I have a boyfriend, but I like someone else

I have been with my boyfriend now for over 2 1/2 years. I feel like I love him and that I could possibly have a life with him. But over this past year those feelings haven't been as strong and I've thought about leaving him at times. I have now found out that someone I work with and have been attracted to for about 5 months likes me as well. So I hung out with him the other day and I feel like I really like him and that things would be so much more fun and easier with him. But I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to make the wrong decision. Please help!


Most Helpful Girl

  • In your quest for keeping everyone happy and unhurt, you will eventually hurt yourself. As noble as it sounds, staying an a relationship for reasons other than loving your SO, is just going to hurt everyone involved. You are lying to yourself, and lying to your boyfriend. Nothing good can come from that - in the end you will resent him for not being what you want and he will resent you for stringing him along.

    Of course, your changed feelings might not be an indicator that your relationship has come to an end. It could mean that you guys hit a stagnant spot, you're bored and restless with your life now, or you both are not seeing each other like you used to. I don't know how receptive you would be about counseling, but this could just be a break down of communications between the both of you.

    I don't recommend you using your attraction to another man to end it. No matter what you may be feeling, you can't be sure that it is a true attraction or if you're just comparing him to your current boyfriend. Despite what problems you are having, you have to acknowledge that you contributed to them as well - and jumping from one relationship to another is not a good idea without resolving your current issues.

    You owe it to your boyfriend to talk to him about how you feel, no matter how hard it would be. You owe it to yourself to be honest and stick to your guns with your desires - no matter what they are. Don't stay in a relationship to make someone else happy - it would be at the expense of you own.

    Good luck.


What Guys Said 5

  • I am going to try to make this as short as possible because I think I could talk about this all day. First off, I have to ask you if this is your first "long term" relationship? The reason I ask is because you have to remember that when you are with someone for a while, you will start to loose that spark that you had in the beginning. It's up to the both of you to keep that going. No it's not easy, and it never will be. I would like you to keep in mind that when it comes to the "new" guy there is no complications yet, nothing to worry about, and it's easy to generate that spark you may not be feeling from your current boyfriend. Before you just leap for the new guy, I would like you to think about how you may feel for him 2 1/2 years from now. Remember you didn't get this far with him for no reason, it may just need some work...

  • Thats a hard situation and I know what you are going through my girlfriedna and I have 2 years and 4 months and teh relationship is sometiems shabby, what you should do is do a romantic date with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel, sometimes sex is a good thing to spice things up in a relationship but should mostly focus on devoting one day to him and knowing how you feel about it

  • This is a hard one, but regardless I'll do my best. First I would say trust with what you feel is right, and my opinion is that if you don't see this relationship you're in going anywhere, then let him down gently just don't mention the other guy. Whatever happens is really up to you so I hope you can work things out

  • dont leave him, it could be the biggest mistake of your life, my girlfriend left me same story, 2.5 years dating but 3 in total, she also had a coworker who liked her for about 5 months, then bam she left me for him , acted like she had no emotions, nothing, I chased her, then I just went NC, this guy was just a fronter putting on a sad story which made her like him and feel sorry for him. anways. now they are split up she disappeared, then she showed up at my house, she looked disgusting. not that fit good looking girl I loved, she looked like a hooker, scrawny. lots of make up. I could tell she was drinking lots of wine and drugs because her nose was all red. and she was crying telling me how she made a mistake, how she stopped taking care of her kid and she wanted to see my kid too but I said no.( girls were the same age) she said she wanted to be a family and she's done letting loose, I told her that I built this life origionaly for me and her, but she left and wanted to party and be with mr wright, she went down hill. I went up, I now have a nice big home, hot tub, a second vehicle, and I'm in my 3 year of sheetmetal. I drove her to her parents house, who I once new very well, because we were once family, they were happy to see me, but not her. I ran a bath for her and then I had a long talk with her parents, they said her new friend whos a girl,(the one who convinced her to dump me for him) stopped being friends with her and conviced her NEW boyfriend to dump her, so she was even more of a wreck, doing coke and crack and drinking, her parents almost begged me to take her back, but I said no, I said I love her and it breaks my heart to see her like this, but when she dumped me, she left me with all the problems. I even just had a family member die, and I begged and cried, she posted pics of her and him on Facebook the next day, threw our little family out the window. I said if she would have came back way sooner, I would have tried, but now she is not that same person anymore, I don't want this to happen to you or anything bad, my own story sorry if its too long lol. good luck.

  • Your life's decisions should never be dictated by not wanting to hurt someone or something that may not be in your life in the future. And some of the advice on here sucks. You should always do what you want. It is your life. And are you married? Engaged? NO! Are you living life to always look for something better or just be complacent and settle? I hope you aren't one of those people who are extra complacent and settle. Excuse me but losers and people with zero prospects settle, not winners and those always seeking things better whether it is better jobs, better house, better friends, or better BF/GF. If something better comes along, you have the right to investigate it. You can investigate it while still with your current BF. Then if your heart and mind tells you something, leave the current Boyfriend to see the potential. People who tend to settle and are always afraid to look and venture out say crap like DON'T LEAVE THE ONE YOU LOVE FOR ONE YOU LIKE utter nonsense. Oh right. Don't leave your current job for the new job that pays better and better future. Right? Please.


What Girls Said 9

  • Story of my life! Well, my advice to you is not to leave your boyfriend for someone else. I don't believe that's a good enough reason. If you're truly unhappy in your relationship, then you break up with him because you're unhappy. If you leave him solely because you like someone else, you may regret it later on if your relationship with this other guy does not turn into what you want. Especially after being with someone as long as you've been with your boyfriend, I would say you still need time to get over that relationship before you start thinking of getting into another otherwise you risk it becoming just a rebound and that's never good. Think about the reasons why your feelings for your boyfriend have changed. Focus on that and you will know whether it's time to leave him or not. Do not focus on whether being with someone else would be better. That will come eventually, but only after you've made the first choice to break up or not.

  • there's a saying "DNT LEAVE THE ONE You LOVE FOR THE ONE You LIKE BECAUSE THE ONE You LIKE WILL LEAVE YOU FOR THE ONE THEY LOVE" if its not working out with your man dnt leave because you found something better or think you found something better leave because the guy at work might turn out to be worst than your man

  • well, you have to think about yourself first. I understand you don't want to hurt your boyfriend, but your going to hurt him even more if you prolong the relationship, while beginning to have feelings for another person.

    you have to take time for yourself, and look deep inside of you, and try to make a decision that seems right.

    if you decide to go with your co-worker, just ask your boyfriend for some space.

    i hope this helps.

    GOOD LUCK :)

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  • Its been happening constantly with me I'd get a guy then I'll fall in love with some one else make a list of quality's you like in each of them then think whose better to provide for you

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