Should I continue to pretend as if he doesn't exist?

[Anonymous]

OK, whenever I see the guy I have liked for the past two years, but haven't gotten the guts to speak, though we have spoken before in 8th and 9th grade, to I'll just look dead ahead and pretend as if I don't see him. I remember walking down the hall the other day after leaving the library, where lately we have both been spending our lunch period, and we were walking on the opposite side of the hallway even though we were heading in the same direction. I could slightly see him turning his head to look at me, then out of impulse I turned my head to look at him and he was just staring straight ahead at nothing. His face was blank like usual.

So, I have decided to pretend as if he doesn't exist in hopes of getting over him since I know any form of relationship wouldn't be good for us. We are two completely different personalities, I'm a quiet girl with odd hair and no friends and he is the popular jock with a million friends and a friendly personality along with the blond cheerleader girlfriend. I sit in the library to get away from the loud noise of the commons, I hate loud noise if it's not music, and just read and occasionally talk to a guy from my history class and the schools tech support guy while he goes in their to hang out with friends.

Should I continue doing this? I still think of him a lot.

P.S. This is the fourth day that I've pretended he doesn't exist and he stopped coming into the library, though, this could likely just be a coincidence

[EdenBlair]

" I think I accidentally fell in love with him or at least the idea of being in love with him"

Bingo. This happens to a lot of people. Someone smiles at you or is nice to you and you create an entire fantasy out of it that has no basis in reality. You're not in love with that person, you're in love with who you've imagined them to be. As long as they keep smiling at you and saying hello sometimes, even though you don't know them beyond that politeness, you stay with that delusion. It's dangerous because it leads to depression when that fantasy goes nowhere because you're in love with an image you created, not the real thing.

You have to forget about this guy. For one, he has a girlfriend, so he's likely not thinking about you. Secondly, it's high school and who hangs out with who is always going to be a huge deal. You're in different groups, the chance of you two ever dating are slim. Even if he is a nice guy who would go out with you if it wasn't for the cruel politics of high school (cliques, gossip etc) he is probably easily swayed by friend's opinions. You don't need an immature weak dude like that. You CANNOT love someone if you don't know them. To love someone is to love them even when you hate them. You might think, from a distance, that this guy is everything you want and he's so perfect, but I guarantee you he has very unattractive qualities as well that we conveniently leave out of fantasies when we spot someone we fancy.

It's probably all in your head that he even noticed you not looking at him and you think he thinks you're a bitch. He probably doesn't give it a second thought. When we become infatuated with someone, we notice every little thing we do around them, and that they do around us. That only happens when you're TERRIBLY INTERESTED in someone. We find it hard to believe we're not on their mind as much as they are on ours. Don't feel like you HAVE to talk to him to convince him you're a nice person, because he likely does not care. I've been through a similar situation. When I did talk to him, he ended up being nothing like I imagined and got nasty like "oh so NOW you talk to me?" I thought I was making up for giving him the cold shoulder, but he didn't see it that way. Mostly he didn't want anything to do with me. and here I was believing I HAD to show him I wasn't a bitch. He couldn't have cared less. Don't put yourself through that hurt. You don't know what anyone is thinking.

You can smile at him, be polite, etc, and who knows? If he likes you, he likes you. I'm not saying he doesn't, and that you don't have any chance. Just don't beat yourself up over talking to him or not talking to him. It sounds like you're obsessing over something that is all in your mind.

[ErieGirl]

Yeah, I know and that is starting to worry me that I have built this up so much that is has become an unhealthy obsession. I've had a terrible obsession with someone once and it is not something I wish to relive. But, for some reason I just cannot seem to let go off this guy no matter how much I try and make myself. I tell myself that he is actually a terrible person and even that doesn't seem to curve it.

[ErieGirl]

But, it's not bad enough to the point I will reject other guys since I am currently interested in one of my brother's friends also and the only reason I'm not pursuing it is because I'm 17 and he is 20.

[EdenBlair]

Oh I wish I could help you more, you sound exactly like me in high school, and I still get into the same situation. I develop obsessions with people I barely know, and think I want to date. The only thing that sort of pulls me out of the delusion is telling myself that he IS a horrible person, not telling myself I'M a horrible person. What it is about him that you like? I might be able to give more advice..

[ErieGirl]

Well, at the second of 9th grade I was having suicidal thoughts, though I have been having those since I was about eight, and felt as if no one cared about me and wouldn't notice if I suddenly disappeared since no one was speaking to me, all my friends had abandoned me two weeks before 8th grade graduation. Then out of no where he began talking to me and smiling at me like no guy had ever done before. He was actually nice, not sarcastic and mocking like the others.

[ErieGirl]

*second week of

[EdenBlair]

sorry to hear you had went through that. So did I. Trust me: it doesn't get easier until you care about yourself. Learn to make it alone & you can make it anywhere. It's not that people don't care, people in general think about themselves. I tend to believe EVERYONE is thinking about me, too. They're not. But anyway... I had a guy be nice to me when I was really down. Turned out later the niceness was all an act & he was too cowardly to be honest. Don't create a fantasy out of "that one time.."

[ErieGirl]

I know. Thanks.

[EdenBlair]

No worries, I hate to hear anyone else going through what I did - and continue to do. You just have to think logically. When it came down to it, I realized that I was in love with an illusion. If someone had asked me to write down 10 qualities of this guy that I liked and that he really had, I wouldn't be able to do it. Don't worry, this will all pass. My advice is get to know this 20yr old guy and it might lessen the obsession with the other one at school. Good luck :)

[clueless14]

I think the beset thing to do is try and talk to him. If pretend he doesn't exist, you will always wonder 'what if' what if you talked to him, what would have happened. I have been in that sort of situation before. You will feel much better after trying to talk to him.

You never know what could happen. Opposites attract.

[curiouschica]

Hmmm you said he is friendly right? So why not try to give a small smile or say hi next time you guys pass...

[Ugliness]

So you like him but you act like you don't see him.
And you say any form of relationship wouldn't be good for you.
Are you sure?
If you both aren't dating you may have little to lose.
You say you have no friends and he is popular with lots of friends.
THEREFORE... if he notices you then he sees something in you that others don't have.
That sounds pretty special.
You might be putting yourself through needless agony. Have you considered "getting it over with" and approaching him? He may really go for you. You may really hit it off well.
And you will know for sure if he agrees with you that you're not his type or if he's been dying to be with you.

[ErieGirl]

He has a girlfriend. Sure, their pairing seems a little cliche with her being the blond cheerleader and him being on the football team, but I don't want to ruin it if he's happy or end up hurting myself.

[Ugliness]

Well that's a little different if he already has someone else. Then his apparent flirting with you isn't helping anyone. I was going to offer up a song that your situation reminded me of from my childhood. No. A different song now that comes from just a few years ago.

link

[ErieGirl]

I find it ironic that the guy the cheerleader girlfriend is flirting with near the end has my guy's jersey number.

[john5246]

Usually you ignore people you DON'T like, but sure if it helps you do it. I don't think it's going to work though you'll probably always a crush on him even when you're 40

[Anonymous]

Didn't you already make a post about this, 2 days ago?

And again... IF you pretend that he doesn't exist, he'll think you don' t like him, and he will move on. You're only pushing him away.

Woman up and approach the guy already.

[Asker]

I haven't been on her in three weeks, so, I don't see how I could have posted it two days ago.

[Opinion Owner]

Explain this, then:

link

[Opinion Owner]

Nvm.. Didn't read the whole message. Yeah... If he has a girlfriend, just move on. >_>

[arashmenalagha]

lol no, not if you want to be succesful and everyone to like and notice you :) which I'm sure you love

[gingergirl94]

try giving him a smile and saying hey to him as you pass, let him know that he's not invisible to you and see how he acts :-)

[Anonymous]

No. If you keep on "pretending" he'll think you're not interested in you for sure, and he'll move on. You're basically sealing your fate if you do this.

Grow a vagina and talk to him.

[ErieGirl]

What do you mean he's interested in me? I'm pretty sure he's not.

[Opinion Owner]

*he'll think you're not interested in him

Didn't say he was interested in you 100%. Just assuming if he is.

But like I said, running away doesn't solve your problems, just makes you lose your opportunity and regret later on.

I've done what you've done in high school too. So I know what the outcome generally is.

[Honest-Matt]

You're avoiding your fear. You gotta get past it.