical attractiveness and so if a girl prettier than the sh*t girls ever gets with you then you'll see them light up with jealousy and rage..just so very quick.

Most girls are idiots so relax bro and have a healthy image for yourself. Don't let a bunch of idiots bring you down and be strong. Just make sure you aren't doing anything that can legitimately classify you as a creep.

gummybear888 · Answer

I think that if a girl rejects you then you give her space and distance and move on. that might be something a few guys , not you necessarily, but I have had guys who see me at work and they just stand there and look at me, now THAT is creepy and I tell them I can't talk to them.

i know they like me but physical attraction, I'm not physically attracted to them and I don't like their personality. a guy who is OK with giving me space is someone I can tolerate at least. I highly recommend that if a girl doesn't seem interested in even talking to you then don't. that's probably one of the best ways not to appear creepy.

Anonymous · Answer

If you don't want to be label a creep, let them chase you, don't chase them as simple as that.

Women contrary to belief don't exactly like to be chased; they say they do but I beg to differ from personal experience. Perhaps in the beginning its better so you can get her number and the date, after that forget about chasing them.

Women LOOOOVE drama much more than men, so they actually like when you are difficult to get and make them feel a lot of feelings: Sad, happy, Angry and so on and so forth.

How do you do this? Just flirt with them, compliment them but led them lead the relationship Invite them sometimes and chill with them, but led them chase you make the first moves, just pretend they are not a big deal which they aren’t, make them work for you!, you are the price not them yaaa dig?

Anonymous · Answer

i have had the same thing happen to me, I wasn't stalking or anything. I kissed her at thew beach and I guess it creeped her out. even though we made out the day before. I guess she wanted to keep me as her dirty little secret. whatever though just forget about it man, no use on dwelling on those things. girls are afraid of confrontation and won't tell you directly, and seek ways to hurt us in other ways and our reputation for no reason, there called bitches. f*** em, you'll find a nice one out there, peace out

Waggaman · Answer

After reading all of your crap for months now regarding this issue I've come to a conclusion.

You are a creep. The women you meet obviously get the RIGHT impression the first time.

You came on here to ask for help and end up arguing with everyone that gives you advice. I can see why women don't want anything to do with you.

It's time you grew up and stopped acting like a little brat.

Anonymous · Answer

In every single response to a comment that you have gotten, all you do is defend yourself and blame women for your problems.  Well no wonder you aren't attracting a girl!  If I came up to you and started bitching about how lazy and spoiled you were, would you like me?  No!  Try thinking of women as real people and you might actually build a real relationship.  If you wanted a real answer, don't get mad when you get one.  All you want is for someone to pity you and give you an easy tip for getting women.  We really don't have it that easy.  It's easy for you to talk about somethingg that you really only see from a distance.  You can't assume to know what life is like for us, or what goes on in our heads.  Don't try to tell these WOMEN what WOMEN are like, because you aren't one.  Maybe listen to our advice, because clearly we know more about ourselves than you do.

Anonymous · Answer

Well maybe if you didn't treat us all like "paranoid bitches", then we would be more receptive to your advances. Don't assume to know what all women are like. Each person is individual and unique. And if you think that poorly of someone, why approach them? And why would they care to be around someone who thought of them that poorly? People tend to want to be around people who actually respect them.

And just a thought... some "good-looking, hot girls" get approached by guys who are too forward a lot. So maybe they get paranoid because they are too used to this and are afraid of it. But this is not ALL women, only some.

art84 · Answer

I think the problem is lack of confidence or maybe your approach to women is just sending them mixed signals. Either that or women just don't like you or maybe think of you as a stalker. I've never been called a stalker but know when to keep my distance from a girl as I won't talk to her unless she talks to me. Don't want to be too clingy with a girl as most girls see that as a turn off. Maybe your just coming on too strong for girls and they get the wrong impressions about you? Or maybe those girls had bad experiences with men so they consider any guy that approaches to be a stalker?

GG_UK · Answer

you need to work on your self esteem ..get to the gym work off that chip on your shoulder ...get some new hobbies and work on getting over this ...it was a one off incident ..move on heavens it was years ago ...you didn't get charged she was young you were young it happens ...get your picture up here and have some fun with your questions and leave the doom and gloom stuff off

get happy son !

Garaval · Answer

If you accept this "Boo hoo girls have it so easy!" attitude, you're never going to date, anyway, no matter how true it is or isn't.

And what's the most terrible thing about being labeled creepy by some person you hardly know?

No matter what you do, someone's not going to like you. You're creepy enough just being afraid of being called creepy.

Involve yourself with groups of people. If some girls don't like you, then they don't like you. They aren't going to sneak into your room at night and slit your throat. The worst that could happen is that you get a vague passive-aggressive post on Facebook about you.

martyfellow · Answer

wow, at 16 she got the police involved? Gettting weirder out there every day. I'm not surprised that much though.

Persoally I thin it's betteer to be aggressive, pu tyour hand on her rear, sure you might get rejected rght away, but then t's over, and she can't really claim you're stalking her if you never go near her again..!

nerdydudette · Answer

Hey, guess what? I'm a 22 year old girl and I've never had a boyfriend. I'm a bit socially awkward and I totally suck at approaching guys. So don't think only guys have this problem, I am a girl who has it too!

msuazo · Answer

Many of you guys are saying girls have it easy and its not true girls also feel the way guys feel...anyway HERES THE ANSWER like icaro said become friends that way  you could read signs better...or OK lets say you get her number or facebook if you started the convo. Once let her start it the next time...dont be pushy...there was one time this dude I met through mutual friends I never gave him a reason to think I liked him I was being friendly...he would start chatting as soon as I signed in...he'd text me everyday every 20 min. And he would even go to my job just to talk now I don't consider him a stalker or a crreeper just because I knew him and I realized he had a crush on me, that's what we mean by friend zone now if your a stranger doing all that I'd consider you a complete freak. Just don't do stuff like that to a girl you just met...slighty flirt...BE FUNNNY not sarcastic and listen to whatever she says that's a good start. Any questions ill answer

TheCutiePie · Answer

I only think a guy is a stalker if he is following me but doesn't say anything or smile or give me a give clue that he wants to talk to me. Just be yourself don't be afraid to approach and girl,just smile,say hi,and give eye contact. If she's not interested the conversation won't go any further. You hook up with a girl who loves attention because she wouldn't think treat like that girl who did you wrong 7 years ago. Be confident make girls wanna be with you. Don't care about what anyone think or says about you. Just be comfortable being yourself...

universian2000 · Answer

I also have this fear, since one girl in college continuously called me a creeper. Even my friends have called me a creeper.

I never try to act like a creeper. I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't look at people creepily on purpose I don't even think I do it period,. I tried very hard to form a successful relationship with this girl, and to be called a creeper by her was humiliating and extremely rude.

Summersunshine44 · Answer

Just relax. Be yourself but confident. Most people are affraid to approch the opposite gender in fear of rejection. The thing is the other person could just be affraid to approach you! Talk about anything favorite color favorite food etc. Don't be affriaid of being called a stalker! That girl was stupid and immature. Most girls would be flattered to have someone talk to them and want to be around them.

christyk312 · Answer

just talk to her and if you get rejected move on and try another girl

I'm not afraid of rejection, I'm just afraid of being labeled a creep or stalker, how can I avoid this?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

I'm not afraid of rejection, I'm just afraid of being labeled a creep or stalker, how can I avoid this?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.