What am I doing wrong? Why don't guys I like notice me?

I only get noticed and approached by old nasty guys (40+ and generally unclean) or losers in my classes who are kind of snobby and rude and have very little in common with me. For this reason, I've never had a boyfriend or even gone out on a date.

I don't understand why I've never been approached or even smiled at by a cute, nice, guy who likes the same stuff I do and is in my age range (I'm almost 22). I've even tried approaching guys I was interested in, so I'm not against doing the legwork, but when I've tried it didn't work out. Is it something about me?

I'm not super confident or anything, but I don't think I'm ugly. I'm not typical college-girl hot (or what that seems like at my school), but people (generally women) have told me I'm pretty - my dentist and one of my professors (both are women) told me I look like Jessica Alba. So I'm not fishing for compliments or just asking for someone to tell me that I'm pretty or something like that.

I try to be friendly and nice to everyone even though I'm a little shy and reserved. I'm easy going, laid back and active (I like to play tennis, golf, swim and ice skate) too.

I work out and I'm comfortable with my body (I'm 5'2" and my measurements are 32C-25-36.5), so I don't whine about "being fat" like a bunch of my friends with boyfriends do. (I also thought guys liked curves?) I try to be positive (but not freakishly so) and upbeat and open to stuff.

I've got brown hair (the exact shade changes 'cause I dye it) and brownish-hazel eyes and I generally wear kind of casual clothes, but nothing too slobby. I'm a little bit of a tomboy (I prefer watching sports like hockey, lacrosse, and football to shows like Grey's Anatomy and Gossip Girl), but I like to wear some make-up and perfume and have my nails painted and stuff.

I really don't know what I'm doing wrong - I try to be friendly and approachable and put-together. Can anyone tell me why I'm screwing up so badly?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Not to sound ridiculously optimistic or anything, but after reading this, I can tell there is nothing wrong with YOU personally. I agree with goodgrlgnbad there, that maybe it's more in your delivery. At this age, most guys are kind of like zombies. They're still young and have yet to find a place (personally and professionally) to place their focus because there's either too much or not enough to do. So, yes, you should work on being more flirtatious with someone who sparks your interest.

    Do what comes naturally, even if you get nervous and walk away thinking "he must think I'm a complete idiot!" I've written this response many times before, but if you get nervous, use it to your advantage. Control it as much as possible; don't get a heart attack when talking to a guy you like, but don't worry about showing some sign of nervousness or discomfort. Personally, if a girl gets nervous talking to me, I get suspicious, especially if she is shy.

    Like goodgrlgnbad said, send better signals. Bite your lip. Fidget around with your keys, phone, etc. Play with your hair. Ask a friend for flirting advice.

    Bottom line, though, nothing is wrong with YOU personally. Jessica Alba's kind of a cutie, so you've got that in your favor. Be patient, work on those signals, and you'll snag someone great sooner or later.

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      Wow. I wrote a lot. Sorry, I hope you're able to keep your attention throughout all that haha.