How do I make myself more approachable?

I am smart, intelligent, and funny. I am friendly and like meeting new people, but for some reason I have a hard time getting past the flirtatious stage with guys and into actually dating them. How can I change this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Great question! I wish there were more girls like you. I really commend you on your question and taking responsibility for your love life. Most women are out there blaming men for not being initiative enough, instead of asking "how do I become more approachable"... So again, I really commend you on this! You are one very cool girl.

    ====The answer (how to do it):====

    This is gonna sound new-agey and weird... But it actually works... I'm sure you've seen those girls who wherever they go they seem to "glow", and all guys love them and want to talk to them (even though they're average looking, ant nothing special?)... Well, its something you can cause on purpose...

    So bare with me, or at least try it. Repeat something in your head like "Wow, you are the hottest person I've ever seen, I really, really, really want to get to know you"...

    This is just an example line, but, test out a few, and really feel the line you're saying. Try to "act it out"... And see which one makes you *feel* like the most approachable person in the world.

    NEXT: Go up to a mirror, look at yourself, and repeat a few of these lines (once you already feel they make something in you change), and notice how your facial expression changes, notice how your body-language becomes more inviting. Notice how you start glowing and look more approachable.

    Btw, this technique works for guys too. I use it and when I enter into a room, all female eyes are on me (and I'm an average lookin dude).

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What Experts Said

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What Guys Said 20

  • perhaps you're kinda... picky?

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  • It is very easy actually the guys you are interested in are not attracted to you. Men are visual they go for looks before anything. Before anyone tells me I am wrong this is based off of years of field study by my friends at artofcharm.com. Women are not so visual. You need to look for guys that are more on your level or you have to some how show that you are on the level of the guys you want. Confidence is the best way. Sorry to say its about the looks but studies show its about the looks to start off.

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    • You MIGHT be right, she does say that she is "smart, intelligent, and funny" tell tale signs of someone that does not look that good. However you don't need to be super hot to get guys, yes guys are visual, but guys are also stupid and can't look past looks some do tho and that's when you need to let your personality shine through. A guy that goes for looks alone probably doesn't much self respect for himself anyway or is just looking for a short term goal

  • Take the initiative. Men can't be trusted to know a good woman when they meet one. The tides have turned. You women of quality have to make the bold approach. That's not what you want to hear, I know. But there it is. You'll feel rejection, just like we men do. But it won't be as bitter as you think. And when it works out, you'll never be afraid again. You just have to trust this stranger about that one.

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  • Hmm I wonder if you are shooting guys down or if they aren't getting the guts up to say something after the flirting. They could feel a bit out of your league after talking to you

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    • They feel they are not good enough for me? (is that what you mean by the league thing?) and typically guys do not approach me at all....they flirt, but they never ask me out....so I never get the opportunity to "shoot them down"

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    • Sure thing, I'll check it out

    • Thanks for all your advice.

  • well, I'm a guy, but simply just ask them out. if you flirt with them a lot and are good friends then the next "stage" would be dating. the easiest way would be to be direct and just ask them out. if you're nervous, you have to get over that yourself.

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What Girls Said 12

  • I think this depends on the situations in which you are chatting and flirting with guys. In a bar setting, it's kinda hard because you know so little about each other and the bar scene is really more of a place to find more... casual interactions. You might try doing something where you're likely to find people who share some common interests. Volunteer someplace (habitat for humanity, big brothers/sisters etc), or take a more casual class (a dance class, or a cooking class - my college had beers of the world.. something like that).

    And if you are the friendly type, try asking a guy out once in a while. Doesn't have to be like a 'date'. Dinner and a movie? No. Boring. But if you're flirty and he seems to be reciprocating, tell him you were going to do something anyway (like make ice-cream or go swimming or get coffee/tea or make puppets or go hiking or whatever - it can even be something you were going to do with friends) and invite him along. He could be busy, interested, not interested, or whatever, but what he definitely will be, is free to ask you out to do something now that you've opened that door.

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  • I get that sometimes, if I get past the flirting stage I do ask the guys they usually think I am out of their league or that I have a bf. If it fails I usually find out they have a gf or wife. If basic flirting isn't working I up the smiling, laughing and add arm/hand touching.

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  • I'm pretty aggressive when I like someone. I find honesty is the best policy in cases like this. When you're dating someone you already begin the process of opening up to each other and being exposed. Even if it's only a little. Just tell the other party your feelings on how things are going. Just saying something like, "Hey I like where we are, I think I want more. How about you?" Gets the ball rolling. OF COURSE, not word for word. Tailor your words to fit YOUR feelings and YOUR personality.

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  • smart... intelligent and funny? Are you looking to win a beauty or a talent contest? Guys want girls that they think that they can bed down. You don't have to sleep with them but you must make them think that there is a chance. Once you have them hooked, they don't let go of the line. Dress sexy, never where cheap perfume and show a little cleavage. They will be all over you. Save smart, intelligent and funny for Mr. Right when you eventually meet him. Typically, you meet a few Mr. Wrongs first but you can have a lot of fun with Mr. Wrongs. Just don't ever make the mistake of falling in love with Mr. Wrong. Enjoy!! Good luck

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    • So basically you're telling this girl to hurt guys' feelings? Way to go.

  • Just get in deep conversations.

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