My female friend likes to cuddle but I have feelings for her--what do I do?

I've been hanging out with this chick for about a year now and I really like hanging with her. Early on I asked if she wanted to be more but rejected me, though she still continued to try and hold my arm/hand and use my lap as a pillow. After I while I asked her to stop with the physical stuff because it just drug up old feelings for me. She got mad and we didn't talk for a month. We've just started hanging again but a couple of nights ago we went out to with friends, and she tried dancing with me and hung all over me most of the night. Eventually she took me back to her place and when I went to sleep on the couch she told me to come into her room and had me get in the bed. We fell asleep cuddling (me rubbing her head and her playing with my fingers with her arms/legs wrapped around me). I don't know what to do, I want to be her friend if that's all she wants but for some reason she can't let the cuddling stuff go (and I can't do that if I want to truly be her friend because it just makes me want to be more than friends with her), what do I do? I would also like to add she started talking to me again and wanting to hangout more after I broke up with my girl I just happened to meet and be seeing while we weren't talking.

NOTE: Tried the friends with benefits route the first time (at multiple angles) shutdown


Most Helpful Girl

  • I say fight fire with fire but get just a more aggressive with the physical stuff but not too aggressive. You know like small pecks on the cheek, making kissy faces, I'd say even go as far as a little tap on the ass every now and again. I mean come on dude it's flirting 101 lol. And I think that if you do this it might slowly cause her to like you more, and more, and more, Good luck

    • Again, been there done that except the kissy faces (not my thing). Not new to the game, just really lost haha. But I'll take your advice and start playin the full-court press cause I don't know what else to do. Thanks

What Girls Said 3

  • She's not being fair at ALL. It's one thing to cuddle up on the couch with a friend of the opposite gender if you both know all you want is friendship. It's entirely another to ask someone you KNOW has feelings for you to spoon with you all night when you also know you DON'T have feelings for them- or at least aren't willing to take it further than friendship.

    I'd say there's one of two scenarios at play here:

    1)She enjoys the attention she gets from you as a friend, likes the comfort of being able to call you, cuddle with you, and have you hold her when she's feeling lonely or down. But she has no real interest in pursuing it further than that- she might enjoy your company and even have some attraction to you, but in general, she's not interested, she's just using you when it's convenient...

    2) She might have real feelings for you that she didn't before but isn't sure how to tell you because she rejected you before.

    Either way- you need to have a straight up conversation with her. Tell her that you guys can be friends without the physical stuff that crosses the line of friendship or you can try being a couple but you can't handle her messing with your emotions by being JUST your friend yet inviting you to sleep in her bed and spoon with her. At this point, it's got to be either one or the other. What she's doing shows a lack of consideration for you and your feelings which isn't acceptable from a friend OR a potential girlfriend. If she can't handle this, then I'd say you need to keep your distance from her.

  • she's toying with your emotions. I agree with the guys on this one. a serious conversation is needed because this isn't fair to you. you've been wasting your time when you could have found the girl you have been looking for. if she didn't accept your rejection on being cuddle buddies then why should you accept her rejection on being more than friends? say no and move on.


What Guys Said 7

  • This is what I normally call emotional blackmail, She wants to hang on you cuddle with you and get all the benefits of a Boyfriend relationship(minus any actual sex) and gets mad when you want to actually move forward into a real relationship and denies you and interaction for standing up for yourself.

    She obviously has some sort of commitment phobia or a reason to avoid taking that step. Frankly, when she stopped talking to you that was probably the healthiest thing for you because you didn't have to deal with the mixed emotions. I can understand wanting to still be friends even though she turned you down and I can even understand her wanting a physical relationship even if it doesn't involved sex, but she won't let you invest in her emotionally as more than a friend while she gets what ever validation from you that she wants. Either deny her the physical stuff or stop hanging out with her as much. If she asks why You tell her she's getting more out of this than you are and won't even give you the satisfaction of being disappointed over it. If she gets mad then good, let her selfish behind sleep alone and let you move on to someone that will give you the chance to be more than an emotional captive cuddle pillow.

  • These are the kind of girls who have NO CLUE what they want. They want the intimacy but don't wanna be in a relationship. You're stuck somewhere in between friendzone and boyfriend/girlfriend and that's where things gets confusing especially with the cute-sy/cuddly stuff. I think she has feelings you but she confusing herself in what she wants. When you have a cuddle session like that, it USUALLY means you want something more.

    It's been a year and you two have been close...TOO close even for 'friends' IMO. I think it's time for you and her to figure out what this relationship is all about. Something more? or just friends? No more cutesy cuddling sessions and mixed messages. Leave that for girls who want a relationship. Time to have a serious talk and see if she finally wants something more. If she doesn't, then you find someone else that's worth your time because you know she'll come crawling back and you'll go through the exactly same stuff again leaving a trail of mixed messages.

  • Friendzone: Level 99. Go in for the kiss next time. It wouldn't be any worse from her shutting you down from the FWB. If she doesn't want to then just stop being there for her every minute of every day when she wants you. You can't be there whenever she wants if she just wants to use you and not make a relationship out of it.

  • Either f*** her or cut her out of your life entirely. Either way you should never be some girl's cuddle-bitch. That's just sad.

  • Next time your in a bed with any girl, and she's got her legs wrapped all over you and all that, you grow a pair and give her what she obviously wants...

    Just because she doesn't want to be your girlfriend doesn't mean she doesn't like having sex.

  • You know EXACTLY what to do. Grow up man. She is using you as an ego boost and she has a mean spirit to do this to you. Do not contact her EVER again. Just stop. No other answer you get that is different is the right answer. Leave her alone.

  • she sounds like a difficult bitch