Girls how do you feel when a guy you like ignores you?

I normally disagree with the treat em mean, treat em keen philosophy. However I notice that girls seem to want the guy more when he ignores her now and then. The guys that make all the effort with girls seem to get less attention and tend to get brushed aside. I have experienced this many times as I'm an effort maker. What do you ladies think? Honest answers please!

I meant treat em mean, keep em keen! Doh! ha ha
Thanks for the comments so far ladies. My latest incident is a girl I've been making too much effort with I guess, she goes off with me for no reason still. So now I'm going to ignore her a while now, I hope she can appreciate me more or ill just more on.
Lots of feedback from you girls and I appreciate what you all are saying. I still say hello to this one particular girl but that's about it. She was all for meeting up and talking a lot before but now she has been talking to me, so I'm doing the same!
I meant not talking to me. Can't squeeze in much here lol I agree with you girls that ignoring is rude cos it can upset but what else can I do esp after I have made so much effort? I've tried talking but it got me nowhere. So I need to back off now.
I think a lot of you girls are missing my point. If a girl really liked me and made an effort, I would never just ignore her. However I find that a lot of women do not appreciate a genuinley nice guy. I don't mean a clingy guy, I mean a nice decent guy.
Im really glad I went with my instincts and did what I had to with this girl. She has been bitching behind my back about me for weeks and has also been making contact with an abusive ex! I also found out today she has a boyfriend hence the coldness!


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not "ignoring" that work - it's playing the game. You can either play or not - this is your choice. Unfortunately most people respond to the game better then not. Always leave her wanting more (the same advice I would give about men).

    PLAYING means mystery - and it takes skill (blow it and she could totally walk). Don't be available all the time - have your own life.even if you're lying.say that you are busy all weekend but would love to get together on Wednesday (not Monday or Tuesday). Don't give any explanations just leave her wondering why she's not your #1 priority. Text her on Sunday saying you're looking forward to Wednesday. Don't reach out again until Wednesday morning to confirm details. Only do this until you feel you are moving forward together and she has feelings for you.

    NOT PLAYING means being honest and calling her and texting her and sending her flowers and following her around and waiting for her to call you back and watching her date another guy.

    Good luck!

    • So true...its hard to remember that. but its so valuable.

      if you remember that she is thinking about you and you're having an effect by not being with her at her whim and talking to her all of the time its easier to do this. just remember that your lack of an action is action itself.

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    • I'm confused about what you disagree with...? I actually said in my original post "Only do this until you feel you are moving forward together and she has feelings for you." and then I explained in more detail in my response to JustMePurely that you can't continue this behaviour once a relationship starts because things are different then.

    • It's the first part I disagree with. The only time I didn't like lots of phone calls and attention was if I wasn't into the guy. It's hard to tell if we are into them at first I agree so maybe it is best to be cautious.

What Girls Said 41

  • Ignoring is not good and it can be upsetting. Playing a game and taking time to get back to a girl or accidently forgetting to reply to a message is ok. It also depends on the girl abd how she is. Some girls get upset and think that they have done something wrong if a guy ignores them and some girls enjoy it.

  • It depends. If a guy throws himself at you from day one in a desperate way, it''s unattractive. He's basically making it very obvious that we could do better than him. So rule #1, it's great to make a girl feel special, but never repeat over and over "wowww I can't believe you're dating me! you're so incredible why would you choose me!?" because she will start to believe and will leave you lol.

    But second, as long as its not in a desperate way, I love when a guy gives me attention. I'm not the pursuer type of female so I appreciate being pursued. It says the guy knows what he wants and is willing to work for it. Also shows me he's a mans man and that's very attractive. Take it slow at first, like texting her every couple days or so to get to know each other. But after that, once you start getting the signals she likes you, it's ok to pull out all the stops.

    There was a guy I had only known for a couple weeks & I was so insanely attracted to him. He would text me every morning when he would wake up, tell me he thinks about me all the time, dedicate love songs to me, and I loved every second of it. I definitely didn't think any less of him and it only increased my attraction. But it was because I knew he was the type of guy with a lot of confidence and a lot of options. If you come across as an insecure guy that doesn't get girls very often and then you act like that, it makes you look less attractive.

    Overall though, it never hurts to put in the effort. I will be into a guy and if I don't hear from him for a month I'm over him. I'll think he's only calling me because he's out of options and looking to get laid. Because if he really liked me he would've pursued me right away.

    Good luck!

  • OK ignoring someone who you actually like is just plain wrong! It really does send the wrong message. Being aloof, and a little unavailable is cool and intriguing, but to outright ignore someone is mean. The girl will, contrary to what you seem to think, just assume you are not interested. Put yourself out there and have a fun with a chick, instead of ignoring them all and getting nowhere!

  • I always see it as him playing hard to first. If you are a jerk all the time and ignore me, I usually assume that's the way you're always gonna be. I try to give people a chance, but usually girls don't go back to their friends and say "He's so mean! Do you think that he likes me?". That sounds straight ridiculous. Usually, if a guy is a sweetheart, we go back to our friends and are like "He is nice! I'm beginning to like him!". I mean, I'm not speaking for all ladies, that's just me. It gets annoying when boys are jerks, because we don't wanna associate ourselves with mean people. So just be nice!

  • I've started the process of getting over a guy who hasn't called me for a week 1/2. I was the last one to call him, and we always talk for hours, but I don't want to feel like I have turned into a friend or something. So, ignoring me doesn't work. It makes me begin the process of getting over the person. If he would have let me know in the last two conversations that he had continued interest I would have kept trying. I let him know in various ways that I really liked him, so if he isn't interested I'm going to be ok and if he is playing games well I'm not interested. I hope that helps.

    • If a guy is NOT calling you at least 2 times in a week...he's not playing the game...he's being straight up rude. I think the problem is that you "keep trying"...stop it girl - let him try. Why are you doing all the work? You're a super cute girl and you should have guys running after you!! Let them - they like it!! And same goes for you...once you feel like you're entering a relationship then it's time to stop playing the game and let him in.

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    • You just reitarated why its important to strike a right balance of ignoring a girl, because it gives the girl time to miss him and when he calls you'll be so eager to talk to him thus liking him more. If a guy calls every 3 days, conversations would become boring and predictable and bound to say something stupid, plus won't have anything that exciting to talk about when you actually meet.

    • Well, mine was an ldr, so meeting would be about every couple of months. ha ha I don't blame this guy for giving up. It still hurts though.

  • I'll tell ya now it works on any girl I know even myself problem is how its done. You could ignore a girl a certain way and she will think to herself he's not interested move on or you could ignore her and she'll be falling at your feet. It's all about how its done and when its done. If ya don't get that right then it won't work at all. I'm a girl so I don't know how you's do it all I know is how us girl's do it so it works

  • I hate this game crap. Maybe some girls like it, but I don't have the patience for it.

    I prefer to be upfront and honest and open.

    If a guy ignores me after he initially showed interest, I will pursue him to a point. I will confront him to try and figure out what's going on, but if nothing results from that, I move on. I want a guy that actually gives me attention and isn't afraid to put his heart out there a bit. Why should one partner be vulnerable while the other puts the walls up? You just come off looking like a disrespectful jerk that wasn't that interested to begin with and who likes to be manipulative.

    It's a crappy foundation for a relationship.

    • You seem like a nice rare kind of girl that appreciates effort from a guy. If you make equal effort in return then fair play to you.

  • Its about balance. I guess play it cool initially, but once something has happened be keen.

    I get really stressed and upset when guys ignore me. And beware: I tell my nice guy friends, and even when I am prepared to put up with crap from men, they then tell me to be careful

  • Too much ignoring can lead to girl being with another guy. But a little bit works fine, girls do the same (the ones who play hard to get) but guys need to remember that when you ignore than it makes us think you're not interested. And girls might not want to chase you if you ignore them so be careful with that ;)

  • I've had guys treat me like that and all it does is hurt my feelings, and when that guy FINELY gets around to talk to me I definitely do NOT want to talk to him. I take it as a personal insult. I

    always go for a guy that is a gentleman and doesn't play stupid mind games.

    • You know being a gentleman has got me nowhere! I have been told by so many women I'm like a proper gentleman, yet I get trampled on, I get used on, I basically get told to F*ck Off when the girl has better things coming her way. You must be a rare kind as most women I know like the "game" as most call it. Sorry if I sound harsh, I think I'm gonna turn into a cold guy now, hopefully that will get me more respect from girls.

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    • I have tried the "cold guy" thing for the same reason and it actually works but in the end its just not who you are and it just feels wrong...

    • If you can use the cold guy approach with a girl, and get her, she isn't worth it

  • I am one of the few girls who actually LOVES to be single. I don't need a man and I am just as happy all by myself. I don't chase anyone, I am not like most girls. I do not make the effort, I think that is the mans job. Don't take me as a stuck up bi*** because if a guy puts the effort in I will put just as much into it also. But if a guy is going to ignore me and play hard to get then I don't make time for him when he finally decides to make the time to come around. I have better things to do with my time than wait on anyone.

  • That's true... if I guy just like throws himself at you I don't ever really want him. And the guy that rarely calls is like always on my mind. But I don't think you should change. Because the guys that ignore girls always tend to turn out to be jerks... ateast from my experience. And if a girl sincerely likes you, she'll be glad you put forth effort.

  • please don't ignore the girl. it's drives us insane trying to think of any little thing that we could've said or done wrong.

    you have to make it clear your into her but that may only stay the same if she treats you well and shows you the same consideration.

    dont be extremely available, maybe wait a while before retuning calls but ALWAYS return calls.

  • well to tell you the truth many men don't really put a lot of effort in knowing the girl more. I mean I went out on one date with this guy and he txtd me a week later and it seemed like he wasn't interested so I was thinking and thinking unil I gave up and moved on. and well he were more like u, a person who puts effort in getting know the girl things would have been different and stuff and I would know he really really likes me and wants to start something, but other than than I think that it would mean something if a guy put effort in order to make something work...(but the girl would have to put effort too=])

    • I really like your answer. See in your example, the guy never put any effort from the start and therefore you had to move on. I advise my fem friends to move on from guys who never treat them well from the word go, however they just want to hang onto them. I guess if the guy left you intrigued rather than just ignore you, you would have been together for a lot longer. But you summed it up well, the girl needs to put effort as well, which several times in the last few months I never had.

    • Yea well I asked the guy if he wanted to hang out again becuase he asked me and we never got the time and he siad yea sure, so I told him to call me or txt me he never did. so I decided again to move on... later around 3 days or so he txtd me out of the blue and I was making an effort to get to know him better by asking him out again. and guess what? he blew me off again so I'm really am going to move now, no doubt about it,i tried.

    • If he keeps blowing you out then he's not worth the hassle. As you have tried and will not tolerate this kind of behaviour, you def do not fit into the category of girls who are attracted to guys who treat them bad. I hope you find a decent guy who will show you the nice attention you deserve.

  • seriously if a guy ignores me I just get really p*ssed off at him, I mean yeah it makes me think about him more but I'm not about to work harder to try and get his attention again. if I guy were to do that I would just say fine then I guess you don't wanna talk to me whatever and I wouldn't talk to him either.

  • Well it depends on the girl. I am a bit clueless so if a guy ignores me I just don't think there is an attraction and I move on very quickly! But some girls like to have to work to get a mans attention. I am not a big fan of the am I interested game, so I would say just be honest! It makes the whole thing easier!

  • Honestly, it's a catch 22 thing.

    I have had guys ignore me a lot when they don't mean to, and also because they are making me chase them. Now for one, I could be thinking "well he's not interested, so move on" and other times, I'll think "he's doing this to make me go after him." It really depends on what your intentions are, but I say, the cold shoulder doesn't always work (With me anyway) I'd prefer the guy to be open to me rather than give me the cold shoulder. Hope that makes sense.

  • well if its gettin you know were than why are you wasting your time?

    When you go on a first date I ALWAYS let them know what I'm looking for or find out what they are. If they can't say or give me a wishy washy answer than I'm not gonna be going after them as much. Leaving a woman haning drives US MENTAL we go over everything in our heads and by the time we speak to you again the way we react can be more volitale. We don't like to be confused and it won't end up in the relationship you want. TO me life is too short for lame games, if you like her and want her around than you need to let us know or you won't be on the top of the list and any chance we can get we will do the same to you. SO WHY PLAY ANY GAMES?

    • Good for you! Arrow up.

    • I agree life is too short for games. However when a guy does make so much effort it seems to backfire! I agree, setting out to play games is not on however if a lady seems to act funny at a nice guy making an effort, what's the point of making an effort? I hope you see my point, sometimes a non clingy, genuine effort from a guy like me has often got me nowwhere!

  • Well I don't like when guys make it way too easy, and just flat out ask me out. It kinda scares me away and ruins the friendship too. But I don't like it when guys completely ignore me. I just end up moving on and feeling bad about myself.

  • If you pay attention to her one day then the next ignore her to a degree not harshly just seem to notice every girl but her she will become curious. Curiosity will kill her and she will eventually just confront you. Now if she doesn't really have that strong of feelings for you this will not have much if any affect on her.

  • When he ignores me, I feel crestfallen. This is because my crush for him is so strong, that I'm almost in love with him.

    Then I will make more of an effort on my part to try to capture his full attention once more.

    lol :)

    • Wtf I can't believe I wrote that.

      No, if a guy ignores me and doesn't text me or try to hang out with me, I have nothing more to do than assume that he's not that interested and I'm gonna walk...

  • Well, in my opinion, there's a fine line. Don't try to make too much of an effort, just casually look at her and then when she looks at you look away. It's a huge tease that gets me every time. but if the girl doesn't show any interest back, lay off and ignore her completely. She'll either want more attention and try to give you attention or she won't do anything cause she's truly just not interested. Hope this helped! :]

  • I haven't read the other comments as yet, but I can see you're point. As mean as it is, when a guy I like ignores me, I tend to think of him more, as I try to figure out why the hell he's ignoring me. It's horrible, but true.

  • right now, I am having the same problem.i get the impression this guy kinda likes me, well he seems interested to an extent. he complained to a friend of mine that he couldn't get any conversation out of me or that I wouldn't talk to him.

    but when I try to talk to him he just doesn't even seem interested in talking to me at all. to be honest, it has been upsetting me. because I don't understand. I don't know when I have done somehting to turn him off, or whether he's shy or whether he's just not interested full stop

    • U know its possible he may be thinking what I'm thinking about a certain lady....your too hot and cold. You may not be hot and cold but that may be the impression your giving him. Us guys need positive vibes from a lady and if we get negative vibes we tend to back off. I say approach him and ask him what's up and his behaviour is upsetting you. Hopefully you can find a breakthrough to resolve any problems.

  • okay, I'm in the exact situation and it kills me! I hate that you guys do this.

    So if you start ignoring a girl that you always used to flirt with what are you trying to do exactly?

  • if a guy were doin that to me I'd lose interest easily if you really care y be "mean"? a nice girl wld jst appreciate a nice guy for jst acting normal nd not stuffing her around wif silly games =)

  • I feel like crap when a guy ignores me and I think it might be a sign of like "back off a bit" but you know.

  • No, being ignored by the one you really like, it's so depressing. It's the same thing that happened to me when I was younger, he told me he liked me. then I deleted his number because I stopped liking him and I didn't wanna get back into it with him, so he txts me at 1 in the morning and says hey you up I wanna talk to u. I mess around with him and said who is this? (even though I knew who it was) and he sais [word for word] Wow? you kno what keep my number off idc your a fag with a crap life and I'm out of it.

    I don't even think he gets how much I likeD him.. Like I guess I'm just another girl to him...Great. I'm trying to let go. there should be better? right? I hope so..

  • To some girls when a guy ignores her they tend to work evn harder for his attention to prove themselves worthy. While some go for the guy because its a challenge. As for me I would consider myself a challenger. I love challenges and I love a fairy tale which means I'll feel like Cinderella if that makes sense to you guys.

  • it really p*sses me offbut makes me like him more, then I would say y aren't you talking to me and eventually I would just forget about him, I mean what's the point in trying to talk to him when he's not even gna try nd tok to me. no way I would neva let a boy walk ova me agen

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What Guys Said 4

  • You want to know the best way to keep a woman interested in you, don't reveal to much about yourself especially if you just met her. Don't talk to them on the phone that much, if you call her all the time she's got you and it's game over for you. If you call her have a reason to call her not just to say hey what's up? Your calling her to get dates not to be buddy buddy with her that's a mistake most guys will make.

    If you ignore her and stand her up and just flat out act like your not interested anymore, she will probably pursue you for alittle bit, and then if you keep ignoring her then she will find another guy, because she thinks you lost interest. You see women can say hey let me call you back and in woman times that could mean from any time from and hour to a week later. So the key is for you to say hey sorry I have to do something real quick let me call you back in like an hour or so, and then call her back in an hour and a half. Now if she doesn't answer then simply say hey sorry about earlier well call me back and if I don't hear from you tonight I'll call you back tomorrow. Leave it at that don't text her or call her until either tommarow or until she calls back later that night. Now don't sit by your phone going hmmm wonder if she'll call instead call up a buddy or another girl and do something with them.

    The objective is to get mulitiple women to be calling you not you calling them. Just because your into a girl doesn't mean she is into you, and guys will get locked into the thought of one girl and if she never calls they go crazy and wonder why.

    That's how you play the game you have multiple women calling you or have the choice to call them. That's dating right there until you both are together officially go on as many dates with other women you can. If I like a girl so what that doesn't mean she automatically likes me so instead of staring at the phone waiting for her to call back I am out there getting more numbers and the more numbers you get the better your chances are of getting a gf.

  • see you just put yourself into the friend zone, like I said, be clear with what you want, she is not your girlfriend or friend to be talking for endless hours on the phone. it just makes you into a friend, and when she meets someone, she is gone.

    You gotta make a move for her and be clear of what you want! Talking for endless hours with a girl you're tryig to hit on will get you no where, trust me! Because you end up talking about the kinda private details you shouldn't be telling her...

    Why don't you be a bit more forward but ignore the next girl you might be interested in and don't try to be some phony nice guy, I mean be yourself...

    If it works then hey, if it doesn't, then its just adds one more to the list of failures, I mean what have you got to lose...

  • hey forget what these girls are saying, since you are the caring type, why don't you begin with the extreme, ignore them! and when you talk to them, have sex on you mind, then just ignore for a while.

    Basically when you talk make your intetions clear, then disappear for a bit.

    But in general, the less you are ACTUALLY care, the more you get laid...

    Why don't you try it...

  • i don't know what to say but I have been posting this all day and I hope it helps people.

    here are four big very common personality types

    type 1

    a girl who likes a guy who is confident and striaight forward and is not scared of being rejected in any way by her. she likes that you are completely confident being yourself and are not afraid to show her how you feel. these girl like it when you make the first move fphysicaly with complete confidence.

    type 2

    a girl who wants to know first of all that you are not just some jerk trying to sleep with her. you have to gradualy take it from one level to the next. usualy you have to start out not acting too interested in her but start with a more normal conversation. usualy these girls will start with negatively talking about sex and how guys just want sex. just agree with them and soon enough it will transition into positively talking about sex.

    type 3

    girls that think guys are just easy to manipulate and think all they ever like them for is there looks. THESE ARE THE TEASE TYPE that are usualy the best to ignore but don't just think omg this girl is confusing she must be a tease because might not be. but you have to just be her freind but never come onto her even when she comes onto you. even after you have sex. its best to tell her she's not realy your type physicaly but you realy like her personality.

    type 4

    girls who are tired of guys always kissing her ass. be nice but don't do stuff for her, pick on her a little bit but in a freindly way.

    see the things that you say. how you talk to her. what makes her come onto you? NOTE: it will usualy change depending what mood she is in

    look at how you are acting emotionaly (are you acting excited, relaxed, sad, agrivated, indifferent)

    look at what your saying vocaly (are you doing most of the talking or is she adding to the conversations, in some cases its better to not talk too much, also what are you talking about, are you talking about each other or swapping sories)

    look at what your doing physicaly (eye contact or looking away, smile or indiferent expressions, touching her not touching her)

    mentaly (are you getting along with her showing common interests, obviously on this level you want to match what she is like, don't lie just find common interests, sometimes on this level its good for you to show her something she's not to into it might be interesting and new to her, then again maybe not just find out what works)