Best way to get an ex back? Boys what makes you miss us?

Question

My boyfriend and I were perfect for each other! We were going out for 5 months and we thought we'd last a while but the other day he broke up with me because he was getting super stressed with everything he's got on with school and 10 times of training a week... I want to do what's best for him but I really want him back.

When we broke up he said he still liked me and wanted me to still be a close friend and catch the train with him and then when I asked if we'll ever get back together he said "Who knows what the future holds, if it comes to that I'll ask you out again"

What we had was magical..I've been in 4 previous relationships and nothing was like this... But I was his first. I want that again.

I just don't know what to do to get him back! Every time I make a plan it changes. I've decided I'm not going to see him on the train for a week and a bit to try to get him to miss me and I didn't bother making an effort talking to him on Facebook to try to give him some space but yesterday he popped up to me and we talked for a while so today I popped up to him so he didn't feel like I was ignoring him and we were joking around... But iv broken my "neutral stage" that people say is supposed to be good to get your ex back...

I just don't know what to do in the meantime while I wait for him to sort himself out and try to keep him interested.

Please help!

How can I make him miss me and want me back even though he's super busy?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I know thee are a lot of ways to dissect your situations, and million points of views to be considered, but I'm going to give the right one. Maybe it's the straightforwardness you need.

It goes like this: If he didn't want to break up with you, he wouldn't have.

I know that may sound harsh, or blunt, but it isn't the unnecessary "shock factor" that a lot of people on this site like to give with their advice, thinking it helps some. No.

This is honesty and I promise you I'm speaking on behalf of my gender. Let me say it again: if he didn't WANT to break up with you, he wouldn't. Us guys could be in a long distance relationship and we only see you once a year (an exaggeration of course.) but if we don't WANT to break up, we won't. It doesn't matter if we work 80 hours a week and hardly get to see you. And surely, we feel bad about it. But that line "we want you to be with someone who will make time for you and make you happy/ I just want you to be happy" is B.S. We WANT you to be happy, yes. But with US. Never ever will want you to choose someone over us, if we truly want you.

What's sad to me is that you try to justify his breaking up with you. It doesn't matter if he's training or going to school. That shouldn't change how he feels about you. I remember having a girlfriend that lived a good hour away, and we had a wonderful summer together. But when college rolled around, I was swamped. I was stressed to no end with certain classes. I had just started a new job and handling school with work was more than enough to break my spirit. But you know what I looked forward too every weekend? Seeing her. A lot of times I was beat after getting off at work at 11 at night, I just wanted to sleep. But what I wanted more, was to talk to her on the phone that night. And I'd do it for hours, not caring about whether I was tired or not.

Now, in no way shape or form, do I want you to feel like your feelings aren't valid, or that what you guys shared wasn't truly special. What I'm saying is, if he wanted to be together, he wouldn't have broken up with you. Does that mean he didn't love you? Does that mean your time together was all a sham? No. But it does mean he didn't want to continue it, for whatever reason. And that's what you should focus on when thinking about him, ultimately. Not about why, or how it could have been different. Because you'll rack your brain with the endless possibilities as to why, or how come or what if's.

At the end of the day, you have to remember that he wouldn't have broken up with you, if he didn't want to. Nothing, and I mean nothing, FORCES us to break up with anyone. It's only human to strive, and fight for what we want. Clearly, that's what you are feeling, but it doesn't appear to be mutual.

What to do? Let go of the things you can't change. Yes, it will take time. It won't happen over night so don't expect to. If it takes longer for you than most, don't worry about it. You'll move on, when it's right for you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'd advise against doing any of that. Your instincts are leading down the wrong path here.

The guy has been very honest with you, and you should respect that.

He wants you in his life, as a friend for now. And if you don't do that, such as by pulling back, he'll assume you don't want to be his friend. And believe me, that will be kill any affection he has for you.

Guys don't like to be tricked, or subjected to girls games, even if they have the best intentions at heart.

And even if you got him back right now, he'd probably just dump you again. The circumstances which caused him to dump you, haven't changed.

Be his friend. That's what he needs right now. He's far more likely to get back with you when circumstances have changed for him and he's got more time for a relationship (Guys do like the regular sex after all.) and you're still around. (As opposed to being off somewhere trying to make him miss you.)

BirdofParadise · Accepted Answer

I find that if you really want to be with someone, you make it work no matter what stresses are going on in your life. I have had exes who use this same excuse, too much is going on, can't handle being in a relationship... but at the end of the day, they all just said that to get out of the relationship and keep me waiting around for them.

If he really wants to get back together with you, he will make it happen. You had the right idea with being neutral and not talking to him. I would suggest you keep doing that, don't worry about being rude. If he says something, just tell him that you need space to move on... if he doesn't like not having you in his life, then he'll have to do something to change that.

anony84 · Accepted Answer

You can't make someone miss you - just like you can't make him love you again.  He either does or he doesn't.

RememberReach47 · Answer

No contact, the less I hear of a girl the more I think about her, the more I think have I thrown something good away ? Has she got some other guy, am I missing out ? This trail of thoughts starts that whole attraction thing off. Other side of the coin is you'll never see or hear from the ex again following this method... However in the time you don't contact him you tend to find you generally get over the said ex.

So no contact, either works and get him back or doesn't work and get over him, win/win either way.

Cryostatic · Answer

If a guy WANTS to be with a girl, he'll MAKE the time to do it.

He doesn't want to be with you. When you asked if you'd ever get back together he ~lied~ to you because it's nicer than telling you the truth. You're not getting him back. Move on, he has.

Iamnobody · Answer

well you can't force a guy to miss you. if he misses you, he misses you. if not, then he doesn't. but I've found the best way to make a guy go crazy is to ignore him. that's what my ex did to me and I was wrapped around her little finger for months. then I did the same to her and it was her turn to be wrapped around MY little finger.

WeaponZero · Answer

To be completely honest I've always treated breakups as final.  It would never occur to me to give it a second chance.  Just not my way.  If it ended, it ended for a reason.  Nothing a girl could do would make me miss her if we've broken up because I've already begun moving on.

Anonymous · Answer

if he sees you with other boys, he might feel jealous and want you back. I'd try to keep contact via technology to a minimum -no need to be rude; just give short replies and don't ask him any  questions but be gracious and your normal self when you see him in person. If he can't have you, he's more likely to want you. However, he has ended the relationship so you should respect his decision and acknowledge the reality of the situation.

martyfellow · Answer

You can't 'make' him do anything, all you can do is be a friend for him and work on your own life.  As he said, who knows what the future holds, but that statement was telling you that he won't be back in a relationship with you anytime soon.

kheserthorpe · Answer

He's super stressed with school and training?  Give me a break.  Until you retire, you won't have more free time then you have now.   If he wanted to still be with you, he'd still be with you.

shumailkazimi · Answer

perhaps those old memories start playing wen we are sitting idle or we are trying to go to sleep ...or feeling lonely at first I used to have a lot of them but now no more I just dnt think wen I sleep ...if emotion rises out one hit the gym

Best way to get an ex back? Boys what makes you miss us?

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