Asked her out, she said "No"... do I have any options?

[Anonymous]

So there is this girl I met about a month ago and we have hung out a few times in group situations, and she is amazing. One of the strongest willed, most genuine, and nicest people I have ever met. We have a lot of common interests, and seem to get along very very well. Well, I finally managed the courage to ask her out today; I asked her out to dinner and then she of course hit me with the "No." She said she was trying to stay out of the dating scene for a little while. I (to my amazement) managed to smoothly recover, and carried on a conversation for another minute or two and hung up. I am of course crushed now, but I still feel like this happened all wrong. I want to know if I have a lifeline or if I should wait for a second chance, or tell her how I feel. She will still be a friend, but I want it to be so much more than that.

One thing you should know about me: I'm not Mr. cool lady's man who asks women out all the time. I just can't do it. She means a lot to me, and it meant a lot to me to ask her out. She was the first girl I've met in a long time who I truly felt I would enjoy getting to know and being with.

[GoodManDave]

Here are your options as I see them.

1) You become busier. Now, hopefully this will make you a more interesting person. Maybe someday down the line, but honestly, I wouldn't wait. Along with that, you try to meet other women. Be friendly, but not overly nice. Be willing to stand up for what you believe in, joke around, all that.

Possibility 1) You become a lot busier with a lot of other kind WOMEN that you know. This way, even if nothing happens romantically, you will feel like you have some options. - Now, either one of these women will like you for who you are and will want to get to know YOU, or there will at least hopefully be some genuine friendships.

If not, you'll at least hopefully get a "law of association" deal where if other girls see you hanging out with your female friends having fun, then THEY might want to hang out with you too.

Possibility 2) This is more remote, but she might change her mind. Especially if she sees you as not being quite so needy. Don't be desperate for her, don't be obsessed with trying to please her. She gave you the no, so ok, you're still cool enough to be friendly to her. Again, though, like I said earlier, do not wait around her, do not attempt to do too many nice things for her in order to convince her that you're a good man. And don't TRY to make her jealous by flirting with other women too soon. It may make you look like a "player" and that won't look attractive.

Don't "publicly" move on too soon (meaning that a week later you're gaga over someone else and letting everyone know it. Be subtle)

Possibility 3. You wait a few months, and go for it again. Now, I would still do the things I mentioned above, but if it really "feels right" AND YOU'RE GETTING SIGNALS, then you can ask out again, just don't harass her or pester her.

She gave you the no, (plus what sounds like a "nice fib") the ball is now kind of in her court.

Trust me, I'm sure if some musclebound sensitive guy who played rock music were to ask her out tomorrow, that little "I'm not ready to date" would go zipping out the nearest window.

Don't act bitter toward her (after all, it was a "gentle" kind of no), but forget about her, at least for the time being. Keep getting to know her with a genuine interest, but forget the date part.

Best advice, as hard as it may be to hear, is to try and move on.

Oh, and dinners. are too too much too soon, in my opinion. Go with meeting for coffee. It's shorter, it feels less like a huge commitment, and if it doesn't work, you're out $6 dollars instead of $50. It's like you're going for a "pre-date." The audition

That being said, I'm probably pretty clueless myself, so take this in stride. I've been just as unsuccessful with the coffee pre dates as the dinner and movie stuff, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

Good luck.

[Just-A-Random-Guy]

Thats what she said!

In all honesty, great answer! I shook my head when I read "im not ready to date" line, it's such garbage, but they keep using it.

[cavalier]

What I would've said. Good answer.

[GoodManDave]

Ya know, Just-A-Random-Guy, I was actually thinking of "that's what she said" (especially with the "balls in her court") but I chose not to put it in here. Lol.

Random, you made me laugh there. That's hard to do. You really took advantage of the situation. That's using your head! That was huge.

[tex151]

Well you got rejected welcome to world of dating, she said she doesn't want to get into the dating scene yeah that's just a nice way of her saying she's not that into you, but don't worry it may seem like a bad thing, but you can actually learn from your mistakes.

Now I know what your thinking right now, how can you get her back, she's on your mind and you want to come up with some way that she will see you as a bf, so let me guess try and play the friend card and hope for the best? Yeah bad idea it won't work you will constantly want to hook up with her and she will only see you as a friend, so my advice is this before you get to emotionaly attached to her, and her not have the same feelings, forget about this one, let her go. Don't call her don't text her, let her call you or text you, its sad but you will soon find out that your going to be sitting next to a phone that doesn't ring. There is nothing you can do at this point, let her go and find another girl, you may think oh but she was perfect for me, don't think that, just let her go. You may run into her again play it cool, but don't be surprised if you see her with another guy.

If you keep perusuing her she will prob talk to you but when you want to hang out with her she won't she will come up with an excuse busy, work, school whatever it will just be a circle that she keeps making you run around, don't bother with it's not worth it. I know this because that happened to me, well she forgot to mention she had a boyfriend and now I barely talk to her and she talks to me sometimes but I got over it and learned from my mistake, and said you know what the hell with her she's wasting my time.

I never fear rejection if you fear it then you will get no where with women. I now am dating a girl who in my opinion is a thousand times better than the first one, I don't even think of that other girl. So there you go man, just get over her and find a new girl.

[UnicornLoveChild]

Wow, you seem like a really sweet guy!

here's what you have to do: play "the friend" for a little while until you guys hang out everyday and get really comfortable with each other. Comfort her when she's down, show her a good time, -and ALWAYS make her laugh. When the right moment comes, ask her to "hang out" buy her lunch, be really nice, compliment her. That'll give her the chance to see what an amazing boyfriend you'll turn out to be.

Hope this helps,

Lindsey

[Steven08]

ok one DO NOT tell her how you feel its to early for that, and 2. act like it doesn't bother you when you're around her (because apperantly it does). Girls tend notice things like this, if anything give it some time just don't turn into the guy whose shoulder she uses to cry on

[l-hedoniste]

You have half a chance, though not a whole chance. You're going to have to play it cool. Really cool. See other women, make other plans. Stay away from her, but be polite. Do this for a couple of weeks.

Then, get together with her, hang out, check the vibes. If it looks positive, ask her out again. If she turns you don't the second time, you're done.