Why do some men choose to pull the disappearing act?

when they realize they're falling for a woman? why would you leave her feeling confused, abandoned, frustrated...if you do care about her...? I would appreciate an honest answer!


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1) Fear

    - Lots of men fear the point of "making it official" because of several reasons:

    A) She could have ulterior motives, like getting pregnant and then filing child support

    B) She could be an unfit mother, drug user, etc..

    C) The man could get rejected, and if he's liked her for that long.. that hurts

    2) He's genuinely busy and fears that if he makes a move now, he won't be able to later


    3) He recently had massive trauma (family member died, etc) and doesn't feel like talking to anyone. (Men recuperate in their "caves" away from social interaction)

    4) He found someone else that's better. Though I hate adding this to the list, for fear that someone is gonna take it personally, it is true in most occasions.

    5) She doesn't have a lifestyle that he finds attractive (Maybe she works and goes to college, but never goes dancing, and he loves dancing... etc)

    6) She was rude on the last encounter (He opens the door for her, she tells him he's a f***ing p**** and that chivalry is dead.. D: he doesn't call back :D!)

    7) She has poor manors (Talking with her mouth full, Belching horrendously, Farting around friends, etc)

    8) She can only talk about a few subjects rather than many various subjects (Long story but here's the short version: Connection. If I sense someone can only talk about 2 or 3 topics, EVENTUALLY I'll want to talk about something else... you see where this is headed)

    9) 3rd party lies

    - Another I hate to admit, but some friends are highly deceitful

    10) The past

    - If she was a S - L - You - T.. back in highschool.. And we hear about it now.. We grow concerns that she still wants that "fun lifestyle" but is just interested in having a boytoy around as a sugar daddy or as some form of stability.


    This list can go on forever... In truth, he's just not that into you. Shrug your shoulders, count him as a friend if he wants to come back, and keep moving forward in your own life :D

    ~ ArtistBBoy

    • Why don't people just say they are not ready to commit?

      They do not HAVE to do anything they don't want. They must not permit being pushed around.

      Its similar to not wanting to be close , because you don't want sex. You don't HAVE to have sex just because you like someone. You don't HAVE to commit just because you like & get to know each other.

      People are so afraid of other people controlling. it isn't slavery. Stand your ground.

      I don't FEAR as an issue. I think its an excuse to not be CLEAR.

What Guys Said 10

  • You've omitted one vital part of this question. Is this pre sex or after sex?

    If it's after sex, then it's pretty much g'teed they were just saying anything to get you into bed. Those kind of guys give guys a bad name in general.

    If it's pre sex, then there are a million reasons why. However, in my opinion the biggest reason has to be that the guy is just not confident enough.

  • Because they aren't falling for you, they realize that you are so they bounce, dip, scat, jet, leave.

    If they are falling and leave (which I doubt) it's because they don't want to commit. And he felt you did, he was perfectly happy with a relationship that he could get out of at any given notice. So he did, sorry.

  • Hard to determine. Some guys may be afraid of a relationship, like yours truly. There is a girl I really like and I'm certain that she likes me, but I'm scared to express too much interest incase she wants a relationship to start.

    On the other hand, some guys just might lose interest in a girl and thus pull the disappearance act. I once liked a girl, but she played hard to get like hell. When I pulled out, she got upset, but I had to let it go. Guys don't like to play games.

    • why can't you tell her you like her but are not ready for a relationship & why are you afraid? you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. just stand up for yourself, don't be pushed around. that's like not wanting to be close to because you don't want sex. you don't HAVE to have sex just because you like someone.

      why is everyone so afraid to be controlled by other people. it isn't slavery.

      on the other hand, if you don't want her, why would you say anything. what do you want?

      just be friends take it slow.

  • guy that do that are dumb ass is because if you real care for her then don,t run a way from her but run to her and tell her how you real fill about her.

    if thing are not real working out then just don,t abandoned her or him sit down and tell him or her it just not going to work out and this dose not leave you both confused and abandoned but both the both of you need to do this

  • the book "men from Mars and women from Venus" will be interesting for you! Check it out.

  • I don't think a question like this should be asked anonymously.

  • Because we've hurt and been hurt far worse by other women, and we'd hate to do that to ourselves or you.

  • Because she had a boyfriend.

  • In order to protect ourselves from the rejection that we assume would happen.


What Girls Said 3

  • I do that too. Because when I meet I guy and start dating and caring for him, falling for him, I'm afraid he won't live up to what I want OR that he will, but it will still not be enough to make a difference in my life. It's silly and cowardly, but that's how it works. I'd say romantic movies may have played a part in that... Ironically

  • mostly to avoid getting hurt, men value pride deeply. The more beautiful, intelligent, interesting a girl is, the more his ego is bruised if she rejects him. Guys are always there to look out for number one.

  • no idea. but this recently happened to me and it sucks. no idea if it's cause he's was falling for me or just leading me on for the hell of it