GUYS age 22-32: Would you date a woman with a kid?

Question

I have a 2 year old daughter and am no longer with her father. I'd just like to get some diverse opinions on how guys in my age range feel about dating a woman with a kid. I'm not looking fo a replacement father for her. I don't have "baby daddy drama" either. I just want to go out on a regular date that doesn't have anything to do with being a mommy. I'm 21 and I really just want to go out to a movie, batting cages, mini golf, dinner or something fun like that as a date with a decent guy. Guys how would you feel about taking a girl out if she had a young kid?

TheGodEmperorLeto · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I don't think I could. She might be awesome, but she can't give the time and focus needed for a relationship as it just starts off if she has a kid. The kid HAS to come first and I agree with that. There's no way, no matter how much either of us wishes and hopes, she could be an attentive good girlfriend at the beginning phases of a relationship while ALSO being a good mother.

I mean, there's always a chance I'll give it a try, but the logical side of me tells me I'll either be doing harm to the child by taking her mother's time and focus a bit from the child (a big no no especially for such a young child) or I'll be neglected cause she needs to focus on the child and I'll feel bad and basically alone anyways without the ability to find another person and move on. It seems like a lose/lose situation for the most part with a less than 1% chance of possibly working out. At least over here in the US where we don't even have extended family around usually to help raise our kids.

That's a big reason I'm kinda sad with our society. We have, at most, the nuclear family (parents/siblings) around and they tend to be busy themselves (at least siblings) to help raise a kid. Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, etc all used to help raise kids back in the day and that was a good thing. It also gave time to the parents to stay strong by having alone time with each other. Now we need babysitters and those are hard to find really good ones sometimes. Then again, there are problems since relatives/whatnot are sometimes the ones who do the harm to the child (like sexual abuse :|).

Oh, and I know you're not looking for someone to replace her father, but if I were to date a girl with a kid I'd feel obligated to help with the child if only to make the mother happy. Not necessarily being her/his father exactly, but something close or whatnot and that is something I am just not ready for at this point in life.

But ya, I don't think I could do it :\ sorry if that doesn't give you hope, but I'm sure there are guys who'll try. But ya, this is why I also advocate people not have sex too quickly when they meet someone and wait until they are sure they could see it being a relationship that lasts for their entire life. Now, I'm not saying you rushed, but that's usually the case. People rush, girl gets pregnant, guy turns out to suck or just leaves like the coward he is. It makes me sad :\

ryanrhino · Accepted Answer

You may find a person of similar age in the same situation, but a different sex. You'd be pleasantly surprised to find a mature man at 21, and there are those out there!

You know what you want, having learned so much so fast in your life.

You having a child will impact who wants to date you, as you will quickly find the guys you're looking for, as they'll be accepting of your situations early on and adapt quickly.

Having a child will definitely show your maturity to the guys you're dating and their maturity to you in one brief conversation. Be prepared for lots of rejection, but when the right one appears, you'll know in your heart AND your MIND!

Tamikaze · Accepted Answer

The moms that have problems with dating are the ones whose baby's father plays no part in the child's life and they have no childcare to help so that they can date. I have seen some posts where the moms are expecting a guy to date them and their child immediately. Sorry, but even guys that eventually will show more interest in your child and maybe even become a father figure are not going to want to date a woman they don't even know with a kid tagging along. How can they kiss you or flirt with you in front of a child? It is too much to expect of any guy.

So, barring that extreme, women with children are date-able but not all guys are going to consider it. I had a long term relationship with a man who did not want children at all and wasn't particularly comfortable with young children either. He ended up really liking my daughter but we took a while to date on the weeks I did not have her before he ever met her. We were together 3 years and lived together for one of those years. It can happen.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

OMG! I can't believe some of the responses you have gotten to this! I have a 4YO son, who spends every weekend with his dad and one night during the week. We are divorced but still get on quite well, so I have plenty spare time (after seeing friends etc - to spend with someone)! I don't think you should judge anyone on anything! I never had a problem meeting guys, but MY problem is meeting a decent enough guy out there that I would want to introduce to MY SON! Never mind if they want involved with someone with a kid! My son (and I) deserve more than narrow-minded judgements!

lala-193 · Accepted Answer

it would probably be hard find a guy your age who will date a women with a kid but as you get older it will become less of a problem. kids are a lot of responsibilty and most guys in their twenties aren't ready to take that on. my mom was a single mom and while I was growing had three serious relationship, now she's married the third guy...dont give up hope

PHILR · Answer

i've answered just alittle bit ago a similiar question.

sure guys will .

i did my wife had a 1 year old when we first met. husband was a jerk and a player. kicked her out

after a yr. of trying to reconcile she finally filed for divorce. she left the state she was in to stay with a friend in another state. this her friend was mine also . her friend set us up (played cupid) must have worked we've been together foe 40 yrs. now

have 5 grandkids 4 boys and the youngest a girl.

1st off let me make some conclusions about your post. you've been married , had a child and now notwith him. being in the age group you've posted (18-24) please don't take what I say as

flaming you because you may not be klike that at all.

however girls in this age bracket in high school generally go for the (what believed to be) drool worth hot hunks that are players /badboys / or just plain jerks. who cheated ,flirted with other girls even in their presence, ignored them ,sexed them up, verbialy or physical abused them.

he either left you because he was cheating or just didn't want you around anymore, or you wised up and decided to leave him because of how he was treating you (which could have been any number of reasons which also would be the cheating part as well). this is just a generalized

statement on such circumstances but the general jest of what happens.

ok you want a guy to go out with a guy you say that is decent and will treat you right.(note : about ex: you want a decent guy to go out with so one can assume by that statement the ex. wasn't a decent guy)

the decent guys you may want to go out with are unfortunately the tyoe of guys you may have rejected in high school for any number of reasons.

most likely not your type

boring

predictable

and the list may go on for awhile because you may see where I'm going

yes many of these guys may have appeared to have been this

but its a proven fact that girls in general by the time they reach 25 or slightly older come to realize that these are in fact the type guys they want and need for stable long term relationships.

its an also proven fact that these same guys are better fathers, husbands, and providers and 95% of the time will not cheat on their partner. they may be cheated on occassionally also but not often.

this isn't me just saying this but older women that say this about this type of guy(the nice guys that generally got overlooked in high school by many girls)

final conclusion : find a different type guy than the type guy your ex was you'll be a lot happier in the long run at the end.

honeyltsme · Answer

Honestly it depends on how hot you are.

At my age - which is admittedly beyond your range - I tend to only date women that I would be willing to marry - which is apparently more than what could be said for the baby's daddy. Being left with a kid is of course a humbling experience for a female, so few girls would remain stuck up or shallow or immature after bringing up a kid from 0 to 2 y.o. That largely takes care of your character. That's the rationale for my otherwise shallow sounding opening line.

Presumably you do not want some loser. Good guys, guys with options, guys with hearts, will have to raise this kid as their own. That's significant resources that could otherwise be spent on "toys" or just to have a great time together. On the other hand your youth and hopefully looks are a valued commodity also.

I suggest you make sure you are in the best shape of your life, and broaden your dating horizons age wise. It is far better to get married to some 40y.o. dude who is in a flawless shape, adores you and kid and has lots of money, great looks, sense of humor, amazing in bed, then fall prey to some 22y.o. dude with marginally acceptable looks and who might think you are simply an easy target because you have a kid. I am not saying there aren't 40y.o. douches - those 22yo kids survive to be 40 also (sad but true, lol), but you get my point. Look for maturity (with an inner child still alive) and broaden your horizons. And take great care of yourself.

Jawless · Answer

Well I would look at her age first, because I'm that sort of person to judge based on a cover. Seeing someone who is under 25 with a young kid, not a baby, or in your case, 21 with a kid, would cause me to think bad things and likely insult you in my head, because I would consider you to be unchaste, not have the ability to control yourself and also be very uncaring when it comes to the more 'love' side of a relationship.

Not..trying to be nasty. It's just what I would think..so in essence, it's what I think of you now..ack, it's hard to explain without tripping over my own wire. Trying to maintain a friendly and positive view has pretty much been shattered.

Basically I don't like young people with children, and seeing that would make me think that they were pretty bad prospects for a future relationship with - I'd want to settle down, and seeing you alone, with a child, would say to me that while you may of had all the right commitment ideas, you couldn't hold a relationship and you've made bad decisions. Or something like that. I can't really explain it.

I also don't like people with baggage, I'd want a fresh start to a relationship so I would be their first, and them my first. Since I already have a relationship this way, I'm guessing if it fails I will be pretty screwed. But a woman with a kid will be carrying a lot of baggage, no matter the age. And that would harm my feelings for the dating prospects.

So short answer to your question: NO.

Didn't mean to offend you or anything...sorry if I did. :(

snowboarder720 · Answer

whats funny is that I just met a special girl who I thought was worth dating. Although she has a 1 year old daughter, I thought that if her and I get along great together shed be worth my time and not to mention I'd treat her so much better than her last douche boyfriend...

We lived in different cities (60 minutes away), and wed talk everynight on the phone.

After a week or so, it was hard to carry a conversation with her over the phone because she always gave me those "one word" answers. I later took her on a date, we ate at Chile's, and took her to a movie. overall it was a pretty damn good date. I thought it was fun.

... then suddenly after that night she all of a sudden stopped talking to me. haha, I don't know what went wrong. She smiled at me the entire night, laughed at my jokes, told me she had a great time when we hugged goodbye... I don't feel obligated to talk to her if I'm going to be the only engine to this relationship, so I'm wating for her to talk to me. She doesn't talk to me anymore, and I still to this day don't have a clue why

DamieWamie · Answer

It depends. A lot of guys that age would be looking to settle down, so a kid present would make it seem easier I guess. For my age grouo however 19-25, we are still testing the waters with women we like, trying to get a feel for what traits we would like in a woman later on for marriage. That means going through a few relationships, some of which we know will be temporary. However, when a kid is in the picture, it almost signifies that we don't have the option of leaving because it would be heartless to abandon the kid (thats really just my perspective, some guys just don't give a sht about the kid, just wants sex). So, we try to avoid relationships like that that would be hard to leave.

Its great tho that you are looking for someone older than you. One of my best friends is in this situation as the kid, and his mom is dating someone older than her. He says they are pretty much really serious at this point, and theyve been dating for about a year and a half now. Go for it! Your kid can be a benefit AND a determent, but more a benefit than anything. I LOVE kids, I like the idea of dating a woman with a kid, then I get to show her how much I love kids. I just don't like the idea of leaving him and her if it comes to that.

DonMichelle · Answer

Depends on how I felt about, NEVER should a person be deprived of affection because they have a child! Men forget they've got it easy not having a womb, not being forced into raising a child from a loveless relationship, having to focus thier lives on raising that child that only they (the mother) care about. I was raided by a single mum, only as I've aged have I realized her sacrifice... happiness with a man who wants a childless woman/happiness loving, caring, giving all she can to her son! I F***ING LOVE MY MUM AND HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES AS I WRITE THIS! If men prefer women without children... treat your woman well, don't abandon her!

Anonymous · Answer

Well, personally, I probably wouldn't, but that's only because I haven't had any dating experience to date yet.  It would be really weird to go on your first date with someone who's several steps ahead of you, experience-wise.  Plus, even if the dating started out innocently enough, what if one of us fell in love?  While I personally don't see anything wrong with marrying a woman with a child (hey, my dad did with my mom), I am not yet ready for such a thing, financially or maturity-wise.  I know realistically I will probably have to marry a mother, if only because the statistics lean heavily in that direction.  Sure, I'd love to start out fresh with a woman who is just as new to this as I am, but that's probably not going to happen.  What really bothers me about that?  I would always be the "step"-dad: I wouldn't get respected or even liked very much, and I'd forever feel like the 3rd wheel.   The only reason I didn't have that problem with my dad is because I didn't even learn that he was my step-father until I was a teenager!   :P  So, yeah, if I can avoid a mess like that again, I'd gladly hold out for a woman with no attachments.  :(  Sorry, but that's how I feel.

TheLoneWanderer · Answer

I feel that a woman with a child or children will not have time to spend with me alone. You have responsibilities that I have no interest in at this point in my life. Especially with young children who can't look after themselves. It's not necessarily a bad thing you have kids, its just I'm not looking for a situation where I have to tip toe around another man's child especially if the child is a brat or misbehaves alot. If I got to know you and really really liked you I'd give it a shot, but changing diapers and cleaning up baby messes is not on my list of things to do in the near future.

BourneEndeavor · Answer

I can honestly say I am at an impasse, at least to some extent. I have thought about children and if I have any wish to have them in the future but am not at all certain I would be ready for that level of commitment. Ironically, I am fairly confident I could adapt since apparently I am excellent with children according to just about everyone, even if initially I always thought otherwise. Suppose I have the patience and surprisingly enough them (my cousins are adorable) but as mentioned it would be a step I am not certain I would want to take. My goals in life are very career oriented, which alone would require much dedication. I have also wanted to travel and have hobbies that are both time consuming and costly. At my current age, I cannot say I would want to cut into that. Of course, I am speaking with a long term in mind.

Frankly, it would heavily be dependent on how I felt about the girl and how we connected. If we have similar interests and she was someone awesome who I loved being around. I admit, after finding out I would consider it and am somewhat leaning on sticking through. I would weigh my options and the effect it would have on my goals. One thing I would be, is up front that this may not be something I want to handle in the sense I'd need time to think.

Admittedly, if she were still involved with her ex, I would be weary but the only assured deal breaker is if I find myself having to front all bills and what have you. That I have no time for. Granted, I feel that way around any woman, child or not. I want her to support herself, not rely entirely on me.

TimeAndTimeAgain · Answer

It depends on how old the kid is. 2 years old is a reasonable age, and I wouldn't mind being her "father figure" if things were to get serious between us. I love kids, especially girls (I don't know why, but male kids have a harder time getting along with me), so it wouldn't be a problem. I play with kids all the time and love doing it because they laugh a lot and I love being silly, so it wouldn't be much of a problem with me.

I wouldn't mind going out with someone like you. You seem like a nice-enough girl. The activities you described are the kind of things I like doing with people. If I liked you both physically and emotionally, I wouldn't be bothered by the fact that you have a 2-year-old little girl. =p

Seraphim · Answer

I'm 23 and to be honest it doesn't bother me at all. I like children, and I don't penalize women for having children. As long as I can get along with the woman, I'll date her. Most guys are freaked out by the prospect of potentially becoming a father, but the truth is that if you happen to fall in love with a woman with a child, you will probably end up very excited by the prospect of adopting. Just my 2 cents. If a guy won't give you a chance simply because you have a child, be happy, because that guy isn't worth your time. Don't get me wrong, some guys have valid reasons for avoiding women with children, but guys who automatically dismiss a woman because she has a child without even taking time to understand and examine the situation is just missing out on a potentially good relationship.

golfer_wi · Answer

Sort of in the same boat.  Guess I'd start by saying kids should not be considered baggage.  Sort of a little insulting to the little ones.  I think a lot of the guys have given similar answers.  Sure, I'd date you.  Mostly depends if I'm attracted to you and how well we'd fit.  Really, you and your daughter are sort of a package deal.  And it does depend on how much drama there is with the father/ex.  We all need a partner in our lives.  So yes, go date, and there are lots of guys out there who would still be interested.

ossander · Answer

I would not.  I love kids, so that's not the issue.  But I'm in my late 20s, and at this point I'm only going to date a woman if I see a serious future with her.  What it boils down to is that I want nothing more than to have a family and raise kids.  I just want them all to be mine.  I don't want a complicated family unit, I want it to be fairly simple - me, my wife, and OUR kids.  I'm sure there are lots of guys out there who wouldn't mind, and maybe some who would even really like it.  I'm just not one of them.

Mudpuppy · Answer

No I wouldn't. That doesn't make me a bad person, it's just personal chose. I would wish to raise kids of my own and invest in them. I would not want to invest in another mans sperm. I know that might sound bad to some militant females but as said... It's personal choise and I respect any man who does settle down with a woman with kids.

Both men and women need to realize that a child is for life and you should choise to become a parent more carefully because like it or not a child suffers with only one parent.

Maybe when I'm 50, bald and her kids have moved out I'll review my decision.

Yeahhbro · Answer

There are very few men that would, but must won't as it is a hassle for them too, because you will come between your son and him and that is when it gets complicated. Also the father of your son can also get involve in the relationship, as he might want to get you back to build a "proper family" or he might fight with you about whatever there is about your son and your new husband might get involved. It is just a lot of more drama and problems to be honest.

I would but with two conditions

1) I would not get involved in anything related to your son and his father.

2) And if I am able to punish him like he was my own son/daughter

3) His father has to contribute as well in his son/daughter school, clothing and fun.

If you say no to any of these then forget it.

eldamien · Answer

To be honest, when I was 22-25ish, I was not interested in dating someone with kids. Once you have kids that sortof indicates you're ready to settle down. Also, kids are expensive. Super expensive. I was still getting my life set up - buying a house, paying off debt, getting my car paid down, so on, so forth.

If I'm being honest, though, as soon as I hear there are kids involved, I lose interest most of the time. It's just too much to get involved in. That's just me, though. There are plenty of decent guys out there that will be more than happy to step in and raise kids as their own, but for me, I would pass pretty consistently on dating girls with kids.

bersaba · Answer

To be blunt, if I was single no I wouldn't date a person with a young child. (about less then 4). The 0-4 child range I don't find anything cute or enjoyable about, just a lot of work and frankly I'm not interested in it. Once you can converse with them and have a bit of play and interaction on a thinking level, I don't mind.

Now, if I happened to meet the woman of my dreams with a 2yr old I'd consider it, but I probably wouldn't consider her "the woman of my dreams" with a 2yr old.

No offense intended, just being honest.

WaleedHassanien · Answer

well, being 28 myself, first I don't care about the age of the girl because I care more about her soul, secondly mommies are much waiser than usual girl, so if you ask me, I think dating a girl who is wise and energitic in the same time isavery desirable thing...

StupidButCunning · Answer

I am 23, soon to be 24 and I would not. Simply because I would find it impossible to not be involved with the child when your daughter is clearly such a large portion of your life. Because of my moral beliefs, I never want children so I feel this would cause too much of a hindrance. However; there are plenty of guys who are willing to date mothers. They come in good and bad so you just have to stay on your toes. Don't immediately let them into your child's life and ease them in when you do. Judging by how they react with her the more you involve them in her life will tell you if they are of the good type or bad type of guys.

tibo1979 · Answer

Having a relationship with someone who has a kid is a responsible choise. But it can work out great. I've seen many relationships like this around me that do work. As long as people are aware of the fact that these kiddos need the right (parental)attention as well.

I hope going out doesn't mean dumping the kid at grandmas and grandpas every weekend, cause that's just beeing shallow and ignorant.There's a difference between guys who'd see you as a milf or a milm : mom id like to marry. :)

GUYS age 22-32: Would you date a woman with a kid?

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