Why do unattractive girls think I'm hot, and attractive girls only find me cute at best?

[Anonymous]

and that's if I'm lucky. they still won't go out with me if I ask. but girls I have no interest in at all, they all seem to think I'm attractive and hot. why should this change among females depending on how attractive they are? a hot girl is a hot girl. no matter who you are, but a hot guy to one isn't necessarily a hot guy to another now? how?

every time I try to talk to a girl I think is attractive she seems to get defensive and doesn't talk at all and starts looking around like she wishes she was somewhere else. at least that's what I pick up from her behavior.

but it's always girls that I don't care about at all that are always wanting to hang out or talk. and it's always like when I just want to be friends with a hot girl, she thinks I like her and barely wants to talk to me, and when I want to be more than friends, she just wants to be friends, but because she knows I want more, she still barely talks to me. so I'm stuck having to be nice to girls I don't even want to hang around.

what is wrong with me?

Updates

+1 y

I would also like to add that whenever I've tried to be confident and flirty with cuter girls they still act distant and defensive. confidence doesn't work. it's like if I'm confident they probably think I'm a bad boy douchebag and when I'm not behaving this way, they just think I'm shy and unattractive. then I'm sure they go for the actual bad boy douchebag type guy and there I was showing them attention that I was sincere about at the end of the day.


nothing works. can't do anything right!

[dance_til_dawn]

Hahaha, man, you figure this out, you let me know.
A little about me, just turned 30, I have a good career, make almost 6 figures, I know how to dress, cook, and have the linguistic capabilities to charm even the fiestiest snakes.
I workout 5 days a week and take great care of myself. I drive a nice car, I'm well educated, well read and well traveled.
I'm very confident, funny and charming and have been told my whole life that I'm good looking.
Yet, despite all this, I can't get a date to save my life.
I watch what other guys do and 8/10 times it's so below what I would do in levels of confidence, originally and wit, yet they get a date out of it.
It absolutely blows my mind in every conceivable way.
When I approach a women I aim to be funny, charming and witty. Asking her questions and give her answers that are different from the cookie cutter crap every other guy says to her.
Yet I fail, every single time.
I've tried many different approaches, from the seemingly aloof guy to the one arriving in a limo with a group and a tabe in the VIP lounge. Nothing works.
The idea that women want successful, smart guys who work out and have confidence and charm oozing out of them is crap.
From what I can tell, women want a regular guy who's opening line is "'sup", has no education and drives a '98 Civic.

[Asker]

That last little bit... I know exactly what you mean lol. I'm well on my way to having a good job too, drive a nice car, hopefully it's just a matter of time. But it really does seem like girls want a typical guy, and I don't mean that in a good way either.

[dance_til_dawn]

I'm telling you, I always thought that working out, having a good job, nice car, wearing Armani and having confidence would be enough, but it actually seems to turn women off.
Don't think that if you get a good job and have money that it will matter, it doesn't. I'm living proof.
Also, I know "Good looking" is subjective, so as a point of reference I've been told many times I look like Ryan Gosling, and I know woman find him attractive.
So if good (or at least decent) looks, money and confidence can't get a date, I guess I just don't understand this world anymore.
I'm just goin to focus on my career and hope these things come back into fashion some day.

[Asker]

I'm going to do the same. Here's one more thing about me too, admittedly I waste my time with an online dating site (lol) and since I've gotten my current job, magically I've gotten much more "likes" from girls, put up a developed profile way before that, and put up an image, and then I've gotten like 30 "likes" from women. But nothing has come out of it, the one girl that I am interested in, that happened to "like" me too, I can't even message her because she's been messaged too much and has a full inbox haha

I just can't even win!

[Albinoninja66]

This... this is me in 10 years. I'm at the starting stages of my career, and if everything goes according the very specific plan that I have set out then I will probably not be making six figures like you, but close. I have also been told by many women that I'm hot/cute. I'm funny, smart, nice, and I'm in excellent shape. The only things I can think of that are problems is that I am not very flirty, some people see me as boring because I am usually calm and collected, I'm more of a mysterious type of guy, and I can be a dick at times. But even with these negative traits you would think that I would have a chance since I already have my career set up at such a young age, I'm hot, and I'm buff, but nope. The only attentire I ever get is from hoes who I don't even bother with bease I do my research and usually know all about a person before I meet them, but I pretend to be an idiot so they think I will fall for it. Smh

[Anonymous]

It has little to do with appearance and more to do with faking confidence. With an ugly girl you're just yourself, with a hot girl you're acting differently to fit your perception of what she wants to see. And she sees right through it as someone who is not confident with himself, yet wants to mount her. Girls react to how you make them feel emotionally far more then how you look to them physically. Provided your hygiene is good, dress OK and aren't a slob, that should be enough to not make them run away. From there it's all your body language and more how you say what you say, rather than what you say (though context is somewhat important).

Also, not sure what age of girls you are hanging out with, but younger girls tend to play games more than older girls. As such sometimes if you stop talking to younger girls they miss you or if you ignore them they try to get you to notice them. Once you start noticing them they feel they have won and stop trying to make you notice them. So the trick is to get them interested, distance yourself, then see if they start doing things to make you notice them. If so ask them out for dinner, if she's doing things to make you notice her she'll say yes.

[Asad1ONE1]

Stop generalizing women

[Anonymous]

that means that you're unattractive, or even average at best case scenario. you're not a hot guy

i'm sorry but why is it hard for some guys to accept this fact? the same way you judge women on their looks, women do the same to you. and apparently the women have spoken. if looks didn't matter THAT MUCH then you wouldn't care about hot girls and you'd be happy with the less attractive girls who aren't as hot. I'm not trying to attack you, but I do notice a bit of hypocrisy in your responses. you're trying to justify why hot girls should overlook your looks and social status and see you as a dating option, but you can't do it for the girls you find undesirable. the truth is, the same way you see the girls you don't want, those girls you want see you the same way. you're being judged the same way you judge others. not that this makes you a bad person, but you should either learn to appreciate the girls who like you, or step your game up and become more attractive so you can get prettier girls. it is what it is.

[Asker]

i can flip it the other way around for girls. learn to appreciate the guys that want them, and stop going for the wrong guys and the guys that couldn't care less.

i was always under the impression that looks didn't matter as much for women. thought it was mostly confidence. looks obviously matter for men.

[Opinion Owner]

You could use that advice for yourself. "learn to appreciate the girls that want you, and stop going for the wrong girls and the girls who couldn't care less". why can't you see that the same applies to you?

Looks do matter for women, come on now. who wants to have sex with a guy you're not attracted to? confidence is cool and all but if it comes in a package of a man you wouldn't want to sleep with, then its not gonna make us like him.

[Asker]

what I can't seem to understand though is that I'm already a good looking guy. definitely not unattractive by any means. I'm just not bulging biceps, 6 pack abs, with a perfect jawline. still good looking though. and I dress well enough.

[Opinion Owner]

Hot guys are the ones with gym bodies and nice faces. so I'm not calling you ugly, but you're clearly not as hot as your competition. You say you dress well enough, but your other comments say that you don't dress in the way that the typical hot guy does. so by your definition you might look alright, but to the girls you are trying to get with, you don't currently fit the standards they're looking for.

[Asker]

well I don't wear like affliction and ufc tap out shirts and stuff like some ripped, douchey guys do. some also wear nice stuff, but so do I. sometimes I don't want to look all dressed up though. sometimes I just want to be comfortable.

[manwithstrength]

You do know you're full of crap, right?

[Tdawg223]

You sound like one of those shallow, sleezy and immature women. I date women with substance, and who don't just judge on the outward appearance. I always try to do the same for the women that I am dating. It isn't to say you shouldn't have some physical attraction to them, but your following comments on the definition of what makes a guy attractive are skewed. Beauty looks different to others, and I am sure that the poster will find someone if he hasn't already. You are in the category of women I avoid like the plague.

[upood]

Because the less attractive girls are realistic and have less of a choice whereas you think/thought you had a shot with the hot girls when they have a pool of other guys to choose from. HOWEVER this isn't true of all girls. Some beautiful (not "hot" but pretty/beautiful) girls go for average guys because they have a better personality etc. It's not always black and white, you should work on your personality and you'll get girls.

We are pretty good at reading guys and when someone who thinks they're God's gift to women comes along and we sense it and just look the other way.

If you're nice, genuine and make an effort, girls should appreciate that. Stop being rude also, cause the ugly girl you don't like probably has 5 beautiful friends she could introduce you to.

[Asker]

i've been forced to hang out with a lot of unattractive girls in the past and none of their friends are attractive either. hot girls also hang out with other hot girls. at least cute girls. I like girls that are in between hot and cute. they're usually good looking enough and nice enough, but they still seem to go for the wrong men. I'm never rude to girls though, no matter how attractive or unattractive they are. I'm a nice guy of course, never mean to people.

[upood]

Hmm... that's weird. I'm generally considered a good looking girl and I know I would never bring my pretty friends near the guys I like haha. But I suppose you're right, I don't have "ugly" friends now that I think of it. Well have you tried initiating? Maybe they don't know you well enough to like you. Or they don't notice you.

[Asker]

I don't know enough pretty girls well enough to initiate. I feel so weird about approaching a cute girl that is only a stranger to me.

[upood]

smile, say hi in passing, something simple and friendly to gain their attention, and then if you see one around enough frequently you can start talking...

[Asad1ONE1]

F**k are you talking about? Nonsense. "God's gift"? Stop generalizing all women feminist.

[Anonymous]

Because women adjust their standards based on how hot they are. Men hope for the hottest no matter how ugly they are.

[Asker]

I'm not ugly though. and it seems like the hotter the woman, the more inclined she is to being attracted to the bad boy type, the kind of guy she shouldn't even want to be with in the first place. and when it comes to that, the guy doesn't have to be as attractive either. I've seen fat guys with beautiful women and they have the bad boy look about them. tattoos and pierced ears, and stuff like that. the smooth personality. it's like you can't care about women or they're repulsed. and I care.

[Opinion Owner]

Just because you've seen fat guys with hot girls before doesn't make it the norm. Look into any study on attractiveness, most women choose men on the same level as them.

[Asker]

I've seen it enough times to where I will not adjust my standards. I'm more than adequate for an attractive woman. what I'm sick of is the arrogance among hot girls that are my age. they think they're entitled little princesses. attractive older women are so much better, but they would never date a younger guy unless he was famous or filthy rich or successful for his age. I've given up on college girls. they just want to party and hang out with douchey bone headed frat boys.

[Opinion Owner]

You don't have to adjust your standards. Just adjust your looks to their level and watch the success.

[Asker]

well there isn't a whole lot I can do. I could lose a handful of pounds and dress even nicer than I already do, but that's about it. and I hate to think that because my teeth aren't perfectly straight that women would find me unattractive because of it. they're not awful looking, but I could use some braces.

[Opinion Owner]

Body and dress matter.

[Asker]

I dress a lot nicer than the bad boys type does. if girls like guys that dress nice then a lot of girls seem to think that dressing like a thug is the presentable way to do so. or looking fresh out of the trailer park. either way.

[Asad1ONE1]

Good joke feminist

[commonsense24]

making it’s your obnoxious f*cking attitude.

[Moloch]

No idea, I'm in your shoes and I've been trying to figure this out myself. I think it's because uglier women go for men with average looks and think they're hot because they don't have tons of guys knocking on their doors. Hotter girls get to pick and choose who they want and basically get the cream of the crop. To be able to compete against the hotter males they go out with, you need to have either money or game.

[Asker]

a lot of "hot" guys are far from "cream of the crop." so many hot guys are douches. and honestly, so are hot girls. I never did anything to deserve the hostility I get from them. I'm only upfront and nice with them.

[Moloch]

by cream of the crop I meant good looking.

[Asker]

what are good looks without substance? there are so many good looking girls out there, but because they're so arrogant and sometimes dumb, it doesn't matter how good looking they are. so why can't girls think the same way? I'm fully convinced that because girls are hot, they don't have enough bad things happen to them to where they examine their own selves (which is exactly what they need). they think they're perfect and feel they're entitled to whatever twisted view of perfection they have.

[Moloch]

Well, can't change a thing about this, unless you can control their minds, and by minds, I mean mass communication.

[commonsense24]

i think you should just date men

[ladsin]

Because you only look average... To an unnatractive girl you look better because she's not used to attention from "hot guys"

[Asker]

I'd say I'm a little above average though.

[ladsin]

But I mean that's your perspective not a girls, many girls think they are prettier or uglier than they really are, that doesn't make it true (granted I can't see youbso I can't guess firbcertain but that'd be my guess)

[Asker]

my face is above average, but my body needs work, but still isn't terrible looking. like I said, I've seen fat guys with smoking hot girls all the time. my body shouldn't be an issue. and these are average looking guys. they just have an "air" of bad boy in their look and personality, which I don't have. I'm a genuine nice guy that tries to look and act presentable.

[ladsin]

Maybe You seem un-fun then? Idk

[Asker]

well what is fun? getting plastered and high every other night and on weekends? I don't like parties. they hold no meaning in life. this is a bit of my "problem" I realize, but even when I'm out just talking to new people, and parties aren't even relevant. and I have a sense of humor. no idea what is wrong.

[ladsin]

Hmm I don't know you sound perfect... But again that's how you view yourself I'm just saying ask others how they view youband you can get a better idea of how ubcome across to others?.

[Asker]

I could do that I suppose.

[Anonymous]

maybe you're hot enough that you're passable cute, but not hot enough that you can cross into the hot people zone

[Asker]

I know I'm not "hot" but why should that matter? I'm glad I'm not apart of the "hot" crowd. they all seem like d***s. even the "hot" guys for the most part aren't nice to me. hot guys and girls tend to be immature and idiotic. I don't like hanging around them usually. I just look for a girl that defies the norm.

[Anonymous]

Great question! I have the same exact problem! This one KILLS ME! Some light on the subject from a woman's prespective would be incredibly helpful!

[Robertinho]

Remember when it comes to girls the hotter they are from the outside, the uglier they are from the inside. You don't need a hot one to put yourself down, your better then that, and if that comes without the girl then so be it...i rather have my dignity than be with someone that thinks she's all that, NO THANKS.

[moviedude714]

looks are important to women too

[Asker]

well of course. but a good looking person is a good looking person. a hot girl is a hot girl. I just don't see how one group of girls could be more drawn to me than other. it's never the girls I want.

[commonsense24]

because unattractive girls lower their standards. get over it dude

[MillipedeMilisits]

Yous a crab lookin nigga