She didn't answer my message in Facebook...is she ignoring? it just doesn't make sense!

[Anonymous]

There's this girl in college which I've been meeting here and there for a while. actually I've been courting here for quite a while, and it was going very well but I've never had a chance to talk to her alone although I really wanted to. I was sure she was interested becauce the last times we met she was very glad to see me, and we were laughing and even held hands and I really wanted to ask her our but it was never the right moment. So I gave up my wish to ask her out face to face, and sent her a message in Facebook, told her I wanted to talk privately. But I never got any response! I'm going crazy, not knowing if she ignored, maybe I've done something to upset her...i mean on one hand it seems very unlikely she missed my message, but on the other hand - seems so unlikely she simply ignored it. She knows I will run into her sooner or later in between classes or with our common circles, so if she wasn't interested, I would assume she would reply saying at least that she is not interested.

Any insights putting some sense to this?

[KattDee]

If you know for a fact that she consistently checks Facebook and is pretty on top of replying to her messages, than the only reason I can see why she may not have replied was because of what you said.

Personally, if I was casually interested in a guy at College, taking things slow and after the last time I met him we held hands and then I received a message on Facebook telling me he needed to talk to me privately, I would be a little put off. It just seems so direct and serious, when all of our interactions have been easy going and relaxed. I suppose it also depends how often you two talk on Facebook or through other mediums besides just face to face at school. Other factors to me, would be if you didn't even have my number or anything like that. If all of our meetings were just chance and through random meet-ups with our social circles, than I'd be a little worried as well. Things would have seemed for me to go from spontaneous to focused and that would make me not like how things sped up. Especially if you don't know her dating situation.

Maybe she is not ready for a relationship, but is open to taking things very slow and letting them develop naturally. Us gals are super sensitive to change and we spook easily when it happens and we aren't prepared for it.

I'd just suggest that when you do see her, to be super relaxed, smiley and open. Be super casual about the message and just let her know you'd like to hang out sometime outside of school. No pressure, no expectations and don't make it seem too much like a date. Act how you have been acting (which is hard when you are more interested), and just let her come to you on her own terms and comfort level.

And you never know, maybe something completely random happened with her Facebook or something else completely unrelated.

[Asker]

hi. thanks for your reply...truth is I felt it was going on for too long, especially since we meet infrequently, so I wanted to be straight and sensere, to show that - yes, I am serious about her and not afraid to make a step. So when you say "put off" - do you mean that if she was interested, I "lost some serious points" here? and also, I did already suggest before that we meet, and she signaled she is not ready yet. but now I felt she is more comfortable...or so I thought...

[Nickyfancy]

I am afraid I have to dissapoint you, but I guess she isn't that into you.

You already told that you have been courting her for a while; only if your courting has been very subtile like actually not noticable, she would have known that you like her and want more from her.

If a girl herself likes a guy, she herself WILL create opportunities to be alone with him!

And.. also she will drop little hints by texting you or initiating casual contact on Facebook.

I think she felt flattered with your attention (who doesn't like to feel admired?), and went on with it with you the last time. But as soon as you sent her this 'private talk' msg, she freaked out since she didn't have intention to take it to a next level.

We are all glued to our phones with direct access to Facebook. It's almost impossible for her to miss that message.

I think it's the best to start dating other girls, girls who will respond to your avances, and to your messages.

Good luck!

[tlovehater]

I know I'm late on this but dude if she held hands with you she was interested but you lost her at "I want to talk privately" ANY girl would freak out at that! Read up on the Pick Up Artist stuff, you may think they're weird but there's truth and scientifical evidence to what they say and what you did is a NO NO. But the good thing is that at least she liked you in the beginning, don't know if you can turn this around