So my husband thinks I'm ugly?

My husband told me earlier tonight that he loves me, but I'm not physically attractive to him. Apparently he never wanted to marry an attractive woman. He told me if he married a pretty girl he would have to worry about other men making advances or the pretty wife divorcing him for another man.

I was totally shocked when he told me. I wasn't even angry, I didn't even get upset, I just sat in my chair. Shocked. The crazy part is that I don't feel that I'm an unattractive person. Yes, there are far better looking women out there. Women who put me to shame but I'm not a hideous troll! I take care of myself! I run on a regular basis and care about my skin etc.

I just don't understand why he would have married me if he didn't find me attractive. He's never been mean, or abusive to me. We get along very well. I thought we had a good marriage until last night. And now I feel like I should leave him. Why should I be with someone who thinks I'm unattractive?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow! I thought when a person loves someone they don't try to harm that person. Makes you wonder what's going on inside his head? You gotta figure out how much it bothers you that he may be a super jealous person. What happens if you have a guy friend? How much does it bother you that he doesn't think you are attractive and maybe settled for you because of his insecurities?


What Guys Said 8

  • Were you guys having sex before marriage? If so, that is probably why he got married, just to continue the sex.

    Also, just like women, men can say the most evil and stupid things and not actually, truly mean it.

  • I think if I found out someone I was with decided they would settle for me I would be rather upset.

    Your husband sounds like a real winner there btw. Who tells their wife that? How did the conversation come up?

    He is super jealous and super insecure so I would worry about that down the road.

  • hes in love with you so what if he didn't marry you for your looks, that should make you happy because you can be sure he wants you for you.

  • Post pics :) ...and your husband sounds like a real winner... :(

  • u know what screw him

    he does not have any respact for you

    get a devors

    and how old are u

    do you have kids

  • true, you shouldn't be with him

  • i think he is so selfish that he blame his unconfident to you,but I think you shoud have a serious talk with him if you love him .don't be impetuous about what you want to do~~


What Girls Said 7

  • I don't think he meant to hurt you with his words. He probably genuinely loves you. Young kids think that love is all about attraction and sparks, but really there are zillions of things that people get out of a marriage.

    Someone to...

    go out and have fun with

    enjoy a stable home life with

    raise children with

    make dinner

    count on

    My guess is that what your husband was trying to tell you is that physical beauty isn't very high on the list of things that are important to him in a spouse. He might be trying to tell you that who you fundamentally are underneath is the most amazing thing in the world. It's not half bad to find someone that loves you for your soul.

    If, on the other hand, he just thinks that he can treat you poorly and you will stay unconditionally - LEAVE. Because that is total bullsh*t.

    If you are otherwise pretty happy in this relationship... If he takes care of you and your feelings (except for occasional communication issues) and does things to show he cares... then I would probably chalk this up to a horrible foot in the mouth moment where he was trying to say that he loves you for your soul and it came out as "you are unattractive."

  • That's just the start, he will first start to bring you down calling you ugly and it only get's worse from there. You should never be with someone who is going to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself. You can do sooooooo much better because no one deserves to be treated that way. He wants you to feel like sh*t about yourself and make you feel like you don't deserve better.

    My mom is currently married to a guy who calls her ugly, fat, the C word, very verbally abusive. And it all first began when you called her ugly.

    You don't deserve to be called that, and you deserve to have someone who will call you beautiful all the time and make you feel it as well.

  • I couldn't say anything about that.. But if i were you i would make him jealous with some way. He would regret.

  • l! Just tell him what YOU feel. my husband told me after taking care of his dying mother that there is not one single thing about me that's attractive! If he shuts you up and tells you to stop talking.. like my husband does... then try another way.. If he doesn't read your notes... talk on the phone.. or answer your texts... again like my husband... then do what I'm doing. Joined a gym and got a part time job without telling him. Forget that crap and build yourself up! by the way.. You'll b stronger no matter what u decide... and happier.. And a little $

  • he's an idiot go have an affair behind his back. My. Husband says im ugly and when were out he's always trying to make me hide my face with sun glasses im old and ugly. He won't even sleep in the same bed as me

  • well as long as he treats you right and doesn't always tell you to do this or that to your body, then just chill. Like my brother always tells my sister in law she is too fat and to get skinnier but she can't because she had 3 kids and she's just big boned. Well I think he should tell you more of what he does think is beautiful on you, like maybe he thinks your hair is beautiful in a certain way. Maybe that will help you feel like he is attracted to you. But even though I am not super attracted to my guy, I don't tell him all the time I think he is ugly. Although he says it himself. He hates it when I tell him he is too skinny so I try not to mention anything like that at all. Maybe if you let your husband know what you don't like for him to say, he will stop mentioning... OK enough of my rambling. good luck