I caught my man flirting with his ex on Facebook, how upset should I be?

Question

He has been talking to her a lot, but we live together (together 5, living together 2) and she lives in another state.  He posted a ? about memories and she put one about him sticking up for her once, and having a great body and having a crush on him, he posted one about her and how she was always so happy to see him.  He admitted it was flirting this morning, and I'm kinda hurt by it and want to post something to her even though we aren't friends.  What is the best way to handle this situation?!?!

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Flirting covers such a broad spectrum. I mean, some people consider saying hello (with a smile) flirting; others see the offer for a cup of coffee as flirting; FB is a social network, so everyone is going to be social. For many, though, that's just the way they communicate and show interest in general.

In your case:

(1) he admitted to flirting -- was he apologetic?

(2) if he's reaching way back into the past to dig up memories of his great times with her -- is he initiating it or is she just trolling for her old bfs? (Watch that girl, she sounds like a piece of work, even if she acts all sweet and innocent with your guy...)

(3) do not post a thing to that girl. it will only make YOU look bad in his eyes. she'll play that doe-eyed innocence card and make him think you verbally attacked her. just be frank with your guy and tell him that out of respect for you he should know not to flirt with his exes. (You can't make him stop flirting with all girls completely -- it's just something guys do -- but he has no business digging up the zombies in his closet unless he's planning to go back to them.)

Hope this helps. Hang in there, and if he gives you crap, let him go. It will save you further heartache.

Eiffelgirl21 · Accepted Answer

If I were you, do NOT mention anything to her..She will think that you are threatened by her..and most likely she did this on purpose anyway..so, sending something to her, will only make her happy and smile.

To me: Flirting is wrong..and should only done to your partner or when you're single..it shows interest in a particular person. But, that is my opinion.

I would tell him I am upset. And, ask him how he would feel if this was done to him. I would also expect him to delete her on his friends list and stop talking to the stupid whore. Since, all she did was want to start problems. I mean, who would post something on someone's Facebook that was in a relationship something like that? Like I said, she is trying to start drama and problems. And, make you jealous of what they had. Ugh..I HATE women. Not all..but especially the crazy ex's or whores in this world. Actually, ALL WHORES IN THIS WORLD

monie239 · Accepted Answer

Don't talk to her about it - it's honestly not her fault, and she's probably not "the issue".  There could be something underlying.  If you feel hurt by it, that's something he needs to know.  And if he's flirting with his ex, that's something y'all need to talk about.  Honestly, be thankful that he was honest with you.  It means he'll be able to communicate with you when you talk to him about it.  Maybe there's some other problem that led him to flirt with an ex.  Put your feelings out there to him calmly, so you can handle it together.  You may find you're taking care of more (or bigger) problems than just this one.

PatrickRory · Accepted Answer

There is no reason to be angry, no reason to yell or make demands.  I would say just stay calm, the actions of other are completely not in your hands...there is nothing you could ever do to control someone.  if he admitted that he was flirting, he must also know that it was wrong.  Just communicate with him and tell him how hurt you are.  This concerns you two, it does not concern the other person.  The people in the world are constantly searching and never finding, my guess is that this girl has not found what she wanted so far and remembers back to the best of what she had, which was probably you're boyfriend.  There are thieves in this world, but you can not let the attempts of one person trying to trick you to keep you on your toes to be constantly searching for a person or a problem to come between you and your boyfriend.  Or else in the end it is your jealousy that will eventually come between the two of you.  Be calm, think everything out and wait.  Remember to listen to what he has to say, to really be quite and take it what he responds to you after you tell him how hurt you are.

Red_Arrow · Accepted Answer

I looked at your question and the comments you made to those who answered. Everything you said seems to point to your man flirting with his ex and she responded to his posts. He was the one in the relationship with you - he is the one who owes you loyalty.

Then the answer you picked as Best said the ex was the one who wanted to start problems; that she was trying to start drama and problems. Then went on about crazy exes and whores. In the comments to that was again a reference to exes being nuts.

The person responsible to you is your boyfriend, not his ex. The one who started this exchange, from what I got from your question, was him, not her. It is then he who should be getting the crap piled on him, yet it has been turned to blame the ex. What she did was wrong, also, but HE was the one who owed you, and HE is the one who initiated this. Put the blame in the right place.

Tamikaze · Answer

Do not take this to her. It will only make you look bad and wont' fix anything. This is all about your man. She owes you nothing but he owes you everything.

If it were my man, I would put him on blast. I would tell him he owed me a BIG apology and I wouldn't talk to him until he kissed my *ss. I know that sounds extreme, but really, come on. I can tell you if you did this to him, well most men would do much worse than what I am suggesting. The point is, he needs to recognize he really messed up and he needs to think about it.

Good luck!

emmabee11 · Answer

That's horrbile, how can he? you need to sit down with him and talk to him about what he is doing, why has he even got his ex still added anyway? ex's can't co-exist with each other whatsoever, they can't be friends or even try to think of each other as friends without being reminded of what they had.  I always delete people I've even been on dates with because it's just so awkward afterward. He needs to understand that being in a relationship means your the only girl he can flirt with, a lot of people just don't seem to get the meaning of loyalty these days though, it just makes me sick seeing people do this sort of thing. I hope everything goes OK :).

girl_power111 · Answer

tht ex did it so on purpose. but she should not be your concern. she does not even know you so why should she care. your boyfriend is the main culprit here. he should have realized how you will feel about all this... he is the one responsible and asnwerable to u...not his ex. so just tell him tht you will take it no more... that this is totally unacceptable. and I will tell you what...u won't be nagging or overreacting if you tell him to put a full stop to this...so don't feel guilty...just give him a good piece of your mind.

as far as flirting is concerned...u don't flirt with your ex. that's totally disrespectful to your present gf/bf. but flirting in general is OK if its kept within a certain limit. posting great love notes on fb is crossing tht limit...totally!

Anonymous · Answer

You sound upset. Nobody can tell you how upset you should be. People take in such things differently afterall. There are girls who find it inappropriate if their men just talked to other girls and some find it appropriate to both have sex outside the relationship. Relativity is the word.

Personally, I will be upset. I'd like to be treated in respect and that's not respect on his side. If I were you, I will make myself very clear that I don't like it. Also, I would like to receive an explanation. If he respected my feelings and stopped it, then cool. If he didn't, that's another story. Communication is the word, dear.

PeterCobra · Answer

you have a good reason to be mad. be as upset as you want to be. that's messed up.

how to handle it? well how bad has this hurt your trust? how do you feel? you might want to tell him that if he is not happy and feels the need to entertain flirting with an ex then he might want to reconsider being with you. if not then he needs to snap out of it and get his act together. everybody has a different tolerance to things like that. since I don't do things like that and have never cheated, I have a very low tolerance for things like that. but everybody is different. good luck.

theana · Answer

What a jrk he has no respect at all for you or your relashionship

Dump him if its not his ex then it will be another girl or women in her place you are the only women he should be flirting with sleeping with talking to you are his girlfriend his ex is his ex and should stay his ex he should know better he is not a teenager he is an adult and should act like one tell him your hurt and angry do not contact his ex unless she contacts you she might to try to push your buttins don't let her win don't let her push your buttins tell her that you are his girlfriend and that she can't have your man she aleready had your man and is his ex and he is your man and she can go find her self her own man and to stay out of your lives and tell him he ither smartin up or you will be gone

OddManX · Answer

The best way to handle this situation is for you to lighten up a bit. Him mentioning that "she was always happy to see him" is, in my point of view, not "flirting". He simply made a comment about the past. Obviously you have a hard time accepting that a guy isn't always flirting when he just makes a comment. Also, don't feel so threatened by a relationship from the past, your man is simply just that... Your man. It is okay to let him aware that you feel threatened by him talking to (flirting, as you would say) his X. I can almost guarantee you that he honestly doesn't think his innocent lines were flirting, but he agreed with you when you said it was.. That says that he probably loves you a lot and is probably devoted to YOU. Just, if you would rather him not talk to her, don't try to force him.

briven · Answer

accept the new course your life is now taking. The feelings related to cheating or an affair such as anger, pain, anxiety and depression are still in you and you will recover faster than if your cheating boyfriend was constantly around and you would try to make the relationship work again, but I think if you love him, and he is my boyfriend but the question I have is why does a person turn to an ex who they know you dispise?

b61983 · Answer

i used to not FLIRT but reminise and make jokes with my ex boyfriend. we atill tell each other we love each other. we were together 4 years and iwas a CRAZY 4 years. we went through A LOT together. 2 miscarriages, health problems... just to say the least.

so no matter what we are always going to be very close. but, we agree that we both gross each other out in that aspect TODAY. we laugh about things we USED to do, but would never do those things again. EW!

LOL

LLG09 · Answer

Ugh..Facebook + ex-girlfriends = so much drama. :( This happened to me before...but it turns out that the guy I was seeing at that time had issues with needing praise from every girl..it wasn't enought for it to just be from me. I never said anything to the girls, because he would either start it with them, or provoke it.

Vtartaud · Answer

I'm not a fan of people flirting while in a relation, but it seems to be quite common.

They share some history together, so not that strange that they went back in time a little, especially if they talk alot.

You can talk to him about it, tell him it upset you.

Drake742 · Answer

You need to address him, and make it perfectly clear that his behavious is in acceptable, and also that it hurts you very much to see and know that he is brazinly flirting with his ex. Give him and altimatum and please for goodness sake stand by your word. Make sure to include your loss of trust for him

Shiner181 · Answer

I would just ask your boyfriend why he did it in the first place. It sounds like you are jealous and threatened by this female/ex girlfriend but you don't need to be. Obviously they broke up and he chose you so why feel threatened? In the end don't post something on her wall or message her or contact her. Just talk to your boyfriend and find out what's going on.

usmannaeem · Answer

I agree with some of the people here. Technically he should be flirting, that just means he is not true to this relationship.

WOMEN : Then again, girls also have a habit if flirting with guys they can not get which forces them to act this way.

On your part, you should sit down and talk about it. That is the best solution.

Another issue could be to spice up the relationship, with you flirting with him.

Hidden_P · Answer

I would be upset as well.. but you shouldn't go and speak to her, you'll say the wrong thing through emotion, and even if you don't, he'll see it as you not trusting him.

Speak to him about it, maybe ask why he did it? Some people speak to ex's because they miss them, but I think you need to know his intentions... it might indicate to you if he has plans on stopping. Also, it will let him know how much it's upset you, and he cares he won't want to upset you anymore :) x

Anonymous · Answer

First explain to him how jealous you are that this chick likes your man. Then say to him that he is yours and you refuse to allow her to separate you from him.  Tell him to let that chick know that he is taken. Make sure he puts a picture of you two on his Facebook page, and that his relationship status is "in a relationship". And if he refuses: Dump his a$$, and let her have him.

Anonymous · Answer

why blame the ex. if I was fond of an ex boyfriend and he posted to me about great memories we shared then I too would have commented. what bugs his girlfriend or his friends is his concern.. the best answer you selected is completely wrong. his ex is not a whore..ur boyfriend is a big time jerk. you need to deal with him.

MichaelL · Answer

If you feel hurt by this then tell him you do. Don't start a Facebook war. Work it out amongst each other, like adults.

MrWrong · Answer

Kind of a d*** move on his part. If he does it again after that talk you had, bring out the big guns.

MrsJones7 · Answer

don't sweat it just yet. If you catch them flirt again then you should be worried.

I caught my man flirting with his ex on Facebook, how upset should I be?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said