Long distance relationship: is it justifiable for me to feel guilty about flirting with other guys?

[Anonymous]

I'm in a long distance relationship until my boyfriend returns home in October. Problem is, we had only been dating for about three weeks prior to him leaving. I don't know why I agreed to be in another long distance relationship, because I couldn't handle it last time I tried it and I was unfaithful.

ANYWAYS, this Friday, I went to a party. I was knowingly checking out and making the eyes at a guy I just met, because I noticed him checking me out also. A mutual friend introduced us, and stated very clearly that I was in a relationship. So, that was fine and we mingled with everyone. Later on in the night I ended up drinking when we left the party to go to a larger bush party ( don't ask, I'm Canadian ha ha AND I'm legal drinking age here, I lied about my age, my birthday was yesterday and I'm eighteen! woo). I had a few shots of vodka, and ended up talking to the boy more. We were joking around a bit about math classes, and something else I can't remember, and a lot of small talk and he made a couple of excuses to touch me. He was complimenting me, and I ended up holding his mickey of tequila for a while which is strange, and we both left the party later. Two days later, he's just added me on Facebook. I know he's just a really nice person in general, but he didn't put any effort into getting to know my other friend.

Am I right to feel guilty about this, and did I do anything wrong?

[Anonymous]

First off, happy birthday! And guess what, you and I have the same birthday! (well, minus the fact that I'm a few years older than you, lol)

Yes, it is OK and it is completely justifiable for you to feel how you feel with him, but it is not necessary right nor wrong to feel like that. And yes, you are right that it's a bit shifty to start a relationship with him when you guys have only been together for 3 weeks.

There are two points that I'd like to bring highlight here:

1) based on what you said about you not being faithful before, you going into a relationship knowing that its not really a good idea, firstly you have a tendency to do things that you know well enough are bad and wrong in a relationship and in some sense, some of your guilt comes from there. And obviously, you like to have fun.

2) you might feel guilty because by flirting with him, first off you knew that you've cheated before and this might be the beginning of a repeated mistake; and secondly, you may have realized that you do not want him or you wouldn't be happy if he does what you do in the relationship behind your back; and thirdly, the guilt is an insecure feeling coming from your past and your present bad actions.

Suggestion: next time take a pause or two to think about the consequences of your actions before you decide to have fun and possibly hurt your boyfriend. Or alternatively, if you can't really help it or control yourself, spare guys from getting hurt, do them a favor by not getting in a relationship since you can stay faithful. Hope this helps.

[Kittie]

You didn't really do anything wrong, you should be probably more protective of yourself if you want to create no possible drama with your current relationship.

When you're a bit buzzed or drunk, it's hard to be logical or defensive about yourself, so you can be more protective of yourself by hanging out with people who are close to you and won't take advantage of you. Or can block other guys from you too.

Some people will still flirt with you even though they know you're in a relationship. They either don't care or like you so much that they might tactfully break up your relationship by pursuing you. If they want you they will try to show that they're the better option.

If you really are worried that you cannot stay faithful, you can tell your current boyfriend your worries and see what you both want to do. A suggestion is that you both can continue the relationship when he comes back so if you or him did find someone else before October, you probably weren't fit anyways. It will hurt less rather than having to tell them that you committed actual flirting or cheating with other people while you both are officially in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

you haven't cheated, you haven't done anything wrong yet, but from my past experience, you are walking on dangerous turf if you have a tendency to be unfaithful...so just be careful if you really like your bf...if you like this guy better then dump your boy. if you don't then remember its only till October and just keep that in your mind. Long distance is HARD! but you can do it if you set your mind to it!

[Anonymous]

RIght or wrong depends on your commitment to your long distance relationship (but if you are feeling guilty it means that you really like the guy you are in relationship with and also really care for him and his feelings...)

[Asker]

If you were in this situation, would it bother you if you found out your girlfriend behaved like I did?

[Opinion Owner]

somewhat ... but not that much that it would ruin the relationship ... I m in a long distance relationship and we trust each other... being friends is fine but since we are from a conservative background flirt is not something we acknowledge...

[TigerRoseBear]

Sorry ha ha I only read the title but hell yeah you should feel guilty lol... you're in a relationship, you shouldn't be flirting with other guys.

[Asker]

Not really. Flirting is flirting, and I was pretty tipsy at the time. I'm over it. :)

[TigerRoseBear]

Oh you were drunk? Well that's a bit of an excuse, but still you really shouldn't have done that.

[Asker]

I know, I know. Hence why I felt guilty.

[TigerRoseBear]

Haha okay. At least you feel guilty. That's better than flirting and NOT feeling guilty. It means you understand it wasn't good of you to do. :)