Is sending a letter creepy in this case?

[Anonymous]

Brief scenario: I've been friends with this girl for about six months, but we both wanted to pursue something beyond that, so we went out a few times. Everything was fine, but a week later, she apparently started to have some personal issues. She gets overwhelmed easily, and the last I spoke to her was a month ago when she apologized for not having been around but was dealing with a lot. I've sent her a few texts and tried calling once in that month's time, but she never replies. Basically, the status of whether or not we're just friends or more is up in the air.

Would sending a letter to her home just saying that I was thinking about her and her family and hoping that everything was getting better be out of the question? Something saying that I've really valued our friendship this year, and I'm not sure if there's any interest beyond that right now, but that I hope there's still a place for me in her life, and if she wants to talk, to know that I'm here (basically, a respectful letter). Would this come off as creepy or weird? I feel it's a bit more personal than an e-mail or text, and I'm really not sure if a phone call is open since she never replied back from a voicemail I left two weeks back. I'd say since we were friends, it's fine, but she just gave me her address the last time I saw her so that I could pick her up at her house, so I've only been there once, so I'm not sure if this is violating a confidence.

The other thing is that there is a decent age difference (30 for me, 21 for her). I've never been married or had any kids, so I guess it's a "young" 30, but that didn't seem to bother her as she's known my age for a while (I've never dated someone with this much difference in age). She lives with her mom, and I know her mom had some reservations because "older guys only want one thing" and she'd want to meet me if things got more serious. I had no problem with this.

Anyway, a letter...Creepy? Fine? If it's a bad idea, anyone have a better idea I could use?

[Tamikaze]

Don't send the letter. Not that it is necessarily creepy but it sends the wrong message. It makes you look wimpy. Honestly I think this girl realized that she is not attracted to you in a romantic way. Even with personal issues and family issues, when we are strongly attracted to someone we would see them as a resource and a person to lean on when we we had a lot going on. We certainly would at least answer texts. How hard is that to do? Not very.

So, don't send the letter. If she won't answer your texts or calls, a letter will just tell her you are willing to put up with a lot of crummy treatment on her part and still come back for more. She knows how to get a hold of you and the ball is in her court to do so. I would not hold my breathe though. Good luck!

[Asker]

She was interested in me far longer than I've been in her, but she acted fine until the dog she's had basically her entire life (a 16-year-old dog) got really sick (I thought it was going to die, and it may be at this point). She's very emotional, too, and was worried at one point when she had her wisdom teeth about how she'd look in front of me, so she didn't want to see me until then.

Also, why does the letter come off as wimpy?

[Tamikaze]

Because you keep pursuing her and pursuing her for communication and she keeps ignoring you. So, it's not about a letter or a phone call or how you do it, it is about the fact that you are willing to keep trying and trying, having her ignore you and yet you will try again. She knows how to reach you and she was a friend too, so it is her turn to reach out to you and if she doesn't you will know where you stand with her.

[lolabee]

Ok, you seem like a nice guy that cares about this girl...but she's either a) very overwhelmed about something or b) isn't as mature as you thought she was. You've tried several times to contact her via text, email, voicemail, and she's done nothing in return. If someone cared that much about checking in on me, I'd write back at some point.

At this point, I'd either CALL her (you'll probably get her voicemail) and leave her a nice message, but ask her to check-in with you or send her a simple card, with the idea that this is a last ditch effort to reach out and make sure she's ok...maybe let her know you'll be there for her as a friend (if you want to be).

Basically, I think you've done what you could. And after this...I would move on.