Is she not interested because she didn't let me pay?

[Anonymous]

I had asked this girl to come hang out with some friends. She said she didn't have money so she didn't want to go. I told her it was fine and that I would pay for it. She said no and that she didn't want me paying for her. Is she not interested or she is just one of those girls that doesn't like guys paying for her?

[Ugliness]

It can be a modern thing in which some seem to think that if a guy pays for her then she somehow "owes" him. You and I know that this is not necessarily the case. But appparently it goes through the minds of some. My wife and I have discussed this. The first time we met in person (we met through letters, then sneaky me, I found her phone number, we started talking and then agreed to meet for a drink). It came obvious to me. My first up close encounter with her (I was already in love with her by this point) I pay for the date. She, on the other hand admits later that she was observing this, and that if I expected her to pay or expected something in return, then I wasn't the one for her. Offering. That's great that you offered. Old fashioned perhaps but it apparently still has its place. Apparently it doesn't "entitle" a guy to anything in return and it makes some girls afraid that a guy may think that. But if they appreciate the gesture, they may show it in their own way, their own time...

It doesn't mean she's not interested but your willingness to ante up may well have been noted in your favour. Apparently that's how it was for me even though I really thought nothing of it at the time.

[jrose]

Very true- a willingness to pay is usually kindly recieved even though it's my general practice to decline most of the time.I suppose I'm one of those "modern" women who likes to take care of herself and not wind up feeling the balance of power has shifted too far in a guy's direction.If he pays all the time,I feel obligated to reciprocate somehow and I'd rather just go halves,take turns or pay for myself.Besides,why should guys have all the financial burdens of dating when women have money too?

[Asker]

I understand what you say. Growing up, I was just taught that if I invite you somewhere, I'm paying. I invited her the night before, and she had agreed. Then she texted me letting me know she didn't have money, and I told her it was fine and that I would pay. I didn't want anything in return, I just wanted her to be there. How can I let her or future girls know that I don't want anything in return as some of them might think?

[Ugliness]

It's a hard lesson you have to be VERY careful about. When I was in high school - I still remember. Dad said "how about lunch?" To me, that was an invite. To me that meant he offered. He was very pissed off that I didn't have any money with me. To this day if I ask such a question I mean I'm buying. But if someone else asks me I make very clear up front what is meant. That was almost 30 yeara ago and a lesson I never forgot. You may have to tell people - your treat. Nothing in return is asked.

[Anonymous]

...or maybe she doesn't like people in general paying for her. I grew up with not that much money and I felt awkward when people paid for me because I felt guilty that I couldn't pay for it myself. so even now, I don't really like it. I appreciate the offer, but I'd rather not participate or something, you know?

so, I wouldn't take it as a reflection of what she feels/thinks of you...

[Asker]

Yea, it's hard to tell. Thank you!

[siquetumeamaste]

While in my mind the idea of a guy paying for everything is sweet, in reality it makes me very uncomfortable. She might like you but it makes her feel awkward to go do something with you and have you pay, almost like she owes you something or it was a date. Maybe ask her to the movies or coffee and at the end pay for her and just be nice and thank her for spending time with you.

[Asker]

How can I make her feel and understand that she doesn't owe me anything? I just want her to be there, that's all. I love when females pay also once in a while.

[siquetumeamaste]

Invite her to do something and mention that you guys can split the cost, and maybe try to make it something fun but not too expensive. See what she says :)

[TheSoymilk]

sounds like she's not interested at all. money was just an excuse for her

[Anonymous]

sounds like she's not interested at all. money was just an excuse for her