Why don't guys show affection in public?

I know my boyfriend loves me but whenever we go out, he acts like he barely knows I exist. If I ask him a question or try to talk to him in any way, he gives me this look like, "why don't you just go away". He doesn't hold my hand or touch me in any way in front of other people. While I might not be drop dead gorgeous, I'm certainly not embarrassing so I know (or think) it's not because he doesn't want other people to know he's with me. What gives?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, I don't know him so I don't know why he is that way. For example--did he grow up in a family that was emotionally distant? Is he the kind of man for whom appearances mean a lot, so he wants to appear "cool" to other people, like his chick don't have "control" or some crap? I agree with the young lady above, just ignore him the same way--if he says anything, then tell him that is how he makes you feel when he does this to you. If he still balks, and it bothers you enough, let him know that while he doesn't have to be all over you,he has to at least act as if you guys are together, and if he can't try to do this, then you have to move on to someone who treates you with a bit more respect, and cares about your feelings. Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough. If he loves you like you say, then he should be willing to consider your feelings and not treat you like you don't exist in public. Heck, I'd be pissed if a good friend ignored me like that, let alone my hubby. I am lucky I suppose--my man is very loving and expressive--grabs my hand and kisses it--tells me he loves me and holds me tight. I am very blessed. Every woman who wants that in her life deserves that--if he can't give you the love and care and validation you need, let him go and find someone who can and will.


What Guys Said 2

  • In general guys are socialized to be embarrassed of "mushy" stuff, where-as girls are proud to be seen being affectionate (your girlfriends will say "how cute" and wish they were you). The ultimate dis among male friends is the "you're whipped" line of insults. I think it is hold-over from the early years when guys are taught to think of girls as yucky, and we don't start realizing how childish that is until were like 40. So the "gotta be cool" answer is dead on, but maybe girls don't fully understand the depth of it.

    • Or perhaps men don't understand the depth of a woman's need to feel loved -- perhaps a compromise???

    • She didn't say he didn't display affection. She said that he didn't in public. This is probably the norm in most cultures. I was just saying it's because men and women are socialized differently. Boys get a tap on the shoulder and girls get the hugs.

    • That's why it's a bigger deal for men to be affectionate. That is why men prefer to be more private about it.

      AR-Norman - I'll mention your proposed compromise to the members of the board and I'm sure we'll take it under review ;)

  • You gotta be cool :P


What Girls Said 6

  • treat him the same and see if likes it and if that doesn't change just talk 2 him.

  • He scared of what his friends might say about you. He is immature if he can't man up forget him. "You can be none affectionatw with some one else. I want affection all the time." is what you should tell his #$%!

    • Okay maybe I was wrong and maybe its not the guys thing but to show public affection is like saying she is mine to me and I would prefer I guy who did it over one who didn't

  • My boyfriend is the same way. He dont like to kiss me in public, he dont like to hold my hand in oublic. He actually treats me like his friend in public. But as soon as one of his friends look at me or even say i have something on my pants or shirt he then acts like he's my boyfriend. It honestly pisses me off. N when were alone he still doesn't kiss me or hold my hand. The only time he does is when we have sex n thats all. N when we wake up in the morning is when we cuddle. Other then that he shows no affection. I dont know what to do bc i try to give him everything. N all i want back is affection. So what do i do?

  • I'm In Exactly The Same Situation, You Can't Change A Persons Ways Really. So The Only Thing That Is Right To Do Is Leave Him =( But It's Just So Damn Hard If You Love Them.

  • That is a tricky situation, I find myself in the same one with my bf. I have confronted him but he says he has no idea what I'm talking about. Think back where ever you guys are at the time he won't show you affection are his friends around. Some guys mature slower than others his friends might give him a hard time about holding our hand or touching you and they might be doing it when your not around.