Is my ex boyfriend stringing me along or does he want to get back together?

[Anonymous]

I am 23, dated my ex for a little over 2 years and he broke up with me a month ago. At the beginning I begged and pleaded for him to come back (I know, wrong), but he said he didn't love me and wanted space. So I tried to go for no contact but he messaged me after 2 days saying I'm not being myself for not texting him so I should text. So I did reply his messages but never initiated contacts and at the same time pretended I have moved on and am happy with my life (happy yes, but happier with him)

We kept contacting and he gives up his own information about his days and his achievements. However, he rarely asks about me, and if he does, all he is concerned about is who I am hanging out with or are there any guys around etc. He also started asking me to hang out with him and sometimes with his friends and appear in his family functions as he hasn't told his parents about the break up. We have been hanging out everyday for the past week (week 4 post-break up) and I have mistakenly slept with him twice in the past 2 weeks.

He stated twice in the past 2 weeks that he thinks I have moved on. So I vaguely answered him I don't give up on things easily, but there isn't anything I can do to change his mind so we should just completely move on. At first he said we will follow the flow. Then he told me has told his close friends that he wants to eventually get back with me, as he thinks I am 'wife material', but does not want to get back together straight away as it appears childish. So I tried to let some of my loving emotions seep through my interactions with him.

However, I don't feel much love and respect from him through our interactions. Sure he does put his arms on my shoulders and stroke my hair in front of his friends, but he doesn't care enough to ask about my personal matters ever since break up. Also, one of the things I told him I hate him doing before we broke up, he is purposefully doing it more in front of me. If he does want to truly get back together, shouldn't there be love and respect even though we aren't officially back together?

[vmw2008]

I don't think this is going to end well. He likes having you around as he's not met anyone else yet to fill the "girlfriend" spot, but he also doesn't have to be committed to you anymore. He can (and maybe has) slept with someone else. Him telling you that it's not like you to not text after only 2 days was him trying to have his cake and eat it too. You should have either ignored him, or said talking wasn't a good idea anymore.

My boyfriend and I broke up in June, and he too wanted to keep in contact, hang out, etc. but he wanted it to be "casual" and not something expected. I told him to go find a casual girl then and said we couldn't talk for a while. He tried contacting me once or twice, and after a couple months we ran into each other at a party where he broke down and pleaded for me back. He didn't even have to think about making the commitment again, he was ready right then and there. I was the one who was skeptical.

The point I'm making here is that it's difficult to give people up. He wants the comfort of knowing you're right there when he needs and wants you. But unless he sees what life is like without you cold turkey, he'll never miss you enough to want to come back. What's there to miss? Nothing has changed, except that now he can date girls on the side and make an easy transition to someone else. It will be hard, but no contact is the best option to either a) get him back if he's going to come back or b) get over him fast if he's not.

[irishgal]

I get the impression that he's hanging onto you because he's dissatisfied that you're displaying that you have moved on. I can't believe the audacity of that text he sent you just after you broke up; and really, that text says it all. I think that if you got back with him, he would get the satisfaction that he can have you and lose interest again. I'd make a lot less time for him than you do. It is possible that as time goes by, he will gradually realize how much he cares and genuinely think about how he's behaved and how he can better himself for you, but I believe that this would take several months. You need to kindly show him that he has lost power over you. (Even if this is not the case at the moment!) Don't open any discussions about the state of the relationship and if he does, just casually answer his questions with little emotion and don't ask any yourself. And make yourself scarcer. It sounds like you're going off him anyway because you know he's being weak and selfish.

[tomfeltonforever]

I don't like how this sounds. He knows you're totally in love with him since you begged for him back and have slept with him while you guys were broken up. Although it's painful, you're going to have to lose a little contact with him. Don't sleep with him, either. Absence DOES make the heart grow fonder, and when he realizes that he can't have you, he'll realize what he's done. After some time apart, he may ask for you back in the future, and that's when you decide. I'm a little cold-hearted, and if I was you, I wouldn't accept someone as inconsiderate and childish back into my life after he hurt me that much. He's also doing something you hate in front of you? Sounds pretty immature to me. I wouldn't care what his family thinks about the break-up either. It sounds like it's a good idea to let go completely.

[DonMichelle]

You begged and pleaded... you're in his pocket, cardinal mistake, ball and chain around your ankle whilst he cracks the whip - Fact

You say you've moved on so soon after pleading?!?! Is he an idiot?!... if so, you may have some creibility left, if not, you've put another ball and chain around your ankle, he now has 2 whips (one pink, the other black with an orange handle)

He states twice ''He thinks I've moved on''... hmmm, it's definitely bait, your response didn't do you any favours, he knows that you want him back, how he chooses to use this infomation?!?!

Maybe it's not as black and white as it seems though, maybe we're only seeing the picture you've given us...

Was your split up out of the blue, one day everything was wonderful and the next he's not interested or have you annoyed him in anyway?!?! Using someone you know you like, making them feel unloved (as you've said) is often a clever lad's way of getting back at a girl for something. Girls often minipulate, it's sometimes satisfying to watch a girl squirm, seeing her lose at her own game

[Asker]

thank you so much for reading and commenting donmichelle!

with regards to the break up, he even said he still wanted to marry me a week before break up...

for the "eventually getting back because I'm wife material" part he said it after I told him we should completely move on and not see each other..

[DonMichelle]

So I was right in it not being as black and white as it seemed... you've hurt him, his 'unloving' behavior is him simply doing what he can to make you feel unwanted whilst still keeping you close. The asking if you've moved on is genuine it seems?!?! You've worried the poor lad :)

What made you say what you said if you didn't mean it?!?!

And you're welcome lol, cheers for appreciating my views :) hahaha

[islands7]

A classic tale of being a Girlfriend until a better one comes along or he gives up searching. I am sorry that this reads like you are being used by someone yawning at your gifts. You deserve to have love coming your way, a TWO way street of emotions, giving and free from this script that sooner or later will feel like jailtime ... even with picket fence cottage surroundings.

Can he change to love you? Sure.

Will he? No evidence thus far.

What to do? Let him cool his heels, resist further commands (e.g. text me like you used to) unless totally convenient to your life.

Now get socially involved with this free time so the more worthy can find you!

[Asker]

thank you very much for reading and your comment! It's very true what you say. Thank you very much.

[Dash0001]

Dear you write very much try 2 make it short as we can read it

[Asker]

sorry! I tried to summarize everything because I don't know what's main point and what's not :(