When a guy hits you what does it mean?

[angela19]

we been together 5 months and when he gets really angry he holds me, pulls me, chocks me, even hits me hard, he even pushes me really hard. I need some advice, when we first meet he told me he never hit a girl before, he never hit his ex girl that's what he told me but the last time he put he's hands on me was 2 days ago, I cried and he stil would not let me go, when I tried to get out the car like the 3rd time that's when he pulled my hair and kept swinging at me, he even busted my lip, so then I told him I know he put he's hands on he's ex, I told him there's no way you didn't now when you get with me its diffrente, then he said all he ever did to her was push her face,i I love him and I really want to be with him, I just don't know if ii can do this again ,i have had past relationships with da samething. I just need soe advice and what dose this mean? will it get worse. help

[WeaponZero]

it means he's abusive, and yes, it will get worse. you're going to have to leave sooner or late. the longer you wait before you do, the more psychological damage you will have taken and that will persist long long long after.

i agree with atomizer on everything he's said, but the most important point he brought up is that if you're willing to put up with this, or are even considering staying with him despite it, whether you love him or not, it means there's something equally wrong with YOU that you need to seek therapy for. but that can wait until after you are away from him. that should be your #1 priority right now. you need to break up with him, call the police on him, and never have any contact with him again, and you need to do all of that right this second.

[Atomizer]

When a guy hits you, it means he's abusing you.

It doesn't matter why he's hitting you, or if he did it before.

It will get worse. He could injure you seriously, put you in the hospital or kill you.

If you think this is okay, and if you think you love him, you need therapy. Period.

Break up with him yesterday.

No contact. No phone, no email, no IM/Facebook/MySpace.

Call the police, call a women's shelter, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]-SAFE

DO IT NOW!

[t-a-l]

Well writen

[RainfordPeanut]

it will get worse,

theres the saying things will get better before they get worse.

but please?

being with somebody and hurting them physically to the extent where there causing you damage & making you cry?

that musnt be right hun.

play fighting & having a mess about, yeh that's acceptable because its not meant in a vissious way.

things like this will make you stronger, one day tho it will get out of hand in a serious way, &it will make you realise what you have got yourself in for.

i know you may love him, but he can't love you? doing what he's doing?

thats not love, that's just bang out of order if I'm honest.

[Bubbles]

It's not going to get better if that's what you are hopeing for. It will get worse, I think for what you should do is get out of there. He could end up killing you if he is this mean to you, You might love him but well he doesn't love you. If he did he wouldn't be hiting you and everything else. You need too get out

[bethanyyy]

Please please please walk away from this guy now.
What you are describing is called domestic violence/domestic abuse.
Laying a hand on you is NEVER okay.
Or any means of control, through manipulation, emotional or psychological abuse.
I understand, yes, you might love him, but let me tell you - he does not love you. A person who loves you would not treat you this way.
He is controlling you.
Someone who has this kind of need to control at this level is not capable of love, and clearly has many issues that he needs to sort through, which, if he does decide to do this, would take many years to confront. And if he is to ever change, only he can do it. You cannot make him change.

My advice to you is: RUN. Please, run as far away from him as possible.

Yes, he might say that he’s sorry, and that he’ll change etc. but please don’t believe this. If he’s hit you before, he’s very capable of doing it again. And if you’re only 5 months into the relationship, just imagine how much worse things will get. You’re still only in the honeymoon stage of a relationship, where things are usually the best.
Please listen to me seriously; a guy who does this now is capable of killing you one day. Please don’t wait around to see if this happens.

You are so precious and valuable, and you deserve so much more. You deserve to be treated with respect, and loved.

I am telling you these things, as I left an abuser 12 months ago. So please, take my word for it.

Please know though, when you leave an abuser, their abuse often worsens for a period of time. They will try to manipulate you into taking them back, pleading and telling you that they can change. They will then tell you that you are cruel for leaving them, and potentially threaten to self harm. They will try to change your perception of things and trick you into thinking that it was you who treated them badly (when it was the other way around). They will spread false facts about you to mutual friends, to change their perception of you. They will stalk you, both physically and online. And they may potentially try to hurt you physically.
Don’t give in to any of this though. They are still just trying to control you. None of these actions are that of someone who loves you.

This is why you need to remain safe in your escape, to protect yourself.
First, get advice from a counsellor. Book yourself in to chat with a counsellor. Or at least get advice from an online forum such as 1800respect. Next - report him to the police.

[bethanyyy]

This will help if you ever need to get an AVO.
Also - take photos of your injuries, and keep any evidence of text messages etc that he may have sent you that depict the way he treats you.
Tell people you know who are close to you about the way that he treats you, and ask them for their support and protection as you exit the relationship. If you don’t feel that you have people like this in your life, speak with the counsellor and police about this. And enquire about a women’s shelter.
This might all sound extreme - but hitting you is even more extreme.

I know how hard it is to leave someone that you love. But tight now, you need to value, love and respect yourself. And he certainly does not love you, if he is abusing you like that. Don’t listen to what he says. Because actions literally speak louder than words. Look at how he treats you.

[bethanyyy]

Look st it from this perspective - if you had a best friend, or sister, and she told you that her boyfriend was doing those things to her (what you have described). How would you react? And what would your advice be to her? Would you tell her to stay in the relationship? I highly doubt it.

Another thing you need to do is keep seeing the counsellor for a while, even after your relationship is well and truly over. And talk through things at great depth, to try and figure out why you find yourself in relationships with people who treat you that way, and why you’re willing to put up with it. You need to work on your self esteem and self worth, to avoid this ever happening again.

I’m not kidding when I say that things will get worse when you leave him. But in saying that, things do eventually get better over time.

So please, value yourself enough to walk away (you deserve so much more). But do it safely and wisely.

All the best, and take care x

[Anonymous]

Hi Sweetie. 1st let me say No this will not get better. but worse way worse.I know this from experience.

2nd- the pushing slapping choking thing gets worse. it turns into much much more.

3rd. In no way do you desrve any of this.. I still have issues with that. get out now. don't linger just go.

I was in a realtionship like this for a three years. and everytime.He would swear his forever dieing Love and it would never happen again. but Guess What ... IT DID...and yes I know I was a fool.for staying but you see what will eventualy happen is your most likely going to end up with a baby. then that complicates things. that keeps them in your life maybe not your home but your life... I know this also. It all started out wonderful. but then the least little things ticked him off. I can remember one morning. He overslept for work. guess who got the blunt of that . that's not fun anytime but especialy at 6am in the morning. I ended up with a size 9 work boot print on my back... and once again that Forever ding love was professed and I stayed. I did this over and over ... through black eyes. busted lips. hair pulled , phones jerked out of the wall. fists rammed through the wall. if you can think it It probably happened. but he Loved me.. and in his own pathetic way he did. As I Loved him and I did ( I know insane) that's why I stayed. but one day it was just way to much. and I did leave,.(did this several times and went back) nothing ever changed . maybe a few days . but still the same-o . untill I was beat black and blue . looked like I had been in a BAR Fight and LOST ! I had to leave. its been 5 years now and has taken me that long to figure out that In no way did I deserve to be treated like that . Please Go now. I Promise you he will not get better from this... I prayed I begged I thought I could help.. I thought my LOVe for him would fix it...Nothing stopped it... seemed to only make it worse... Think long and hard on this...Best of Luck toyou...

[LishaJones]

It doesn't mean anything other then he is a complete asshole who doesn't know how to treat a women. NEVER is it okay to hit someone. Don't you remember growing up.and your parents always says its not nice to hit people.well the same theory goes as you get older. ITS NOT OKAY TO HIT SOMEONE. I do not mean to bag on your boyfriend. But this is not right. If you have only been together for 5 months.end the relationship. I know you said you loved him and want to be with him. But is this something you can handle living with. He will never stop, he will never change.

Please for your safety end this relationship .its not healthy

[vale2262]

I'm so sorry because it sounds like you are pretty attached to this guy -- but he is a habitual abuser, meaning its very unlikely to stop and actually very likely to get even worse. You say you love him but I promise you this is not a relationship based on love. It will not be easy to walk away, but you have to before you he seriously injures you. And if haven't left by the next time he physically assaults you -- call the police. Protect yourself and protect women who he may abuse in the future unless he is arrested and forced into a program to deal with his anger and violence.

[JamesRM]

Girl why would you let any man or not even any man any person treat you or be like that to you. Girl I think its time to respect yourself and drop him. Plz tell me what person would chock a person they loved has well as holds me, pulls me, chocks me, even hits me hard, he even pushes you really hard. He does't love you so why you8 with someone that does't love you and does all them things to you. He isn't a MAN, right now your not with a man do't know if that makes you gay but what I do know is he isn't a man ! And it will only get worse the longer you8 let it go on, you really do need to leave him girl. I bet your sexy and everything, I'm right ? I hope I helped bu8t hope more that you8 see the light ( lol ) and look out for yourself because he deffinitrly isn't !

[ice-nomad]

It means he is desperate and mentally screwed up with no self control or restraint. Guys like that do not change, they will forever get overtly angry and express their anger at whatever is closest, be it you, a friend or someone out in public who does very little if anything wrong. Abuse is not tolerable to any degree be it from the male or female so get outta there while you still can sever all contact with him and call the police, if he continues then that's what restraining orders are for. No sympathy for him from me he can rot, even animals know better. If he says he'll change then don't believe him, he's done it to his ex too and gotten away with it, should be in jail.

[Jeep_lover]

Well that's a hard one. No man should hit a woman. I understand if she's a violent person and attacks men. Because she don't have self control. But if he beats you like that you need to get away him ASAP! Call 911 tell them what happened. It's not your fault. Sometimes love makes people do some crazy think for example excessive Behavior due to obsession, sometimes it's a control Factor. If someone has PTSD or some mental condition I would understand but I was still get away. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I had to arrest a man for beating his girlfriend. I hurt that guy and he is now in jail. He even had a warrant for the same charge for not appearing in court he had priors. So please get out of that relationship as fast as you can.

[Robert77]

Lady you better get the fuck away from that psychopath. Call the cops on his piece of shit ass and file a restraining order. Nobody has the right to lay their hands on another person. And if the cops won’t do shit and a restraining order won’t work then find a couple of guys to beat the shit out of him or find somebody to put a hit out on him or grab a knife the next time he touches you and don’t be afraid to stab the motherfucker or if you can get a gun use it. But first get the police involved and get a restraining order and leave his piece of shit ass then put a hit out on the motherfucker

[the-love-guru]

Love doesn't hurt (wise words from Oprah to Rihanna). If he's hitting you, he will CONTINUE to hit you. He doesn't respect you, and likely doesn't care about your well being. He's scum. Real men don't lay a finger on women. Get out now before you end up with broken bones, or worse...

There's a man out there who will love and cherish you- and that doesn't require putting up with physical or emotional abuse.

[luvlee808]

it means he's a deadbeat and you should dump him immediately. If you don't that just means your encouraging him and if he hits you again that's your own fault. If he hits you once shame on him, if he hits you twice shame on you.

Seriously 911/jail/anger management. NOW

[Simple-Simonette]

It means that he has little or no desire to control himself, even if it means that it hurts those around him. You don't love him - you just don't love yourself.

You are desperate for help, why would you be looking for answers? Please get the help you so badly want. All it takes is a phone call.

[Gdude0000]

Oh ya sorry to say it may get worse. Get out of the relationship ASAP! Little boys like him who have tempertantrums like that give the rest of us guys a bad name. The SECOND any guy becomes physical in a bad way, they don't deserve to have a girl. Trust me, when a guy wants you, and really loves you, he would never lay a hand on you.

[DrJones]

It means he doesn't have enough self-control to be anyone's boyfriend.

He will get more violent until he kills you, gets thrown in jail, or both. Stop talking to him and do everything you can to make sure it's option #2. Enlist friends and family for help. The fewer people who know about this, the better his chances are of getting away with it.

[forgive-cant-forget]

angela women are very powerful people don't let a man down grade you. I know you love him and it is hard to leave but he needs help maybe angermanagement classes he probly seen this as a child so he think it is ok and it is not think what is one of these days if he gets mad enough he will kill you are you willing to give this boy your life? if he loves you he will try to get help and you can't change him he can only change himself.

[xbeautifulx]

5 months isn't really a long time but I think you should try to get away from it I know its hard to leave someone you think you love but do you really want to deal with this kinda shit for the rest of your life? There won't be a better time to do it .what if you do something to make him mad? I mean like really mad? And choking? .you don't choke someone that you love .would you choke your child? or if you have a child would you want them to grow up in that envrioment? Get out while you can

[skootz]

yes it will get worse. every watch the maury show ? there was once a woman on there who was in an abusive relationship and her boyfriend shot her. she's stuck in a wheel chair for the rest of her life while he wastes away in jail. leave the relationship by all means dude. girls shouldnt take shit like that. you don't deserve it and no one else does.

[ValeriusDover]

It's obvious he's beaten you so bad you can't even type properly anymore. I'd have called the authorities on anyone who committed half of the atrocities you mentioned. This raging lunatic belongs behind bars. Why would you want to stay in a relationship with someone you fear? Isn't feeling safe one of the key points? Breaking up with him first could be dangerous, so I'd recommend calling the police on him while you're a safe distance away.

[NotSoBad]

RUN B!TCH! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! If he's like this after 5 months imagine what he'll be like after 5 years! the boys got issues and I'm talking like more than nation geographic! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

[Sweet-A]

It means you must leave him. I don't think you should allow another person to abuse you in any way. Because you say you love him so much, I guess you could try and get some counselling for yourself and for him.

[aznPrincess]

any man who treats a women like that ain't a man

it will not get better you should really tell someone about this like a close friend and get some help